Topic: PByrd's Thread

Here ya go.  Your own sparkly clean thread to be cluttered or swept clean at your whim.  Join into the fray!  No one can bite you online!

Quote Post 1

Re: PByrd's Thread

Hello PByrd - Just to answer your question, yes most of the edits I found were in the first part of the chapter. The only comment I had on the last part was the general one about the final dialogue between Jarad and Ethan; that it took a little more work than I like to put in as a reader to recognize who was saying what. I think you can fix this with simple dialogue tags (shy away from the choreography of what they are doing and just use he said/he said), and maybe developing subtle cues in the language of each character that will help the reader tell them apart.

Quote Post 2

Re: PByrd's Thread

Hi Philisha

Now that you've read the book (excluding the epilogue), do you see Phoebe transition from insecure and fearful to confident and pissed? What is your overall thought on the hero and heroine?

The change in Phoebe came through with a lot of clarity, but personally, I still have to see a bit more of that from her to be convinced it's a permanent change and not a temporary one due to fear and concern for Elizabeth.  This is something I think you can also leave for the latter books and not something you need to close in this one.

To be brutally honest, I'm not so sure I like this absolute and complete submission from the alpha wolves and vampires to Phoebe and her sisters.  The rest can do, but not the alpha ones/mates.  Personally I'd have them treat her with way more respect and tread around her with more care, but especially Jarad who's her mate I don't like it much that he's so submissive.  But this is my opinion and it's still up to you if you which way you want to go.  If you agree, it wouldn't be too hard to fix though as you just need to tone it back a bit instead of all out changing the story.

Also, keep in mind this is not my genre.  I'm actually surprised that I like it so much.  It's one of the stories I really looked forward to seeing a new chapter of!  And I'm so not a werewolf/vampire person.  Too realistic I'm afraid!  LOL

Hope this helps, but yeah, I'm going to miss this one and hope to see the next one soon after this one comes to an end!  (no pressure)

Cheers
Janet R

ps - hope I see fairies and trolls and angels in the next one!!!!  smile

Quote Post 3

Re: PByrd's Thread

Thanks Janet! This is what I was looking for. I want my characters to be memorable but true to their personality. I'll see if I can't tweak Jarad's behavior a little to make him less submissive.

Quote Post 4

Re: PByrd's Thread

I've posted an update to my synopsis. If you get a chance, please review Earthly Force Synopsis V2. I listed it as a short story. I would greatly appreciate any help you could provide.

Quote Post 5