Re: The Colorless Dragon Thread
Thanks! I am so OCD, I have serious difficulties reading things out of order (which is funny since I write things WAY out of order), but I will do my best. 
-Elisheva
- Elisheva Free
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- janet reid
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Re: The Colorless Dragon Thread
Elisheva Free wrote:
Hey everyone! Sorry I've been MIA. My grandpa had a stroke, so I've been extremely busy with the family. I've barely had time to lurk the forums let alone review or write a whole lot. Going to try and make it a point to spend a bit of my morning on tNBW, though, now that things have settled a bit.
I know I'm not the greatest at reviews, but if anyone wants me to poke at something specific, just let me know.
-Elisheva
I hope your grandpa will be okay?! All the best for you and your family!
As for you not being the greatest reviewer, you've done some really good ones for me and picked out a few things that no one else did AND made a few really great suggestions too, so I have NO idea why you're saying this!!!
I owe you reviews, not the other way around, but by all means, if you want to carry on with NS, I will not stand in your way!
- Elisheva Free
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Re: The Colorless Dragon Thread
Haha, thanks Janet! My grandpa is okay, though we get to learn all kinds of things about dementia now. It's a good thing him and Grandma moved closer to us.
Somehow, it makes me feel better that you aren't caught up with my story. lol, I swear I have about five different chapters that are only half-way complete, so I feel like I haven't been keeping up on posting my work. 
Also, as soon as I finish one or two of my chapters, things are going to get reorganized. Hopefully it'll work out.
-Elisheva
- Elisheva Free
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Re: The Colorless Dragon Thread
Wheee! New chapter. For those that are confused by the chapter number, I'm adding two chapters between "Just Another Day" and "The Hunters". Those will be posted as they are completed.
-Elisheva
- amy s
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Re: The Colorless Dragon Thread
I'll try to get to your book, Elishiva. Good luck with your Grandfather. Glad that you are close by. It makes SUCH a difference in your ability to be there for the ones who matter.
- Elisheva Free
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Re: The Colorless Dragon Thread
Yes, it does.
No worries, Amy. I haven't even started reviewing your work, though I have read bits and pieces.
-Elisheva
107 2016-01-23 19:30:17 (edited by Elisheva Free 2016-01-23 19:30:26)
- Elisheva Free
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Re: The Colorless Dragon Thread
Alright, so I have had a few comments (positive and negative) on the Dragons calling each other brother/sister, so I've decided to tackle the Dragon family-names challenge. To be honest, Dragons are primarily independent creatures and could care less about their exact heritage. Ancestors and elders are to be respected, but the father/mother of your clutch is irrelevant. On that note, however, some Dragons form bonds with their clutch-mates (like Noi and Dea). Calling each other brother/sister seems too Human, but the only other thing I can come up with is clutch-brother/sister, which seems a bit clunky, especially in dialogue.
Suggestions?
-Elisheva
- njc
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Re: The Colorless Dragon Thread
Make it clear where the special bond exists, and where it doesn't?
109 2016-01-23 22:25:37 (edited by Elisheva Free 2016-01-23 22:26:04)
- Elisheva Free
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Re: The Colorless Dragon Thread
Yes, but I'd like Noi and Dea to call each other by some sort of nickname pertaining to their bond as clutch-mates. Like in this little tidbit in my chapter The Hunters:
Long after the suns had disappeared over the horizon, Dea found herself lying upon the riverbank, gazing at the moons much as she had the suns that very morning.
What do you see, dear sister? Noi affectionately twined his tail with hers, strengthening their connection.
For some reason, "sister" doesn't seem quite right. I feel like it should be something a bit less ordinary. Maybe I'm just being picky?
-Elisheva
- amy s
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Re: The Colorless Dragon Thread
My Heart? Sibling? Twin? Eggmate? Other Half?
I think is important that they recognize each other as sibs and not mates. That links them by family and they don't recognize each other as outsiders.
- Elisheva Free
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Re: The Colorless Dragon Thread
amy s wrote:
My Heart? Sibling? Twin? Eggmate? Other Half?
I think is important that they recognize each other as sibs and not mates. That links them by family and they don't recognize each other as outsiders.
Good point. Maybe I'm just trying too hard on this one.
-Elisheva
- njc
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Re: The Colorless Dragon Thread
Occasionally 'my sister, my brood', but most often just 'my sister'.
- njc
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Re: The Colorless Dragon Thread
Owe you a review on the new chapter. (I'm getting a =Prince Caspian= vibe.) Need sleep first. (STREP strep strep strep STREP strep strep ...)
- Elisheva Free
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Re: The Colorless Dragon Thread
The Prince Caspian vibe is appropriate. No rush. Get feeling better!
I really should be writing current events, but that one was lurking in my mind for far too long.
-Elisheva
- KennedyMcF
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Re: The Colorless Dragon Thread
I've been reading your work and am totally in love with the story. I haven't found things that I would particularly comment on, and I suck at grammar so I won't even try on that, ha-ha, but I really like the ideas you have. I hope that as I read and write more that I will be able to comment more, and help more.
- Elisheva Free
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Re: The Colorless Dragon Thread
D'aww, thanks Kennedy! I love to hear any and all suggestions, so if you ever think of anything, don't be afraid to poke me about it.
-Elisheva
120 2016-02-07 02:00:08 (edited by Elisheva Free 2016-02-07 02:00:23)
- Elisheva Free
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Re: The Colorless Dragon Thread
I've decided to spend my next three-ish chapters describing the same event from three PoV's and none of my characters understand 100% of what's going on. This is going to be interesting.... and will likely take me a while to finish, though I suspect when I do finish it, all three will be posted at once.
Wheeee!
-Elisheva
- amy s
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Re: The Colorless Dragon Thread
I said the same thing. Three books later, I'm still writing about the same event from different perspectives. Ah, the agony!
- Elisheva Free
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Re: The Colorless Dragon Thread
Haha! I am crossing my fingers that this scene doesn't extend into multiple books. 
I do like to explore different PoV's, though. It's probably one of my favorite things about writing. One of these days, I'm going to write a short story about a woman's life from the PoV of her purse. It sounds like so much fun!
-Elisheva
- janet reid
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Re: The Colorless Dragon Thread
Elisheva Free wrote:
Haha! I am crossing my fingers that this scene doesn't extend into multiple books.
I do like to explore different PoV's, though. It's probably one of my favorite things about writing. One of these days, I'm going to write a short story about a woman's life from the PoV of her purse. It sounds like so much fun!
-Elisheva
LOL! Oh please do! That'd be awesome!
- njc
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Re: The Colorless Dragon Thread
Given that purses are either bigger inside than outside or, for the very fashionable kind, much smaller inside than outside, you'll have to write that as either Sci Fi or Fantasy.
- Elisheva Free
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Re: The Colorless Dragon Thread
I think I might have to write it from the PoV of about three different purses (like three best ladyfriends, or maybe one of them is a "murse"? ), especially considering the variety in purses. For instance, mine has a dragon painted on it (what else?!) and my mom's is like a freaking Black Hole of Doom, and my grandma's is all sparkly and has loads of gum in it (she used to smoke). I might just have to give them names for the sake of silliness. Painted, Stuffy, and Sparkles, maybe? 
-Elisheva
