Content: thriller

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A prominent cat is murdered in a world of talking animals.

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To impress a girl, an ugly young man undertakes a robbery, and inadvertently kills someone. This sets off a chain of events which changes the course of history. This is an early work of mine which has undergone significant rewrites, and I am on the verge of sending it to market. I would like some honest opinions about its readability, characterizations, idea content, and literary merit (if any).

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NOTE: Sorry for the confusion about the title. I decided to go back with the original title (the one I had before posting here on tNBW). I think it suits the trilogy better.

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Is being psychic a gift? For Mackenzie it's a curse--especially when that "gift" delivers her into the hands of a serial killer.

When Mackenzie Hill discovers her mother’s colossal deception, she tosses her life down the garbage disposal and relocates to Watcher's Point, Oregon in search of answers. What she finds is shocking; the man she's been dreaming about for years not only exists in the flesh, but he's got a secret agenda of his own.

Aidan Payne doesn’t expect to get emotionally involved with anyone, least of all a woman who looks at him with disturbing insight. As a serial killer escalates his twisted game, Aidan’s protective instincts take over and sparks begin to ignite. Both realize that if the killer isn't caught, Mackenzie might become the next victim. But neither could have foreseen the web of lies spanning three decades—lies which paved the way for the wrath of a serial killer.

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WHAT KISS DESERVES TO BE TRADEMARKED? You'll find out in this literate, comedic, romantic, aphoristic, ten-years-in-the-writing, sci-fi thriller. Only the first page is posted below, since that's all I need feedback on at the moment. I'm mostly interesting in sentence-level commentary, not global suggestions. Which lines catch your eye, for better or worse, and why? I put a lot of pressure on sentences to provide immediate pleasure to the readers, not just the accumulative thrill of character and plot development. Novels are often mostly empty space, wasting their readers' time by deferring pleasure through over-focus on plot and character development. Sentences, though, can provide immediate pleasure--as evidenced in "money lines," those beautifully struck sentences that, even in the best of writers, can be found only a few times a chapter. Novelists can do more to thrill immediately by putting more energy into sentences. You'll see what I mean in the brief descriptions of the main characters below (copied from the novel's opening chapters). If lines like these appeal to you, you'll enjoy the rest of it . . . because the texts is filled with 'em. :-) Maya Lyon: "Maya smiled, her face a feature-rich Brazilian package of calligraphic piercings, lash-black hair, museum-quality aquamarine eyes, and unretouched asymmetrical scars." Hannah Mays "[Hannah's clothes] were mostly shot up and torn off, leaving her body on full topographic display. Her muscles were ornate and well-detailed, a variable geography of curves and cables and shadowed cross-cuts that made regular bodies look like tube arms hanging from an egg foundation." Poor Tom: "Just sitting, [Tom] was a few amputations shy of sharing the circle Da Vinci drew around the Ventruvian Man; standing, Tom made Michelangelo's statuesque David appear like a previous species of underfed teen; and in both positions, his hands were notable, large enough to palm a liter of water and, of late, having been all over her." ----- As mentioned, I'm mostly interesting in sentence-level commentary, not global suggestions. Which lines catch your eye, for better or worse, and why? THANKS IN ADVANCE FOR COMMENTARY! ~john

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A short story I wrote for a little girl who loved fairy tales. If you've read chapters 1 and 2 of my Novel, "Midnight Man," this story will probably sound familiar. But I hope you will still be able to enjoy this story on its own merits. I would like to publish this story in some sort of short story collection or anthology, along with several other short stories I've written, either with other authors or by myself. So let me know if anyone else is interested in doing something like that.

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I have absolutely no experience in writing, but a lot of my friends say I have some talent. I am aiming to get this book published and perhaps make some money for Law school. Please send me your constructive comments. Thanks. PS. If you think of a better name for this story, let me know!

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Parker Ammons is a 27 year old woman living her life as she sees fit. Perfectly happy and standing on her own two feet, she is the example of a young woman most parents would wish their own daughters to be. Parker receives a string of mysterious mail that has her and her best friend Avery concerned. Could someone be out to hurt her? As suddenly as the mail started, it stops, but then things really start getting strange as Parker discovers that history isn't just written about, it's written before it happens and she is caught in the middle of a pivotal battle for humanity This is the first part of a very rough draft. I'd like to know if it seems intriguing enough to keep reading? Often I find myself in the first part of a book and I'm already bored. I've never written before so this is a first attempt. Please let me know what you think!

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Liquor License is the second novel in a series about Simms Mitchell a part time FBI domestic cult profiler and lawyer representing women in sexual harassment and abuse cases. Liquor License tackles international divorce and the underground railroad for abused spouses and their children. Any feedback is appreciated.

