1 Topic by Norm d'Plume (edited by Norm d'Plume 2017-05-11 02:58:03)

Topic: eyes going wide

I've had several people note that the POV character in my story can't see his eyes go wide, but rather he widens his eyes. I've never seen it written using the latter approach. I tend to think that if you're sufficiently surprised by something, it doesn't require conscious thought to widen one's eyes, hence "his eyes went wide." Thoughts?

Thanks.
Dirk

Quote Post 1

Re: eyes going wide

Well, to start with if you're using "his" it isn't coming from the pov of the character speaking since he is referred to in third person. And one doesn't need to "see" that they widen their eyes; outside of looking in a mirror, it is a feeling. But beyond that, it is doubtful anyone outside a reviewing site such as this would notice or care about such a distinction. If it flows naturally within the context presented, I would not be concerned about it. Of course you could use a completely different description to show the same effect without saying it directly should you wish to eliminate the nit pick entirely. In the end, if it fits your ear and thoughts, then I would stick with your gut feeling until such time as a royalty paying entity makes such a suggestion. Good luck. Take care. Vern

Quote Post 2

Re: eyes going wide

Eye-opening isn't entirely voluntary, thus the PoV character may be a spectator on his involuntary reaction ('just then, my belly decided to rumble') rather than the actor.

Quote Post 3

Re: eyes going wide

Thank you, gents.

Quote Post 4

Re: eyes going wide

I guess I'll chime in since I'm one of the perpetrators...

I don't have a fit with a POV character's eyes widen... but I will notice it every time, and if I'm noticing things it means I've been kicked out of the story.

Ah, but why did I notice it? I can't explain that easily, so let me give you a parallel example from another story here (slightly paraphrased for brevity)

not naming names wrote:

Helga's nostrils flared

Yes, you know when your nostrils flare - and sure you can even perceive it, should the nostrils in question be of sufficient diameter. However, I must ask if you've ever seen a beautiful member of the opposite gender and thought "Boy are my nostrils flaring!". If the POV character points out his reaction (be it nostrils or eyes, a tapping boot, or a ruptured spleen) I'll tend to zero in on that, which might not be the writer's intent.

But fear not... plenty of writers use this device. Remember Pippi Longstockings? IIRC her hair adjusts position depending on her level of excitement. Doesn't seem to have dented her book sales.

Quote Post 5

Re: eyes going wide

And let's not forget blushing. I know when I'm blushing, but have been told it's better (more showy) to say "heat rose into his face". Personally, I prefer blushing.

Quote Post 6