Content: strongest start two

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19-year-old Eva has a boyfriend back home in Oregon, but what American girl can resist a Scottish accent? Romancing an Edinburgh barkeep while working abroad, she knows she's taking risks. What she doesn't expect is the third guy entering the picture: a sarcastic fellow traveler who discovers her secret and becomes her unlikely confidante. Meanwhile her best friend scares herself witless ghost-hunting in Edinburgh's medieval streets, and Eva's boyfriend gets it into his head to come visit without advance warning. It will be a miracle if Eva can leave Scotland with all her relationships, and her sanity, intact.

Types of feedback? Any! I'm still tinkering with this story, but hope to get it posted this year and shape it into the type of Young Adult novel that adults enjoy too.

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This is a romantic/suspense story how Angelina Tosconna met and fell in love with Singer/Performer, Samuel Wade. The story starts out how they first meet and fall in love. Then after she gets engaged her whole world falls apart when Sam's ex-girlfriend shows up with a child claiming he is the father. Then she moves to Montana and meets up with Nicholas Ross. He has ways of getting rid of people that get in his way and he warns her about Sam. A lawyer suddely disappears and is never found or seen from again. There is murder, a fight between Rita and Angelina. Ben and Sam go inside a bar not noticing three men there watching them. More suspense coming. And how Nichoals takes things into his own hands. Alot of twists and turns. I do hope everyone leaves feedback and critque:) This is rated for young grown ups to older women or men who like romance. The beginning starts off as a sweet romance.

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Synopsis - In Celia Reynolds eyes, life is perfect. She has a wonderful loving family including a sister that is her best friend. Her career is skyrocketing and she has more male admirers than she can keep up with. Then, her world is shattered when her sister Gabi takes her own life. As she questions her sister’s suicide and peels back the layers of her ideal life, she realizes that life is not perfect nor is it meant to be. Her journey of self discovery takes her from an elegant 20th floor apartment in New York City to Washington, DC and the Islands of South Carolina. Along the way she learns a family secret that forces her to see her self and her sister in a different light - all with help from some unlikely sources - an orangutan named Nikkee and a Voodoo Priestess named Mira. *** Requests - All I can ask for is honest feedback. Give it to me straight ; ).

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I am hoping to write a children's book/series about a fairy who finds out that she has magical powers and what else- must save her kingdom from the big, bad dragon. My tenative age group is 7-10 years old (I hope this does not turn anyone off from reviewing it). I am looking for honest feedback- what works, what does not, suggestions for improvement especially with respect to the characters.

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Lisa Kaamp operates a small childcare business out of her home in the sleepy little town of Nogeksum, Michigan. Highly respected and known for going the extra mile for her daycare kids, Lisa thought she had handled every daycare emergency possible. But nothing prepared her for the nightmare she now faced. Lisa awakes one morning to find herself bound and gagged, four strange men in her home, and the daycare children being held hostage in the next room. Terrorized by her captors as the authorities work to meet the ransom deadline, she tries negotiating with the men for the release of the children, and soon realizes that at least one of them has no intention of letting anyone go. With the deadline quickly approaching, Lisa must do the unimaginable to protect the children and get everyone out alive.

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'Panopticon' is the story of a family (mother and three daughters) adjusting to life after divorce from a cruel and oppresive husband and father. The story is narrated by the eldest daughter, Matilda, an over-analytical woman in her mid-twenties, who returns home to Spain after 5 years of self-exile in London, to help run the chaotic and crumbling hotel that her mother has taken on. It is not long before the hotel starts to feel like a prison to Matilda, who must deal with the looming shadow of her father and her obsession with escape

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The Coffee Diary This is a story of Veronica who grows up in Guatemala on a coffee farm. As a teen she rebels against her father and the culture and leaves the country hoping never to return. When her father is murdered by extortionists he leaves her the farm. The corrupt mayor of the town of Moyuta has been calling her in California wanting to buy the farm. She returns to Guatemala to decide whether to sell Las Marias or to continue running it, and she finds a diary that she had written at 14. She relives that year and discovers that her father's died to preserve the farm for her.

