KennedyMcF's thread (Page 2 of 4)

I took a quick look.  My first, pre-points take is that you've got enough discrete events in there that it could be two or three chapters.  The big jeopardy comes at the end, which argues against the split.

Work is slow this morning.

I agree with NJC. It's a neat story, but it feels like you've crammed two or three chapters into one. You also seem to have the same problem that I do with doing more "tell" than "show". (Seriously, this is a hard habit to get out of. I am constantly struggling with it.) Instead of stating the relationships between characters, show it. Have them converse about their past or use nicknames indicative of a long-standing relationship.

-Elisheva

She should have a point total on the home page. How many are in it?

OK, I have time for introductions, since no one else ponied up their life story. Since I am a writer, I shall now make them up for you. (Evil laugh)

NJC: (alias New Jersey), is a crotchety soul who enjoys home electronics, long talks over coffee with his landlord, and studying levels of various highway interchanges for mathematical truths. (Two of those three are correct, FYI). He doesn't talk about politics for fear of scaring away reviews. He is secretly a hoarder, using untold amounts of books as home insulation so that he doesn't freeze to death this winter.

K: (Alias Kenny/ KHippolite/ KHip) does a crazy amount of reviews because he rides for hours on the train to work. He lives in Canada. He hides from the Internet, either for fear of paying child support or being called due for an overdrawn account at Victoria Secret. He doesn't have a passport, yet has somehow travelled on planes within Canada (Why? What is there to fly back and forth to in Canada?) I personally think this is by sea plane or that he is secretly a smart-plane with an android brain.

As said before (and not refuted, so I question if I hit the bullseye), I think he lives in his mother's basement. This is said with all the love in the world. (Tear in my eye…luv you, dude:-)

Janet (no alias) is an Aussie who hates the Queen of England with more passion than I've ever seen. Janet has mapped out a plan for dissing the privileged b***h when (not if) Janet is offered a knighthood for her spectacular romance trilogy. She likes romantic evenings with her husband (whose name is mysteriously known as Mr. C), large bouquets of flowers, steamy bubble baths, and snow. The last two might seem to not go together, but she somehow makes it work.  She is now ensconced in Washington State, within spitting distance of Canada, and working as an engineer for an oil company. She knows everything there is to know about our fickle country. They had a class that they made the new hires attend on how to survive being an ex-pat in America.

In other words, a truer American there has never been. She needs to stay, because it's a lot easier for me to drive from Ohio to Washington than it is to design a hover car that can drive over 30 foot waves to Australia.

Elishiva Free: (Alias: the Dragon Lady) is new to the site. She has grown up so fast (sniffle) in the course of her participation in this group. She started out so, "Hi, I'm like a new writer and, like, I'd really like to get better." Since then, she has developed OPINIONS, and they are cool. She is writing about dragons, so she must be a good person.

Me: (Alias Amy S/ Plot buster) I'm your medical resource since I work in an emergency room. I treat people who are CATS (cut all to sh*t), CTD (circling the drain), and CCFCCP (CooCoo for Cocoa Puffs). I'm too honest for my own good, but it makes it really fun to be around me when I'm drunk. I like people, so I put them in my novels. It makes it easy to come up with character traits that way.

Who did I miss? Rebecca Vaughn isn't on my teasing list since she is too smart, knows scads about her subject and time period, and she's just too nice. I can't do it. Some day, I'll break down and be merciless, but until then, I'm behaving.

Erndog (alias Ernie) is living the life of Riley in Hawaii. He goes to Starbucks, long walks without shoes, and has a house with a view of the ocean. Isn't life unfair?

I think that is it.

How did I do, Janet?  Hmmm?

A

OK, the reason there are no points for your chapter is because you didn't post it to a group that pays points.

Our group is free to post, so we didn't have to pay double for the same content.

To fix this:

1) Join the premium group (it counts as one of the groups in your total options. I see you've already joined three so far. Make sure one is premium)
2) Repost your first chapter and click the premium group to include it in the publishing. Then the points will come up to be debited.

Here is the line that told me this was the problem. It was just above your first chapter,

"This content was not posted in a group that uses points and does not pay points to be reviewed!"

Norm D'Plume:(alias Dirk) is a guy who translates Latin so that he can swear without anyone understanding. His books are a series of puns, filled in with nods to writers, actors, and plots that he likes. Into that mix, he picked out the names of Greek gods, gave them to his characters, and then made a few of them gay.

He also puts anyone he likes or hates into his novel. Beware having him like you. It is known to be hazardous to your health. I'm assuming there are at least five teachers and a couple ex-girlfriends hidden in the text. Thus far, I haven't dared to ask.

:-)

Hope not. I think she is concentrating on that cutie baby in the picture.

In a few months, you'll be pushing us along!  Each one of us has strengths and weaknesses.  You'll find yours.

And just what would such a class include, I wonder?  That US speed limits are in MPH?  Not to pass a stopped school bus with its flashers on?  Not to order pizza away from a Really Major Metro Area?  To set a safety timer if you are foolish and determined enough to watch Reality TV?  Not to joke about football until three weeks after the SuperBowl and not to talk about Futbol at all?

Hey Kennedy. I'm not sure your whole first chapter got posted, unless you're updating it as you work on the chapter?

Also, we all play hookie at one time or another.

-Elisheva

Yeah, kind of as I'm going.  I've gotten so much amazing info at this conference that I think I might have to revamp my whole novel! I do have to do it fast though, I have an acquisitions editor interested in the finished product. I'm hoping I can just get on a roll and not stop till I'm done and ready to submit it, but I have one more day of this conference, so it will have to go slowly for another day!

Oh, I am like an elephant. My sister complains that I remember EVERYTHING and that I need to let some things go. Unfortunately for her, I could forget a dozen moments from our adult life and still have material to use against her :-)  Consider it a survival trait as I finally stopped letting her walk over me.

Oh, K? Just to be clear. You are not Batman.

Funny story...some of the characters in my book are based off the roleplaying of college friends. One gave me no material to work with, describing his character just as, "He's like Batman." 

That character isn't in my book, BTW. (rolling my eyes.) 

Then I was having a debate with the guy who is the template for Kha. When I wasn't sure how to write the action, he said, "He's like Batman." I nearly choked. First, there can't be TWO Batmans in my world. (How do you even pluralize that one? Anyway...) Second, Kha is NOTHING like Batman and I pulled executive privilege and told him where to stick his delusions of grandeur and vigilantiism. It involved a place where the sun don't shine.

OK, I'm going to stop bombing Kennedy's thread now...

Bad habit.  Sorry :-)

WELCOME BACK!