Acts/ Dictates/ Mandates/ Mantle - Amy's Thread (Page 75 of 77)

I followed him on Twitter and knew that his publishing co was bought out, so I contacted him and asked if he needed Xmas money. He read the first chapter (I think to see if he could bear reading the rest. Initially we agreed on a penny a word, which was 1200 dollars at the time. He had some delays getting my book done, so he gave me a discount of $200. One thousand total and worth every penny. I had three conference calls with him after the review was done, and he brought up things that weren’t being discussed by any other reviewers. We worked on the pace of my ending.

It made me realize that the story is heavy in the middle and I spent too much time traveling the catacombs instead of getting to the ending. Petra needed a bigger part. The Gillis fight takes too long. The ending is too short. Also that Alda stayed the same thru the story instead of evolving into something new.

None of his advice was telling me what to do, and I got the final say in whether to integrate his changes. It also gave me an idea of what a working relationship with a good publisher would be like. In all, it was a wonderful experience.

Now, I don’t have that kind of money to throw around, but I’m glad I did it.

Musing's on Deep PoV, etc.

Deep PoV is the current fashion in narrative storytelling.  And we're please to think it 'more advanced'.  But is it more advanced, or just different?  Is it progress, or just fashiion?

It's a step further away from the most basic form of storytelling: third person with a very present narrator.  But is 'further' the same as 'advanced'?  Or is it just a shiny new tool that we're fascinated with because it's new and shiny, and we don't know what we can do with it?  Look where 12-tone music is today.  It's not used by pop acts.  It's not used in film scores.  And, outside of a few heavily-educated ears, it has no following as golden oldies.  It's a museum piece kept in the storeroom, brought out and dusted off once in a while so we don't forget about it.

You would not approach upholstery with a mason's hammers, or stone with an upholsterer's toolbox.

Oh, if you have to kill Sulder, do it as he sends that message into the Catacombs.  Have his willing death, exhausting himself to send the message, convince Jaylene of its importance.  Have Alda know for sure he's dead--more of the mystery surrounding her, hinting at the depths of her true power.  Send it as they have committed to dealing with the Gillis, to drive them forward through it.

This is more character work than you do on your own book.
Weenie. I knew you had it in you.

Here is the problem. Alda can see into the hearts of Behira’s followers only. Which is why Tazar is so refreshing. He is a mystery, and stays that way until she needs him to fight for her against the Mar. Even then, she only is able to manage this because he is in the process of becoming a believer.

And then she only permits herself to be at risk. I haven’t decided on the breaking point of this ability, but it is probably when she gets torched saving Straya. Deciding to let go or continue to fight. That is her turning point.

And the dedication is marvelous. I remember being eight, and I was intimidated by the fact that I would get old, like 18, and I would forget younger me. I resolved to remember that moment, so old me wouldn’t ever lose that person. I once was. I love that he dedicated his book to his younger self.

I'd like to add that I'm not following a bright bauble that is trendy by choosing deep first person perspective with a close narration. I just finally have terms that describe the way I want to write. Before, I had three perspectives (Jaylene, Tazar, and Alda). Each narrated differently. Once of my readers found it to be very distracting, so I became more aware of whose voice I was using (including the neutral narrator). And my narrator faded into the background.

However, I agree that the narration is being told from Alda's POV, so this frees me to say things in the narration that she would think, or be aware of.

I note that you are fighting for Sulder and Tazar (and not Jaylene). This is par for the course. Nobody roots for that character's perspective. However, I don't think there is any benefit in changing Sulder out for his replacement, other than throwing the church into disarray. Your politics have the potential to bear fruit in keeping Sulder alive longer so he can die dramatically.

I agree that having Tazar disappear a third of the way through the book isn't a good way to keep the character's nobility alive. Let me think about it. His journey isn't the focus of the story, though.

Your original story was a Quest.  That fits the larger story surrounding it.

Jaylene took over nicely after the death of the leatherworker.

The Catacombs adventure and the creepers in the crypt are both wonderful action that feel like they need volumes of their own.

My last comment got me googling his boss. I got an obituary. The editing house had a rule you weren't allowed to the name of the person working on your manuscript. So this person stayed faceless for a good 18 months of communication (Email wasn't a thing back then - we killed a lot of trees).  I will likely never find him, but I've added the search to my list of life quests (Including being allowed into Las Vegas), so you never know

Added one tongue-in-cheek comment on the last review.  But maybe not so ... well, decide for yourself.

You kill Sulder to get a single-point crisis.

Jaylene comes alive when there is a crisis.  She may not be able, in the beginning, toget to the solution unaided.  By the end of the book, she should be doing that, perhaps even defying a Founder.

But the long slog through the Catacombs has few crises.  It has many dangers, but few crises.  You need to make it shorter and add hard decisions, some of which Have Consequences.

I'm just working your possibilities.  The Founders must place AM one and a quarter steps below G and half a step above the forces now threatening them.  They have AM's staff, and could even threaten to destroy it.  (Does Jaylene know what that staff is?)  (Aside: do the spears itch in Alda's hand?  I'm thinking of Anver's demo with the other mage's/student's staff.)

You've built a tremendous point of conflict here, one that could shake Jaylene in the crisis moment, threaten all the resolve she's built up--especially if Alda was somehow part of how that resolve was built up.

And what if Jaylene makes the wrong choice, but is too late to stop Alda, and has to watch as Alda's actions rally the enemy--right before she destroys the Horrors.

The first law of battle is that the enemy changes the plan.  What if the only hope of ending the battle is to destroy the Horrors so the enemy will have nothing to fight for, and AM is the one who understands it?

And this leads to a possible redefinition of the Alda/Jaylene relationship.  By their presence and character they constantly test each other.  By right of power, Jaylene should be the tail in the dog, but Alda wants to be that tail.  She keeps pushing the role of war dog on Jaylene.

Jeopardy: rope frays.  Pons wedges knife between fish's  plates.  Fish thrashes, Pons dodges, rope breaks, fish falls, tail fins slicing like machete through brush.  Impact drives knife home, severing fish's spine.  Valharic appears.  ... Pons recovers knife, which is gouged by the fish's armor.

Alda tosses the last beans, and birds settle over it.

Ill look at it ASAP sir, aye aye!