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This is a spoof of the career of a notorious fugitive and his mistress and of the attempts of the FBI to find them, and also of aspects of contemporary U.S. life such as our preoccupation with and ignorance of nutrition and exercise, and a banking industry that facilitates easy movement of proceeds from criminal activity. Although I hope it is funny, I changed the genre from humor to literary fiction because deeper meaning emerged in the first 18 chapters. I very much appreciated reviews on the first submission, hope this is improved, and welcome any and all suggestions.

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Brock and Jules unite again and find each others company nice. They discover that their relationship is a bit rocky at times but they are tenacious in their defense of themselves. Read on and see where the story takes these two!

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My story is a fictional account of the First Black serial killer in the US. It takes place in the 1920's and is told from the twisted point of view of our central character. For that era he would have been considered "evil" nowdays we would label him a sociopath and study his mind. I am looking for feedback on everything, this is my first attempt at a project like this and any and all feedback is welcome. I did use several poems from Langston Hughes, Claude McKaye, and a quote from Marcus Garvey to help capture the mood and atmosphere of the time. I also wrote several poems under the names of Hiawatha Wiggins in honor of one of my kids favorite cartoon characters Chief Wiggins from The Simpsons, and i also used the name "Jumpin" Joe Benton for a little variety. This is all new to me so i hope i can live up to your standards. Thank you.

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Providence is the story of an American tall ship's voyage around Cape Horn to San Francisco. The story is set in 1872. It is also a story about character transformation. I wrote the story to appeal to the readership established by the late Patrick O'Brian. If he were alive, I hope he would approve of my effort as his inspiration is very evident. My goal is to set the reader on board the deck of an American clipper. I want my reader to not only imagine being there, but to also imagine working the ship and feeling the courage of the men who manned her. The characters in Providence are unique. This novel is about heroism, but courage is not limited to physical bravery in Providence. Kayleigh MacKenna, my heroine, is as much a hero as the ship's captain. Her story will appeal to men and women alike. The lyrical beauty and awesome might of the sea should appeal to everyone. It has for centuries. This novel was meant to accompany a good bottle of wine, an easy chair, and an evening away from the TV and the 21st Century. Escape awhile. Tell me if you do so.

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This is a major re-write of the novel based on the great feedback I've received from reviewers here. The first chapter is entirely new, and I've decided to delay the introduction of a couple of the characters a bit because I got the impression the back and forth was confusing some readers. I think this is essentially a chick lit story, but I've received some great feedback from the men here, so guys, please don't be scared off. Nicole is a single working mother in her late thirties. At the beginning of the novel she finds that she is pregnant with the child of her younger, unemployed live-in boyfriend. As the story progresses, we find out how she deals with the pregnancy, learn more about how she came to be in this seemingly dead-end relationship and why she stays, and ultimately get to see her create the life she's always dreamed of, but not without some hurdles along the way. Review wise, I am interested in any and all feedback, from the smallest nits to comments on story flow, dialogue, etc. Feel free to jump in and review any chapter -- I don't mind if you don't start at the beginning.

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All I ask is that you read and enjoy.

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Terrorcruise, a science fiction adventure, is the story of Tac-Team Captain Axel Fargo's quest to hunt down and kill the terrorist who murdered Axel's wife- a man the Unity Sphere thinks is dead; the terrorist Hetz, who fell before the Unity Fleet once but survived, thanks to powerful new technology, and is set to resume his murderous ways; and Maurel Bright, daughter of one of the Sphere's most powerful businessmen and a target in her own right, simply for being who she is. Terrorcruise is a finished novel in the 105,000 word range. I have never presented it for review in its entirety before and as I earn the credits, hope to post it here for your critiquing pleasure. Any criticism, good or bad, will be appreciated.

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Whatever happened to the nerds from high school and college. The people who never got along with anyone? They went on to become engineers, of course. This story, derived over years of observation of real engineers details some of the more interesting attributes and interactions of real life engineers.

