RM Matthew's thread (Page 2 of 3)

I'm just going to start making it up. That'll be my revenge, because I get vicious when I've got a vendetta going.

Maybe I'll just use the alphabet that K loves so dearly when naming characters.

Hmmmmm

A: Alberta, Canada
B: Drives a Buick
C: Not a Canadian citizen. He's actually born of parents from Chad, Chile, and China (Note that I've given him three parents on purpose. Somehow, I think that is fitting.
D: He is a dog person and has a pet daschund named, "Doofus." 

Shall I continue? Or does someone else feel like picking on po' little ol' K?

Speak for yourself, New Jersey.

See the second Nero Wolfe novel, =The League of Frightened Men=.  (Also the longest.)

Cats are pretty awesome (I have one myself), but I've always loved dogs. In fact, I think my cat might be part dog... Sometimes the way she behaves is a teensy bit suspicious. Like greeting me at the door after work.

-Elisheva

OK, thoughts for initial three paragraphs. It's yours to use or rip apart as you please. Merry Xmas.

(In italics) I'm late, this tire blew out because it hates me, and I'm wearing a suit. (End italics) Randi sat back on her knees, wiping sweat from her brow. Dust was in her hair, under her nails, and coating the back of her throat. (Italics again) How can this day get any worse?

(This is a stronger first line. The setting and initial problem are clear. Randi is introduced and we have a picture of what she is wearing/ doing.)

(Continue to second para) She hadn't heard a car, so she wasn't expecting help. "Can I give you a hand with that tire?" asked a smooth male voice.  Randi shot her head up, nearly dropping the last lug nut…again.

(Third para) (Describe first impression of Robbie. Ex: A man stood behind her, dressed in skin-tight jeans and a flannel shirt. With his head cocked to the side, a smile lifted the side of his mouth. His eyes were bluer than the cloudless sky behind his head.

(There we go. In three paras, you have a stronger first line. The voice is all Randy. The male lead has been described but not introduced. Risk has been laid out (late for an appointment, a strange man who just appears). An element of attraction has been suggested. Randi is clearly changing the tire, so she is relayed as self-sufficient.

You could add a few lines here or there to add more scene description and sensory data, but this is the bones of what I'm trying to show you.

Is this helpful?

A

I thought I was the only one who loves using the alphabet to name characters: Ensign Ecks (X), Dr. Ess (S), and Lady Kay (K).

Nope. We're the normal ones. K is the one who goes through the alphabet in order when making new characters. It confuses me, I have to confess. How did he come up with the name, 'Kajo'?  Since the world revolves around, is based upon, and requires Kajo for atoms to function correctly, why is that name starting with a 'K'? 

Maybe it is like Bab F and basing the number count on eleven instead of ten. Maybe he starts his alphabet at K…

Hmmm.

ps - thanks for the review Amy! I still appreciate it of course! Despite the lack of mercy ...

Now this part was funny Janet Reid

She's Amy, not Gram Ercy.

I have to google that. Don't make me google...

Merci