Re: The Colorless Dragon Thread

Sorry for being MIA recently, but it looks like the method of pulling bare-bones chapters from my expanded outline is actually working. Yay! Nothing is finished enough to post here, but I'm hoping I can actually finish the story this time. Then I can let my perfectionist nature run free on editing. I'm just crossing my fingers that my hands will actually let me write and type without taking medication ('cause for some reason, my stories just aren't as good while I'm medicated tongue).

Again, sorry for the lack of reviews. Hope y'all are doing great!

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No apologies needed, but the update is most welcome.  I've had other things on my hands, too.

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bzzt!

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Eek! I've been buzzed. I'm writing, I promise! Just not anything that's finished enough to post here. smile

305 (edited by E. Free 2017-05-02 19:47:40)

Re: The Colorless Dragon Thread

Modified my summary so it's a bit closer to my new plot. It's probably too long and too wordy, but I think it's better than my last one. smile

"The small country of Truacia has truly never seen darker days. The royal family is gone, murdered fourteen long years ago, and the cruel Chaedoran Empire has taken over. Still, the people rebel, branded as scofflaws and hunted down. Those captured are executed or sold into slavery and those that run free must remain wary not only of the Empire’s hunters, but also the wild dragons wreaking havoc upon the land. It is in the midst of this conflict that four young souls find their fates intertwined.

Fifteen cycles young, twins Maya and Vierra live peacefully in the city of Viyebar, until the day Maya is accused of stealing from the Empress herself. Using every resource available to save her sister, Vierra delves into a world of secrets her enemies would much rather keep buried.

Their family gone and their memories fragmented, dragon hatchlings Noi and Dea must learn to survive in a world completely unfamiliar to them. Threats lay around every bend and each step they take only brings them closer to the two-legged beasts that wish for their extinction."

The last few words are really bugging me. I want it to be something grand like "extinction of the dragon race", but it sounds better when it's more personal like, "murdered their family/mother/etc." Grrr... hate it when I get stuck on a certain sentence.

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mmm 15 yrs old and murder was 14 years ago. I see what you did there smile

Re: The Colorless Dragon Thread

Go for lofty. Gives it an epic feel, assuming you want that. How do the four interact/relate? There's no obvious connection.
Typo - lay should be lie in 2nd to last paragraph.

Re: The Colorless Dragon Thread

Kdot wrote:

mmm 15 yrs old and murder was 14 years ago. I see what you did there smile

Shhh... wink

I can't figure out how to summarize their connection without giving things away. Girls and dragons don't meet until the 1/3 and 2/3 marks, and their true connection isn't discovered until the end. I am sorely tempted to add a concluding sentence at the end of the summary. Something along the lines of "despite their different paths, only by working together will Truacia be restored", but I feel like the summary is too long already.

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this summary... it's marketing text eventually destinedfor mass market? Or only for use during the search for a publisher?

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The dragons and the girls are both marked for extinction, and they will discover their fates bound?

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For now, it's just for tNBW, but I'm hoping it'll eventually be destined for mass market. smile

'Marked for extinction' sounds interesting. I'll play with it a bit.

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You could also say that their fates were entwined before they were born ... and add something about ways they could never have imagined.  That gives away everything and nothing.

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The single line at the end doesn't fit with the other summary. The dragon bit is kind of pasted on, not giving any context or understanding as to how two completely separate stories come together.

FYI, you aren't blowing the plot by saying that the dragons and girls meet up. It is the writing rather than the intro that makes that moment satisfying, So consider....

"The small country of Truacia has truly never seen darker days. The royal family is gone, murdered fourteen long years ago,

(mis-stated. Aren't the twins royalty?)

and the cruel Chaedoran Empire has taken over. Still, the people rebel, branded as scofflaws and hunted down. Those captured are executed or sold into slavery and those that run free must remain wary not only of the Empire’s hunters, but also the wild dragons wreaking havoc upon the land. It is in the midst of this conflict that four young souls find their fates intertwined.

