Topic: 2,000 Years Later - Will H.

I'm brand new to the site, but it was recommended I join this group and post an introductory message about my book-in-progress, 2,000 Years later. I've spent nearly a month outlining each and every chapter so all characters and plot points are consistent, but this doesn't necessarily mean it is perfect. I will be posting frequently as I'm going to be devoting a lot of time to both my book and to this site, as I am extremely driven to become a published author. I love fantasy and sci-fi novels, and would be happy to trade reviews with anyone who is interested. Here is a short summary of my story, feel free to see if it peaks your interest:

Summary: 20 year old college student Henry struggles with his life having very little purpose. He is trudging his way through school, goes to a job that has no meaning, and his romantic life is non-existent. But when Henry wakes up 2,000 years in the future, he may get the opportunity he desperately needs to make something of himself. Join Henry as he searches for answers to the burning questions: How did he end up 2,000 years into the future? How does he get home? Will Henry be able to make something out of his life? Read to find out!

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2 Reply by Dirk B. (edited by Dirk B. 2018-12-13 23:55:42)

Re: 2,000 Years Later - Will H.

Will, don't forget to subscribe to other authors' threads that interest you in this forum, if you haven't already. Seabrass's Maiden thread and Kdot's Tia thread are both sci-fi. Ignore my Galaxy Tales thread. I've shelved that project until after I get The Lord of the Earth series done.

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Re: 2,000 Years Later - Will H.

Tia is closer to Mortal Engines than true sci-fi

also welcome aboard

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Re: 2,000 Years Later - Will H.

I've published the first major edit for chapter 1. You will find while some things are carried over from my original draft there have been some massive changes to both the character and the opening situation in which our protagonist is introduced. Hopefully this brings a better and more enjoyable experience to any reviewers, but I know I still have a long way to go. If you've already checked out the book once, please feel free to give it another look and let me know what you think of the changes.

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Re: 2,000 Years Later - Will H.

Cover has some nice colours

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Re: 2,000 Years Later - Will H.

Thank you, its just something I put together so I didn't have the basic cover.

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Re: 2,000 Years Later - Will H.

So as I continue to read more and more of the content uploaded on the site I've started to think about the title of my novel. 2,000 years later was not some thought-out title. I used it as a placeholder when uploading the first chapter. It was simple, recognizable/familiar, and did give an idea of what to expect in the book. But now that I'm a little further along (The reviews for chapter 1 really helped me figure out the direction I should be going in with a lot of the internal character development etc. So thank you all for your reviews) I'd like to start thinking about unique book titles that may work better than "2,000 Years Later." Any suggestions?

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Re: 2,000 Years Later - Will H.

I liked that title. Reminded me of 20000 leagues under the sea

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Re: 2,000 Years Later - Will H.

The tricky thing is, if you use your final title on the site, like I do, all forum posts here that reference your novel will be indexed by Google and point readers to those posts when they google your title, including any spoilers. Kdot can regale you with his efforts to scrub this site of all references to his earlier novel(s). It's doable, but it's a pain. I've tried not to use my title much outside of my own threads since I can delete those before I publish.

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Re: 2,000 Years Later - Will H.

That is true. I'll have to figure out a name for it. Kdot seems to like the name, if it is a good fit I suppose I could keep it.

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Re: 2,000 Years Later - Will H.

The Fourth Millenia
Two Millennia Later
Lost in the Next Millenia

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Re: 2,000 Years Later - Will H.

All not bad Ideas, I don't think I would do Lost in the next Millenia because it's 2 Millenia, and Two Millennia Later doesn't sound as good as just 2,000 years later. The fourth Millenia may be a good idea. Something to think about, at the least. Thank you for the suggestions Amy S.

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Re: 2,000 Years Later - Will H.

Lost in the Aeons

(Reminds me of Lost in Space)

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Re: 2,000 Years Later - Will H.

That's an interesting one. It sounds much more original than 2,000 years later. I'm gonna keep that one in the back of my mind for sure. Thanks Kdot!

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Re: 2,000 Years Later - Will H.

I just dropped Chapter 2 of 2,000 years later. Hopefully this draft will do better than the original draft of my first chapter. I think I learned a lot from my previous mistakes. Let me know what you all think.

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Re: 2,000 Years Later - Will H.

So I have a question I hope you guys can give me some advice with. Also good to get back to it after all the Christmas breaks etc. hope y’all had a good one. Still using my phone to type so sorry for any odd sentences/autocorrect errors. So with everyone’s reviews (which all have been great thank you all so much) I recognize one major area I’m struggling in is creating characters with major flaws to be fixed over the course of the book without making them unlikable. I think nearly everyone has commented on Henry to some degree about how he isn’t interesting/likable. But I don’t want him being so great at the start. I want him to show signs of intelligence and humanity, but I also want the character to struggle with cowardice and a lack of purpose. One of the major themes of the Nobel will be the theme of being your own man/ finding your own purpose, and how someone who could be considered intellectually gifted could be plagued with cowardice, greed, and a lack of purpose and how the MC eventually crawls out of that hole. Any advice on how I’m failing to do this/where I could improve to succeed at this?

