At Last

At Last

      Callie Montgomery wasn't looking for a summer romance- in fact, she wasn't looking for any romance at all.  Married at eighteen, a mother at nineteen, divorced at twenty, Callie had learned the hard way that she was better off alone.  She'd fallen in love once, and once was enough for her.

            Granted, her thirtieth birthday was just around the corner, and even her daughter, Olivia, was tired of seeing her alone, but as Callie looked around the small store she owned, Harbour's Bath and Body, she thought of all the couples she knew and just couldn't convince herself that she needed a man in her life.

            She wasn't going to settle, and she knew what it felt like to love somebody with so much of herself that there wasn't room left for anything else.  When Dex had disappeared without an excuse, it had left her so broken that even now, ten years later, it felt as if there were still parts of herself missing- and she wouldn't make that mistake of losing control again.

            Bracing her elbow against the counter, Callie dropped her chin into her hand, and stared out the window at the same small town she'd lived in all of her life.  A quarter of a mile from the Atlantic Ocean, Burns Harbour was content with the small tourist trade it attracted each season and never aspired to anything greater.  Less than ten thousand stayed year round, and that was fine with Callie.  She loved the weathered boards of the wooden sidewalks and the clean white fronts of the stores on Main Street.  She loved the small market next door to her shop that had been run by the same couple for as long as anyone in town could remember and that she could run across the street to the ice cream shop without locking her doors, knowing that no one would bother anything.  She loved that Olivia was as comfortable working in the shop as Callie was herself, and that the town proper was only a five minute walk from the school. 

            She watched a seagull dive for something on the sidewalk in front of the store's picture window, and sighed.  OK, so maybe she was lonely. It didn't mean that she needed a man in her life, it meant that she was lonely.  Olivia was the best company in the world, and she was more proud of her daughter than she could have ever thought possible, and being lonely  didn't negate the fact that she was happy. 

            Tapping her fingers on her mouth, Callie stole a quick glance at her watch while keeping an eye on the door.  The first day of school was always as exciting as it was long, and she always ended up counting the minutes before the end of the day.  Suddenly, the door burst open and Olivia ran through, her long black hair flying out behind her like a cape.  Olivia was a tiny version of Callie- with the same black hair, blue eyes, slightly upturned nose, but where Callie hovered on the pixie size, Olivia had gotten her father's height. One day soon Callie would have to look up at her daughter.  "Momma! Guess what?!?"

            Callie caught her on the fly, and squeezed her tight. "Livvie, baby. How was school?"

            "Momma!"  Olivia waved an envelope in her mother's face.  "Dad's coming back!"

            It took her a moment before she reacted, but then, even though she tried, Callie knew that she couldn't be excited enough to keep her daughter's enthusiasm flying.  Sure enough, Livvie took one look at her face, and pushed away from her.  Her face went from radiant to mutinous in a heartbeat and it hurt Callie to see it.

            She shook her head. "What? Livvie, what? Your dad's coming back? When?"

            Dex had walked out on them a month after Olivia's first birthday, and though he stayed in contact with his daughter, he hadn't been back to Burns Harbour since.  She wasn't sure how he managed to be such a good father from wherever in the world he was- she never asked Olivia, and Livvie never told- but  her daughter was absolutely crazy about him.  He always bought her exactly what she wanted for her birthday and Christmas, and whenever she and Callie clashed over something,  Dex always seemed to help it make sense in Livvie's head.  Callie appreciated it nearly as much as she resented it.  Dex had walked out on them and she didn't think he had the right to try to be a father long distance.  But her daughter worshipped him and she loved her enough to not complain about their relationship- even if it hurt that her daughter's absent father could get through to her, even when she herself couldn't.

            "Sometime this week, Momma."  She bounced in her brand-new shoes, and Callie figured she'd do anything in this world to keep her daughter looking that way.  If it hurt she hadn't been the one to put that joy into Olivia's eyes she pushed it aside and moved on.

