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Re: Contest!

Adrian Lankford wrote:

I'll enter.

Per the contest page, there are currently there are no entries. BTW. Just in case someone thought they posted something.

Originally it was sufficient to post here.  I'll have to submit.  Not a problem, later today.  You can read my entry and revision on the first page of the thread.

Re: Contest!

The submission requirement was Sol's idea. Is it stopping anyone from participating?

Re: Contest!

NJC,

I saw the submission. I'll review in the next few days.

I'm glad I'm not alone.

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Re: Contest!

If you were it would increase your chances of winning to 100%.

Re: Contest!

njc wrote:

If you were it would increase your chances of winning to 100%.

Given my history of winning comps, I won't even win one where I was the only one in the race ...  wink

Re: Contest!

Funny you guys.

Should we start talking trash yet.

Like, my story is so good it's better than an ice cold Mojito on a hot Havannan day.

Just kidding. No trash talking. But I hope you guys don't win. wink

Re: Contest!

You all are too funny! I've read your work and it's good. As a matter of fact, I've continued to read your work, so don't discount your ability. I'm fresh out of stories and won't have anything to submit, but I'll cheer you on!! Go Team! Rah! Rah! Rah!

Re: Contest!

Whatever you write is 100% better than the thing that never saw the light of day.

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Re: Contest!

Adrian Lankford wrote:

Just kidding. No trash talking. But I hope you guys don't win. wink

Mwahh-hahh-HAHH-HAHH-HAHH!

Re: Contest!

I can't wait to write Tazar's power moment. I've got the whole thing in my head. I just have to get to that point in the story.

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Re: Contest!

Well, Write On!

Re: Contest!

amy s wrote:

I can't wait to write Tazar's power moment. I've got the whole thing in my head. I just have to get to that point in the story.

Amy, nobody said you have to actually write in order. Skip ahead and write the power scene then back-fill in to get the reader to that point. I've jumped ahead with placeholders for chapters to write a major scene that I knew I wanted in the story (it's like going to the bathroom - you write when inspiration hits whether you're ready or not).

Anyway, with all that said, if you want to enter the contest, I'd be happy to judge it. I'm unbiased and have no stake in the winnings. Or, if you want input on the submits, I'd be glad to provide that to you.
Philisha

Re: Contest!

Are you serious? Let me think about this but it doesn't seem fair to enter a contest in my forum. However, it's great inspiration to write out Tazar's big moment (tapping foot and thinking...

Are you really serious, Philisha?

Re: Contest!

Yeah, I miss her too.

Re: Contest!

This is fun to watch as the submissions appear.  There are so many different ideas of a power moment out there.  Janet, Don, and NJC, you are all champs for daring to throw your material into the wind!  Kudos to all of you!

A

Re: Contest!

And now there are four!  Lucyinthesky has thrown in her submission!

Re: Contest!

amy s wrote:

Are you serious? Let me think about this but it doesn't seem fair to enter a contest in my forum. However, it's great inspiration to write out Tazar's big moment (tapping foot and thinking...

Are you really serious, Philisha?

Yes, Amy. I am completely serious. I volunteer to be the judge.

Re: Contest!

I think I'd rather be the judge. I'm learning from what the others are doing. What I like. What I don't. What other think of as a 'power moment'. I'm coming up with a rubric so that I can give a point value for each point that defines a great action/ power scene.

I would REALLY like help with this part. Here's what I have in my head so far.

Novel use of power

Risk to the character. I don't think a person should exceed their abilities to make a magnificent moment without risking a loss of control.

Good use of action instead of passive verbs

Great flow. Can I read it through without halting? Does the action go by in a blur?

Good visual description. Can I 'see' the combat without questioning the effects?

Any other thoughts? What do you guys think has to be present in a power moment that is strong enough to sell the book on its own?

Re: Contest!

OK, here is my second attempt at a power moment.  I want this to be inspiration to those who write medieval fantasy rather than about magic. A character doesn't have to be magic-based to compete in this contest.

Let me introduce you to Tazar.



Bristling spears tangled and vied for position. Tazar lunged to the side, avoiding a point that jabbed for his right eye. The line of combat was chaos incarnate, looking more like a jumble of knitting needles than an organized front.

Two shield walls held fast, leaving soldiers on either side to reach over their protective barriers, trying to score a hit. Spears thrust through any opening as the opposing side tried to grab the weapons and pull them out enemy hands. Both men and women shoved, grunted and howled insults or encouragement to each other.

On the side of the good guys, the shields interlocked, protecting the braced priests from the stabbing melee above and in front of them. The bad guys had a distinct advantage. Two layers deep, their shield wall wore so much armor they looked like iron-clad barrels. All the spears behind them had to do was flail until they scored.

An enemy weapon scored a hit on the priest next to Tazar, denting the man's leather armor and taking him off his feet. The gold bracelet on the other fighter’s wrist popped like breaking glass.

Without the magical bracer keeping him protected from the shield, Tazar could see the strain in the other man's eyes. Shaking his head like a dog, the downed fighter let his brothers pick him up by the armpits and made a shaky path away from the front line. The chosen weapon of their Order lay in the dirt, abandoned like a piece of firewood.

These Games were anything but. The weapons might be made out of wood, but the stakes were real.

