Re: The Gathering Darkness (the Connor series) - Dirk B.

I have a question about character descriptions. I'm wondering how much page space to dedicate to describing secondary characters. Two examples include the gravedigger, Giordano, and the parish pastor, Father Copolla, of the damaged basilica. Giordano had his one chapter and I don't really have any additional use for him. I figure a couple of sentences of dscription would suffice. Father Copolla has already appeared in scene 1.4, where they discovered the cardinal's body. He will next appear for another full scene during his interrogation. I figure he deserves a little more. Naturally, I could go further, but I'm not sure if the reader will expect more of characters if I describe them in great detail. Neither of these two will reappear later. Will anyone care about their eye color or height? I figure if I can slip it in seamlessly, then great. Technically, I've already given Coppola's height when the detectives watch the security footage near the basilica. I guarantee, though, no one will remember it when it comes time for his interrogation, unless I repeat it.

Thoughts?
Dirk

Quote Post 726

Re: The Gathering Darkness (the Connor series) - Dirk B.

Just suffered through a Netflix film called Constantine starring Keanu Reeves as John Constantine, based on a comic book series called Hellblazer. He performs exorcisms; says In nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spritus Sancti a lot; the demons have red eyes; and the devil has a son (thankfully called Mammon, not the Antichrist). Connor's real first name, of course, is Constantino. Fortunately, there are more differences than similarities. Still, too damn close for comfort.

Quote Post 727

728 Reply by Kdot

Re: The Gathering Darkness (the Connor series) - Dirk B.

I liked that movie ^^

Quote Post 728

Re: The Gathering Darkness (the Connor series) - Dirk B.

When they said the devil had a son, I thought I was screwed. Not sure why they went with Mammon and not the Antichrist. The latter is the most natural choice.

Quote Post 729

730 Reply by Kdot

Re: The Gathering Darkness (the Connor series) - Dirk B.

It really made hell seem like a place you wouldn't want to go

Quote Post 730

Re: The Gathering Darkness (the Connor series) - Dirk B.

Books two and three of my trilogy will probably make Earth someplace you don't want to be. There's a reason they call it the Apocalypse.

Quote Post 731

Re: The Gathering Darkness (the Connor series) - Dirk B.

Careful here. That's been done quite nicely in the Left Behind series, which, I must admit, I consider sci-fi.

Quote Post 732

Re: The Gathering Darkness (the Connor series) - Dirk B.

The Left Behind series makes Catholics shudder. It's written from a premillennial dispensationalist POV. Catholics hate it because it confuses people (myself included initially) into thinking that that POV is how the world will end. That's one of the reasons I went with a Catholic story.

Quote Post 733

Re: The Gathering Darkness (the Connor series) - Dirk B.

Dirk B. wrote:

The Left Behind series makes Catholics shudder. It's written from a premillennial dispensationalist POV. Catholics hate it because it confuses people (myself included initially) into thinking that that POV is how the world will end. That's one of the reasons I went with a Catholic story.


I wasn't referring to religion, Dirk, but rather the ruins left by the apocalypse.

Quote Post 734

Re: The Gathering Darkness (the Connor series) - Dirk B.

It's not a part of my story I've fleshed out yet, but it will feature most of the elements from Revelation that describe the suffering and destruction that will occur during the End Times. I have the advantage over the Left Behind series that I don't have to follow Revelation exactly, since my story plays out against a backdrop  of Satan's final challenge to God the Father, which he has accepted. As the dying reverend mother told Connor, everything depends on him.

Quote Post 735

Re: The Gathering Darkness (the Connor series) - Dirk B.

Minor pending change to the St. Peter's Basilica chapter. Connor acts out of character at the end, where he is troubled by his growing powers. It hasn't been a problem for him so far, not even when he successfully defeated the legion of demons during the exorcism. Instead of the baby going over the bridge being an accident, I'm going to have a demon throw it over the side. Connor will then be troubled by people around him being targetted, especially a baby. I've modified the exorcism such that the reverend mother is also targetted by the demons because they are trying to suppress the warning from God that she gives Connor just before she dies.

Quote Post 736

737 Reply by Kdot

Re: The Gathering Darkness (the Connor series) - Dirk B.

good plan... gives the villains something to be aggressive about

Quote Post 737

Re: The Gathering Darkness (the Connor series) - Dirk B.

