Re: Satan's Last Stand (the Connor series) - Dirk B.

Thanks. No Dexter up here either. I'll start with what I've got. Worst case, I can always buy a few DVDs of CSI or Criminal Minds. Surprisingly pricey up here. Obviously, the distributors still make too much off DVDs to bother with streaming. There are similar shows on Netflix, though, so I'll plow my way through them first.

Re: Satan's Last Stand (the Connor series) - Dirk B.

Just found Inside the Mind of a Serial Killer on Netflix. The killings take place in Australia. Queen Aussie lives! Just when I had decided to punt her from Galaxy Tales.

178

Re: Satan's Last Stand (the Connor series) - Dirk B.

Norm d'Plume wrote:

Can someone please tell me why there is a comma in the following sentence: T i a thought they might have more landing areas closer to the centre, but couldn’t make any out. I lifted that sentence from Kdot, so I assume it's correct, but I can't find any online rules about this one.

Thanks
Dirk


Conjunction Junction, what's your function? And, but, and or are conjunctions. Since there would be a comma if that sentence contained 'and', it is appropriate to apply a comma before 'but'.

I think I knew an answer. I may faint.

Re: Satan's Last Stand (the Connor series) - Dirk B.

Bzzt! The second clause is dependent, so I'm not used to seeing it written with a comma, regardless of whichever conjunction you use.

180

Re: Satan's Last Stand (the Connor series) - Dirk B.

hah... don't assume it's correct if it's in a first draft. I just sprinkle commas like confetti

181 (edited by njc 2018-06-02 10:54:41)

Re: Satan's Last Stand (the Connor series) - Dirk B.

I wouldn't place a comma there, no matter what the fughazi stylebooks change.  See my lecture over in Premium.

182 (edited by Dirk B. 2018-06-02 12:46:13)

Re: Satan's Last Stand (the Connor series) - Dirk B.

I ran this through Grammarly and ProWritingAid, and they had no objections: Tia thought, they might have more, landing areas, closer to, the center, but couldn’t, make any out.

Re: Satan's Last Stand (the Connor series) - Dirk B.

njc wrote:

I wouldn't place a comma there, no matter what the fughazi stylebooks change.  See my lecture over in Premium.

Your lecture was mind-bending. I couldn't follow it. I'll just assume you're correct. Kdot, shame on you for generating so much palace comma intrigue.

Re: Satan's Last Stand (the Connor series) - Dirk B.

But then we have this from a grammar website: A DEPENDENT CLAUSE ALSO HAS A SUBJECT AND A VERB, BUT
LACKS INFORMATION NECESSARY TO CONVEY A COMPLETE IDEA.
Note the comma and the word 'but' in the above sentence. The coordinating conjunction 'but' is used with a dependent clause, all preceded by a comma. This usage matches what Kdot did.

185

Re: Satan's Last Stand (the Connor series) - Dirk B.

My comma separates two thoughts. My teachers always said (Paraphrased) "toss in a comma if you want the reader to pause, even if there wouldn't normally be a comma".

Not even a full sentence and I added a comma wrote:

John! John, the woods man. John felled the tree.

That said, I would normally strike out that comma in a revision

186

Re: Satan's Last Stand (the Connor series) - Dirk B.

Dirk B. wrote:
njc wrote:

I wouldn't place a comma there, no matter what the fughazi stylebooks change.  See my lecture over in Premium.

Your lecture was mind-bending. I couldn't follow it. I'll just assume you're correct. Kdot, shame on you for generating so much palace comma intrigue.

Mind-bending, or mind-un-bending?

Re: Satan's Last Stand (the Connor series) - Dirk B.

Kdot wrote:

My comma separates two thoughts. My teachers always said (Paraphrased) "toss in a comma if you want the reader to pause, even if there wouldn't normally be a comma".
That said, I would normally strike out that comma in a revision

My teacher always said, "Toss in a comma until Seabrass flags it as an error."

Re: Satan's Last Stand (the Connor series) - Dirk B.

Well, I'll be damnare! Amazon Canada has finally added video and music to its prime membership. It includes the latest seasons of CSI. I was hoping for the early seasons with the original characters, but it's a start. I have 30 days to cancel, so we'll see what else they've got. No Law & Order or Big Bang Theory, so those are strikes.

Re: Satan's Last Stand (the Connor series) - Dirk B.

Kill me now. Countless hours of boring crime/investigative shows and only four pages of notes to show for it.

190

Re: Satan's Last Stand (the Connor series) - Dirk B.

Try Numbers or Medium

191 (edited by Dirk B. 2018-06-07 04:15:30)

Re: Satan's Last Stand (the Connor series) - Dirk B.

