Re: Acts/ Dictates/ Mandates/ Mantle - Amy's Thread
Side note: the Gillis reacts more strongly to the Lance than to the spears-bearers of Behira?
1,177 2016-02-05 05:29:38
- amy s
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Re: Acts/ Dictates/ Mandates/ Mantle - Amy's Thread
Correct. More strongly to the Lance. Fuck. I forgot about that damn ring in Jaylene's pocket. AGAIN. My own spell is working on me. Yes, the Gillis will react much more strongly to Jaylene than it did before. I will write that in to the attempted rescue of Petra. That way, there is going to have to be a rescue within a rescue.
Since you are providing me with a cra*l**d of material for revision, I'll add in Andalaya now. She will take the place of Tilly in the first three chapters. Then the fourth chapter starts, with Anver stomping away from Alina's school. The 'duel' has happened in between these chapters, and Anda is now gone from the picture. Tilly has taken her place. It gives Anver a reason to hate Alina far more than before. And add insult to injury, since Alina has essentially killed one of the students and is now bringing them into her residence for menial chores as if nothing ever happened.
1,178 2016-02-05 08:19:14 (edited by njc 2016-02-05 08:20:09)
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Re: Acts/ Dictates/ Mandates/ Mantle - Amy's Thread
Huh? You lost me there. You're wiping out the duel and all the rest? You've got me scared, since I think that's a strong part. Flipping Anda to Tilly will lose some character material on Tilly and may make it harder for Anver to bond with Kat.
Hope things went OK at work.
1,179 2016-02-05 08:49:49
- amy s
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Re: Acts/ Dictates/ Mandates/ Mantle - Amy's Thread
No. Sorry if I was unclear. The first three chapters are reviving Kha. I'll have Anda be one of the lieutenants for these three chapters. Then start the fourth chapter with Anver stomping away from Alina's building, furious that Alina would dare to demand ANYTHING from Kha's school after (the first) duel where Andalaya got smeared. So chapter 4 has Tilly taking Andalaya's place and present for the (second) duel between Alina and Anver.
The rivalry with Kat is too good. I'm not going to threaten that.
Three names with A's. Whoosh. K's gonna have a field day.
Work went OK. They are doing a delaying tactics but plan to offer us contracts within the next three weeks or so. We'll see if that convinces anyone to stay.
1,180 2016-02-05 09:04:45 (edited by njc 2016-02-05 09:05:09)
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Re: Acts/ Dictates/ Mandates/ Mantle - Amy's Thread
Only thing is, Anda was Anver's tutor. Then Anver ends up her boss. Needs to be explained?
Don't worry about payback. I'll try to give you plenty of chances!
1,181 2016-02-05 10:30:29
- amy s
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Re: Acts/ Dictates/ Mandates/ Mantle - Amy's Thread
Andalaya and Anver were friends. She tutored him but I think she was younger and he advanced quicker. It shouldn't be a problem.
1,182 2016-02-05 12:58:17
- njc
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Re: Acts/ Dictates/ Mandates/ Mantle - Amy's Thread
If you actually have the event then, you may be overloading the villiany, never mind Anver. If you have him learn now, it would be a little less overwhelming.
... caught from some unhappy master whom unmerciful disaster followed fast and followed faster ...
1,183 2016-02-05 13:24:24 (edited by njc 2016-02-05 13:25:37)
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Re: Acts/ Dictates/ Mandates/ Mantle - Amy's Thread
Maybe one of the healers, seeing Anver faced with double-grief, took Anver aside the week before and told him that Anda was Alina's victim?
Remember, Kha tells Anver about the twins later. If Anda was intact when Kha went away to Earthwound he couldn't tell the story so cleanly.
1,184 2016-02-05 22:55:16
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Re: Acts/ Dictates/ Mandates/ Mantle - Amy's Thread
You'd also be changing the ensemble mid-stream. Sure, it can be done, but it's another hard thing to do, and if you don't do it very, very well it's also another task for the reader.
IMO YMMV
1,185 2016-02-06 01:38:55
- amy s
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Re: Acts/ Dictates/ Mandates/ Mantle - Amy's Thread
It is worth writing out so that you can decide based on the writing rather than the concept. I don't mind wasting a bit of time if it has the potential to improve the story.
1,186 2016-02-06 03:08:05
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Re: Acts/ Dictates/ Mandates/ Mantle - Amy's Thread
I'm concerned that you'll end up with Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom: A roller coaster ride that never stops and leaves the reader wrung out rather than nourished.
