Acts/ Dictates/ Mandates/ Mantle - Amy's Thread (Page 7 of 77)

Unbar is back!  Whoopee!

Oh, I also wrote another short story about Collin.  I'm making a stumbling attempt at talking about some of the more challenging moments.  The goal isn't to bitch.  I want humor to get across, but the material makes it hard.  If anyone has the time, I'll do my best to spoil you back!

A

amy, for what it's worth, the title by itself will give a few parents nightmares! 

Followup thought on Tazar and Alda: Will Alda see in Tazar's willful simplicity something that she sees in some holy people?  I really do see an axis of some sort, a slow-growing mutual respect, even admration, that neither presumes nor demands, but leaves plenty of distance.

Tomorrow will have to be an official "Review Amy" day because I didn't get to it today ...

The occupation/specialty you want is actually called 'rigger'.

Arrant pedantry, up with which I will not put. ---WSC

The rule applies in formal English.

In dialogue, your speaker's rules apply.

In ordinary composition, be guided by your style and ear ... but do be aware of the choice.  Aware, not of, not consumed by.

If I taught you a rule then it was clearly an accident :-) teaching implies intent and an organized presentation. I don't know if I qualify for that.

One of the most valuable (and painless) lessons I ever got was when a very pretty sophmore (no chance, sigh) asked me for help with a problem from her thermodynamics class.  I'd taken it the year before, but it wasn't a core course so I passed it and let it go.  Well, she provided all the thermo knowledge.  What she didn't see was the structure/pattern of her solution.  It was an obvious blind-spot type error -after- the solution was set up, and showing it to her taught me most of what high-school geometry was supposed to teach me, but didn't.

Virtue in prose consists in the words saying what you mean.  Virtue in poetry consists in the words meaning more that they say.  That's a paraphrase from Chesterton, and probably a poor one.

But we proseists use little poetry techniques constantly.  Using a beat instead of a tag tells us the speaker, but uses the 'said' slot to tell us something else.

Your last pass over Ch 11 doesn't go far enough in this direction, IMO.  You need to go for terseness, speed, and imagery.  Again IMO.  I'm going to do another review pass, and hope it helps you.

American culture is deeply bifurcated right now.  Read Huffpo and Townhall.com to find out how much.

American culture is still highly regional, though cities act as melting pots.  (A bad metaphor, by the way.  The right one is a stew, the very source of the motto 'E Pluribus Unum'.)

Okay, now for Amy:  I've put an even longer critique up for Chapter 11.  All the stuff I write there describes what I saw in the chapter when you put it up what, two days ago?  Well, not the vector force stuff around the transfer lift (probably not the right term).  Playing that out (pardon the pun) might take the art of Clancy, but it could be done.

You probably won't want to hear from me for a week.  (I'm good at shooting my own feet.)

"I lifted that" -- "The dead don't puke" ---

I wonder if The Other Side of Alda is coming out.  You know, Brekin/Charm has two sides.  Melody/Adalaya were two sides.  Alda has two sides.

Right here I can image Alda back in the "I don't know, ma'am.  Out of mojo," mode.  Instead of bragging how she lifted Tazar, she is sharing her wonder.  Instead of asserting 'The dead don't puke', she offers it ... not quite a question.

Just a quasirandom thought.