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When Mason Ward's father walks back into his life, a series of actions are set into motion which change Mason forever. Deception, betrayal and a chase across Europe - who's the real prize?

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In THE BLUE GIRL MURDERS, a mystery of 96,000 words, when journalist Nick Prescott tries to clear a wealthy society friend of the murders of three beautiful blue-eyed blondes, who are found decapitated with their bodies painted blue, he uncovers a trail of incest, murder, infidelity and insanity that leads him to a near-fatal encounter with the killer as he attempts to strike again. At first, Nick, the 22-year old bureau manager for United Press International, is focused on whether his close friendship with a sexy blonde columnist will threaten his relationship with the girl he wants to marry. His life becomes much more serious when he is drawn into the murder investigation by Michael Antonelli, at 24, the city's youngest detective-sergeant, who has nightmares about his failure to solve the Blue Girl murders, which resemble ancient Mayan human sacrifices. Set in still-segregated Baltimore in 1966 where the black population seethes over white racist demonstrations, the "black power" calls of militants, and a racially-tinged gubernatorial campaign, the novel features cameos by historical figures such as Spiro Agnew and Stokely Carmichael, music ranging from Frank Sinatra to Frank Zappa, and an end when justice is dispensed in a highly original manner.

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A killer is loose in Nashville. The first victim survives by some miracle, the others were not so lucky. Or were they? As the police track down the killer the first victim and her family have to find a way to heal and work through all that follows the initial attack.

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The free world industrial revolution is endangered by the earth’s fast consumption of rare earth elements. Professor Avner Amram’s scientists develop a sophisticated spectroscopic instrument that can remotely detect the presence of critical rare earth elements in outer space. CIA, KGB and Mossad agents are entangled in spying and counter intelligence while searching for stolen plans and technology secrets related to space missions. Drawings and software are stolen from the Jet Propulsion Laboratories, copied and sent to the Kremlin. A mole recruited by a foreign country is arrested. Avner and his associates are drawn into the mayhem. They encounter industrial espionage and intrigues as they prepare for unmanned space probes. Secrets leaked to Russia result in a race of unmanned probes to Mars and asteroids. Avner’s team reaches a resolution with unexpected conclusions.

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A former US Navy SEAL with a merciless sense of justice, teams with a brilliant female detective. Together they discover weaknesses in our defenses against terrorism, but government officials inexplicably disregard their warnings. Will they be in time to prevent massive terrorist attacks in our homeland? Wounded and weakened, our hero confronts a huge, seemingly invincible, psycho-sexual killer with a surprising result.

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Machinery introduces the reader to an amazing scientific possibility through a rather... controversial (if not apocryphal) narrative. This installment is an introduction of sorts, hoping to spark your curiosity about both the science and the narrator. I appreciate your most brutally honest feedback. Thanks!

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Sophia better known as 'Raven' the world known sensual erotic painter lives her life in darkness.. shut off from the outside world she prays for that one person that will be able to bring her back into the light. Is Nicolas that person.. can he protect her, keep her safe from the madness that storks her!!

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They tried to kill me. I was only protecting my wife's good name. I was insanely mad with jealousy. Now I can only smell and hear the world around me. I was a good man before this happened... why me? Why did this have to happen to me? Think you have bad neighbors? Wait until you meet Robert Rubio's. No zombies, no vampires, no supernatural events... only a very wicked human monster who will go to the extremes to achieve resolution for his perverted idea of love.  ÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷

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Evan Barrett is a trader at Beckman, White & Forester, a stockbrokerage suspected of money laundering on behalf of a Mexican drug cartel. FBI agents coerce Barrett into uncovering evidence to build their case or face charges on an unrelated illegal trading scheme.

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From the Ballad of the Bullet novel, A poem Anthony wrote in his bedroom as he prepares to confront Cree. Again, thank you and g-luck:)Z

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Thanks to everyone for the excellent feedback on the 1st draft. I have tried to incorporate some of your suggestions in this second draft.

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This is a children's Halloween tale about a young boy who moves to a new town and has trouble making new friends--until Jim comes along....

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Hello all. The Demon Pool is a 141,000 word supernatural thriller that offers a demonic twist on the famous legend of the Fountain of Youth. Think ChiPS (remember Erik Estrada?) meets The Exorcist only set in Southwest Florida. I am aiming for the mainstream thriller/horror market. I have an associate editor with a major publisher that I was able to pitch at the Pacific Northwest Writer's Association conference this past summer willing to read the completed manuscript (I finally submitted the fifth draft in early May 2011). The story is essentially complete, but I am sure there will be some more editing and revising. Any help with the writing or story that will help me make it better will be greatly appreciated. God bless you all and next time you visit Florida, be careful where you swim. There may be more than gators in the water.