            Grabbing her little girl's hand, she started to walk them to the counter where a customer was waiting, when the door opened.  Smiling in greeting, she looked up, then could only stare as her heart took a single bounding leap into her throat.  She didn't speak- couldn't have, even if she'd wanted to.  All she seemed capable of doing was staring, even though he wasn't looking at her- and hadn't so much as glanced her way since the door had opened. 

            Callie couldn't take her eyes off him.  He'd changed.  His face was leaner, older, and he'd lost that pretty-boy look she'd always teased him about.  He wasn't the same twenty- year- old kid who had bailed on his marriage, but more comfortable in his skin than that.  There was a self-assurance that had replaced the arrogance of youth, and his body had filled out- toughened the leanness.  His long brown hair had been cut, though it was still shaggy enough to suggest he'd forgotten to get it trimmed recently.  But it was his eyes, those eyes she remembered so well, that hit her the hardest. 

            She could hate him for hurting her, for leaving her when she'd needed him so much- when she'd loved him so much he'd been all she could see.  She could hate him for never explaining, and for never looking back. She could hate him for all the nights she'd lain in bed at night, missing him, wondering what she'd done wrong to make him leave. She could hate him for not loving her, for not needing her, as much as she'd needed him, and she could hate him for every moment she'd had to struggle as a single mother.  She could hate him for all the mornings she'd woken with tears on her face as the dreams of how happy they'd once been faded, and she could hate him for not fighting for her.  Up until this moment, she had- she'd hated him for all of that, and a lot more, as well.

            But when she saw him look at his daughter, saw the quiet, stunned joy on his face when Olivia looked at him and realized who he was, she understood that none of it mattered.  She watched her little girl throw herself at the man she'd missed all of her life, and watched as he caught her mid-leap then spin her around in dizzying circles, neither one able to take their eyes off the other and knew that she'd forgive him for anything as long as he made their little girl smile like that.

            Finally, he set Olivia on the floor, then knelt down in front of her, his big hands wrapped firmly around her small ones.  She smiled at him, suddenly shy, and leaned her brow against his.  "Hi, Daddy. I'm Olivia."  Her hand came up, and rested on his cheek.  "Did you miss me?"

            Tears flooded Callie's eyes so quickly, she never had time to fight them back. 

            "Oh, Livvie Girl, I missed you every second of every day."  He wrapped his arms around her, and hugged her tight.  His eyes closed as he rested his chin on her hair. "Even when I was talking to you on the phone, I missed you."  They stood that way, the two of them, for a long couple of minutes, until he wiped at the single tear leaking out of his eye, and pulled away. 

            He looked up at Callie then for the first time, and a small smile tugged at his mouth. "Hey, Callie."

            She didn't want to like him, damn it. She didn't want the flutter in her heart hearing him say her name, and she didn't want to look at him and remember everything that she no longer had.  But the image of him holding their little girl was etched on her heart, and it was all she had. "Hey, Dex."

            He stood and, keeping his daughter's hand tucked in his, faced his ex-wife.  "I was wondering, Cal. Can I take her for awhile?  Just for a walk to the beach? We'll be back in an hour, I promise."

            She didn't hesitate to be cruel, and he seemed to understand that, because she saw the acceptance in his eyes.  But it was her daughter's face as she stared up at the man she'd missed all of her life that made up Callie's mind.  "Sure.  I'll be here."

            It didn't hurt, until the door was shut behind them, and she realized that for the first time in Olivia's life, she hadn't kissed her before leaving. 

***

            She tried not to watch the clock.  She dealt with her customers, and even managed to be friendly, if not cheerful.  Her mind, whether rational or not, kept thinking of all the dangers she'd just set her little girl up for- and all the news reports and articles she'd ever read about what an ex-husband will do to get back at his wife flashed in her head like a bad black-and-white movie.  Finally, after forty- five minutes, she couldn't handle it any longer, and slammed the register closed, with every intention of hunting them down until she found her daughter.

