Topic: Northern Skies

OK, here is a thought for you, Janet.  Discard if you want, but at least consider the option.

If Matthew started the book from his perspective, he would be racing to save the hamlet, worrying about a horse breaking a leg on the moor, concerned that more reivers are working in his lands.  He hears a woman's scream, finds Catherine, realizes who she is and that she is injured, and knows that there is at least one archer who is possibly trying to kill him.  This way, the underlying plot would be revealed, the scene-safety concerns with the archers would be detailed, and the description of C would be given so the reader knows exactly what she looks like.  A basic history would be available as Matthew contrasts C's mature appearance to what he remembers.

Then flip the last couple paragraphs to C's perspective, detail her pain, and have her lean into Matthew's warmth as he takes her to safety.  End the chapter with the 'failed miserably' line.

If the second chapter is about C, you can detail the healing and medical care and start to address the concerns about Anthony and keeping the plot a secret.  She dresses up after the 2 day respite and goes down to confront Matthew as the Viscountess.

It is just a thought, but I wonder if this would strengthen and streamline the story to relay information more smoothly.  (instead of the flip-flop order issue I discussed before.)

Oh, one last thought.  You need to make it clear that the tower is only one room per floor.  Most Americans will think of a tower as multiple rooms, but this is a smaller tower built as a residence.  That will explain the lack of furniture that you describe in the story. 


Last thought, don't just say 'bath' and leave it at that.  When Catherine takes a bath, describe a rinse from a bucket with another bucket to wash her hair.  Any average person would expect a bathtub in the room, rather than the equivalent of a sponge bath to clean off the blood and sweat from C's injury.

Later,

A

2 (edited by janet reid 2014-11-13 15:28:10)

Re: Northern Skies

Heya Amy,

The devil might be in the detail, but I think you're right, this idea of yours could make the first chapter, well, a first chapter!  It's definitely not the easy way, but then again, no one ever said writing first chapters is a breeze.  LOL  But I actually like your idea.  Heaps.  It would keep the reader in suspense what the hell Catherine was doing there etc. etc. (and all the things you've mentioned).  <------ I'm stubborn, yet open-minded!  WTF?  big_smile 

I'm fast running out of ways to thank you, and others, on this site for all your wonderful suggestions and ideas and support ...  But in any case, a big thank you for investing in this and all your help/support!

I've also been thinking of ways to only have her move her arm after a week, but Matthew isn't a virtue of patience, so, so far, I've only been hitting walls (he's also not incompetent, so them taking a week or more to find Isaac is also not going to happen!).  And I don't want him to be an abuser - if she's that badly hurt, he won't lock her up or do anything more than asking and yelling.  But I haven't completely discarded your opinion yet ...  (just so you know!)  It could actually also work out better later on if she actually did hurt her arm really badly.  But I'm still thinking on that one.  Having her arm in a tight sling to keep it from moving is what I have for now.  *Yawns*  If all else fails, I'll put in a disclaimer for all ER professionals that Amy told me so and to just go with the flow!  smile

Re your other thoughts, absolutely, I keep all of them and do make changes based on those kinds of feedback.  So when I explained to you about the size of the towers and the bathing, I actually meant to say it will be expanded and those kind of details will be worked into the scenes to make sure there will not be any confusion again.  So that kind of feedback is really great to smooth things for others!  big_smile

ps - Matthew isn't happy with you (and he has a sword).  He was 1-inch away from getting some nooky when I saw this post, and now he has to wait until I've redone the first chapter before he's going to see (get) some action ....  LOL 

I know what you've said about getting the first draft done, but given it's a big change, I'll interrupt the flow to do it now, otherwise I won't be able to concentrate on writing the rest of the chapters ...  I'll just wrap up the chapter I'm busy with now, go back to START, don't collect $200, and then I'll be going again on the rest of the story soon.  smile

I'll probably repost the first chapter, and then I'll review some work for njc, and that way, someone would have a good look over the reworked chapter.  <----- that's the plan for now, at least!

Thanks a mill for this! 

Janet

Re: Northern Skies

It could actually also work out better later on if she actually did hurt her arm really badly.   (Consider having her reinjure her arm at a later date.  The arrow injury wouldn't be competely healed.  If she tried to pull up a large weight or overused that arm, the muscle would tear and put it back to 1st injury status. 

As before, poor Matthew.  My heart just bleeds for him and his 'one inch'.  (snicker)  Deprivation makes the heart grow fonder.  Consider this a time for person growth on his part. :-)

4 (edited by janet reid 2014-11-15 01:15:06)

Re: Northern Skies

I have been thinking, lots.  And it does hurt, thanks for asking!  So here goes ...