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2nd in a series. **************** This is not a supernatural tale, but an attempt at police procedural in which lycanthropy is a mental condition - the plot centres more on the chaos caused by the werewolf sightings than the wolf itself. ********** plot: Something dark and hairy roams the steep parklands that flank the suburbs of Alcove. A mauled body is found in the crawlspace of an abandoned house. Young DC Cal Dion, recovering from car crash injuries and newly reinstated in his home office, is set upon a trail that zigzags between murky dangers, howlings in the night, peculiar coworkers, and an edgy romance.

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Carol believes that after she began to write fan letters to Brad Pitt, that he began to communicate with her through his films. Carol is a mentally unbalanced, child-like hoot of a character with a number of delusions. She believes she is a femme fatale and a competent therapist. She has one pathetic client. Just once in her life, Carol gains an opportunity for getting a grip on herself and achieving an acceptable position in society. She is hired as a child psychologist by Dreams Come True, a for-profit version of the Make a Wish Foundation. Carol makes up a client and wangles a meeting with Brad Pitt. It doesn’t go well and true to the title, Carol tries to take out a restraining order. Carol’s encounter with success doesn’t last. Her attempt to fulfill a secret wish of a child client leads to the loss of her one adult client and her final loss of reality. Note: Some chapters have been edited in light of reviews.

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A Gypsy Among Gypsies is the story of my nomadic adolescence, living by my wits in the age of sex, drugs, and rock-n-roll. While American youth were growing their hair, experimenting with psychotropic drugs and protesting the Vietnam War, I was running for my life to Alaska, hoping to outdistance my troubled past and vanquish the demons in my head. I knew my past was dark, but I did not know it all. The storyline is a progressive quest for adventure, self-discovery, and enlightenment with more twists and turns than a Texas sidewinder: from a six-month cruise in the Caribbean to a county jail in California; from a cabin in the Sierra Nevada to a remote river camp in the Trinity Mountains; from the Aleutian Islands to Hawaii. Wrapped in a riddle with psychological and paranormal overtones, the story embodies the adolescent spirit of romance, rebellion and idealism, and celebrates the contention that given even less than half a chance, life not only endures...it prevails.

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Okay so after a year of reviews from everyone on the site, and after some soul searching, some serious edits, rewrites and revisions I am now reposting my book, Redemption Don't Come Cheap. It is now called - Once Upon A Time In Brooklyn - and I hope you like it. The story opens in 1964 when three nine year-old boys from diverse backgrounds view the movie Goldfinger for the twentieth time and see no problem in emulating their hero by painting the baby sister of one of the boys bright red, from neck to toes. Fortunately, the baby takes it all very well, and is unharmed, but the aftermath of the boys’ punishment rips their friendship apart. In fact, they barely talk for thirty years until a break-in at a local store, a twist of fate, and a series of letters from the grave inexplicably and simultaneously draw them back to the scene of the crime. Here they reveal multiple ‘long kept’ secrets under the stress of a new, shared predicament and it becomes clear that at least one of them may have to die to save the other two.

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My novel "Goodbody" is a thriller which examines the deteriorating financial system in the United States.

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Harlie Storme is a woman overcoming the emotional scars leftover from her violent and abusive marriage. Their love at first sight romance helping her to regain her lost sense of self worth, this small town girl starts a whirlwind romance with a rock icon who pulls her into his tempestous life of paparazzi, tabloids, and bodyguards, sweeping her into a love so deep and sensual that she will never be the same. But all is not perfect in their new paradise. Determined to have the object of his desire all to himself, a stalker threatens to tear the couple's world apart, becoming more obsessed as their devotion to each other grows stronger. If his identity is not discovered in time, their very lives could be destroyed. (Romantic Suspense)

