Content: success
Related Tags: Seen, Before, Years, Life, Until, Door, Taking, Man, Exactly, Said, Knew, Hair, Without, Men, Give, Head, Able, Class, Am, Come, Future, House, Happy, School, Continued.
Recently Submitted
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Title |
Author |
Type |
Genre |
Reviews |
Credits |
Date |
 | The Jumprope | theo vanguard | Short Story | Flash Fiction | 4 | 0.24 | Jan 8, 2012 |
Summary:A disappointing gift becomes important.
Any kind of feedback OK.Chapters: |
| The Basketball Game | theo vanguard | Short Story | Memoir | 5 | 0.66 | Jan 5, 2012 |
Summary:Memories of a pickup basketball game I was in and why it meant something special.Chapters: |
| KissTM | Kiss_TM | Novel | Science Fiction | 2 | n/a | Jan 1, 2012 |
Summary:WHAT KISS DESERVES TO BE TRADEMARKED? You'll find out in this literate, comedic, romantic, aphoristic, ten-years-in-the-writing, sci-fi thriller. Only the first page is posted below, since that's all I need feedback on at the moment. I'm mostly interesting in sentence-level commentary, not global suggestions. Which lines catch your eye, for better or worse, and why? I put a lot of pressure on sentences to provide immediate pleasure to the readers, not just the accumulative thrill of character and plot development. Novels are often mostly empty space, wasting their readers' time by deferring pleasure through over-focus on plot and character development. Sentences, though, can provide immediate pleasure--as evidenced in "money lines," those beautifully struck sentences that, even in the best of writers, can be found only a few times a chapter. Novelists can do more to thrill immediately by putting more energy into sentences. You'll see what I mean in the brief descriptions of the main characters below (copied from the novel's opening chapters). If lines like these appeal to you, you'll enjoy the rest of it . . . because the texts is filled with 'em. :-)
Maya Lyon:
"Maya smiled, her face a feature-rich Brazilian package of calligraphic piercings, lash-black hair, museum-quality aquamarine eyes, and unretouched asymmetrical scars."
Hannah Mays
"[Hannah's clothes] were mostly shot up and torn off, leaving her body on full topographic display. Her muscles were ornate and well-detailed, a variable geography of curves and cables and shadowed cross-cuts that made regular bodies look like tube arms hanging from an egg foundation."
Poor Tom:
"Just sitting, [Tom] was a few amputations shy of sharing the circle Da Vinci drew around the Ventruvian Man; standing, Tom made Michelangelo's statuesque David appear like a previous species of underfed teen; and in both positions, his hands were notable, large enough to palm a liter of water and, of late, having been all over her."
----- As mentioned, I'm mostly interesting in sentence-level commentary, not global suggestions. Which lines catch your eye, for better or worse, and why? THANKS IN ADVANCE FOR COMMENTARY! ~johnChapters: |
| No. 250272 | Ethereal Angel | Poetry | Science Fiction | 2 | 0.00 | Sep 6, 2011 |
Summary:Spur of the moment. Not meant to be taken too seriously. Or if you want to tackle it's form, etc.--but all means, do!Chapters: |
| What Next: A Proactive Approach to Success | A_Seeker | Novel | Non-Fiction | 2 | n/a | Feb 18, 2011 |
Summary:Have you ever wondered what makes some people so much more successful than others, than you? The answer is fairly basic and simple – they are curious, adventurous, and unsatisfied with the status quo. Put simply, successful people ask a very basic question – what next.
I'm looking for feedback in two major areas. First is this a book (one of many in the self-help genre) that you would like to read. Second, based on the sample, are you interested in reading more? Any and all comments are welcome. Thank you.Chapters: |
