The Galaxy Tales - Dirk B. (Page 40 of 49)

I'm not sure either the original title nor the new will snag your target market.

I wouldn't worry too much about the target market... they will find you if you market right.

There is a market for every story - just need to find it. Tolkien ate 20ish editors telling him there was no market. Look at where he is now. Hmm. Ok he's dead ,so terrible example, but if he was alive, he'd shout something like "Those movies are terrible!"

My latest chapter, Joseph Enters Heaven, is up. It's a cleaned up version of the same chapter from v2, including feedback from previous reviewers. As mentioned above, I'm not making any more major changes to the remaining chapters for v3. Just cleanup before I shelve it. Feel free to review it if you want the points. A special shout out to Amy whose numerous comments on this chapter in v2 almost broke my printer. :-)

Do you need another printer breaking review?

You only need to let me know. I might not get to it immediately, but you'll be on my radar

You're worth it.

How's the protagonist/s shaping up?

Are you sitting down? My latest chapter of Into the Mind of God, called Imperial Revolt, is finally up. It's an updated version of the same chapter from v2. It includes edits from reviewers and some minor cleanup.

I remember that episode, unfortunately

I reread the ending to Into the Mind of God. It's some of my best writing, along with the revised introduction to the boys in chapter one, and the new chapter where Joseph confides in Elder Amos about the voices in his head. All of that is recent material. I'm trying to figure out if there is a way to salvage this book someday.

Act III, with Joseph in prison and Apollo trying to reign in his military, is mostly salvageable, IMO. Act II still needs strengthening, but it contains some good chapters (Apollo taking out a hit on Nero, Joseph getting drunk, the Maya, etc.). Act I is way too long, but nothing a good hacksaw can't fix. The parade for example, adds nothing but carnage to the story.

Based on feedback I've received over the years, non-Christians don't want to read it because they think it's Christian, and serious Christians will hate it because it's too irreverent, in spite of the changes I made in Act I. It's also violent since that drives the quest, although so is Star Wars. Since my other books will target Christians, I'm more inclined to target them for this book/series than I am non-Christians. That allows me to market to one audience without having two totally separate identities across all forms of online marketing. I figure non-Christians will find it if it does well enough.

A key question throughout is whether the boys are really hearing God or are mentally ill. It drives the story, along with the attempts of Apollo and Joseph to head off a man-made Apocalypse. Joseph is convinced that he's hearing God, but eventually comes to the conclusion that he probably isn't. Apollo is convinced he's going nuts, but eventually concludes the opposite. Those are their character arcs and I plan to keep them.

Joseph meeting Jesus in Act III and learning that Jesus was his biological father is a big no-no, unless the Christian reader is convinced by then that Joseph really is mentally ill. Ditto for the chapter in Act II where he rewrites the Ten Commandments. I need to either completely lose those chapters, or find a way to make them acceptable.

Also, Apollo's God is too snarky to be acceptable to Christians. I did that because Apollo doesn't have a wiseass in his head the way Joseph has Andrew. Apollo's God does double duty as a jokester to keep it light. Humor is a must for this story. Without it, I'd have to pitch much of my best material, which ain't happening.

I could put Apollo's friend in his head (I forget his name, but he was killed by Nero at the Colosseum) to keep Apollo's story light, allowing his God to become more serious, like Joseph's.

Thoughts?

Thanks, Amy. Although I didn't consider the Roman pantheon, I did think of taking out Christianity, either by ripping out all religion, or by creating a new religion in the heads of both boys. The Roman gods is an interesting idea, although neither boy currently believes in those gods. The Imperium celebrates the Roman gods as part of their culture, but doesn't necessarily believe in them. I could change that to a resurrected belief system.

I wouldn't want to replace all of Joseph's ghosts with Roman gods, however. Joseph's belief that the ghosts are real people in his life are what help convince him that they are the real spirits of dead family and friends. Part of the problem with the belief in, say, Zeus as the god in their heads is that the reader won't believe they're real, so they must be mentally ill. At least with Christianity (my likely target audience), there is a degree of belief that the voices, especially God's, could be real.

There is quite a bit of crossover in v3 between Joseph and Apollo. They regularly exchange testy messages in act I (in the epigraphs) about current events, and are at each other's throats in act II. I'll have to think if there is still more I can do to pitch them against each other. Act III necessarily separates them, with Joseph in prison and Apollo fighting his military.

