How I became a Vampire

Susan was hanging on to her fifty-eighth year with a desperation that gave the stockholders of companies manufacturing CoverGirl, Max Factor, Maybelline, and Revlon something to smile about. When she suddenly wakes up in a public restroom in a pool of blood, her sister looming over her face, all she can think about is biting her on the neck? Not only does she find herself with a thirst for blood, but she looks thirty years younger, and now has to go home to a family of aging women, vanity the mainstay of their bane existence, and explain this gift horse in the mouth? A domino effect quickly follows. The six women find themselves with only fiction to guide them in a world filled with strange new desires.

• Chapter 1 - Sing a little song, suck a little blood. Get dead tonight... Get dead tonight... Chapter 1 & 2"I've consolidated chapters ..."
• Chapter 2 - Sing along with us, de de, de-de-de… We love everybody, but we do as we please..."This is now Chapter two. Th..."
• Chapter 3 - I should no be so all alone, everybody must get..."Teisha arrives at the coole..."
• Chapter 3 - I should not be so all alone..... (continued) from chapter 3"Continuing the chapter. Th..."
• Chapter 4 - Ahh-ooo-Werewolf in London.. ahh-ooo..."Paul explores the crime sce..."
• Chapter 5 - Lady Madonna, children at your breast, wonders how you manage to feed the rest…"The women continue to contr..."
• Chapter 6 - Little fish... Big fish...Swimming in the water...Come back here and give me my daugter..."Teisha is wild... Nanna tak..."
• Chapter 7 - Come on...come on... now... I can ease your pain... get you the train..."Dorius waits for the wolf t..."
• Chapter 8 - Stop...hey...what's that sound...Everybody look what's going do-own..."Dorius finds the rogues. W..."
• Chapter 11 - You do-on't have to live like a ref-u-gee...Baby...It don't matter to me..."Ignore chapter numbers. I ..."
• Chapter 12 - Rocky Ra-ccoon... Stepped into his room... Only to find Gideon's Bible"A feisty raccoon sends the ..."
• Chapter 13 - Ewe... Ewe...That smell... The smell of death surrounds you..."Dorius talks to the Wolf ag..."
• Chapter 14 - Driving that train, high on blood drained. Chickie girl you better, watch your speed."Nanna surprises us all. Th..."
• Chapter 15 - Playin all night... Mamma's got a squeeze box, daddy never sleeps at night..."Dorius sends the wolf out t..."
• Chapter 16 - Hey there little Red-Riding-Hood, you sure are lookin' good, now..."Gibbie and the wolf catch u..."
• Chapter 17 - I'm a bitch... I'm a bitch... I'm better than you..."The package arrives from th..."
• Chapter 18 - Waving their Banner all over your face... They will... They will... Rock you..."The girls watch a DVD sent ..."
• Chapter 19 - If you want it... Here it is... Come and get it... but you better hurry cause it's going fast..."The girls call BAMVC. Doriu..."
• Chapter 20 - Strange Brew, do what's inside of you..."Dorius has a confrontation ..."
• Chapter 21 - Swi-ing loow... sweet cha-ri-ot... Com-in forth to carry you ho-ome...."The Morizzio boys show up a..."
• Chapter 22 - I want yo-o-ou... I want you so ba-a-ad... I want you so bad, It's driving me mad..."The Morizzio clan have a di..."
• Chapter 23 - Ground control to Major Tom..."Gibbie and the wolf head fo..."
• Chapter 24 - Somewhere, somehow, somebody must have kicked you around, son..."The wolf introduces the fai..."
• Chapter 25 - I heard it through the grapevine...."I have hard skin. I love c..."
• Chapter 26 - When the weather is fine, you got women... you got women on your mind..."I have hard skin. I love c..."
• Chapter 27 - Oh ya...All right... Take it easy baby... Make it last all night."I have hard skin. I love c..."
• Chapter 28 - You want a piece of my heart? You better be a star..."I have hard skin. I love c..."
• Chapter 29 - Under the sycamore tree, Dream a little dream of me."I have hard skin. I love c..."
• Chapter 30 - Hey Girl, Take a walk on the wild side. I said, hey Girrrl... do-dado-do..."I have hard skin. I love c..."
• Chapter 31 - Put me on a highway, show me a sign... Take it to the limit one more time..."Warning! Adult context. Ex..."
• Chapter 32 - Don't you love her ways? Tell me what I say... Don't you love her as she's walking in the door?"Please ignore the chapter n..."
• Chapter 33 - There's a killer on the road... His brain is squirming like a toad..."Please ignore the chapter n..."
• Chapter 34 - Look out kid... It's something you did..."Please ignore the chapter n..."
• Chapter 35 - Something's happening here... What it is, is just not clear..."Please ignore the chapter n..."
• Chapter 36 - Wild thing, you make my heart sing... You make everything... Grooovy... Wild thing..."Last chapter! Please ign..."