Now this is annoying. I've been diligently following Wikipedia capitalization rules for titles/roles. Basically, they capitalize nothing unless it precedes the person's name (e.g., President Obama but Obama, the president). The only exception I made was for the Pope (pandering to my audience). However, I had to look up the official title of the Vatican secretary of state (Cardinal Nnamani). It is Secretary of State of His Holiness The Pope. Turns out the wiki article capitalizes it every time they mention it. Ditto for the shortened version, Secretary of State. Only when they shorten it to secretary do they use lowercase. I also checked related wiki articles and they do it too. However, the wiki article for US secretary of state uses lowercase. Assuming I wanted to lowercase Nnamani's title when used without his name, I'm not even sure what it would be. Maybe secretary of state of His Holiness the Pope? Looks weird.

Quote Post 738

739 Reply by Kdot

Re: The Gathering Darkness (the Connor series) - Dirk B.

Don't forget US rules differ slightly from Can/UK

Quote Post 739

740 Reply by Dirk B. (edited by Dirk B. 2020-03-06 23:59:39)

Re: The Gathering Darkness (the Connor series) - Dirk B.

That may be why these articles differ. The Vatican (or a Vatican-friendly author) would capitalize a lot of things others would not. However, a lot of people in my Catholic forum would capitalize Eucharistic Adoration and the names of the sacraments, but wiki does not. It capitalizes Eucharistic however. The style guide for the Archdiocese of Milwaukee says Eucharistic should be lowercase because it's an adjective. The text box that I'm typing this post into flags eucharistic as an error. I feel one of Apollo's F-bombs coming on.

Quote Post 740

741 Reply by Dirk B. (edited by Dirk B. 2020-03-08 04:11:08)

Re: The Gathering Darkness (the Connor series) - Dirk B.

New end to the tour of St. Peter's Basilica. I included the first discussion that Connor is Christ-like. Somehow, I have to brief the Pope's Council on all this and have them decide he could be Christ in one chapter. Not sure yet how to get there from here. Love the storm clouds at the end, though.

Connor sighed deeply. “What’s happening to me, Father?”
“I wish I could tell you. But whatever it is, it’s extraordinary. God is working through you, Connor. Of that I have no doubt. And I consider myself blessed to witness these events.”
“I don’t want to be different. At least not this different. That baby was knocked over the bridge because I was there. It could have died. Alessandro was struck down by lightning because of me. The reverend mother gave her life to deliver a warning I don’t even understand.”
Romano nodded. “I think Satan fears you, Connor. He’s testing you. That tells me you’re destined for something truly special.”
“If it’s going to put people at risk, then I don’t want it. How long before I kill you, too?”
“William Shakespeare once said, ‘Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them.’”
Connor grunted. “Shakespeare was an Anglican.”
Romano laughed. “Whenever I find myself facing great difficulties, I ask myself what Jesus would do in my place.”
“That’s different. Jesus knew he was the son of God when he was only twelve. It shaped him for eighteen more years before he began his ministry and performed his first recorded miracle. I have growing power but don’t know what I am or what’s expected of me.”
“Prior to the exorcism, I thought only Jesus was powerful enough to defeat Legion. And yet, you did it. And today, when you suspended that child in fast-moving water, I was reminded of our Lord walking on the Sea of Galilee. Add to that your healings, and the parallels are striking. Perhaps you’ve been sent to prepare the world for our Lord’s return, like the Angelic Pope of private revelation, or like John the Baptist preparing first-century men and women for the coming of the Messiah. The answers will come in time.”
“What do I do until then?”
Romano smiled. “Do what you do best.”
Connor nodded. He stared out the window for a few moments at gathering storm clouds, then crossed himself. “In nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti. Amen…”

Bedtime.

Quote Post 741

Re: The Gathering Darkness (the Connor series) - Dirk B.

Weird question. When someone hears something they don't like, do they grunt, huff, or is it either? I tend to think of huffing as dismissive, and grunting as accepting something without liking it. The latter doesn't show up in the dictionary, though, so I'm probably using the wrong word.

Quote Post 742

743 Reply by Kdot

Re: The Gathering Darkness (the Connor series) - Dirk B.

scoff

Quote Post 743

Re: The Gathering Darkness (the Connor series) - Dirk B.

I'm losing it. I checked more dictionaries, and found a broader definition of grunt, including what I was looking for. I need a new default dictionary.

