How to Breathe Underwater (trilogy: Lessons in Skills for Life) (Page 3 of 8)

She is going to have to overcome the antagonist as she finds herself in his grasp. She doesn't know how she got there, and he thinks she does, so there is a conflict as he tries to get her to tell him something she doesn't know. But there are in fact several antagonists, each with different agendas. Along with her own growth and maturation.  I think I may have overegged it all

I can give you the outline of the five chapters that exist so far, although that isn't the same as what they will eventually be. I can give you a Dropbox link to a scene by scene excel sheet that will give you the whole book if that would be helpful?

The Veil has lifted.

Amy, is that an email for a link or are you on Dropbox -it doesn't recognise your email when I tried to give sharing permissions?

no worries, I've sent you a message with a link that will take you straight to the files. They work just like files on your computer - the scene by scene is Excel, but the others might still be .odt (Open Office or LibreOffice, the free Windows Office alternative). If you can't read them, let me know and I'll convert them into .doc or .docx or .rtf as you require.

I've read the chapter summaries.

Here are my thoughts.

The first chapter should present a mystery, giving a hook so that the reader turns to chapter two. I think that you are going through the same thing that all writers go through...where to begin your book. I question (not firm on this, but I question) that you have chosen a placid time to begin your story. Hear me out.

Do the brother or Amma matter? They aren't players in the rest of the book, and don't appear at all after Izzy goes to skill school. Do you need them?

Izzy is going to go through a lot of trials before the end of this book. You have a complicated system of magic with epic consequences. Yet the book begins with someone in a comfy bed waking up with bells in her hair.  If the book started with Izzy going through the abandoned houses, you could present more mystery (since the houses would be abandoned as-is. No moving service in this world. Houses might be abandoned with the table already set. Very few possessions would be worth preserving, and all the toys would be in the child's room.

Just trying to give you ideas.

Based on the summary, nearly the first half of your book seems to be a setup for the system of magic. Only then does the character begin her dramatic life. (Beach/ Island/ Cottage/ Saving Will) So to answer your question about the earlier entrance of the antagonist, my answer is yes. If a teacher/ warden is looking for a student who is good enough at Creation to be subverted into changing the world, then that bad guy is going to be at the front door and checking out every single new student who comes in the door.

Thoughts?

That ends up being a judgement call methinks. I started Alda at the resurrection, but the story starts a whole lot earlier. I have a book (mandates) where I have a terrible time picking where to start, but I keep ending up w Kha climbing back up the mountain. Acts has a better placement for Chapter 1 because there are more characters and a clear threat.

Question: where is Izzy first under threat? Is that a potential starting point?

I don't know. As the book stands, she isn't under real threat until one-third of the way through. The first third is very much School and Learning.  I am now worried that might be boring to an MG reader.

I realised today that, much as this is coming of age and all that, it is actually The Wizard of Oz, except she doesn't go home, she runs away with the Scarecrow

What is the story?  Does Izzy face challenges that ready her for The Main Event?  Do those challenges start (perhaps) with things that mirror ordinary-but-difficult experiences?  Do they come to include experiences that define her?  Mustakes and consequences?

Imagine the Wizard of Oz basic story with schools and magic Skills. I can't give you the story, I realise, at the moment, as I am in the middle of changing the whole darned thing. But as I change it I'll think carefully about your comments about challenges. I want a challenge of some kind in each chapter, even if it is tiny.
I think it is time to buckle up and really get down to moving it about instead of mulling it over in my mind. Maybe the tap of the keys will help move it along.

I shall go through the (new) first chapter and check it picks up all of the senses; taste, touch, hearing, sight, smell. You are right, it lacks richness.

It won't be as speedy as usual, though. Today I am doing company accounts. Woe is me

Norm, it depends on the definition of 'people'. I shall write for myself after keeping the audience in mind, and the editors who will want to change it, and the thoughts of my agent. 

Perhaps not so much what other people think.

Except you lot and your reviews, of course.