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"A Matter of Life and Death" is a tale of a tiny Midwestern town harboring a dastardly secret, festering to an ultimate showdown a quarter of a century after the story begins. Friendships are questioned, lifes are ruined, some lost, all with an isolated farmhouse in Fosterburg, Ill., as the muse for the saga.

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'Siege of Jericho', left Stilman Lind as President of the US, and into a steady uphill fight to rebuild the economy. He'd had a rough start in his unexpected tenure as President. This story picks up three years later - there had been an election, and Lance Phillips is the new President. Mister Lind - all too happy to be away from Washington - began structuring his new life as a private citizen. However, dramatic events will change those plans.

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“God won’t bother with plagues and floods. He’ll just send me.� When a serial killer is murdered while in the act of enjoying his latest victim, former LAPD detective, Hale Parrish, is asked to use his supernatural talents to investigate. His search is short-lived, because the vigilante, referring to himself as “Judgment,� tracks Hale down to reveal a life-changing secret: both of them are members of an elite bloodline created to enact divine wrath upon the wicked. While Hale decides whether his birthright is a blessing or a curse, shadows from his past emerge, forcing him to face his demons, protect his family, and take back control of his destiny.

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This is a fantasy story... It tells of ancient abilities, long forgotten by most of us, to harness the powers of light and dark matter in the here and now... But such power begets revenge, jealousy, murder, slaughter... Can it be harnessed for the good of mankind, or, can it be stopped before such powerful abilities are misused by a few...???

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The war over Wyoming land rights did not begin with the lynching of Jim Averell and “Cattle� Kate Watson in 1889, nor did it end with the Butch and Sundance-style execution of Nate Champion outside his KC Ranch cabin in 1892. Those whose generations have lived in the Cowboy State know that land counts for much and family can be a secondary thing. When Sheriff John Pruett’s wife of 44 years is murdered by her own brother in the whirlwind of a family feud over precious mineral rights in the gas boom of the 2000’s, he will face not only a test of professional mettle, but also a formidable reconciliation with both his faith and his own flesh and blood—Pruett will ultimately battle his child, his town, his ghosts, and his God. This is a tale of twisted, hardscrabble greed set against the majesty of one of the last, true American paradises.

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"We Own The President" (set a few years in future; 116,000 words) Why it’s unique: father-daughter buddy story meets 007-type thriller... Harry Evans works for secret government agencies, sees himself as the last line of defense against the evil people in the world. He’s good at it. Kate Evans, studying for an MBA at Wharton, is contemptuous of her father and has as little to do with him as possible. After all, he’s nothing but a killer... Readers get a big swirling thriller--mad-genius twins try to "own the President"--plus entertaining inter-generational conflict. Harry Evans, daughter Kate, and her friend Carmen are increasingly in the center of the vortex, not sure what is real or where their loyalties should be. The country is coming apart. President Simpson declares war on Mexico, and hints at worst. Kate and Harry, alone against the world, start to function as partners -- but don’t try to tell Kate that. The question is, can these two alphas stop squabbling long enough to save the country from a conspiracy to seize control of the president and to accomplish this in a way that conceals what has happened. Any feedback is welcome.

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Ivan Campbell, Dean Weston and several others become gifted with enhanced intelligence when they are exposed to energy based life forms on a distant planet. Sadly, the exposure kills the peaceful life forms. When the incredible cognitive effects wear off, Ivan is determined to recapture them and will stop at nothing to achieve his goal, including murder. SPECTRA, a science fiction thriller, relays the story of Dean’s struggle to stop Ivan from exploiting and destroying the only intelligent life known to exist on another world. I'm looking for any feedback both positive and negative. If you review my work, I will review yours.

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Dr. Nathan Rysner is a member of the GenRose Bio-engineering team in Chicago. Nathan is exposed to genetically altered material in an accident in the lab and gains the ability to change his own genetic make up at will. A military black ops group is after him and the genetic protocol that can make a warrior impervious in battle. Nathan is on the run for his life. His adventures introduce him to the love of his life, Sherry Turner. Nathan inadvertently releases a healing gene that causes world wide controversy and instantly causes the medical field to become obsolete. The twists at the end will have you returning to the beginning searching for clues. I'm looking for any and all feedback. I only ask that you read from the beginning if you are reviewing for story line. Nits are welcome. I'm particularly interested in your thoughts on dialogue and believability of scenes.

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Atticus Wynn and Rosemary Sanchez's relationship was already strained by their cultural and political differences, but now Atticus's Ex, the enigmatic Claire Rousseau, has burst back into his life, trailing a wake of mayhem and murder, and wielding an explosive secret about Rosemary who has a tragic secret of her own . . .

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The story begins with mystery writer, William Tyler, contemplating his life in the midst of a citywide blackout. When he is confronted by a figure from his past, he makes a decision that will change his life forever.