Quote Post 744

Re: The Gathering Darkness (the Connor series) - Dirk B.

Kdot, your reasoning about Laine reminds me of my Connor dilemma. He's too perfect; always has been. Granted, he will be attacked some more and continue to grow in strength, but I've now had only one chapter where he's actually upset (due to the attacks on those around him). Story-wise, I'm stuck with the fact that Connor may be Christ, so he (technically) doesn't sin. He also has to display Christ-like powers. He does lose along the way, though. Alessandro is dead because of him. The reverend mother died to deliver a message from God. Naturally, though, everyone who dies around him goes to heaven. At least Apollo and Joseph had major setbacks, especially Joseph.

Quote Post 745

746 Reply by Kdot

Re: The Gathering Darkness (the Connor series) - Dirk B.

Perfection is an interesting problem, and it much plagues Superman, though DC has been trying to write him flawed for the past 15 years.

It's hard to solve! For Laine, since this is technically book 7, there's not much I can do to keep her imperfect. I added that she's become a bit greedy from losing all her money. But that's now a flaw per se (given that they really took all her money). It's a reaction to stimulus, not a character flaw

Quote Post 746

747 Reply by Dirk B. (edited by Dirk B. 2020-03-17 02:17:21)

Re: The Gathering Darkness (the Connor series) - Dirk B.

Seabrass-inspired change to the tour of St. Peter's Basilica:

They continued their tour, passing quietly by the Chapel of the Blessed Sacrament.
...
Connor looked all around him, then addressed Romano and Luca. “Something’s not right.”
“What do you mean?” Romano asked.
“There’s evil here,” he whispered. “Inside the church.”
“Can you tell where?” Luca asked.
Connor closed his eyes and knitted his brow. After a few moments, he shook his head. “No.”
“Is it near you?”
“Not yet.”
“Should we leave?” Luca asked Romano.
“Connor?” Romano asked.
“I’d like to stay. Try to draw it out. I need to know more about my enemies.”
“Very well. Let us know if you sense anything else.”

Quick recap: the Baldacchino is the towering bronze canopy over the Papal Altar.

The sound of splitting concrete emanated from below the Baldacchino and it began to tilt toward Connor.
“Look out!” Romano yelled. He grabbed Connor and yanked him out of the way, just in time.
The Baldacchino toppled. Everyone covered their ears as the massive structure crashed to the ground with reverberating ear-splitting booms. The Papal Altar was crushed. Tourists fled.
Connor stared at the rubble and swallowed hard. “Thank you, Father Romano!”
Romano walked to where the Baldacchino had stood. “It looks like the concrete holding the four pillars upright gave way. I guess after four hundred years you have to expect something like this.”
Onlookers gathered.
Connor took a deep breath. “This was no accident.”
Luca asked, “What do you mean?”
“The evil I sensed earlier was here. I can still feel it.”
“You think a demon might have done this?”
“I doubt an ordinary demon would be strong enough, especially inside Vatican walls. My godfather thinks the Antichrist is stalking me.”
Romano said, “I think we should leave the church.”

Besides toppling the above monstrosity, I also have Beneventi still stalking Romano, and the baby-over-the-bridge moment in this chapter. Ten pages, but I don't care.

Quote Post 747

748 Reply by njc (edited by njc 2020-03-17 17:24:18)

Re: The Gathering Darkness (the Connor series) - Dirk B.

Bear in mind that rubble bounces and debris can be flung with great velocity.  It doesn't come crashing down into a neat pile.  Things bounce off the pile as it's forming.
Oh, and the floor will shake, and get cracked into slabs.  I don't know what it rests on.  If it rests on earth, the slabs may tilt a little or a lot.  If there's structure beneath, some of it will probably collapse.
I'll discourse on the physics if you like.

Quote Post 748

Re: The Gathering Darkness (the Connor series) - Dirk B.

Thanks, njc. I'll add some of those elements.

Quote Post 749

Re: The Gathering Darkness (the Connor series) - Dirk B.

I'm playing loosely with reality, since the Baldacchino actually weighs 90 tons. That thing falling would cause so much noise and destruction, it would resemble a mini-911. The underground burial vaults would collapse, kicking up thick debris. I decided not to use those details for story reasons, so I left out the weight of the structure. I'm still mulling over what else I might tip over that is more realistic than the Baldacchino collapsing.

Quote Post 750