Topic: Grey Street

Everything I write seems amateurish to me… Does it seem that way to you?  Also, as I write, I keep thinking… who cares?  Do you care about what I write?  Why? Why not?

Please, if you have a chance, review my new short story, Grey Street.

Additionally, my grammar is awful!  You may find one sentence with four or five commas in it!  lol So please in-line me too..

Thanks so much

Quote Post 1

Re: Grey Street

YES! In fact, my walking/talking/working mantra is: FUGGHEDABOUDIT, NOBODY CARES! So I feel your pain, M.L.

In other words, I'm gonna rush right over and read your story with a big relatable grin on my stupid/useless face. smile

Cheers

John

Quote Post 2

Re: Grey Street

What seems amateurish?  Grammar?  I'm sure I could nit it, but it looked solid.  Commas are a stylebook thing, and I battle everyone about them.

You open with a series of short sentences.   Sentence lengths are one tool of composition, which is (roughly speaking) how we organize thoughts into phrases, clauses, sentences, and paragraphs.  Is this what leaves you dissatisfied?

You're not the only one who feels it can be better.  Poets and musical composers tinker with a work for years looking to make it better.  (See Saint Saens' Trois Chorales, a foundation work of the repertoire.)

Quote Post 3

Re: Grey Street

What a great way to me to read your story! (Just kidding!) I actually took a quick look and got the impression I'm gonna like it. I'm going back and do an in-line review.
I'm sure no one cares about my writing. Why should they? But I care. I find writing a liberating practice. It also gives me a chance to celebrate my life and the people in it. (As Anne Lamott said, If they didn't want me to write that about them like that, they should have behaved better.) In fact, when things get stressful around me, writing keeps me sane.
If you want to read authors who use lots of commas, try Jane Austen or Henry James. Evidently there's a novel called The Rotter's Club by Jonathan Coe which ends with a 13,955 word sentence. You bet there's a lot of commas there.
If you're uncertain about your grammar, get a copy of William Strunk's The Elements of Style and memorize it (No big deal, it's basically a pamphlet).
Off I go to in-line! Happy writing! Karen
PS If you find your writing amateurish, that means you see room for improvement. Go for it!

Quote Post 4

Re: Grey Street

Dear Friends - I just wanted to write a quick note to thank you all for your responses here and your reviews of my story.  I am encouraged by your comments and over the next couple of days I will be working diligently to read each review and apply your suggestions and make corrections and respond to each individually.   Thank you again for your invaluable feedback.

"Half my life is an act of revision"
– John Irving

Quote Post 5