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Here is a chapter from a larger work in progress. Originally written as a theatrical play, this story is inspired by actual events. I like to bring it out once a year or so and play with it... searching for an ending. Any feedback would be appreciated!

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I would appreciate any feedback on this draft. Don't be shy, I have a VERY thick skin.

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This is an apocalyptic thriller with an embedded love story. Following the terrorist attack of September 11, 2001, the lives of Kodi Peek and her father are irrevocably changed as they begin the countdown to 2012.

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This is a story of bullies, revenge and a class reunion all entangled in a twisted love story. Oh and there might be a bit of redemption in there too... I have more chapters coming... :-)

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Novel based upon many of the circumstances we find ourselves in as parents and step-parents in today's divorce-ridden society. I am looking for constructive criticism.

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Lisa Kaamp operates a small childcare business out of her home in the sleepy little town of Nogeksum, Michigan. Highly respected and known for going the extra mile for her daycare kids, Lisa thought she had handled every daycare emergency possible. But nothing prepared her for the nightmare she now faced. Lisa awakes one morning to find herself bound and gagged, four strange men in her home, and the daycare children being held hostage in the next room. Terrorized by her captors as the authorities work to meet the ransom deadline, she tries negotiating with the men for the release of the children, and soon realizes that at least one of them has no intention of letting anyone go. With the deadline quickly approaching, Lisa must do the unimaginable to protect the children and get everyone out alive.

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THIS IS A SEQUEL. This is also raw, a work in progress. I'm taking a risk here, going out of my comfort zone by putting up something that's not yet finished. I’m hoping you’ll see some growth from me in this. Sapphire Reign takes place almost 10 years after Kings & Queens. I’d appreciate reviews from readers, who've read my first book, since they can (hopefully) see what I’m doing differently and if it’s working, but anyone is welcome to read this. However, since it is a sequel, spoilers abound. So only proceed if you have no intention of reading Book 1.

In a world where wickedness is exalted and even children know the sting of suffering, Majesty is trapped in anguish five months after her young daughter's death in a preschool gas explosion. When she receives a bizarre glimmer of hope that her little girl may still be alive, she fights heaven and hell to reclaim the happiness that's been stripped from her. But with so many enemies, maybe someone is determined to make Majesty pay. Or maybe her daughter really is gone forever.

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This is the start of a series of stories about a young man that makes a tragic mistake but benefits from it and has to deal with the struggle between guilt and the desire to live.

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Sophie has a secret. A secret she buried seven years ago. At least she thought she did.

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This short story was posted last year and then taken down from the site. I apologise to anyone who has read it before, I don't want to bore you! I have never submitted it a magazine or competition. Taking the advice of my good reviewers, I have edited it as the reviews have come in. I don't want to re-write and re-post again, it would try everyone's tolerance too far!

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In this era where science fiction is becoming science fact, technology is mixing with strongly held myths, and art is blending the chaos to shine a light on the rapid changes, we will either destroy ourselves or else learn to live in peace, without and within. This is the story of a particularly gifted young psychic, Aurora Swift, and the psychiatrist who tries to unravel her worlds, and in doing so unintentionally comes into contact with interconnected universal mysteries, dimensions, ancient beings and civilizations. Mixture of fantasy and reality genres. Mainly, the two settings are the modern day present with a bit of government conspiracy, and a sort of underworld that Aurora calls the Night World she escapes into to keep her sanity intact what with the pressures of her life. We meet a lot of other psychics in Aurora's circle and travel all over the U.S. and the world in search of some type of salvation. ** The first six or so chapters are non-linear and deliberately jarring as Aurora is experiencing a crossover of dimensions and times that will be sorted out in later chapters.// If I were to summarize the emotional stew or message of the story, it might go something like this: It is easy to wonder if our lives are worthless and actions are pointless because all will be forgotten one day. If every inventor, thinker, artist, intuitive being, and scientist followed through with this line of thinking, we’d still be in the Dark Ages or perhaps cause a new one. In this time of flourishing light, we need not allow the darkness of short-sightedness envelop us. The power is within us to make this world whatever we want it to be and become. And yes, one can make a difference with a little help from her friends.// **NOTE: I am on this site for constructive criticism. If you believe my work is only worthy of a 1 or 2 and feel like writing a snide scathing review or telling me how to write according to you, go somewhere else. My work isn't perfect, but I what I don't need is people who wish to feel superior by cutting me down or taking out their bad day on me. If you "don't get it" either ask me why something is written as it is or read something else. That I've had to explain this is sad, but there are plenty of A-holes in the world and that is reflected by similar percentages on this site. For those of you here to learn and grow and offer positive suggestions: Welcome. ---- (4/23/09 Currently reposted Chapter 1-3 and more coming soon for fans old and new).

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