The Galaxy Tales - Dirk B. (Page 33 of 49)

Then a CT scan and then maybe more chemo vs discussion of surgery. Dealers choice.

I seem to have hit a brick wall in one of my chapters. I've generally reduced the violence in v3 to broaden the potential audience down to age 14 (from 16 or 18). However, I have a scene from v2 that I need to keep for story/character reasons, but the major event in that chapter is a deadly attack on a parade square filled with teenage cadets. There were some gratuitous elements from v2 I can definitely get rid of (body parts strewn about, birds circling, flies buzzing), but I can't think of a way to further reduce the violence. The attackers are pissed about the hanging of their comrades, so I'm not sure they would be merciful enough to use non-lethal weapons, especially since the guards protecting the parade will shoot to kill. Perhaps some shoot it out with the guards, while the rest set their weapons for "burn" rather than kill? Meh. I suppose all of the attackers could set their weapons for burn in spite of the fact that the guards are shooting to kill, based on the idea that they don't want to bring down the wrath of the government on their families and friends. Iffy. Another possibility is for the attackers to shoot guards to kill, but they throw some form of non-lethal explosive at the cadets in order to cause panic and show what they could have done. Again meh. Or just go with the deadly attack minus the gratuitous elements.

Thoughts?

a) You could have it that all weapons in your universe injure and don't kill. (kinda ew)

b) Pull a Lucas and have the gunmen have terrible aim. (Actually when you look at it. GI Joe had this problem too. So did the transformers cartoon - it wasn't until the movie that any of them actually struck a target).

c) There is killing but the camera isn't really centered on it. Kind of like Firestarter's r*pe scene. We know it occurred, but the camera never quite settles on it (admittedly, reviewers are asking me to show that moment explicitly, but I can't fathom why)

Interestingly, I've never held back on violence with intent to get to a specific rating. in Firestarter's case, the idea of suppressing it is to ensure the scene doesn't overwhelm the story. Lord of the Flies was up there for violence, but we were reading it by like age 12. Actually, I was reading Green Arrow & Black Canary kill people by grade six and look how I turned out .

Anyway, on a more serous note, it sounds like you're appplying movie ratings to literature. By that approach, watching Julius Caesar getting stabbed thirteen times by his trusted friends would never be allowed into a grade 10 reading list, and don't get me started about Romeo and Juliet's underage sex scene and subsequent double suicide.

I vote... just write the story and let readers decide the rating as pertains to their own perceptions.

-K

How about this as the justification for not slaughtering hundreds of cadets? It leverages the Neuer Mond Treaty and Battle Chess, which I like, but it doesn't have the punch of a mass killing.

The other option is to keep the mass killing, but remove some of the gratuitous elements, such as dismembered limbs, circling birds, and buzzing flies.

Thoughts?
Dirk

Nuts. I was counting on you tell me my solution was crap, so I could justify slaughtering them all. Having written the battle scene, it comes off as silly, especially because the violence is identical (over a hundred cadets are down, the attackers pick off the ones who are left, etc.), until the reader learns "surprise", just kidding. On the plus side, I found yet another item made my Warheads Et Cetera. :-)

It's almost done. No body parts, circling birds, or clouds of buzzing flies. Over one hundred dead and injured cadets, though. This will be my most adult chapter. Others like where I destroy the planet are more like Star Wars violence, not really shown. I finally decided to keep your scene in the prologue where Ensign Ecks blows open the chests of two invaders. After a whole chapter of desperate losses, I figured the reader would root for that moment. After which I pull a K and kill off everyone who's left. The student has become the master.

Is Wild West the name of the world?

Yes.

"He saw the aged king, Wyndar."
"He saw the aged King Wyndar."

"the island prison, Alcatraz"
"the island prison of Alcatraz"
"the island prison Alcatraz"

Hmm.  I'd argue that in the last example the word 'of' has been elided.  And I'd argue that "world Wild West" is an elided form of "world of Wild West".

But I'm sure that others would argue differently.

Unfortunately, this could go either way depending on the story's political structure... but I'm leaning towards lowercase personally

On pain and nerves:http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/317733.php

I wonder if Apollo's survival of that pain comes from the surgeon cheatimg and insisting, with medical reason  on a 'mild' musle relaxant that also has analgesic effects?

There needs to be an alternate explanation for the narcitics. Like an approved steroid to encourage aggression that the emperor approved. A portable pain pump is too dangerous and easily seen. What is Apollo's excuse if this is noticed?

Ex: he is injured and examined by someone other than the prescribing doc.
During impromptu sex
He goes swimming
Activates pump while under emperor's camera scrutiny
Random drug testing

I prefer a constant flow of meds or a once weekly injection. Safer for the doc