Contest! (Page 3 of 3)

Does the character have to choose the moment (Katerin's display) or can the moment choose the character (an unexpected assailant in battle)?

For me, a use of power gains strength by its immediate connection to action, plot, and character.  It loses strength if it is scene-setting or milieu

Okay, let me give this a try.

'jabbed for' suggests that the point itself had intent.  'jabbed towards' or 'jabbed at' woud avoid this.

Good image, though 'jumble' is a mild word.  'tangle' might be better, but I suggest a session with Mister Thesaurus.

You could drop 'looking' and 'like', speeding the flow a bit.

'opposed each other, holding fast'?

So they are using linear tactics, never having had Roman Legions whose movements within their line would break the opposing line?  (We still don't know just how they did it.)

This is in the past tense, but 'thrust' is present tense.

You don't need 'both'.

Instead of specifying 'good guys', why not just name that side and let the reader make the usual assumption: that until further notice, the protagonist(s) are the good guys?

The first comma suggests a parenthetical-effect match with the second comma.  Since that's not the structure, I suggest dropping the first comma.  The second is the more necessary, and provides a more balanced break of the sentence.  Everything after the comma modifies not the immediately preceeding predicate but the more remote subect of the sentence, 'the shields'.

Instead of 'in front of', 'before'.  Its length matches 'above', creating symmetrical brevity around the conjunction.

'bad guys'=>'Their opponents, {name},'

'other fighter' == 'fallen fighter'?  Otherwise I might thing that the other fighter is the enemy who struck the blow.

'keeping him protected'=>'protecting'.

What shield?

The fallen priest's magical bracer?  Charmed bracer?  The magic of the fallen priest's bracer?

In the priest's eyes?  Why is Tazar looking away from the threat?  Doesn't he know better?  I suggest leaving Tazar's PoV for a couple of paragraphs to cover this, and letting him concentrate on the battle.

This asserts a negative with an oblique expression.  'The City called this a game.  It was battle, staking Tos G'Swa's future on wooden weapons wielded.'  Okay, that last bit is frumpery.

'struck the head of the enemy soldier taunting Tazar.  The man's head flew back and his body followed, to the ground.' ?

'The oversized lance flew across the fighting lines and struck ... .  His head flew back ...' ?

'was willing'=>'was ready'?

'keeping the shield wall from being shoved off their feet' => 'holding the shield wall together on its feet'?

The tip had a blunt tip, or the spear's tip was blunt and wide, with hooks?  In which case it's not really a spear.  Not exactly a halberd either, but hooked weapons were used to pull down mounted fighters.  A paging tour of Wikipedia, starting perhaps with 'halberd', should turn up some suitable words.

That is what made {x} the bad guys.

'A muffled, mocking laugh made Tazar ...'

They were getting nowhere?

Exchange 'He' and 'Tazar'.

Can you remove the question, and adjust the second sentence to match?

Try without 'of them'.  Instead of 'Tazar waited ...', try 'When all five ... Tazar ...'

Have you defined 'heater shield'?  You use it more than once, so I assume it's not a typo.

'The' bad guy?  Which one?  There are a lot of them.  You mean the taunter, the loudmouth?

Why hyphenate 'bad-guy'?

You don't need the first phrase.

'other tall men followed suit'=>'four tall fighters pushed/pressed forward/ with Tazar'?

'knocking down ... armored soldiers'=>toppling ((seven or eight)) armored enemies out of their line', and you can drop the simile.

'Tazar didn't care'=>'it didn't matter'.

Try 'be' instead of 'make'.  It's a little shorter, but also a little less vivid.

'The enemy shield wall was falling'?

Overall, the description, flow, and logic are good and feel true to linear tactics as I understand them.

One thousand words by 22 April? In fantasy and/or magic. Okay, I'm in. If it works, the piece (modified) will be incorporated into my next chapter.
Do I post here? Ceridwen

'each pressed hard, holding fast against the enemy'?

Okay, I missed this.  Techincally, a melee is what you have after the line of battle (or other proper order) has broken down.

Sorry about that.

So I posted my story "Rosebud Lives" for the contest. I created it just for this contest.

I'll be reviewing the other entries soon. Good luck everyone.

Well, when your battle starts, you still have the line.

'Skirmish' maybe?  Though I suspect they are cognates.

On the heater shield: the Wikipedia article asserts that the term is a neologism and properly refers to a small shield, not a full-body shield.  I can see that Tazar would not want to carry a scutum himself, but those holding the line probably need larger shields to hold the line.

If, on the other had, we view Tazar as two-legged cavalry, a concentration-shock element, the smaller shield makes sense.

And the competition rallies and runs toward the finish line!

Down to the wire folks. A board who's getting aboard!

Who is the lucky fool who gets to live the dream and see how much beer $50 will buy? The contest closes tonight! Good luck to all!

Not beer. Guinness, drink of the gods.

I've heard of something called something like MacKinson Triple Stout.  The fellow who described it said it was a bit thicker than motor oil.

Hey folks, the contest is officially closed. I've got my trusty rubric and all I need is a bit of time. I work tonight and then I have the weekend off. I'll be snuggling up with your characters and a glass of Guinness (in a nod
to certain Irish wives). And should complete the judging by Monday at the latest. I always guess long so that I look like a miracle worker.