Chapter One - The End

Chapter One - The End

 Anonymous reviewer ABC: Dear Miss Author Lady, I really like the concept of this story, but I was wondering why I have to go through the bother of reading all 102,354 words you so painstakingly written over the last four months.  If you could just add all of the important element to this chapter, I wouldn't have to work so hard to enjoy your story.  You did a really wonderful job otherwise ~ A

Author Lady squinted at her computer screen and read the endless drivel again. "What the @&^%?," She growled at the computer and her mixed German Shepherd ran from the room in fear.  "What is the matter with these people?  Why do they want the whole goddamned story in the first @&^%ing chapter?  Fine, if that is what the masses want that is what they will get!  This Author Lady just ain't gonnna give a shit anymore if the story has mystery, and intrigue, and tension, and suspense.  I'll give them all the @&^%ing facts and the character development be damned.  I won't show them a stupid scene either, I just tell the stupid story.  That'll teach them."

Author Lady pulled her chair closer to the computer and cracked her knuckles.  She'd get this bad boy written in the next hour and still be able to have the kitchen clean when her ever so understanding husband got home from work.  It's so nice that he doesn't complain when I spend more time with my characters than I do with him, she thought.  Shaking her head to clear her thoughts and looked at the blinking courser on a white screen.  Goddamn it!  I need a name to begin with. Clenching her hands into fists, she reaches for the baby naming book, the one her mother was happy to see Author had purchased, until Mother realized it was to name more characters and not grandchildren.  @&^% it, they don't need special names!  It's not like I am going to be spending the next four or five months with them.  I'll just use what ever name pops into my head first. Taking a deep breath and closing her eyes, Author Lady begins to tap at the keys of her keyboard.

~~~

Through It All - A love story about a widowed woman and man who grew up as an orphan.

That sounds like a nice premise.  Should I think of a what if?  Naw, too much work.  No one will appreciate the effort anyway.

Diana Renee St. James, is a twenty-seven year old, closet romance writer, born in Madison Wisconsin on January 15, 1980, to Richard Mark St. James, born on March 12, 1950, and Paula Jane Matthews, born on August 28, 1955. Paula changed her last name to St. James when she married Richard on November 30, 1975.  Diana had one younger brother, William Andrew St. James, born on June 3, 1984 and one older sister, Anna Fay St. James born on April 27, 1978.  Her relationship with William was rocky at best.  Diana found him to be a pest and he always ruined everything in her life.  Anna made Diana's life a living hell by stealing her boyfriends and making Diana feel like she was less than human. 

Diana always wanted to be a writer, but her parents wanted her to marry and start a family.  So on June 10, 2000, she married Michael Patrick Edwards (after a brief courtship not worth even creating).  Diana changed her last name to her husbands, so now her name is Diana Renee Edwards.  Diana gave birth to two children, Debra Marie Edwards on September 21, 2001 and Michael Patrick Edwards, Junior on October 9, 2003.  Michael was a good husband and father. He worked at his father's, George Robert Edwards, born on December 15, 1948, restaurant as the head chef.  Diana is lucky, because Michael's mother, Emily Rose Edwards, born on July 12, 1952 an Emily Rose Berk, is willing to take the kids two afternoons a week.  During one of these afternoons, Michael sneaks home to bang his wife and gets into a fatal car crash on his way back to work, leaving Diana's life in shambles.  All the usual emotions go into losing a loved one so close (Should be shown in the most overdramatic way possible.)

Setting the stage for the mysterious Donald Eric Rodes, who was born on May 22, 1976.  (Who is not really mysterious at all, because I am going to tell all of you about him now!)  He had a rough child hood. He never knew either of his parents and couldn't tell anyone what day they were born on.  He was transferred from foster home to foster home, never really learning how to love anyone.  Donald's car breaks down on a rainy and cold night in the middle of November - wait for it - right in front of Diana's house.  Of course he will have the convenient dead cell phone and no charger in the car, so he has to trudge through the rain to make a phone call to his best friend, Morgan Alexander Wilks, born on April 23, 1974 - who is really a bad guy - to come pick him up and get his car towed.  Both men take notice of Diana, because after all she is the most beautiful woman they have ever seen and she has sad eyes.  Poor Donald doesn't know how to love, so he resists the urge to ask her out and the sound of a crying child totally puts him off (The author will only let one of the little brats cry, that why Donald doesn't run screaming from the house.)  And no, Donald doesn't have a job, he just amasses all the money he needs to live life until Author Lady can figure out what he does for a living.  (Which will have to be something where he can still make money while he has to do all kinds of things that just happen to put him near Diana and him in the position of helping her. A hit man of some kind might work well)

Miraculously, it will be found out that Morgan is owed money by Diana's brother and William has not been paying his debt.  Donald will find out about this and offer to pay off the debt so that Diana is not hurt when Morgan goes to collect payment.  Of course, Morgan will refuse payment, just to ratchet up the tension.  They kids will be dropped off with George and Emily so the lazy writer doesn't have to worry about hurting the children while Donald and Diana go on a mad dash to save her brother and fall in love.  (Serious emotional issues will have to cause grand stupidity on the parts of both characters - again to up the tension and suspense)

Now Donald will have been noble and denied himself sex with Diana until the most inappropriate moment when they just rip each other's clothes off and go at it like animals.

Donald has had sex and most of Diana's and Donald's emotional issues have been worked out, they find Morgan, who ends up getting dead (Brutal, gratuitous violence probably won't fit the main genre, so the author will settle to lodge a bullet in his ugly skull), because the bad guy always has to die in the end. 

William learns his lesson.  Diana and Donald make a stop at the nearest hotel for some last minute sex before Diana goes to pick up the kids.  Donald leaves her and both will try to get back to a normal life.  Donald will figure out that he does know how to love and makes a grand entrance back into Diana's life.  His mysterious way of making money - because the author still hasn't worked out what he does for a living yet - enables Diana to finish that romance she was writing.  They make tons of money from the royalties on her first novel and they live happily ever after.

THE END

Note to Editor: If any critical information was left out, it is not the authors fault.  It was not included for the express purpose of the author being lazy and not wanting to put forth the effort of making up more of the story.

Character side note:  Whatever you think they look like is correct.  Why should I inhabit the readers imagination with my silly descriptions of what a character looks like when what your picture is not the picture in my head?   So don't ask for character description, you ain't getting it.

~~~

Author Lady smirks as she types the last words and posts it on her writing workshop site.  She pushes back from her computer desk and goes to clean the kitchen.  Her husband will be happy to get a clean room - one he didn't have to do himself - and a hot meal.  Who knows, he might even get lucky.

After spending some much needed time with her husband, Author Lady goes to check her email and the reviews for her latest post.

Author Lady squinted at her computer screen and began to bang her head off of the desk.  Her husband rushes in to find out why his wife has gone mental again.  He looks up at the screen to read:

Anonymous reviewer ABC: Dear Miss Author Lady, I am not sure I understand the concept of this story.  You laid out all the facts, but your characters are lifeless.  I couldn't get myself attached to them and I found myself not wanting to read passed the first paragraph.  Maybe if you fleshed this out into a full length novel, I would enjoy it better, but as it sits, I just don't care what happens to the characters and your plot is rather weak.  Sorry to be so brutal, but I was expecting something with a little more depth and tension and intrigue from you. ~ A

© Copyright 2007 m_e_s

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