WIP Rhiannon the Nude, Vol 2: New Fairy by Rhiannon (Page 2 of 5)

I imply that the Western Tribes don't really cotton to sorcery, so I'll explain it.  Dragons may be jealous of horses (they both provide elfins with rides), but no hostility as far as I know (I'll ask Rhiannon the next time she narrates to me.)  But maybe Yttrbr mother had a bad experience with one. lol

CJ:  Took me a moment, but right.  Drop the reference to Lido when Rosalyn encounters him.  And you did realize that the Goblin Ice was referring to the bolts.  What is is, of course, is not exactly clear, and I don't go into it at all until actually a chapter or two later, but I thought it was sufficient to give it a greenish glow, suggest it has goblin origins, and the suspiciously endowed Heather go, "Goblin Ice.  Cool."  That clues the reader into it being a supernaturally strong element.  The 'they' is why you know it was the bolts.  Besides, in context, it's to hold Lido's massive weight.  His description is based on some of the largest pre-historic animals on Earth.  The wingspan is from the biggest flying dinosaur, the tonnage is likewise from terrestrial animals.  All this to be consisent with the offworlder's "scientific" explanations for what the heck goes on in New Fairy.  That is more dealt with in the first book, but we get enough of it here to see their cultural point of view--the idea that fairy brains have some kind of subspatial property that allows them to interface with "subspace interference patterns" (shamelessly borrowed from Star Trek, although the notion of subspace as an alternative to hyperspace predates Star Trek. Cordwainer Smith and James Schmitz used it to name but two.)  The real explanation, as the reader gets clued into, is that yes, this is sorcery, yes, it is supernatural, yes, the laws of nature are trumped here (although in ways constrained by Welsh mythology and my own rules).

And thanks for kudos on Lido's description.  I suppose I should backtrack and put it in earlier.

I wonder how many people catch the really oblique and subtle reference to how Catherine the Great died.  ::wink::

Yeah, I can't get the Catherine the Great image out of my mind either, but itis  probably apocryphal.  She did have lovers, which was scandalous in a high born lady, so she attracts the same critics who think Beyonce is slutty (not that there is any comparison other than that).  She is one of my inspirations for Rhiannon, although Rhiannon handles some situations better than Catherine did, and isn't as disillusioned when peasants and workers act like, well, peasants and workers.  Digging deep is a good way to make your reading both more entertaining and educational for you.  (Educational isn't the right word, but as you look for levels, you get more insights.)  Makes you a better reviewer too and your comments worth waiting for.  One example of that is your point about making the reader think about scale.  Important, especially in fantasy, where people want it large scale, and esp. when describing dragons.  Dragons are supposed to be big, even if they shoot the curl with atrocious taste in shorts.

That was me that asked. I'm sure I would have remembered if I was reading it straight through. Chalk it up to the perils of reviewing multiple novels at a time.

I've never noticed that. You're a fine reviewer.  I just don't always agree with what you say, but I noticed even when I don't, I end up making what I consider positive changes, so you make me think.

Rachel:

I'm glad my comments were useful. Sword and sorcery is not my first choice of reading and I haven't read so much of it (I recently read Fritz Leiber's Swords and Deviltry and Swords Against Death because of you, but that doesn't make me an expert on the genre), so, sometimes, I'm afraid I might be advising against the genre standards and cannon.

By the way, Ioseff has a strong point when he asks his wife to be accepted within the privy council: he claims she's the leader of the Witches' Guild, or some confederacy of the sort. So, rather than suggesting her wife's name only because she's somebody who can be trusted, he suggests her because she can be a powerful ally, AND somebody trusted. My point is, I fancy trust cannot be the sole decision-making criteria. I read between your comments' lines that it's important Rosalyn is appointed. My guess is she will contrast Heather who, in the end, will show is not trustworthy as it is evident she has her own agenda.

