Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi → Acts/ Dictates/ Mandates/ Mantle - Amy's Thread
I changed the opener for Katerin's short story to explain why Ellie isn't a participant in the crime. Is this better, folks? You don't need to read anything but the introduction. How is this for an improved opener?
Not sure about the concept. It seems to go by too fast, and you have continuity errors: Eliie is already lying down, so how could she fall again?
I have to read this one again, but so far I like K's suggestions (but please don't tell him, he's bad enough as it is! hehehe)
Have Alina know? Thinking...
There's already one deadline, but another, by which Alina is sure to find out, might not hurt. If Alina is away ... and Kat responds anyway to the thought that Alina might know it might make her a greater specter.
And that would eliminate the need for the suicide, and put the fear of the carpet back in Kat.
If it was generally know that Alina was away, the blackmailers might not fear her ... and they might be terrorized by her apparent return.
Janet, I rewrote and reordered Mousetrap. Much better now. Thanks for your suggestions!
NJC,
I'm going to do at least one big rewrite. Got to do a chapter of dictates first. Been slacking too long
Good ideas!
Janet, I rewrote and reordered Mousetrap. Much better now. Thanks for your suggestions!
Had a quick look - you added a few nice touches to it and it does flow smoothly too. I'm relieved about the last one especially, I sometimes worry that I make things worse despite my best intentions! But yes, this version is much better.
And the first version was already really good - you don't make it easy on us, your slaves, sorry, reviewers! 
NJC,
I'm going to do at least one big rewrite. Got to do a chapter of dictates first. Been slacking too long
Good ideas!
*drums fingers on desk* I'm not getting any younger .... *and then frowns*
Me either (as you saw via Facebook). Eh, I'd hate it if I was 25 again. Still had a lot of rough edges in my life back then.
Me either (as you saw via Facebook). Eh, I'd hate it if I was 25 again. Still had a lot of rough edges in my life back then.
My point exactly! You better get going and finish Dictates! LOL
I have an hour to write this morning. And it's my hour...mine...all...mine!
Next chapter of Dictates is in the pipe, 5x5.
K, have you seen Kingsman? The ending is totally you. Uber violent and merciless to accessory characters.
Amy, are you already drinking the "prize money" from the Cop Shop short story contest?! I'll get to the rest of the review if not tonight, tomorrow lunchtime ...
Congrats by the way! And I see you have a few worthy contenders for the title, including our own Medieval champ Adrian!
Good luck to both of you!
I've read the content of others. Good learning experience as I picked what I liked and what I didn't. What I did see is that I have a long way to go to compete with the writing of at least three others. If I win, I won't believe it. The others were that good.
Now I know you're drinking your prize money already AND it's nearly done for ...
Dear heavens, please not Alda and Tazar romantically involved, please nooooo. How the hell do I get that image out of my head?! *reaches for mental bleach, acid, anything* - I was more going for the hate-hate-snarky-comments level to the yeah-you're-okay-yeah-you-too level kind of deep loyal friendship development! *shivers some more* Isn't Alda waaayyyy too old for Tazar and Tazar waaayyyy to hunky for Alda?! *wonders if I am having a slow day* Did I miss something?!
But then again, Alda teaching Tazar how not to "break" things might just be as good as "Come here fishy, fishy" ...
I've got a new short story up for anyone interested. 'The Other Side of the Wall'
I had time and you presented me with a challenge, K. The next chapter of Dictates is up. Attack!
Amy, you're on the list (both the Other side of the Wall - great title by the way, I can't imagine what is waiting this time! - and the next Dictates. Oh, and if all goes well, I'll have the next chapter up some time this weekend ... I've actually made a few major changes from the first draft, and so far, so good (I think!).
sneak away and write in the closet so the kids can't find you. That's what I do.
sneak away and write in the closet so the kids can't find you. That's what I do.
Do you have any advice to hide from husbands?! 
I write for an hour after work ends. I consider that my time. It's just one hour. Is that so much to ask?
Is that so much to ask?
If you have to ask, you know that someone will give an answer you don't want.
Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi → Acts/ Dictates/ Mandates/ Mantle - Amy's Thread