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I came up with the perfect excuse for why I'd be spending so much time with Gabe. Okay, so with Sam there could never be a good reason for me spending time with Gabe, but this would have to do: The Tri-County Martial Arts Tournament. I would explain to Sam that I have a burning desire to kick some serious tail at the tourney and Gabe was going to be my own private tutor. Yikes. He would hate it. But it beat telling him the truth. Hey, Sam, guess what? Gabe is actually a higher being. He was sent here to find me. My migraines - well, I've been meaning to tell you this, but I really do see dead people, and all sorts of scary stuff, but it's okay, because you see, Sam, I'm The Seer. That's right, I'm The Seer. And I'm the only thing standing between a race of higher beings that you've never heard of before and utter annihilation. I have to spend hours with Gabe every week because I'm the Obi-Wan to their Princess Leia. I'm their only hope. He'd call for the Straightjacket Brigade immediately. Who'd believe a story like that--especially with a history of mental illness in the family? No, The Tri-County Martial Arts Tournament would have to do.

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Allie Carpenter, a rising young pianist goes missing during a celebratory evening with friends at a nightclub. I would be most grateful for feedback on mistakes in everything from typos to chronology, things which don't "gel" This is the umpteenth edit and as I need to get it BACK on the site as FAST as possible, I am going to double-bunk chapters where they fit inside the 5000 word limit and try to post once every 24 hours.) THE FIRST POSTING IS CHAPTERS 1-2

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Knighthawk and I are co-writing this "urban fantasy" novel. The main character (Oli) is from my previous novel which some of you may have reviewed. This is a whole new story. We're doing a lot of front-end work - establishing three acts, outlining the scenes, developing and nailing down character arcs and through-lines before doing the real nitty gritty of developing the prose. But we were eager to see your reaction to the "tone" of the story, the prose style, and if you find it compelling. In other words, would you buy it? Any and all feeback is welcomed.

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All Z Anna Marley wanted to do was save her money to finish college. Instead, she's agree to loan what she has saved to Hoops--her best friend’s brother AND the love of her life. They all, including her best friend’s boyfriend plotted to take a road trip to Mexico to save Hoops' Mexican girlfriend, who has been tricked into going to Mexico and kidnapped by her own family because they didn’t want her dating a black man. Raising hell from Atlanta, GA straight to the border of Mexico, Z battles against the love she has for Hoops, who has taken advantage of how she felt since they were children. Although she deemed herself the biggest woman fool for helping the man she love set his girlfriend free, she also wanted to find out if that experience would set her free to love someone else. From unpredictable voodoo curses in Louisiana to real life cowboy shoot outs in the deserts of Texas, Z finds out the money for her education has already paid for the biggest lesson in her life...

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This is raw, a work in progress. I'm taking a risk here, going out of my comfort zone by putting up something that's not yet finished. I’m hoping you’ll see some growth from me in this. Sapphire Reign takes place almost 10 years after Kings & Queens. I’d appreciate reviews from readers, who've read my first book, since they can (hopefully) see what I’m doing differently and if it’s working, but anyone is welcome to read this. However, since it is a sequel, spoilers abound. So only proceed if you have no intention of reading Book 1.

My mini-sum now: In a world where wickedness is exalted and an evil agenda is corrupting the young and innocent, a 26-year-old woman, trapped in the grip of agony, receives a glimmer of hope and battles heaven and hell to reclaim the happiness that's been stripped from her. ***Minor change. I originally had this about 10 years later, then switched it to 8. Now it's closer to 10 again. I forgot I had placed Majesty's sister Skye in high school. She's 15 in this story.

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Sam woke up to find her brother Devon in a coma. It doesn't take long to find out about a mass breakout of comas across the country, mostly of kids who are Devon's age.

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There was a bit of the Don Quixote in Eddie Young—that is if the “Don” were a social assassin (instead of social misfit), was driven by demon ambition (instead of misplaced chivalry) and whose Dulcinea was Meredith… or whichever co-host then occupied the seat beside Matt Laur. Matt, of course, was the final most worthy opponent in an army of windmills. Eddie would tilt all but Matt. Matt he would topple—and once toppled he would trample…. And, all this was inside Eddie’s head. Eddie was an investigative reporter for a small Boston television station. The successful completion of his latest assignment would easily catapult him right up to the anteroom of Studio One-A, Rockefeller Center. From there he’d find a way in. But that wasn’t the only thing inside Eddie’s head. To say “still waters run deep” is to admit you haven’t a clue as to the wild torrent surging and swirling in the deepest depths of some brains. Eddies was one. The raging currents down there were ancestral, archetypal and deeply sinister… And it was a part of him that might soon demand expression.