            Before she could grab her purse, however, the door opened, and the two of them walked in, laughing and eating ice cream.  Olivia ran to her mother and gave her a hug, all the while rambling about everything they'd accomplished and seen in the last hour.  Callie smiled, and nodded, all the while thanking God that her daughter was okay.  She stared at Dex, who stared right back at her, an unreadable look in his eyes.

            "Olivia."  His voice was quiet, and she immediately stopped jabbering and turned to look at him.  "I need to talk to your mom for awhile. Is there somewhere you can play?"

            "Mom's office.  I can use her computer."

            He nodded.  "We're going to go sit on the bench across the street."

            "Okay." She gave them both a look, and the hope in her eyes made Callie's stomach hurt. She couldn't let her daughter down again, she couldn't.

            She didn't want to walk across the street with him, but she was so grateful for the smile he'd put on their little girl's face, that she would have followed him anywhere at that moment. 

            They sat on the top of the picnic table, and when she sat on one end, he scooted over so he could sit next to her.  She would have moved if she wasn't aware of how childish it would have looked.

            Bracing his elbows on his thighs, he stared across the street at her store.  "She's so beautiful, Cal.  She looks so much like you, it damn near stopped my heart."

            Tears she'd sworn she wouldn't shed burned her eyes. "Don't, Dex. Please don't do that."

            "I'm sorry." He dropped his head and stared down at his hands. "She's such a good kid. You did an amazing job with her."

            "It was easy. She was born good."

            "I remember. I remember her smiling at me, those big blue eyes wise and mischievous, all at once. I remember her terrorizing me when she learned how to crawl, and I remember the pride I felt the first time she walked to me." He sighed. "I've missed her, every day."

            "How could you leave her, Dex?" She hadn't meant to ask it, but once the words were out, nothing could have stopped them. "How could you leave her? I mean, even if you couldn't be with me, if you couldn't love me, how could you leave her? She was only a year old."

            "I didn't want to leave either one of you.   It was the hardest thing I've ever done, walking out that door."

            "Then why did you?"

            He lifted his head, but he didn't look at her when he spoke quietly. "Do you remember that house we lived in?"

            "Of course. It was small, but it was comfortable."  She smiled faintly. "And it was cheap."

            "The roof was falling off, termites were eating the floors, and the pipes leaked.  You could break in the front door with a credit card, and the back door only locked if you jammed a chair under the knob." He sighed and shrugged.  "I wanted more for you, for Olivia, than that."

            "But you left us there."

            "You needed more than what I could have given you.  Both of you did."  He closed his eyes briefly. "You deserved the world, Cal.  I couldn't give it to you if I stayed, so I left."

            She remembered the check that had come the first month after he'd gone, just when her rent was due and she'd been sick with worry over how to scrounge together enough money from her waitressing job to pay it, and the utilities. It'd been for $12,000, and had kept her and Olivia's heads above water for nearly six months, plus she'd been able to afford most of the repairs the small rental house had needed.  The check had come with a short note, saying to cash it, and use it on whatever she thought best.  It was another six months before she received any more money from him, but it was always enough to keep Olivia well-clothed and fed. After the first year, combined with her salary from the restaurant, she'd even been able to scrounge together enough to start a college fund for her daughter.  There had been times when it had been a little rough, but Dex's checks had come regularly, and over the years they'd even increased, until Callie was sticking three-fourths of every one in the college account. 

            "Where did you go?"

            "All over.  Uncle Adam had a position with his company he couldn't fill, that required traveling nearly three hundred days a year. It wasn't a bad job, just teaching seminars and showing people how to work various forms of software, and the pay was good, but it didn't leave room for relationships, and no one else wanted it.  By the time I asked him about it, he was so desperate for someone to take the job that he didn't bat an eye at my demand for a fifteen grand advance."

            "Why didn't you ever come and see her?"

