476 (edited by njc 2015-10-11 08:46:02)

Re: The Sorcerer's Progress

Ho yez!

Re: The Sorcerer's Progress

njc wrote:

Ho yez!

LOL there's a Girl Genius for every situation! Even for girl's "tools" that Amy (probably) wasn't referring to, the ones that only work on men ... hehehe


I'm going to shut-up now and try and finish the next chapter.

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For my graduation from PA school, my dad asked me what I wanted. I asked for a chainsaw. Trust me. If the zombies come, you wanna know me.

Re: The Sorcerer's Progress

amy s wrote:

For my graduation from PA school, my dad asked me what I wanted. I asked for a chainsaw. Trust me. If the zombies come, you wanna know me.

I am fairly certain that, if any sort of apocalypse comes, I will be doomed. I work on computers for a living. =P

Maybe I could garden??

-Elisheva

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janet reid wrote:

LOL there's a Girl Genius for every situation! Even for girl's "tools" that Amy (probably) wasn't referring to, the ones that only work on men ... hehehe

Actually, in the Cinderella retelling, it is the tools in the belt that have that effect.  But you really should read that side story.  It doesn't work out at all the way you think.  Remember that the mad scientist longs to show them all, show them all.

Re: The Sorcerer's Progress

njc wrote:

Actually, in the Cinderella retelling, it is the tools in the belt that have that effect.

Knowing men, this doesn't surprise me either. Or maybe I know too many engineers ... LOL

As a side-note, I'm running to Amy when the apocalypse happens.
I also only have to run faster than Elisheva ... hehehehe

Re: The Sorcerer's Progress

janet reid wrote:

I also only have to run faster than Elisheva ... hehehehe

Haha! I'm glad I can help your survival in some small way. lol

-Elisheva

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I expect to take delivery tomorrow of an expensive box of parts for Rolodex-like notebooks.  I'll have to begin moving my permanent notes in there, writing full character sheets, putting my 300+ theme and plot notes on insert tabs, ... all stuff that takes time.  (And I might not have ordered enough of the insert tabs.)  I'll even be trying to draw a few of the characters.
But for the moment, I'm still working on the Erevain chapters, and in particular on the flashback.  I've already retitled the version that's in place Nikkano.  I've got little descriptions to do, and the sequence of Nikkano scrying, which I might weave into the new monologue he gives Erevain.
And all sort of things keep trickling into my head about future scenes and large plot arcs.  I need to do an awful lot there, too.
Your patience is appreciated.  Much appreciated.

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Just set aside some time for writing. You're filling your time with another big project. I can't wait another two years to find out what happens!

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Just did a bunch of reviews and made some edits to the Erevain/Nikkano sequence.  Not as much as I wanted, but I have to do some imagining now ... and all sorts of other things (as above) want to be heard and written down.

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Time to get them out of your head! Hey, do you want to read that vignette I wrote for the end of Dictates? It's short, but it has a great power moment in it...(holds carrot out)

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Of course I do ... so back to the prose mines ... smile

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Muahaha! Totally just skipped about 60 chapters and reviewed one for you, njc. I hope I was at least a fraction as helpful as you've been on my chapters. smile

-Elisheva

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Thanks.  You've hit points nobody else has.  I'll have to think about them.  A little more description wouldn't hurt, but I want to keep it light.  The previous chapters in the thread should give a lot of the picture.

One down, about 80 to go?

Re: The Sorcerer's Progress

njc wrote:

Thanks.  You've hit points nobody else has.  I'll have to think about them.  A little more description wouldn't hurt, but I want to keep it light.  The previous chapters in the thread should give a lot of the picture.

One down, about 80 to go?

I was going to start from the beginning and even made it through the first 4 or 5 chapters, but you have some that aren't posted, so I decided to skip. I'll get familiar with it eventually. smile

Most of the time, when you're reading a novel, each chapter establishes the scene, even if it's the same scene as the previous chapter. In my mind, a chapter is a "stopping point". So, from a reader's perspective, could I read up to that stopping point, put the book down for a week, come back and continue right where I left off? Not so much. Of course, I'm an extremely forgetful person, but still...

The easiest way to insert some description would be to put a foundation at the beginning, where you're talking about the wolves, and elaborate on that foundation with little snippets in between the dialogue. One or two sentences won't interrupt the dialogue much at all. The best way I can describe this is by pointing you to my Colorless Dragons, chapter 6. You don't have to spend so much time on descriptions (I am a very descriptive writer. wink ), but in this instance, a decent-sized paragraph is spent in the beginning establishing where they are. Then, there are actions in between the dialogue. In this case, Merrin playing with an apple and annoying the hell out of Maya. (Hence my suggestion to pick a character's PoV, it helps give the reader an opinion or feeling to follow). In your case, it might be the fire that you've already established.

As always, IMO and YMMV. smile

-Elisheva

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Re: The Sorcerer's Progress

Elisheva Free wrote:

Most of the time, when you're reading a novel, each chapter establishes the scene, even if it's the same scene as the previous chapter. In my mind, a chapter is a "stopping point". So, from a reader's perspective, could I read up to that stopping point, put the book down for a week, come back and continue right where I left off? Not so much. Of course, I'm an extremely forgetful person, but still...

