Judy (all about connection) - your contest entry

Hi Judy,

I got your response and was just looking at your entry again. What if you remove the lines "Nicole’s grief shifted—just a little. Three lives were saved that day" altogether? Try reading the story again without those lines, simply ending "A woman scooped up the screaming baby and soothed it until he quieted." I feel that the ending you want readers to take away is strongly implied when you don't say it, and is actually weakened when you say it yourself. I initially suggested adding a line of action to imply that Nicole makes the choice you want readers to see. I actually think it's stronger just ending it at "until he quieted."

Possibly I'm way off, but I wanted to make the suggestion. I think not saying it resonates far stronger and gives the story a sense of continuation. By saying it, you basically say "THE END" and give the reader nothing to think about. As the writer, you know the message you want conveyed, but art is {in my humble opinion} most powerful when it gives the reader room to arrive there independently. Then it resonates.

Best wishes, whatever you choose!

- corra