The long-armed fighter aiming for Tazar’s face used the distraction to tap his helmet. The curved skullcap deflected the blow. Tazar’s bracelet didn’t break.

The spear goaded him, jabbing closer to his face.

He grabbed the spear’s tip and gave it a heave, yanking it out of the enemy’s hands. Swinging the weapon through the tangle of knitting needles, Tazar pulled his arm back, grateful that the soldier-priests behind him were short.

Drawing his arm back, he aimed, using the spear as a javelin.

Tazar grunted and lunged, releasing the weapon into a low arc.

The oversized lance flew into the air.

The weapon made contact with head of the man who enjoyed taunting Tazar. The enemy soldier’s head flew back, taking the rest of the body to the ground. Two or three others fell alongside their comrade in a healthy pile.

The sound of shattering glass followed.

Satisfied, Tazar was willing to go back to keeping the shield wall from being shoved off their feet, but someone pressed another wooden spear into his hand. The tip of this spear had a blunt tip, but the point wore barbs and was carved in a wide base to prevent the point from accidentally piercing through someone’s armor. The other team didn’t use any similar caution.

Yet another reason they were the bad guys. Tazar aimed at the shouting leader of the barrel-armored shield wall.

The javelin hit with full force, but the well-armored soldier stayed standing. Tazar heard a muffled but mocking laugh that made him want to grind his teeth.

This was going nowhere. He tapped the helmet of the soldier behind him. Eyes turned toward Tazar, darting back to the fray soon after.

“What?” demanded a woman’s voice.

There was a lady in there? Tazar made sure to include her in his bubble of things-to-be-protected. “Change the rules. We’re going low!” he ordered. Letting out a piercing whistle that would have made Airen proud, Tazar caught the attention of another over-sized fighter a few places down. “You! Over here!”

In this press, it was going to take time before anyone could join up. Tazar looked to his other side.

A spear nearly caught him in the nose.

Grabbing it on the thrust, Tazar jammed the weapon back at the user and heard a satisfying yelp of pain. He used a brief respite to whistle at another couple soldiers making shade for the little people around them.

Three more started maneuvering his way at the signal. Another was too focused, failing to see anything but the melee in front of him. No matter. Five was a lucky number.

Tazar waited until all five of them were together. “Grab a shield and give a shove!” He tapped the helmet of the woman with her hooked spear.
“Now!” he roared.

Behira’s priests pulled their spears back, stabbing under the pointed edge of the heater shields. The weapons darted forward, using the flat edge of the blade to hook the ankles of the over-armored fighters.

“Heave!” he shouted to his Lucky Five. Grabbing one of the shield-wall fighters by the waist, he used the man as a ram on the bad-guy’s torso.

Catching the hint, the other tall men followed suit, knocking down a row of armored soldiers like players on a board.

There was no sound of glass breaking but Tazar didn’t care. These overdone suits were too heavy for the wearers to sit up. Just to make sure, Tazar stepped on the enemy’s helmet to keep him down.

Taking short stomps to keep his footing, Tazar advanced, using the good-guy and his shield as protection. He punched the heater shield into the next layer of metal-barrel armor.

The shield wall began to fall.

45 (edited by njc 2015-04-07 22:02:40)

Re: Contest!

amy s wrote:

Any other thoughts? What do you guys think has to be present in a power moment that is strong enough to sell the book on its own?

I'm skeptical that a power moment---just one scene--could or should sell a book on its own.  If it can, it must be for more than just power.  The writing itself must have a beauty and a power to move the reader like the last paragraph of A Chapter Not Strictly Necessary in C. S. Lewis's Miracles (start at the last paragraph and turn the page) or the first section of the Preamble of Volume 1 of William Manchester'sThe Last Lion.

(There's a section omitted from the Manchester sample, about the failure of Boudiciea's campaign against the Romans.  For all I know it was cut from newer editions.  You should be able to see where it connects in.)

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Re: Contest!

Which scene was that?

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Re: Contest!

amy s wrote:

OK, here is my second attempt at a power moment.  I want this to be inspiration to those who write medieval fantasy rather than about magic. A character doesn't have to be magic-based to compete in this contest.

Let me introduce you to Tazar.

Overall battle structure seems good, though I can't be sure.  There are ambiguities that want close editing, and other close-editing improvements that I see.

Why not put it up as a short and invite full reviews?

One thing I'll point to that I don't do myself yet.  Go to the Manchester example I linked above.  Look at the paragraph beginning "It was England's greatest crisis ... ."  Notice how Manchester alternates short, powerful clauses or sentences with less dramatic statements that explain the brief declaration.

Then look at those big last paragraphs for the phrase 'great hunks of bleeding meat'.  That's what those short, pithy punches are.

Tension and release turn David Ballavia's House to House from a great battle account into a great story.

It's a higher level that we should aspire to.

Re: Contest!

I'll put it up on the site when I get into that chapter.  And yes, we should all aspire to be better.  Gotta have a goal.

A

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Re: Contest!

Then I'll have to put the review up twice.  Look for it here later.

Not a bad description of the Power Moment.  I'd add that it should contribute to a Good Story, not be easily replacable.  And I think that `Novel use of Power` might also be 'ingenuity.'

Re: Contest!

Just email me the review or put it on my link for Acts so that it'll stay together with the other material you've given me.

A