I also fancy that the peeing thing is because Zusana is marking her territory as wolves, dogs, cats, and other mammalians do. However, the images results too gross. Either you explain she's marking her territory (if that's actually the case) or else the image loses all its punch.  Again, those into the genre may be familiar with the fact, in which case there'd be no need to clarify anything assuming 95% of the readers will get the idea--no clarifications are requiered for the 5% left. That said, and even if the fact is well known to the readers familiar to the genre, I'd recommend Zusana to perform some other  "gesture". Moreover in conjunction with her afterwards comments about visiting the loo to defecate. The combination of both is either totally goofy--belittling Zusana's character--or absolutely gross belittling Rhiannon's character and even the council itself.

Okay, the thoughts of somebody who has read little within the genre, so I might be absolutely wrong. Like tequila, drink my comments with a grain of salt.

Kiss,

Gacela

Adde a section in the chapter "Queen Branwen," inspired by Suin's review.  It shows how R & B first met, a little about their relationship, and shows R's relationship with her father.  We see more of his pre-madness state.  No points, as it is officially a re-edit, but if you have already read the chapter, would appreciate a re-read; if you haven't yet, I'd appreciate comments on that flashback section (set off by "***").  Thanks in advance.

John just did a very helpful review of my chapter, in "The Princess and the Offworlder" entitled "I Am Going Home."  He wanted more bird attack action.  This leads me to a request--I have battle scenes in "Cursed to Nakedness," as well.  Appreciate any help on them.  What needs to be done, strategically, or in terms of gore.  Thanks in advance.

Gosh.  I just realized I'm writing a trilogy.  I've always wanted to write a trilogy, but never thought it would happen.  You're witnessing the birth of a trilogy.  It started with the re-booting of the original Rhiannon series, which like classic re-boots (Superman, Smallville, etc.  Superman was the first of this kind), rearranged and re-vamped familiar iconography from the original series  And it was funny how that happened.  I was writing the story from Jeb's perspective (poor guy needs a novel of his own, but haven't been successful yet.  Any ideas?), needed some backstory--200 pages later, I realized the backstory was the story.)  So "The Fairy Princess:  Cursed to Nakedness was born. It is now over 500 pages long, and in two parts.  The parts could be separate novels, but they are unified by the quest-plot. In this regard, I cite Suin's comments as helping me with an end.  My endings tend to suck--I guess I dont want the story to end.  But in asking me to go into Rhi's relationship with Branwen, I ended up going into her relationship with her father, with her reminescence about Branwen as an gangplank to that. Heveydd is now a major minor character, and not just an object of comic relief (original series) or pity (Re-boot).  A scene with her father made for a logical conclusion to CtN.  So thank you, Suin!  *Everyone* (too lazy to make italics) thought the story started in the middle--as is fine, as you are supposed to start stories in the middle.  I read one example in a "How to Write Good" book where a man wakes up to find his wife is a robot.  The instructor said, "fine, now write the backstory--that's the real story."  So you guys inspired me to write "The Fairy Princess and the Offworlder."  (The term offworlder is original with me; they now use it on Supergirl to describe the alien population as the Earth is the galaxy's refugee camp, but I can prove I was using it years before the series )  Again, a not so great ending, although the last scene dovetails with a scene in CtN--in fact, is the same scene from Rhiannon's POV.  And some of you have been wondering about the witch that cursed Rhiannon to nakedness  Some have even suggested it's Heather.  That has inspired a sequel, the first draft of which was put together yesterday.  Even though not posted, Suin's inspiration on Rhiannon & Branwen made me have to revise the whole ending, and in doing so, I realized I did a fine job of writing a mystery--for I had forgotten 'Whodunnit' and was surprised my self.  Although all the clues were there, the misdirection led me, the first reader of my own stuff, down a different avenue.  Although ready for review and posting, I won't do so until at least one of you has reached the end of CtN, as it would be a big spoiler to one of the subplots to read it.  Again, thanks for all your help.  A trilogy?  Wow.  And I owe it to you guys.  You're the best!

In terms of explaining how a battle works, and the different activities each person takes care of, as well as how each character perceives the battle itself, I'd suggest you to check Ivanhoe's narration of the siege of the Castle of Torquilstone.

Kiss,

Gacela

The page depends on the edition, but check around chapter XXVIII. Those chapters narrate the battle.