I decided to take a break from investigative/CSI research and watch an action film recommended by Netflix. I've already forgotten the title, but it starred Angelina Jolie, Morgan Freeman, and James McAvoy. You'd think with that cast, I would be entertained, but no dice. I turned it off after an hour. I don't remember the last time I saw an action movie that I enjoyed. Maybe the early Terminator films. I binge watched 13 Reasons about bullying and teen suicide. They're out with a second season. Boy that is hard to watch. I had to watch episodes of Friends in between episodes of 13 Reasons because it's so dark. I would not recommend it for young teens, even though they would benefit from a lot of it. There are other ways to talk to kids about bullying and sex than that show.

192 (edited by Dirk B. 2018-06-13 17:53:20)

Re: Satan's Last Stand (the Connor series) - Dirk B.

Language question. The Lord of the Earth is partially set in Rome and includes numerous Italians. Even Constantino ("Connor") De Luca is Italian. I'm debating how best to handle the language spoken throughout the story. Technically most of it should be in Italian, although I'm naturally writing the whole thing in English (except for the names of Italian people, places, and things). However, I want to avoid having to constantly repeat that people are speaking in Italian. The best option I can think of is to slip in the name of the spoken language only when it changes. New characters entering a scene would be expected to speak whatever language I last referenced. Some people in the Holy Land may speak English, so there may be a little back and forth there.

Edit: Basically what this means is that I say once, in the first scene, that they're speaking Italian, and then I don't name the language again until they start speaking English in act two in the Holy Land. There will be a few phone conversations between Father Romano, who accompanies Connor to the Middle East, and a cardinal in Rome. Those will be in Italian, but I doubt I'll mention it.

Thoughts?

Re: Satan's Last Stand (the Connor series) - Dirk B.

Character names:

Those keeping up with this thread know that my main character in the new trilogy will be Connor, which I decided is short for Constantino, a common Italian name.

Connor has an uncle who works in the Vatican police, the Gendarmerie. His name is Michelangelo, but he goes by Angelo, which is also a common Italian first name.

The names are tributes to the two characters in the vampire TV series, who inspired the trilogy. I bet most people won't even make the connection.

Thoughts?

194

Re: Satan's Last Stand (the Connor series) - Dirk B.

re: Language: I don't think a ton of reminders are needed as long as you catch the cultural differences succinctly (eg which side of the car does passenger debark on? How does tipping work? The weird don't touch the fruits rule). I think the cultural bits will be far more difficult than language

Re: Satan's Last Stand (the Connor series) - Dirk B.

There will also be a cab driver named Leonardo. :-)

196 (edited by Dirk B. 2018-06-22 23:06:47)

Re: Satan's Last Stand (the Connor series) - Dirk B.

Naming contest. Father Gregory Fernando was Spanish in my short story. In the trilogy, him being Spanish serves no purpose, so I intend to make him Italian, with a first name of Gregorio. I've looked at common Italian surnames and have whittled it down to these:

Romano
Rivera
Gallo
Costa

I like Romano best, but a substantial part of the story is set in Rome, so it's not very creative. Rivera is Italian, but its origin is Spanish.

Suggestions?

197

Re: Satan's Last Stand (the Connor series) - Dirk B.

Rivera

Re: Satan's Last Stand (the Connor series) - Dirk B.

In about a week, I should have enough detail to write my first scene involving Connor and my first murder of a bishop or cardinal. Each will be a separate scene, published onsite as individual chapters to keep them small, the same way Seabrass is doing with Maiden. I'll combine them later into book chapters that will be two or three scenes each.

I'm just finishing a book on FBI profiling of serial killers, then I can identify the number of scenes and flesh out parts of the outline.

So close!

Re: Satan's Last Stand (the Connor series) - Dirk B.

Still not sold on Rivera as the priest's name. Odds are I'll go with Romano. Screw the lack of creativity. I like the name.

Re: Satan's Last Stand (the Connor series) - Dirk B.

The murder of bishops and cardinals presents a minor problem. Each clergyman will be scourged and then nailed to a residence wall in the standard crucifix pose, with nails through the wrists and feet, stripped of clothes, and wearing a crown of thorns. The killer can gag the victim to avoid screams from being heard in neighboring apartments or by people in the hallways. However, hammering of large nails is going to be noisy. I can't allow the murder to be interrupted by someone investigating the noise. Since these are supernatural killings, I was thinking of relying on the supernatural aspect to avoid the noise of the hammering. In other words, the nails are driven through noiselessly.

Thoughts?