Matthew and the guys reach the valley, Catherine gets shot, really badly.  They can't move her far, so returning to Dacre Tower is out.  I'll have them take her to a nearby cottage, have an old village wife treat her there - they were always prepared for forays and shit given the general situation on the border.  Matthew won't mind, because Catherine isn't going anywhere fast with a wound like that.  So he'll come back for her later when she's better.

Matthew and the guys look at the arrow and look for Isaac - it will take longer because Isaac went into hiding, his father and sister don't know where he is, yadida-yadida.  But yeah, no way Isaac can hide from Tom or Matthew for long.  Two days MAX.  And just before Matthew loses his mind, he returns to the hamlet to have the confrontation with Catherine - let me know the earliest he can do that please?!  Every day here makes a difference, because I have to keep Matthew busy with all kinds of shit while not making him look like an incompetent idiot in the process.  And he can't have any spare time to think about going to Aiden Tower and asking a few pertinent questions - that would totally fuck-up-excuse-my-French the COMPLETE plot.  But I guess I can keep him busy, have some sort of real trouble somewhere to go and sort out or some such.  He finally confronts Catherine - desk will become a (sturdy) trestle table wink - and we're back to where I am now.

So this means most of the chapters will have to be updated.  BUT, it would be worth it, because I have a really good idea what to do with her arm later.  A REALLY good idea (well, I think!).  So yeah, back to the drawing board, I'll repost as I go.  Activity on the new site has picked up considerably, so it seems as if everyone was just spinning wheels waiting for it ...

LOL!  It's one massive one-inch, this is romance after all!  big_smile big_smile

Re: Northern Skies

OK, here's another thought that solves the problems I've placed in your plot.  It isn't fair that I pointed out a flaw and don't help solve it. 

Here we go...

The arrow shot by Isaac (thanks for giving me the bad guy's name) is at a speed that will kill a man if it hits, so just hit C's horse.  Kill the horse, have it fall, and have her tossed onto the ground.  Then, all you have to do is have her maybe dislocate a shoulder (which can be poppled back in by someone who knows what to do) or have rib fractures.  Then, the story continues as you've written it.  The arrow is taken from the horse to examine.  The couple goes to Dacre tower.  The smooch interrogation goes on schedule, and Isaac has the same time-constraints to make trouble for Matthew. 

Rib fractures mostly heal within 10 days.  After that, the pain is mostly gone except for sudden movements/ reaching and bending. (this might go along with your story later in the chapters).  They take about 6 weeks to heal completely.  A  rotator cuff injury is a matter of putting in a sling and then slowly mobilizing it.  C would have a hard time reaching the arm over her head until it was healed.

So I think the rib fractures is really the way to go and eliminates most of the stress that I've put you under. 

FYI, I'm wondering if we should be sending private messages back and forth instead of using this forum.  That way, I get notified by email that you've sent a message instead of potentially missing the new post that you put here.  It also has a linear format where the messages get displayed in a line, so referencing the info is easy.  Disadvantage is that we won't have others nosing around on the site and commenting so you won't have a social a thread if we move to private messaging.

A

Re: Northern Skies

Janet,
Don't feel bad about changing the first chapter and re-arranging the perspective of POV. I changed my first chapter about 10 times before I finally landed on the one I have now. It's taken me 2-years to get where I have in my story and i even swapped from first POV to third. I learned that the writer only have the first 2 paragraphs to snag a readers attention, then we only have the next 50-pages to keep their attention. A high impact action scene off the start should seal the deal. You did that originally in Catherine's POV, however, Amy posed some great suggestions on making it Michael's POV. Regardless, it's your story. Hope this helps.
Philisha

Re: Northern Skies

Hi Philisha

I actually like Amy's idea to change the POV a lot.  She's picked on a few issues that would definitely be fixed if I do it this way too.  If all else fails, I still have the chapter with Catherine's POV, and just needs to work out how I can fix it if need be.  Amy's good, glad I have her on-board with all the you guys as well.  I really appreciate your reply here on this!  We've continued on in the medieval group - it's also fantasy and magic, so I think you would fit right in.  Check it out, we may actually not need a romance group if we tag along over there?!

Thanks for your support!  I'm really getting value for my dollars spent on the site!
JR

Re: Northern Skies

I'll check out the medieval group. Thanks for the heads up!
Philisha