Acts/ Dictates/ Mandates/ Mantle - Amy's Thread (Page 30 of 77)

I like Lotyie more!

Haven't changed it but I will. FYI, there is a new chapter of Dictates up on the site. I'm now officially in new territory and am no longer doing rewrites of the old material. (Shivers) Gonna be fun, of its going to be a trial and a half. Here we go!

Hey, those bugs have to eat something! If not ants, then what? (Loved the name for the monster so I had to use it)

Fat behind. Them's fighting words…

Will reread this a few times and then see if I have the energy to rewrite or move on to the next chapter. I've got a section in my head with Alda. Great visual and intro to the sea life in the Catacombs…just have to find the time to write.

More later...

Why have the last three generations of women rejected one of the major marks of femininity, and grown techy about it, too?  Or have they grown techy because the can't escape what they're rejecting?

The word callipygian was invented for a reason!

OK, at the eleventh hour, I rewrote Brood to include more action and a death. Kenny and NJC, can you let me know what you think? Better? Worse?  All I need is one or two words in a rating. There isn't much time for me to fix anything before the deadline. 

I tell you all, I'm gonna buy a boatload of beer if I win this thing. You are all invited.

I was going to make Kenny's last words, "I love you but not as much as I love myself." I settled for blowing his face off. Think of it as fireworks in your honor.

Lady Kay is the author, so I plan to keep her. I haven't thought of a book title for Marsha yet that's better than Kimberly Rose and Jenna. What's Marsha's last name?

It takes much more though to get locked up alone for days and enjoying it!

OK, I am trying a different starting point with Kha and Airen in Mandates. (Where Kha enters the estate and Airen sees him for the first time)

Be brutal. If this starts the first book of the sequence, how is this for a first line, first paragraph, and first three paragraphs? (OK, four if you count the line at the end) I'm trying to stay in Kha's poetic style, stick the reader into a 'magical' world from the start, and have Kha's sarcastic humor shine through.

Any takers?

Fog still hung over the trees, thick enough to slice and slather over bread. The morning light might have a chance of burning it away, but that was going to be a battle worth watching. Kha turned away from the window and smiled to himself. Everything both beautiful and terrible could be described in terms of food. The blaze in the estate’s fireplace called to his bones. He wandered toward the heat. His magical staff leaned against the mantle. His cloak hung on the propped wood, steaming after a long night’s ride.

The Lord of this manor reclined on one of the overstuffed chairs, unintimidated by the lull in their conversation. The man was tall, with a relaxed demeanor that spoke of power. Since Lord Ganolin was human, Kha guessed his host at maybe thirty-five...or was it forty? He wore his house colors of black and green, with Airen’s embroidery stitched carefully onto his sleeves and collar. Serious wrinkles mixed with lines of laughter carved into his face. He was willing to meet Kha’s eyes with a steady gaze, unintimidated despite having a mage in this home.

Kha reached toward the fire to warm his hands. After more than a year of waiting, he heard Airen behind him, voice cold enough to put out this fire.

“Ganolin, my love, step away from our guest.”

Personally, I like it. It is definitely very poetic. The pace reminds me of Lord of the Rings, which didn't rush from hook to hook. Admittedly, the opening scenes (backstory) of the movie adaptation of The Fellowship of the Ring was an EPIC hook, after which the story assumed a more relaxed pace to introduce key characters and setting. It's the reason my chapter one is tension/action. It gives some backstory and characters relevant to Joseph and Apollo, and then allows me to take a breather in chapter two and introduce the MCs. FYI, Admiral Windsor will probably end up in Joseph's head in the next draft, so there's the continuity you were asking for.

My favorite opening to your books would still be something like "Master Kha was dying and he knew it." Then give some backstory from his POV that explains at least a little of what happened (the more tension/action, the better, IMO). Then take us forward into the story.

I travel to Chicago today for two days to think, talk, and learn about writing! My goal is to finish the next chapter of Dictates, watch a marathon of Season 2 Game of Thrones, sleep somewhere, eat a steak, take a two hour bath, and catch up on 100% of my reviews...

Optimistic, I realize, but some of that is going to happen. Woohoo!