The easiest way to insert some description would be to put a foundation at the beginning, where you're talking about the wolves, and elaborate on that foundation with little snippets in between the dialogue.

Fair enough.

Elisheva Free wrote:

As always, IMO and YMMV. smile-Elisheva

I laughed aloud.  Thanks!

If you don't mind picking up in the middle, the chapter Mellaen's Work sets up a longish sequence.  And the first few chapters do stand up in their present form (though I'm contemplating reviewers' suggestions).

492 (edited by njc 2015-10-20 04:53:39)

Re: The Sorcerer's Progress

I promised to give you the few hundred words on the instruments that Erevain shows Merran and Jamen.  Here's what I've got.

The instrument itself sat atop the wood post.  It was made of a yellow metal, too light to be brass but polished and gleaming like silver.  A sleeve of the metal rested on the post, sized and fluted like a handgrip.  A short shaft rose up from it and split into two sides of a fork.  These flattened out and rose straight up, then bent into hooks.

Between the parallel hooks a ring of the same metal hovered, about a handspan in diameter.  It was flat inside and out like a bracelet; the outer face was not polished but dull, and engraved with numbers and symbols.  These markings were filled with color: red, black, and deep blue.

Two red wires stretched from hook to hook at their ends, framing a short section of the engraved ring--just enough for one full mark to fall into the frame.

The spells on it were done with a precision Merran had never seen, nor had she ever seen so many, or seen them interlocked in such complexity.

She said, "It's beautiful.  I've never seen anything like it.  What is it?"

Erevain beamed.  "We did this for one of the Atlas-makers.  It indicates the strength of the barrier you need to overcome to open a world-crossing.  With this, they can show just how hard a crossing is--and how large the area is as well, by circling out from the center and measuring how the barrier rises."

He grew serious again.  "This is the first one we built, and it worked perfectly almost from the start.  We expected to get orders for several dozen, maybe more.  Then, when Nikkano was ready to deliver it, it stopped working.  The readings became erratic."

The first instrument was a work of beauty to sorsight and eyesight alike.  This one was made of heavy brass wire and thin tin sheet.  Four lengths of the heavy wire ran out like long feet.  They joined together into a center post about two handspans high.  A beam or yoke of wire, about half the device's height, was balanced in a hook at the top.  At each end, a longer yoke was balanced perpendicular to the first, and at the ends of these long yokes, more short yokes linked and balanced with each other to support strips sheet tin, which hung with their long ends parallel to the long yokes, three on each side of the center post.

It looked like the work of a talented, bored child.

The spells on it were another matter.  They lacked the elegant intricacy of the first instrument, but they were executed with almost breathtaking precision, balanced against one another in a pattern that almost-but-not-quite matched the linkages of wire above.  The slightest disturbance in the Elemental Fire surrounding them would set the whole thing quivering.  And as Merran leaned in for a closer look, the residue of Fire she carried did just that.

"Oh!  I'm sorry!"

"That's quite all right," Erevain said.  "If your Fire didn't disturb it, your breath would have.  If we built this to sell, or for serious use, we would have put it in a glass case.  Not that the problem isn't serious."

This instrument was set in the center of the big table, as far from disturbances as possible.  A strip of brass the length and width of Merran's forearm lay on the table, its long edges bent halfway up to make a shallow trough.

Above it, a dozen or more gold disks hovered on edge.  Their faces had curious markings on them, not quite familiar.  At the edges, their circumferences were divided by short and long lines in the same blue and red that they had seen in the crossing-barrier gauge, as well as a lighter, greenish blue.

Jamen squinted at the disks.

"Yes," Erevain said.  "Gold coins, flattened out.  We could have used crystal, but gold is easier to work and less valuable."

Merran examined the spellwork--as best she could.  The workings of Elemental Fire--if that's what it was--were only half-visible to her sorsight.  The spells seemed to fade away in one place and reappear in another.

Erevain said, "This took Nikkano and me working together, and we just barely made it work.

"I've done so much of the building in the last few years that I'm actually more precise than Nikkano.  But I've never seen some of what he came up with here, and I'm still not sure exactly how it all works."  He motioned them to move around to the end of the table.

"Here, sight along the edges of the disks, so that you can see the scale marks on each disk, one past the other."  He moved out of the way for Merran and Jamen.  "You see?"

Merran asked, "What are we seeing?"

"You're seeing time malfunction."

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Re: The Sorcerer's Progress

Okay, I've got a starting point for what happens when Nikkano scries too far.  And maybe even a kloo or two.

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You are expecting that.  (Was that the Royal `We`?)  The rest of us should be watching and listening.

But I'll give you this: Merran should be more alarmed at disturbing the thing.

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Amy, I've got the review. I'll reply later in the day.

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That's what subverted tropes are about.  (See tvtropes.org?)

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Plugging away.  I've got another 2000 or so words of Erevain in what I hope will be nearly final form (for this round of work ... and for big revisions, period).

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I shall rip it to bits then. (Puts on gloves...there's gonna be some splash)

Re: The Sorcerer's Progress

'CHARGE!!!!!' *zap* bleep-bleep, bleep-bleep ...

As is people, njc's plot's back again. wink

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KHippolite wrote:

epic, however you mistake me for the continuity police. I'm the character-slayer

Mwaah-haah-haaaah-hah!