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I've been writing professionally for four years as a journalist. 75 South is my first full novel. In the immediate aftermath of a double homicide, Daniel DeLion embarks on what is intended to be a quick motorcycle ride to clear his head that spirals into a thousand mile journey during which he internally debates his fate. I am having trouble with a few elements of development, and welcome all comments, critiques, praises, and slams.

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After facing a series of dangers, from overcrowded boat to vicious pirates, I lost my brother at sea. Lan whom I met on the boat was raped and almost killed by pirates while her baby and husband were tossed into the ocean. Lan and I were rescued by an American vessel couple days later, stayed in a refugee camp for more than a year, then settled in America. Twenty five years later, I became a college professor. Lan continued to struggle for survival.

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"When Two Trails Become One" has a western flair that takes place in 1972, with flashbacks to 1940, and mainly centers on Jessie and Clayton as they essentially find each other again after about three decades. A "loveless marriage" and a less than fulfilling "relationship" start Jessie looking back on her past, which begins to virtually overlap with the present. In numerous twists and turns, the story explores the complexities of human nature, highlighting qualities relating to identity, beliefs, and love in various forms. The story opens with Jessie feeling "annoyed that her seclusion is in danger of being interrupted by 'some city slicker' on horseback who wouldn't have the foggiest notion of how to find his way back down the mountain after dark." Her feelings about Jace Edwards, her live-in lover, take something of a turn, and saying "I'll be back in two weeks," she heads out for a ride up on Cry Baby Mountain to the cabin she and Clayton had discovered all those years ago. Over the last thirty-one years thoughts of Clayton had surfaced at random and usually at the most inconvenient times. Her father viewed Clayton as a 'worthless drifter' and had told Jessie she was never to lay eyes on him again, and Clayton felt Jessie didn't stand up for him. As the narrative moves back and forth in time marking certain experiences that may lead to a reunion of sorts, Jessie and Clayton strive to reconcile their individual motivations and responses. When she seemingly goes missing, a rescue team takes action and the sheriff commences an investigation into 'who attacked Jessie up on Cry Baby Mountain.' In the concluding pages of the story, the sheriff focuses a degree of attention toward Dakota Jay, a longtime friend of both Jessie and Clayton. A journal entry from Clayton furnishes some potentially unexpected information, and Jessie ponders whether or not, in her overzealous quest to find Clayton, maybe she had overlooked some important details. With elements of suspense and emotion, this offering is designed to capture the imgination as well as to provoke thought. The possibility of a sequel is left open with Jessie heading down "a dirt road with Clayton's blue hand-painted truck just ahead" and thinking to herself, "sometimes love isn't so much about what you give as it is what you don't give."

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Nia was apart of the Inter-dimentional Teleportation Security Agency until she found out her boss was what she fought against. Now sucked back into a job that will kill her, she found herself trapped in another dimention and forced to trust strangers to find the only living friend she had left and the way back home.

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Elise has witnessed the destruction of Earth by Aliens. The aliens turn out to be all too human, ascended from Earth's past. She, and hundreds of other women, are enslaved by their new masters and discover they are to be trained in a unique skill. What could cause these distant earth cousins to annihilate nearly the entire population on Earth? Elise will discover that even the all powerful Emperor Gregor vlor'Malita has something to fear and he is bound and determined to mold her into a tool, against her will, to fight this battle.

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In a land where the four mystic Elements embody the magic of life, death and the realm of the next-life, Keevan just wants to fit in... if he can only stay alive long enough to learn how! This is my first novel and I'm writing it initially for the Young Adult reader. Please let me know if you think it works for that genre; especially the prelude, I'm not sure how well the narrator works here. This is my entry into the Strongest Start Novel competition. Unfortunately, two of the first 3 chapters are also the shortest. I figured a lot will change after I get feedback from the fantastic community here!