1,187 2016-02-06 04:16:21
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Re: Acts/ Dictates/ Mandates/ Mantle - Amy's Thread
But it is an icon for a brand of 'adventure' that consists of ever-faster motion, long before the approach to the climax. What Amy has is adventure with mystery. The reader needs time, not so much to solve the puzzle as to learn it well enough to understand the solution when it unrolls piece by piece.
1,188 2016-02-06 04:37:02 (edited by Norm d'Plume 2016-02-06 04:38:32)
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Re: Acts/ Dictates/ Mandates/ Mantle - Amy's Thread
Oh dear. I wrote my prologue as a roller coaster ride modeled after Raiders of the Lost Ark as a way to hook the reader.
1,190 2016-02-06 07:15:08
- AJ Reid
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Re: Acts/ Dictates/ Mandates/ Mantle - Amy's Thread
Norm d'Plume wrote:
Oh dear. I wrote my prologue as a roller coaster ride modeled after Raiders of the Lost Ark as a way to hook the reader.
You've done it well (apparently!) LOL
1,191 2016-02-06 09:17:03
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Re: Acts/ Dictates/ Mandates/ Mantle - Amy's Thread
Raiders is not Temple.
1,192 2016-02-06 10:22:29
- amy s
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Re: Acts/ Dictates/ Mandates/ Mantle - Amy's Thread
Truth. When the sentient skulls and the spaceship appeared, I debated asking for a refund.
1,193 2016-02-08 09:32:23
- njc
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Re: Acts/ Dictates/ Mandates/ Mantle - Amy's Thread
Amy, another place you could mention Anver's surname is in the Council with Geron, when Anver is offered the school.
1,195 2016-02-08 13:29:28
- amy s
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Re: Acts/ Dictates/ Mandates/ Mantle - Amy's Thread
Name is added in the correct points on my master copy.
1,196 2016-02-10 05:57:21
- amy s
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Re: Acts/ Dictates/ Mandates/ Mantle - Amy's Thread
I haven't forgotten, but the specific advice is handy to have closer to my current thoughts. I really believe that Acts needs to be separated into two. A consistent theme is that Acts starts moving around the duel. Before that, it is all introduction. I need to graph out chapters and see where I can fit in Alina as the initial villain, while pushing the necromancer/ Zyrtec/ the necromancer into the background and pull them out for the second book.
Thanks for the reminder, though. I could make the healing of Kha in a shadow book. That way, all the lieutenants (and Kha) see how Anver eliminated the curse. Hmmm. It would really work Anver's last nerve if his secrets got revealed. It would also add validity to the Chronomancer and his relay of events.
1,197 2016-02-10 05:58:19
- amy s
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Re: Acts/ Dictates/ Mandates/ Mantle - Amy's Thread
Trust me, NJC. I'll keep a master copy so that I can revert the text back to the beginning if my ideas don't work.
A
1,198 2016-02-10 06:15:36
- njc
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Re: Acts/ Dictates/ Mandates/ Mantle - Amy's Thread
I think putting the healing in the shadowbook would put too much in that particular trug.
1,199 2016-02-10 13:10:47
- amy s
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Re: Acts/ Dictates/ Mandates/ Mantle - Amy's Thread
Trust me. Let me explore this. What I have now has gone through multiple formats. I have a plan. We'll see if it survives contact with the enemy.
1,200 2016-02-11 03:47:35 (edited by Norm d'Plume 2016-02-11 05:05:07)
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Re: Acts/ Dictates/ Mandates/ Mantle - Amy's Thread
K. wrote:
Norm d'Plume wrote:I just bought Lord of the Rings for Kindle. It's probably been two decades since I last read it. A chance to read it from the perspective of a writer.
Are you near the end of chapter 3 yet?
I haven't even finished your book yet. Nevertheless, I managed to begin rereading LOTR. The film version of The Fellowship of the Ring was better than the book. One of my initial complaints about the book has always been that Gandalf goes off for years (nine?), taking his sweet time when he must have at least considered the true nature of the Ring.
To be honest I've read almost nothing for weeks. Two weeks in Canada and I still don't have a driver's license or supplemental health insurance for meds. My car insurance is probably going to cost a fortune because I haven't driven in years, and in Calgary it's a must.
My boxes have separated in UPS transit. One was incorrectly marked as a gift and was hit with a customs/brokerage charge of over $100, which I refuse to pay. The rest were marked correctly but have been stuck in Winnipeg for Lord knows why. The UPS store where everything was shipped from is trying to sort it out.
The weather is great, though. I'm walking outside without even a coat on.
However, worst of all, they speak with a weird accent up here. The only thing worse would be Australian. :-)
Relatively safe for work, unless you have an old stick up your butt:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=BRI-A3vakVg
