The Sorcerer's Progress (Page 49 of 62)

speaking of description, here are the promised diagrams... I wish to note in advance, it's not the fact that the lines occur so far apart, it's all easily fixable ordering. I'll get to that at the end

Fixes...

a) would reverse opening vs tunnel. Since the opening is later described as a tunnel, I would make first mention of it "mouth of a tunnel"

b) If "tunnel" appears before "candle" everything is good. If (as is now) "candle" appears before "tunnel" I would mention time of day near the beginning. Once you turn on a light source in a narrative, I must assign the stage evening or night unless instructed otherwise.

c) I suggest a cursory overview in paragraph 1 that contains the fact of i) wall ii) tunnel so that later paragraphs might refer back to these without causingg me mental revisions

As a famous guy I know says, YMMV

I'm working on the next chapter.  I've got plot, side characters, description of setting (see posting on JRRT, above) and milieu details to put together, in the right order.  I'm working on our little corner of the Rockpile, how to picture and describe it.

I'm also getting some notes down for the master plot.  How about a massive Nikkano hunt, all while Rome is burning?

This advice I keep tossing to Amy and it probably won't help you, but each volum needs at least a mini boss.

Said mini boss / darth maul / ring wraith / etc may be killed at the end of the volume. He should demonstrate some ability that his master has in abundance.

He should prove that he has the ability to hurt* the hero / cut off his arm / blow up his planet / kidnap his family / kill his teacher. This fact should not be ascertained by words but by action.

He may, optionally, communicate with the main baddie for the purposes of demonstrating even greater trials to come (I'm not a fan of this, personally)

He should be vanquished at the end of the volume so the reader feels like forward progress has been attained. If he dies, he will seemingly close dangling questions that are the topic of later volumes. If he survives, he requires assistance if he is to be a credible foe for the future.

He needs to be vile enough that the reader wants the hero to win

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*A lot of ppl on TNBW assume I mean he should fight the hero when I say "hurt" but I don't mean that at all.

Not sure having multiple threads and mini-bosses can or should be mutually exclusive. I do recognize the structural difficulty this presents.

And I agree on having a bad guy. At least in my work. Still trying to think how I will work that one in.

I agree with Amy. A real 'bad guy', even a minor one, helps a lot. I've only recently gotten my villains laid out for TCD (prior to the Empress, of course).

A volcano isn't an antagonist.

You can fight the effects of a volcano, but Mother Nature isn't something that can be defeated. Only contained. Kind of like trying to have the villain of a story be climate change.  If you want an antagonist, then there needs to be a person/ force obstructing Melayne from accomplishing her goal. A person from the endangered world who doesn't believe her and champions Shoran. Or a mysteriously sentient lurimont who is pregnant with eggs so Melayne can't blast her out of the sky. Or a Shoran minion that has been forcibly changed...a sorcerer child who can travel between dimensions.

That said, I consider your manuscript to be working toward a first draft. There is an author that I listened to (at the writers conference) who co-writes with another author. To maintain consistency, they write the plot first and add the characters/ conversation later. Because they are plot-driven (and not character driven writers), their work is about sweeping events that affect the MC without a chance of letting them misbehave and derailing the plot.

NJC's strength is in happenings. Not people. So he doesn't write about people. He knows what is going on behind the scenes, but he is getting the plot down first. Maybe/ possibly after that he can/ will consider adding a villain.

An example I can think of that is similar to this story is Sandra Bullock in Gravity.  She is out on a space mission and debris kills most of her crew. Space kills everyone else. She is alone...woman vs space. One could say that the enemy is an unstoppable force (space), but the MC's worst enemy is herself. She fights herself constantly throughout the story...her depression...her fear...and her despair.  Maroon Sandra Bullock on the ocean? Switch characters and that is Tom Hanks talking to a volleyball. 

NJC, What I believe K is saying, IMHO, is that you have no antagonist and you need to figure one out. If Melayne's biggest obstacle is herself, then she must fight herself while she runs around/reacts to individual events. That means going into Melayne's thoughts a LOT deeper than you have accomplished thus far. Sweeping landscapes are a forte of yours, instead of depth perception into another person's soul. It might be easier to show us what is happening with Shogran, so that we see Melayne's actions block a plot or plan of the bad guy. Or introduce a 'little bad' that Melayne can defeat as she saves the volcano/ unstable dimension.

Instead of a soap opera, where time dictates the flow and events just kind of happen as they happen, an antagonist organizes the plot and narrows the scope, making it possible to break a big chunk of material into definable littler chunks. It might change the order of events in your book, but it would give your story HFN and HFA moments.

Just thinking out loud. Where you are going (right now) is a rewrite where you delve into Melayne's motivations and fears, making her fight herself. That is the route that requires the fewest rewrites or adjustment to the plot.

Okay, I have about 1500 summary words.  If I'm lucky they'll come in under 8000 words, much of it description and talk.

Oh, golly.  I have no idea what to suggest you see.

Amy, if you look down, you'll see concrete. If you look to the front, back, left, or right, you'll see buildings. If you look up, you'll see sky. And crowds everywhere. (I'm 6'3", so they're like bloody hobbits underfoot.) And the occasional smell of pee. Look for signs that say 'Dirk was here,' especially near the pee. Re-watch Blade Runner before you go.

Seriously, there are two very nice cemeteries downtown, one with tombstones dating back to the 1600s. The World Trade Center, of course (I never saw the rebuilt version, unfortunately). The NYSE on Wall Street with lots of security. Statue of Liberty & Ellis Island boat tours leaving from the very south tip, Battery Park City downtown (lived there once), and the walkway up the whole West Side of Manhattan (especially nice downtown in spring), with views of NJ. Tour boats around the island (a must, IMO, right under the bridges). If you like the stink of fish, go to the Lower East Side. 42nd Street (unbelievable crowds, hold onto your kids). Central Park. Broadway shows. A zoo in Queens, I believe. There's a botanical garden somewhere, too. I don't recall anything in Brooklyn, but I never went very far there.

And on day two, .... :-)

Oh ... if Collin can manage a show, you should see the Radio City Music Hall interior.  They also have tours of the place, including backstage and machinery areas.  The main lobby of the Empire State Building is also something to see.  Some of the best Art Deco anywhere.

Unfortunately, the Second Avenue Deli has closed for good

Oh, there are two 'subways' in the Jersey City/Newark areas.  They are mostly above ground.

The plan is to keep it simple. One destination per day, but it has to involve the train. We will establish a known place (probably Queens/Flushing Meadows) and then branch out. The only must-do is the SoL. Mitch wants to see the World Fair site because Collin likes movies and Men In Black. The third day might be a restaurant downtown on 32nd St called Five Cents. Not positive on that one. By only scheduling two days, we stay open to random plans.

There will be four more NYC before C earns a trip to Tokyo(likely when he graduates), so we'll have the ability to explore.