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Here in the fourth chapter, I've tried to paint a better picture of Tommy. Have I succeeded? Does this chapter hold your interest? How's the pacing? For those who've read the first three installments: is there cohesiveness between the chapters? Where am I tipping my hand? Or am I making the reader wait too long for key things to develop. All comments welcome.

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Please give me feedback- Style/Story line/zombie-philosophy/What did you like/what did you hate/ The collection will include different styles: The Man with the Zombie Hand is the next short story and is darker. There is a new kind of Ghoul in town: The Z-Freak! Commissioned to develop a new way to interrogate foreign combatants, International Pharmaceuticals combines ancient voodoo chemicals with epinephrine boosters and a high tech virus with catastrophic results. The experiment is dubbed a complete failure and would have been lost in the labyrinth at the D.O.D. Archive, but a terrorist attack unleashes the genetically altered virus on the population of LA the face of the United States is changed forever. Natural barriers, strategic military barricades and a deadly kill-zone retain the outbreak to the three coastal states of California, Oregon and Washington. The quarantine area is dubbed Death Valley by pop culture and the inhabitants are sentenced to life in hell. The Woman in the Wedding Dress is the first short story in the collection: Tales from Death Valley. It is a surreal adventure accented by the flamboyant Big Game Hunter Jordan McDougall and the beautiful woman in the wedding dress. Hell hath no fury like a women scorned!

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FEEDBACK APPRECIATED: nits and line edits needed | Thanks!| I will also post the screenplay of this soon. I'm waiting to see if new site has script category and formatting. ∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆

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It's a Zombie story scripted in a more tradional prose. Ao, say something about this, good, bad, ugly, anything.

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The third installment of a story taking place in the 1960s, in western Illinois, involving two teens who--while digging in a forest preserve--find something quite amazing. Basically I'd like to get answers to the same questions I've asked before: does the story hold your interest? How's the pace? Is the characterization better in this chapter? All questions and comments welcome.

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Here in chapter two, I have attempted add a little more roundness to the characterizations of Tommy and Henry. I have also tried to maintain the interest-level and suspense. Have I succeeded in capturing the reader? Does the story flow well? As one who is still very raw as a writer, I welcome all comments.

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Some of you may recognize this story. It has been on the site off and on over the years but I am posting it again because it is actually finished, well the initial draft anyway. I'm looking to self publish this by the end of the year so tear it up for me please. It has often been said that identical twins share a special connection. They feel each other's pain, share each other's thoughts. But what happens to this connection when one twin dies and the other lives on? Does it fade or disappear or does it persist beyond the grave? After his twin brother Matthew dies in a fire, Jake Harrison is about to find out the answer to that question will lead him on a sad and strange journey through the realm of the dead with his twin brother's ghost as his guide. The two must confront a faceless villian known only as The Pale Stranger.

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This is merely a revision of a story I had submitted about a month or two ago. Is this a markedly better version? Does it work as a short horror story? All comments are welcome.

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What if the zombie apocalypse happened but it didn't end the world? What if civilization was able to endure the initial outbreak and retain some semblance of order and control? How would our lives change? These are the questions I asked myself as I wrote this piece and my attempt to answer them for my poor protagonist Allen Weathers, a pathologist who was unlucky enough to be at work, in his morgue, when the outbreak happened. This is a finished novella coming in at just under 30k words to qualify for the Kindle Singles program at Amazon. I have finished the first draft and initial rewrites. I'm looking to polish this piece for publication so tear it up please.

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Lust's passion will be served; it demands, it militates, it tyrannizes. ~~The Marquis de Sade

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This is the part of a novella I started a few days ago. It's still rough around the edges. Does it hold your interest? How's the pacing? All comments welcome.

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2012 has come and gone, with no big cataclysmic event to end the world. Or so everyone thinks. The Mayans didn't predict the end of the world, only the end of an era in human history. This is what happened in my version on March 23, 2013, 3 months after the end of the Mayan calendar. Have fun with the zombies!

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This is a newer one and still needs work: a young married couple have a very curious dog... I'll lie for surgery...

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"You reap what you sow" works here, I would say. The protagonist is selfish, greedy--essentially devoid of humanity, and this brings about dire and surreal consequences. How's the pacing? Characterization? What needs work? I will lie down for "surgery."

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At a campsite, teens make the acquaintance of a menacing stranger. Pros and cons, please.

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Surprise and terror in a small American town during the 1960s. Pros and cons, please.

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This one features a trouble-making teen who's dealt with severely, to say the least. Let me know what you think. Thanks, mikejackson1127

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The main character, Figgs, is a carefree, but talented chess player who will have to get serious and play the game of his life... I'd like to know how the story could be improved. Don't pull any punches.

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My story is about a man who rediscovers his faith, basically by having the hell scared out of him. The story takes place in the 1800s, in a fictional town named Gehenna Rush. I'm looking for what is good about the story and what is not so good. Does the story have any potential for a larger audience? What publications might be interested in it? How can I improve it? Thanks

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Yeah, I was trying to read and review some TNBW content tonite but then I got distracted by my own bulging musculature and so this happened instead. Please, forgive me. :)

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This is more like a prologue than a chapter. It is my first attempt at writing but I want honest and sincere critique. No holding back!

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Thought this was the perfect time of year for a story of hell and demons. Feel free to read this to the kids right in the middle of these festive holidays. It will bring joy. Merry Christmas!!!! The age old tale of a contract with a demon. 1861, a man finds his dead wife by the cabin in the canadian rockies, and tries to reason with God, who doesn't seem to be listening. So, he turns to a little hellish assistance. (4500 words) Really looking for some help on this story. First of all, title ideas. I will send my evil "el toro de fuego" stickers to the winning title idea. I have taken some time to write it, rewrite it, and so on. Seems like I am missing something. should I keep the last paragraph? nits? construction? ideas? Tear this bastard up with your critique. No hurt feelings. I will rewrite as I get reviews. thanks ahead of time. send your title ideas to dennisisaman at gmail dot com. I will e-mail you back if your idea got it.

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Time is running out and Satan needs more souls to join him in eternal hell before The Almighty locks the gates of hell forever. Beelzebub is granted one last ditch effort to capture souls from living bodies

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Two brothers work together on debunking the myth that a penny thrown from the Empire State Building can kill a person. Things don't go quite as planned, but maybe there are other forces at play that is out of their control. Really, I am looking not only for nits, but story direction. Dialogue sound okay? Better ideas? I have struggled with the ending a little on this one and looking for some possible ideas. Once again, I appreciate anything you send my way.

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Welcome to the zombie apocalypse. The soundtrack, if this story has one, is "Uno" by Green Day. This is my entry in the Empire State Building short story contest.

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A horror story for your enjoyment short and sweet..... Will leave my questions to you readers at the end. Edited: 11/11/12

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The four people in a small survival bunker may be the last humans still alive after an alien invasion. After a decade of living underground they are running out of food. What to do, what to do? Maybe celebrate Christmas a bit early. This will be a novella of about 17,000 words. A couple reviews doubt the personal nuclear power plant. Here is a link that describes it. It is proven technology ready to be installed. My story is set further in the future and the tech will be cheaper and better. http://gigaom.com/cleantech/hyperions-nuclear-in-a-box-ready-by-2013/

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A story of madness and survival that I hope sends a tingle up your spine.

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I hate this type of writing. But my fingers will not be denied.

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