This is where you need a combining sentence for the dragons and the humans. Ex: Sibling dragons and two girls live separate lives until Maya is accused of stealing from the Empress herself. Her sister, Vierra,

delves into a world of secrets her enemies would much rather keep buried. (WHILE) dragon hatchlings Noi and Dea must learn to survive in a world completely unfamiliar to them. Threats lay around every bend and each step they take only brings them closer to the two-legged beasts that wish for their extinction."

I think the simple addition of a few words makes this much more cohesive.

A

Re: The Colorless Dragon Thread

Good point, Amy. I think I'll return to the summary once I finish the first draft and see if I can make it more cohesive and (hopefully) a bit shorter. The mis-statement for the royal family is on purpose. Everyone thinks the family is gone, even the rebels.

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You can't mislead the reader in a blurb. You don't have to say that the twins are royalty, but you can't indicate the royal family is gone and then bring them back. It's a continuity thing.

316 (edited by E. Free 2017-05-05 21:02:35)

Re: The Colorless Dragon Thread

Maybe I'll phrase it different, then. If we want to be technical about it, they are "gone" from their seat of power, but I see your point. I could say the royal bloodline was diminished, or something along those lines?

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Not gone, then.  Lost.

Re: The Colorless Dragon Thread

Ah! Thank you. That fits so much better.

319 (edited by E. Free 2017-05-11 22:15:25)

Re: The Colorless Dragon Thread

I've been working on getting my chapters sorted properly since I revised the plot and outline. Chapter 7 is done and up, re-posted so y'all can get some points. It's a combination of my previous "A Change of Fate" and "The Auctions". The dialogue between Maya and Merrin has been completely re-done, but the rest of it has only endured minor revisions like changing Madame to Madame Nightsend and changing the elf's gender. I'm hoping I'll be able to get one of my newer chapters up soon, as well... after I do a bucketload of reviews, of course. smile

Re: The Colorless Dragon Thread

Alright. An entirely new chapter six is almost complete, after which I will be working on eight, eleven, or twelve, depending on which PoV I'm in the mood for (yes, I know my writing is beyond chaotic). I'll try to get some reviews done in the next few days, between my summer projects and a job change. Any specific requests?

Re: The Colorless Dragon Thread

Chapter 6, "Lost and Found", is up! 2k words and only 1 character. Hopefully it works. smile

Re: The Colorless Dragon Thread

Sorry for being so darn slow. Had my wisdom teeth pulled and right after that, I changed jobs. Major learning curve and we're shorthanded, so my days at the office are far too long. Then my family's motorhome decided to grow mold in the walls and we've been tearing it apart every weekend, hoping to have it finished by the time our planned vacation comes around. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to write every day and when I do, it's only 100-300 words at a time. sad

Dea has hijacked my muse, so I've been slowly working on her next chapter (#8). I have to convincingly portray a battle between an insane dragon and a human from the PoV of a dragon hatchling with fragmented knowledge on both dragons and humans. Also, there's magic involved. I'm not the greatest at action scenes, so I've got my work cut out for me. Crossing my fingers that I can get it figured out this week and fully written in the next week or two.

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Get it in type amd we' review it.  (Nyar-har-har harhar)

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Get it in print and learn from the reviews. Writing action is different from the dialogue and description you've been doing so far. Stay in the moment. Don't let the action get bogged down with detail or past actions. K, can you put up the mental K W a N scene where she is in two other heads at the same time during a stressful moment?

Credit where it is due. K does really good action. He kills off way too many characters for no reason, but that is a topic for another day.

A

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amy s wrote:

K, can you put up the mental K W a N scene where she is in two other heads at the same time during a stressful moment?

Unfortunately it's long been expunged from here and can't repost or people will ignore the messages "do not review" and review it anyway and I hate wasting people's time.

I copied a backup to:
https://www.arshistoria.com/content?vie … &id=30