Northern Skies - Janet! (Page 3 of 21)

Hey everyone

If I'm quiet, it's because I'm fixing what I call Northern Skies Chapter 1 for the Strongest Start Comp!

amy, yep, that means we're probably going to talk some more blood, wounds, exposed flesh and shock (commonly referred to as trauma in short).  I'm going to need help if I'm going to fix that mess!

Anyway, I'll be checking in now and again, and will be back! 

Cheers Janet

Did anyone tell you recently you're the best?!  If not, you are!  I didn't even have to shout 

Ok, I was thinking of changing the arrow wound from one where the arrow point is stuck to one where the arrow tip went through but the arrow shaft is still embedded.  Henry will have some honey and strips of cloth at hand given they were going to a raid.  So at the scene, they will break the shaft in half and pull it out - a cloth soaked in honey will be attached to the end going through her arm to "clean" the wound while they're at it.  Stitches are out of the question given they're expecting trouble and their location.  They'll bandage the wound properly with some more honey to be safe and to try and stop the bleeding.  Given that Catherine won't be able to ride, she's going with Matthew and not home.  She'll protest, but it won't work.  So that bit is still fine.

Is there a realistic spot on someone's arm (preferably upper arm) where an arrow can go through, even shoulder would be ok, where she'd be able to move around (being careful) within 2-3 days and riding again in 4-5 days.  If it's possible even just for 1% of the cases.  In terms of shock/trauma - would she be ok to notice Matthew when they're together on his horse or when he's holding her during the treatment or do I need to change that to a later stage i.e. when he checks up on her before he questions her back at the tower?

And absolutely, everyone else is also more than welcome to give me their thoughts!  The more, the better!

THANK YOU!!!!
xx

Hi amy

Back of the upper arm is also what I was thinking.  And yes, this way, intentional or not, the baddies will drain and simmer!

Thank you!
Janet

Surely you meant to say good luck to everyone else in the contest because I'm entering the thing?!  Seriously, just kidding, I'm not delusional!  Sole purpose is to learn more and improve my skills to start my novels! 

Hey JR!

Just got your reply. I'm sure you've already heard this but a review is an opinion. Anything I say is my perspective (or anyone else's, unless ita grammar and punctuation). Don't make changes for every single person!

That being said, on me not caring about Catherine-

I see she is loyal. That's great. But its mixed in with all the other stuff going on so its really down played. But that in itself doesn't give me a sense of WHO she is. What her life is normally like, what she does, what's at stake, what her flaws are. Your main character has to grow through the story, overcome something within themselves to become a hero, or find love. Right now, I don't know that. I feel like I should know some of that before she is tossed into the adventure so the injury means something to me. But that's me. The good news is, I think you have all the puzzle pieces and they just need to be rearranged.

Any who, on the time/place specific words, it doesn't take much to leave them in. We just need a definition immideate to the first use. Like
"The berkiman wall, an impenetrable barricade of gray, moss covered rock, grew on the horizon."

I totally have no clue what it is. Lol! Just showing how you can have your cake and eat it too. Because stuff like that is why historical romance readers read historical romance... That and the porking.

Oh lord...please don't rescue a kitten!

But yes, some kind of subltly valient act. Perhaps back up to where Catherine finds out about Anthony's plans. What was she doing?

Maybe there was a hole in her wall she was helping to fix. Maybe she's at the wedding of one of her step children and she gives a toast that shows her generosity and perhaps shyness. Maybe... She's a midwife and saves a mom and baby...there K...if that ain't cute and cuddly. Lol!

Anyway, just giving us one previous chapter to where you start can really set the time and place in our heads and give us time to bond to Catherine.

Ooo! If you go the wedding route, Matthew can be there too and they can completely Ignor each other and she can observe all the women fawning over him. Yeah!

Or keep it and have her just rescue a kitten. Lol.

