Content: the cloud

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Update: System cut off story ending after I tried to edit today. Won't let me make changes. Might have to repost. Standby.

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any feedback welcome

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Can I just say this story does follow on from part 1, but involves a time jump. Part 1 is the beginning of the cloud experience. This is afterwards, in january. I simply use the same characters and develop their thoughts. Thank you all those of you who have worked so sensitively with me on this -- Modo, Cat, Lou, Rita and on.

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The Cloud Contest Entry.

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Thank you to everyone who read this for me!!! :D

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Added the last two chapters of the short story ...

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Entry for The Cloud novel contest.

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Rev 21:8

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Robert Roche must survive.

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Hello from long lost Kaysee! For this story, I'm looking for feedback on pacing - does it keep your interest throughout? Is every scene worth including? Also, is the dialogue believable? Are the characters well enough developed? Thanks so much! I came back to the site to post the dramatic conclusion to my racy "Consensual Infidelity" memoir, but got sidetracked by this contest. Look for me to post another chapter soon!

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Being edited for nits etc. Will change to us spelling if necessary.

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This is my final stab at the cloud. Thanks to all who made comments. I really enjoyed reading all the cloud stories. I don't think the cloud did much for Vegas, but it certainly was a treat for us writers.

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The Cloud has been hovering over Las Vegas for weeks. People are frightened, praying and repenting of their sins. Deep in the bowels of the earth, a mini-city is buzzing with industry ... A Fantasy.

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So while there's a cloud in Las Vegas, in Europe... I use uk spelling and vocab and nuance. There is no fullstop after Mr and Mrs etc. I'm interested in your understanding of the story -- and of course nits :)Thanks for all prior help and support. Thank you, merci!!

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...

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Two religious scientists discover a secret for curing drug addiction, and use a cloud to release it on Las Vegas. Big D, who runs the Vegas drug trade, is not amused by the drop in sales. The cloud takes on a life of its own, and the scientists and Big D must deal with the consequences as their lives come crashing together. I have a thick skin and enjoy a thorough critique. Let me know if you enjoyed the story, and I appreciate any nits and suggestions for improvement. Specifics: -Do the biblical references come through? Are they too subtle? Too obvious? -What about the comparisons and contrasts between addiction and religious fanatacism? -Given that my main character is evil (Big D), how does he come across. Entertaining? Scary? Not scary enough? Interesting trivia for your enjoyment: -There really is a Shrine of the Most Holy Redeemer in Vegas, and yes it does have the cloud picture. -Vegas gets about 5" of rainfall a year on average. -Microbes do live in the droplets of water in rainclouds, and some scientists believe their presence can effect when the clouds drop rain by altering the temperature at which the water in the clouds freezes. I finished edits on January 19, 2010. Thanks for your helpful reviews!

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Some of you commented that this needs to be more relevant to the actual cloud, not just a portrait of setting. I hope this works better, and I'm eager for your feedback on the interspersed POV's.

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This is the story of Joe Bob and his tortuous life during the appearance of The Cloud.

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The spirits of Einstein and Max Planck are on a journey through Time and space to other galaxies to study different worlds and the secrets of the Universe. They find there are similar spirits from stars far away visiting our own planet.

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This story is based on scientific fact. Researchers have measured bodies at the precise moment of death. There is a difference in weight of 21 mg. Scientist believe the weight is from the electrical impulses in the brain and the nerves. I'll go a step further and tell you I believe a person's soul is in that 21 mg. Now, here is what the story is all about. Billy Harper is going home after eating with his wife Holly. There, he boots up his PC and discovers one e-mail. The subject, "Twins". The message simple, "Meet us at the tree". Almost 40 years ago Holly while climbing a tree slips. She's pregnant with twins and the accident causes the kids to be stillborn. Suddenly Billy is talking to the twins, God and Jesus. God teaches him lessons, people in his life needing forgiveness. Then, Jesus explains the Black Cloud. Why it's there and what people can do. Well, read the story, laugh, cry and let me know what you think. A big thanks to my favorite doctor who helped me with some editing. I must add, my wife helped polish the story with some rewording. Last word, thanks Cathryn for the tweak. And as always what would I do without Janet and Jim?

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This is a wild entry into the Cloud contest. I don't know how this idea could ever be considered literary fiction, especially as a short story. I'm shooting for a composition blended of horror/campy/paranormal/action/literary.

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Now it's too long. What can one do? Still this novella takes its inspiration from Odin's challenge and so belongs here as much as anywhere. After my thanks to Odin Roark for the story parameters he set, I must ackowledge my gratitude to the replicating feminine consciousnesses whose melodies this story blows its riffs on: Jessica, Velvet: A Courtesan's Story; Gale, Quaker Proposal; Caroline, Coffee Diary; Sharon, Dirty Driving; Sara, Frying Tomatos; Mishmont, Alzeimer's Diary; and The Lady Brosna, Impetuous Heart. Thank you, one and all. As always, I hope any who read enjoy. Marc

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This cloud entry is a genuine literary piece. I looked up the definition of literary genre and it said realistic characters in a realistic setting usually speaking about heroism, loss and eternal life. I tried to cover it all. I'd love to know if anyone out there thinks I did.

