Never Forever Land (Revisited)

I've decided to polish up all of my short stories so I can start sending out. I posted this a long time ago, but decided to post fresh since I've reworked it. I'm looking for very critical eyes. I got an almost from a magazine on this before I reworked it. Have at it. Get as nitpicky as you'd like.

• Page 1 - Never Forever Land (Revisited)"I've decided to polish up a..."