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Re: 2,000 Years Later - Will H.

Do you remember Stanley Tweedle from the sci-fi series "Lexx"?
http://www.skyfire.ca/kwan/tnbw/Lexx.jpeg

if not, let me summarize him. He works a cubicle job earning only enough to get by, sleeps maximum quota and does the minimum to not get fired.

Eventually aliens show up and eat his planet. He escapes by fluke of being with the other good guys, and he's a pilot and they can't fly their ship, so they keep him.

After that, he spends the rest of season 1 shirking responsibilities, napping while on guard duty, trying to get into Zev's pants (but by peeping on her showering instead of bothering to hit on her), and many more. He is, effectively, the least motivated character I've seen in any work of fiction.

I found myself often wishing aliens got him so I wouldn't have to put up with him

My thought: The plot you have chosen appears to be  leading you down a similar path. This is salvageable, but let me answer that the long way.

tng: Lt Barclay
http://www.skyfire.ca/kwan/tnbw/barclay.png
They introduced him as this blathering inept, socially awkward engineer but he was more of a laughing stock.
Later on he cleaned up. He was still a blathering, inept, socially awkward engineer but he was suddenly freaking smart*.
What happened? Writers watching him getting panned realized he had to win hearts. And apathy wasn;t going to win hearts, so they made him good at something. They picked a new areas of engineering no other character could excel at and gave them to him. In the turn of a season they had a cult hit.

Why? What changed the viewers? Easy. Suddenly we were all Barclay. Scraping to get by, awkward person out. Not invited to that party and passed on the promotion. But having that one skill that made us special and wishing the world would recognize it.

Therein is my recommendation

If your character is Luke Skywalker, fixes droids and drinks blue milk in some backwater -> have a mysterious guy in robes tell him you are the one

If your character is Rand Al'Thor and his only want in life is farming and shearing sheep -> make him deadly with the quarter staff (Actually, I stole this one for Tia because she's rather passive in her 3rd chapter). Your logical option here is the pistol. Make him a crack shot with it even if he is terrified while in action.

Recommended reading: One Punch Man (In your case,  "one shot man")

Give him at least one thing he's good at so the reader can latch onto it and identify with the struggle, and you'll be fine

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Re: 2,000 Years Later - Will H.

Your character doesn't lack for flaws, but they're boring flaws. You've done a good job conveying how pathetic he is, but as Kdot said, he needs something that makes him interesting. Figure out something that is over-the-top interesting and introduce it early in the first chapter before readers have gone much beyond page one. Ideally your first paragraph and first sentence should really hook them. One idea I used in Galaxy Tales is that my two MCs hear voices. In their case it's mostly God, but you could have him talking to just about anyone. Pick your favorite character from history and do an extended dialogue between them, using it to show how lazy he is. Imagine all the inner dialogue your character could have with this mental traveling companion throughout your story.

Or not. :-)

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Re: 2,000 Years Later - Will H.

Really great advice guys, I'll have a new version of my first chapter out soon. Thank you so much!

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Re: 2,000 Years Later - Will H.

It's a rather interesting angle to take

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Re: 2,000 Years Later - Will H.

Well I got the revised chapter 1 out, but now I've run into another issue. I received a review from Temple, who says that I'm still not giving believable dialogue. The first time I wrote I understood the argument, but with the rewrite I feel it is much more natural than my original, and even if it isn't exactly perfect I'm finding it difficult to believe that none of the dialogue or internal thoughts are believable. I quit trying to sound overly intelligent in the dialogue and I noticed the improvement, but now I just don't understand what could be the issue with the dialogue. Any suggestions on how to get better dialogue or internal thoughts would be helpful.

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Re: 2,000 Years Later - Will H.

Oooh dialogue is a tough one. You don't excel at it overnight for sure.

"That’s all the time we have for today. I have a ten o’clock appointment that I need to prepare for. Because of Mr. Goodman’s recommendation, this first visit is free, but I really would suggest you come talk to me again soon. We can work something out for the price if you need some help."

Ok here, the character is using meticulous speech. Try reading it aloud. When I did, I was sounding like the H.A.L. computer by the word appointment. Conversations tend to bounce back and forth more. They're replete in half-spoken sentences. We go for efficiencies a lot. Unless you're a celeb, you get interrupted a lot. The above convo would probably be closer to:

A: That’s all the time we have for today.
B: Already? But--
A: Tut tut. Ten o’clock appointment
B: How much do I owe ya?
A: Mr. Goodman’s recommended you, so this first visit is free--
B: Ooh, I like that price
A:  --but I really would suggest you come talk to me again soon
B: (Looks doubtful)
A: You're worried about the fees? We can work something out

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Re: 2,000 Years Later - Will H.

Great advice as always, but is my problem then only the large paragraphs of speech? Temple made it sound like every single piece of dialogue was bad.

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Re: 2,000 Years Later - Will H.

I didn't get the same feeling. The doctor caught my attention only because you mentioned it and started looking for it.

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Re: 2,000 Years Later - Will H.

Alright. This is very useful thank you.

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