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Entry for the Cloud contest.

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I wasn't going to enter this competition but I became intrigued by the idea of writing literary fiction. I'm not sure if I'm any good at it or even if this qualifies as literary fiction. Let me know. Life hasn't been easy for John and Lisa. This is the story of a day in their lives, under the Vegas cloud.

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This is the second part of my story entitled Nascent Clay. The name of the second installment had to be changed because the computer would not accept anything over the 5,000 word limit with the title of Nascent Clay.

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As the cloud hangs over Las Vegas, a thirteen year old boy who loves his guitar and the mountains becomes troubled with the talk of doomsday at school. His friends pressure him not to die a virgin, and finally he makes a decision that leads to an unexpected outcome. NOTE: I have tried to address some of the problems noted by those who left comments. I'd like to know if the same problems remain after the changes.

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The Cloud over Las Vegas has turned it into a flooded ghost twon. Murdock and his buddy Cootie are amoung the last people in the city. They are just trying to stay alive until Murdock meets the Woman in White.

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A large, gray cloud hovering over Las Vegas, Nevada initiates a series of events that profoundly affect the city's residents. With the passage of time, its enduring presence compels countless others to examine long-held beliefs about religion, unity, and ultimately, the nature of the universe itself.

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Katie is tired of the world's obsession with the cloud. But as it continues to loom over Vegas, can she find a way to escape it?

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A team of nanotechnologists investigate the mysterious cloud in Las Vegas.

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The Cloud Writing Contest entry

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This story contains some adult language and descriptions, references to body parts and bodily functions. Not recommended for anyone under 18 years of age.

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As a mysterious cloud causes havoc with the tourist industry of Las Vegas, Senior Detective Rick James investigates a series of murders by a serial killer nicknamed 'The Chopper'.

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The Cloud has changed Fred Hill's life, and not for the better. Can the pretty waitress with the funny name be his salvation or will he, like all the others succumb to the curse of the cloud?

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Don Schlitz is a card counter and poker shark. He relies upon his ability to blend in with the crowds to go unnoticed by casino personnel. The Cloud makes this much more difficult, and he struggles in the new Vegas. ------ I primarily wrote this as an exercise to get my pen flowing again after several years of not writing. I'd really like constructive criticisms about my style, voice, narrative structure, and things like that, since my real goal is to become a better author through this. ---- Thanks for all the help thus far. I'm loving this site! (Edited/republished 2/3)

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Part one and part two comprise one chapter of just over two thousand words as required by the guidelines for this competition.

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Here's my cloud entry. Let me know what you think. I'm wondering if writing it in present tense was a wise decision. I have a reason for doing it that plays into the story but it still might not work. Thanks for any feedback!

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I have hard skin. I love criticism, lay in on me. Always looking for grammatical issues, cuts suggested to move the story along, POV errors, and tense issues. Thank you...

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A chance encounter and a phantom cloud bring new focus to Nash Coulters life.

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Entry for The Cloud Project. edited 2/24/10

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This is a story of a young couple trying to carve out a life in Las Vegas.

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I hope I smoothed some of the edges. Gave Clare more to worry about, and made Ted more human. Any comments are welcome.

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Three perspectives on a double homicide.

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I wanted to show that in every situation someone always finds a way to benefit from anything.

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Drafting stages: Vegas couple cope with the affects of the cloud during Christmas. Would love any input, even if it's a line or too. I'm especially looking any comments on the balance between the cloud response (since it's been around for four months) and drive of the plot as main character and her story develops. What part of the plot is most and least engaging? I'm in the experimental stages here, and would love to know what you think.

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Anything to improve for the contest.

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This is the first draft of my cloud story. Any comments would be appreciated.

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A potter's point of view.

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observations from someplace unimportant.

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second draft...thoughts, any of the thinking variety are warmly welcomed

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This is my entry for the "The Cloud" writing competition. It was originally over 6000 words, so I had to pare a lot to get it under 5000 (4977). As an eerie and mysterious cloud hovers over Las Vegas for months, it renders havoc on everything and everyone below. In spite of all the tragedy and gloom, love finds a way to grow and flourish. Any and all feedback is appreciated. Thank you in advance.

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I wanted to create a character that perhaps is a borderline case. Someone who takes medication and could possibly interpret things in an extreme manner. I also wanted to leave the reader to arrive at a personal conclusion. Perhaps it really is real, or maybe your inclined to think it is a bunch of religious fanatics. I will appreciate any feedback and help. I realize it needs work………D

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