Requesting Encouragement for an Old-Timer

I first started posting my short stories here in 2010. I am bipolar, and I write when I have manic episodes. I am on some REALLY good drugs now and no longer have manic episodes... so I don't write. A painful compromise. I have not written a short story since 2019.

In my facebook feed, an old note came up from 8 years ago about publishing my stories. And I thought: Hey! Why Not! And I am starting the process. And so of course, the first step is to get them edited and critiqued. Well! There is ***nothing on this planet*** that I hate more than being critiqued. Of course, you're saying. Why be on TNBW if you can't handle critique? Good point. I have submitted every one of my stories here, and "dealt" with the feedback. I always hated it. But it was a way to get my stories read, and that made it worthwhile.

At any rate, I am coming to you for encouragement. I need to go find my stories, read them and fix some of the things I was told to do on TNBW umpteen years ago, so that I can submit them.

I'm sure this makes no sense. I do not like reading my stories. Certainly not with a critical eye. Not with the attitude of "lets see what's wrong with it". And maybe its partly because I have no Muse (I'm not in manic phase), so I don't have any creative juice to bring to the table. When I say "I can't write without my Muse", that's an understatement. I've tried it. What came out was pure crap. At any rate, I'm scared shitless, and really, really, really don't want to work on my stories. Is there anyone else out there who has felt this way? And if so, how did you break through?