            She watched him scrub his hands over his face, and saw the quiet desperation in his eyes when he finally looked at her. "Do you think I could have left again? Do you think I could have come back here, to the two of you, then found the strength to leave again?  There wasn't a day in ten years that I didn't miss the two of you." 

            "You could have come back."

            "I started to a million times that first year. Nothing was worth me being away from the two of you, and I knew I'd work four jobs if I had to, to keep us above water. But I was afraid of hurting Olivia more in the long run by being there, and never seeing her, than by staying away and helping her have a normal life.  Then, after that first year, I wasn't sure you'd let me back, and no way could I be here, and not be with you."

            Callie shook her head, and stubbornly refused to let him see how badly he was hurting her. "Why are you doing this, Dex? Why are you here?"

            "I never signed the divorce papers."  He looked at her, and a small smile quirked one corner of his mouth.  "A thousand times I held the pen over the papers, determined to do it for you, for Livvie, so you could have the life I couldn't give you. I just couldn't do it.  I couldn't sign you two away.  I needed you in my life, no matter how tenuous the connection. But now-" he sighed and reached for her trembling hand. "I need you, Callie. I didn't come back to see Olivia, I came back to be her father. To be your husband."

            "No. Dex, no." She stood, and took a step away from him, before swinging back around to face him.  Tears were streaming down her face, and her stomach hurt so badly she nearly doubled over from the pain.  "You can't do this, it's not fair. I've spent ten years of my life, of our daughter's life, trying to get over you.  Trying to prove to myself that I don't need you in my life.  That I can do this without you. And you know what?" She closed the distance between them, and hit him in the shoulder with a bunched fist. Hard. "I did it, Dex. I raised our little girl, and answered the questions.  I bought her every pair of shoes, every pair of jeans. I took her to every doctor appointment, and held her every time she got sick.  I taught her how to ride a bike, and how to play softball.  I chased away the monsters when she woke with nightmares, and I wrapped all the Christmas presents."

            Dex was off the table, and had her wrapped in his arms, in the next heartbeat.  He buried his face in her hair, and simply held on. "I know I have no right to ask it of you, but Callie, I love you. I can't live without you. I tried, for ten years. I just can't do it."  He pulled back, and framed her face with his hands.  "I love you. I've never stopped needing you, not for a second, Cal." Leaning down, he brushed his mouth lightly over hers, then caught her tears with the pads of his thumbs.  "Tell me to walk away, and I swear to God I will. I'm not asking you to stay married to me, if you want to divorce me, and start all over, I swear I'll sign the papers right this minute.  Hell, Callie. Just let me live here, and in fifteen years if you think I've earned it, you can go out with me.  I just need to see you, to know you're okay. I need you in my life, that's all. I need to be in Olivia's life. I can't leave her again."

            There were so many questions inside of Callie, so many questions she knew she needed to ask.  This man was everything, and she knew she'd be an idiot to trust him again.  But all of the phone calls between him and Olivia flashed in her mind's eye, as did all the letters, and gifts, and checks that went beyond what he'd owed her.

            Then she looked up at him, looked into his eyes, and saw everything that she needed.  She didn't have to have the answers, because she already knew everything that mattered.  There was a reason she'd never dated, a reason she'd never settled for anything less than what she'd had with Dex- she'd always known he was the only one for her.

            She wiped at her tears, then tried to smile up at him.  "I hate you. You know that, right?"

            He grinned, and kissed her. "I probably deserve it."

            "So long as you know."  She threw her arms around his neck, and simply held on for everything she was worth.  And she knew, when his mouth found hers again, that this time, he wasn't ever going to let her go.  "So? What do we tell Livvie?"

            He busted out laughing. "We don't have to tell her anything."  He spun her in a quick, dizzying circle, before setting her back down and pointing to the shop window, where their daughter was doing her happy dance.  "Looks like she already figured it out."

© Copyright 2007 Jennifer

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