To hard to please?!?! Khippolite HAS reviewed you right? right?

lol

Handbrake turn, fellow knights in dull and smudged armour.  All bimmy meant was that I gave too much attention to the raid and injury, and not enough to Catherine and her motivation for being there in the first place - given that Catherine is trying to get Anthony out of trouble AND making sure Matthew doesn't get killed either, who wouldn't like/connect with her even though neither Anthony or Matthew is cute and fluffy (except bimmy of course LOL). 

I think it's a much easier fix to bring her motivation up a level/to the fore than having her being told by Isaac about the raid while she delivers a baby and save the mother's life, jumps on her horse, save a little lamb from drowning on the way (there are no more wolves in England by this time, otherwise it would've been the go) while she chews her favourite cereal and to boot, help an old woman carry her fire-wood back to her cottage.

And in any case, you guys are now interfering with the heroine of the second book, so I really can't go down the cute and fluffy baby animals route.

But now I have another question - if I change the first chapter POV to Matthew (amy's idea which I like for a number of reasons) and if I can do it (not sure I have enough exciting stuff for a whole chapter as Catherine will be shot at the end of the first chapter in this version), would this be a problem?  I don't think so, because then readers will connect with Matthew who is on his way in less than 30mins to help his neighbour?  Usually romance novels are written in the female POV and or start with the female POV, but I'm not fussed, have read enough romance novels where the male POV is given the same plot space as well as to start the novel.

Sorry for taking so long to get back to you - things are this close ---> <---- to back-to-normal! 

Nah, you've done well!  But keep me on my toes when the context isn't sufficient to support the meaning of the word (as if I need to ask! pft)

Hey girl..I'm on you're side...or wouldn't be reviewing you.

Look at this formula (jeez, I hate formulas but this one pretty much every story ever written starting with "in the beginning")

normal ----> big change ----> exciting stuff---->new normal/happy ending

Northern Skies is skipping the "normal" part of the story. You jump right to "big change". Without the "normal" there is nothing to gauge the "big change" by or compare the "happy ending" to.

I don't think escalating or intensifying Catherine's mad dash is going to fix the problem. I think it will worsen it. I don't agree with K's fuzzy bunny suggestion, btw. I don't even think you have to 'make" her valiant. She just has to be somebody before her adventure starts. She doesn't even have to be a special somebody or a likeable somebody. But definitely a somebody. And it needs to be shown to us, not told.

Okay, I'll quit bugging you about it now. You're doing a great job and you know you are when people are fighting over how you should tweak your work. lol!

It's definitely a balancing game!

I think I can translate Bimmy into Janet-ese. 

If you start the beginning of the story with C in her hold and being notified of the news of her brother, then you have 'placed' her in context.  The character probably runs to her horse and starts to ride right after the news.  Lotsa drama in this moment.

Potential beginning chapter: what does the hold look like?  Is C doing the books and wondering how she is going to pay her brother's latest debt?  She gets the horse saddled without the staff realizing (this is night and you mention raiders...she wouldn't normally go out alone onto the moor, would she?)  and orders the gate guard to open whatever opening there is in the wall...she rides out...  Does a servant see and try to stop her?  What kind of guards does she avoid?  She rides out into the dark to save her brother from making the biggest mistake of his life and ruining them both. 

Cut to M.  He rides with his men, responding to the warning of an upcoming attack.  He would be assessing the men and how they've responded in the past to a fight (again, mention the raiders because this is his main experience with combat).  He would think they wouldn't have bows, perhaps, making him more willing to ride into dangerous areas than he would otherwise.  He would be thinking of the layout of the endangered hamlet, as well as the amount of people/ children there.  He would be scanning the sky for signs of fire lighting the underside of the clouds.  He would be pacing the horses so they wouldn't tire when his men approached the town.  He would be scanning the ground for tripwires on the road...this would a certain way to bring down his men in an easy pile.  Then he hears the scream as C is shot.  On alert, he rides closer. 

Does this help? 

Don't worry about K and his spreadsheets.  Just keep writing.  The spreadsheets are awesome to look at.  When he pulls them out, it's usually to make a point.  Wait till you see his drawings.  They're even better.

A