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Dragon Mail Ltd is a postal company that delivers mail between our realm (mainly London and the South East), and a realm that most believe exists only in fantasy books. The main plot is about a young man called Ben struggling to settle into a lifetime of office work. With boredom and a determined, but gradually fading resistance to fight the monotony that is consuming him, Ben stumbles upon a 'fantastic' job opportunity: a position at Dragon Mail Ltd. The story opens with an employee called Frank, embarking on a delivery that's about to go horribly wrong and incidentally lead to Ben’s first clue about the company.

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A small-town college community is turned upside down when an anthropologist on the national lecture circuit comes to town to dispel racial myths.

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When Charles Bastin dies everyone wants his money, but nobody wants his collection of ugly modern sculptures. Roger Smith, his grandson, inherits the monstosities, and his son, Josh, soon finds out their true nature.

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Annie Peregrine and her cousins are spending the summer at their grandmother's 100 year old home in Glenden Falls, NY. One hot, stuffy afternoon while cleaning out the attic, the trio accidently discovers an old clock - centuries old, covered up with a sheet...and still ticking. They climb into the cabinet of the clock and are taken on a wild ride through time, beginning with trying to save their ancesters from a sinking ocean liner, and ending in a desperate attempt to stop the assassination of Andrew Johnson on the night Lincoln was killed. Annie discovers many things on her journey, including the secret that the Peregrine family has kept since time began, and that she is the next Guardian of the Gate. I'd like any kind of feedback on structure, story..whatever. I appreciate the time anyone takes to review my work, and look forward to making it better!

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A story about two friends, their relationship, and the people they meet over the decades. The story moves between the present day and the Eighties.

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For a thousand years civilized realms have lived in the shadow of the ratmen, a vicious warrior race kept in check by their tendency to slaughter one another. But now the necromancer Demos Azari has summoned a demon lord to gather the ratmen under one banner and march on the lands of men and dwarves. Only one group of heros, the Magician Aaron, the Hairfoot Walley Highspirt, the Paladin Tomas Grey, the Dwarf Maximilian, and the Dark Fey Anastazja hold to key to stopping Demos before the world is engulfed in darkness.

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Fifteen year old Samantha Hyde's father, Dr. Cody Hyde, is a Crypto zoologist. A monster hunter. Together with her best friend MG, they are searching for irrefutable proof of the existence of a real live monster. But there is a problem. Not only do they wish to find a monster, they MUST find one, and soon. When Cody's wife (Samantha's mother) is killed in a car accident with Cody behind the wheel, Cody's Mother-in-Law, the wealthy Constance Alden decides to have her revenge. She brands Cody a lunatic monster hunter and an unfit father. Alden sends a ruthless bounty hunter after Samantha and her father. If she gets her hands on Sam, she'll take her from her father...forever. Cody's only hope, to find a monster, before a monster finds them. This is the first in a series. I welcome any and all comments.

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I have taken a lot of suggestions and am approaching this from a different point of view in order to let the reader get into the protagonist's head a little more. Any and all feedback is appreciated.

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First round draft. Looking for any advice: creative, technical, what have you.