If Apollo heard more voices (including his dead beast friend, Germanus, and his assassinated father, Nero), that would make the two boys's experiences very similar. Nero will definitely wind up in Apollo's head in any rewrite. I had intended to make Nero's ghost part of v3 before deciding to shelve the book.

Joseph hearing the devil would either cause him to resist it at all turns (as Apollo does with God), or require Joseph to turn evil as part of his character arc, which was a change planned for book two of the series, when Billie (Joseph's evil demon) regularly learns how to take over his body. This makes it somewhat similar to later Dune books, where Paul Atreides's sister Alia is overwhelmed by the ghosts in her head and makes a deal with her evil dead grandfather to silence the voices at the expense of eventually losing control to him.

I'll spend some time thinking about all of these options. Completely ripping out Christianity would almost certainly break much of the story, however. Since that is my primary target market, I'll probably keep it in, but eliminate or at least tone down the chapters that would be most objectionable to my planned audience.

Great food for thought. Thank you.

A religion descended from Christianity sounds very good, although I'll need to define a number of new beliefs before Joseph turns them inside out. I think Dr. Ess should feature prominently. How do you feel about being the 'Antichrist That Wast', Amy? There could also be prophecies about a teen prophet born in the 41st century and the destruction of New Bethlehem. I could include Bible excerpts similar to the Galactipedia articles.

I don't think I'll use the Mormons, though. Not prominent enough. And Protestants are too diverse (although that would make it easy to create a denomination that veers off course over two thousand years). Since Joseph is (currently) crown prince of his home world and is descended from Queen Elizabeth, I think I prefer the Church of England. I just need to be careful not to piss off the British by modifying their religion before Joseph turns it upside down.

The best time to rewrite this would definitely be after the Unholy Trinity series, since I'll have a lot more knowledge about Christianity and the Bible by the time I'm done. I'm also sick of Into the Mind of God, so it's definitely time for a break. I'll also need time to eventually research the Church of England.

Really cool solution. Thank you, both.

Hello, Norm.

Got your message. If you're looking for food for thought, consider opening with scientists making a discovery on some planet, finding an artifact that purports to be ages old. The scientists report hearing voices, but those slowly go away. The story fades away, curious more for the delusions that 'god' was talking to the scientists than anything else. Later in the story, reveal that further study shows the artifact is made of technology that is only theoretical at the moment (but possible), and may house- or have housed- an advance form of artificial intelligence. Set things up so the possibility exists the voices the boys are hearing come from this artifact. As the story unfolds, drop nuggets that the artifact is from the distant future and is basically a 'how-to' for the boys to guide their current civilizations into a future free of death and destruction and all that. Leave open the possibility that the boys succeed, and one of their descendants in the future sends the artifact back in time to guide their steps. The AI can be so vast and intelligent it could be considered a 'god' to use mere mortals, and this is shown by how it manipulates those it has targeted. The future is malleable, so its success is not assured, leaving all sorts of uncertainty. And the AI itself has delusions of grandeur, which only make it seem even more god-like.

Give the voices in the boys' heads an alternate explanation as the story unfolds. Sow seeds of doubt through the first two books. Wrap it up as though the AI has mostly succeeded.

Just throwing stuff out, see if any of it sticks. I would consider looking at the YA Christian market, if there is one, as well as YA science-fiction. Using an advanced AI from deep in the future would appeal to the sci-fi segment, and turning the AI into something equivalent to a god that it must have come from God would appeal to the religious segment (just guessing here). The story arcs can essentially remain the same, pretty much- the boys are being guided by an all-knowing, all-seeing hand (until history doesn't quite repeat itself and the AI finds itself treading into uncharted territory but making prescient guesses as to how to proceed). you can play with the relationship between the boys and this god as the story about the artifiact gets out or such.

Again, just musing aloud.

In any case, if another project has your attention, let this one go. Finish your current draft, then box it up and when you're ready, blow the dust off and look at things after some time has passed. You may take the story down a whole different path. No reason not to. I let Maiden sit on a shelf for years before digging back into it. It's a much stronger work now, and I hope to write my way to a rousing finish that sets up more stories in this Brethren Space I've created. So it can be done.

Good luck!