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Anna is a cellist with the London Chamber Orchestra and her fiancé Charles is an investment banker; they live in Chelsea, London England. Charles isolates Anna; their relationship has left her feeling dependent and insecure. Charles has asked Anna to marry him but he hasn’t shown interest in planning a wedding date. The abuse is subtle and insidious; she doesn’t sleep well and rarely sees her family and friends. Throughout the story Charles’s moods swing capriciously between charm and contempt. He can be cruel; using lies, ridicule and fear to keep her off balance. The emotional abuse slowly erodes her self-esteem, blinding her to the truth of his character. The first chapter unfolds as Anna learns of the sudden death of her beloved grandmother. Anna and Charles are having breakfast in his Chelsea flat the morning after her parents’ telephone call. This moment is when the reader begins to understand Charles’s lack of empathy and his use of recriminations to hurt her. Anna is eating the birthday cake she made for him while Charles is finishing his breakfast impatiently, putting his papers and laptop into his briefcase. Anna is eating for comfort, trying her best to maintain her composure. Charles ignores her sadness and reminds her that she shouldn't be eating the cake and his critical stares tell her he doesn't approve. It is important to him that Anna be slim and attractive so that she will make a favorable impression on his friends. Anna places the cake in the trash bin and watches as Charles smiles smugly before turning to leave. The book goes on to describe the weekend house party where the abuse intensifies and the reader is drawn into Anna’s fear. During the weekend she endures the same thoughtless behavior the girlfriends of his friends silently accept. The reader will be able to see what Anna will not believe; that Charles is an insecure and deeply troubled man who uses Anna’s misery to feel a sense of empowerment. Anna’s grief and her friendship with a fellow musician, George, help her to eventually find the strength to end the abusive relationship with Charles. George is a pianist with the orchestra and they often practice their solo pieces together. George’s love and tenderness encourage Anna to focus on her music and break free from the fear and chaos that has surrounded her life. Her grandmother was a free spirit and a gifted musician who lived her life with passion and humor. She was very close to Anna and she gave her a love of classical music. She knows her grandmother wanted her to be more independent, but Anna wants desperately to be loved by Charles. When her grandmother died she left her home in Hampstead to Anna’s parents. During the long afternoons when Anna is packing her grandmother’s belongings she reads her letters and looks through her photo albums. In a time when expectations were placed on women, her grandmother had chosen her own life. She was a composer and Anna’s grandfather was a violinist. The photographs, love letters and diaries provide Anna with glimpses into her grandmother’s triumphs and struggles. The love and admiration her grandparents shared inspires Anna to hold onto her dreams of being a concert cellist and end her relationship with Charles. In the final chapter Anna leaves Charles and George finally tells her he has loved her for years. Anna wants to believe that she and George will be happy but in her heart she knows Charles will never let her go. I am hoping to receive feedback that will help me to develop my characters and their relationships with each other. I would like readers to feel a connection to Anna and her struggle to find her dreams.

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A pleasure-loving professional woman, Grace Savage, is shaken down to her boyshorts when she visits Shaker Village, a celibate community in the Granite State, and glimpses her personal future mired in a maiden state.

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A Jonathon Franzen version of The Big Chill. It's a colorful, wild, witty and interesting psychedelic Indian road story that updates much that 1970's generations experienced while away from home, on the road and going through the rites of passage that formed them. It explores the spiritual trail taken by many searching for a greater meaning of life in India. This is a narrative from an urbanite ex-punk rocker, ex-small time crook, ex-drug addict, 'X gener', who quite enjoyed doing yoga once a week at his local gym. There is murder, tragedy, terrorists, romance, western scepticism, a dash of eastern mysticism and even a revolution. It is the author's autobiographical experiences in India 2006. "At times as garish as a Bollywood flick and reminiscent of fellow Australian Gregory David Roberts' Indian adventure "Shantaram," this novel packs an honest, if slightly profane, punch." - Publishers Weekly (USA)

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A reporter, recently relocated from New York to Wilmington, North Carolina, and researching the fact that Willie Mosconi once played pool in a local bar, comes across a ghost story about three patrons who died in a fire at the Hotel Orton in 1949 and reportedly still haunt the bar (now called Orton's) that was in its basement. He discovers, though, that newspaper reports on the fire show no indication of any deaths in the fire and wonders about the validity of the ghost story. Shooting pool at Orton's one night, the reporter is physically approached by the Ghost of the Hotel Orton, who proceeds to tell him the story of what really happened that night, asking the reporter to more or less set the record straight.

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Rough draft of YA novel of survival with a Sci Fi twist. And yes I already know Sci Fi is not big among YA:) Looking more for feedback on story, characters, plot, than on my Grandma, I mean my grammar!

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Witness Frank Donnelly battle Zeus and his army of Cyclopes. Plenty of sex, drugs, and rock 'n roll. Violence, too.

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Mike Brady hated Pat Quinn for stealing Sheila Young from him. He tries to exact revenge and win her back by pounding him into the ground of the football field behind the high school. Pat was as tough as Mike, and they both staggered home bruised and bloody after a visious fistfight. Mike wanted revenge bad but had no way of getting it. The feud lies like a dormant volcano while Mike becomes a professional basketball player and Pat becomes a professional criminal and drug dealer. The feud erupts years later when Pat buys a club at auction in the town Mike lives in and turns it into an illegal strip club.

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Something holds Georgia Danforth earthbound, even sixty years after her death. When Max Araña moves into her house to work on his art, Georgia sees a way to finally communicate to the living, telling her story through the graphic novel Max draws. Kat Cox, an old college friend of Max's, hits the breaking point and moves into the house to collaborate on the project with Max, combing her photographs with his art. Max's art, however, takes a very dark turn. Although Georgia tries to chase Kat away, Kat can't walk away from the disintegrating Max. She chooses to decipher the story and figure out how to put Georgia at peace. *PLEASE READ FROM THE BEGINNING. I'M LOOKING FOR STORY CONTINUITY*

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Take two. I am coming at this from a different angle. This is actually chapter two but might possibly be the best beginning for this quirky tale about an escaped convict who ends up caring for a woman with dimensia. Any feedback appreciated.

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In October, 1951, we meet five year old Louise Stokes, a product of a very dysfunctional family comprised of an alcoholic, abusive father, a mother who is basically a doormat, and a sister, older by fifteen months who is sometimes protector, sometimes nemesis. Just before Louise's tenth birthday, her parents, Riley and JoEllen, leave her and her sister, Christine, in the care of their grandmother while they go to Chicago to escape the scandal caused by her father's illicit affair. Louise settles into a quieter way of life, but when the school year ends, she is transplanted once again, reunited with her parents. As a teenager, Louise meets an older man and begins a relationship with him. When she finds herself pregnant, she must make a choice. Will she have the baby and give it up for adoption, have an illegal abortion, or marry the man responsible and try to have a normal life?

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Jason knows his Shakespeare. He can recite every word of every play, every scrap of history, every syllable of criticism that’s referenced the Bard of Avon. But Jason has just discovered a world within our own, where monsters and murderers hunt for a powerful treasure missing for the last four hundred years. This is more-or-less finished piece. I'm looking for reactions as well as plot holes, inconsistencies, and anything else that can polish this into a better story.

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Karen finds herself floating through life unhappy and discontent, though she can't figure out why. She has a job she loves and a boyfriend who adores her, but it's as though she has lost her ability to feel joy. When she meets a exciting man named Seth, he convinces her to buy a ticket to Ecuador and suddenly she feels as though she's awakened from a deep sleep. Half A World Away is about Karen's adventures in South America and her journey to discover herself. This story is for anybody who wants to travel, but just needs a little inspiration!

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Ben is the only cop in the small Midwestern town of Dry Creek. Mysterious deaths, marked by a sign of a white cross, baffle not only Ben but also the police in the nearest city. The autopsies indicate that a lack of oxygen is the cause of the deaths, but there is no presence of a gas. Ben is slow to admit that his bucolic town could harbor a serial killer. He is even slower to come to realize the truth of an old Sioux Indian woman’s belief that the air is inhabited by an evil spirit. The spirit may have once inhabited the town teenage bully who ended up being killed in Iraq. His gravesite is marked by a white cross that keeps being stolen or vandalized by being painted black. The bully’s father is abusive, but one son in the family is decent and ends up helping Ben attempt to deal with the mystery. The father goes after Ben and is suspected of being the serial killer by the FBI who Ben eventually brings into the case. An eerie luminescent fog often hovers over Dry Creek and Ben himself is threatened. His love for Dry Creek makes him determined to rid the town of its malice even if it means his own life.

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Sean Williams, son to a powerful senator, must take a stand on the grey edges of power and justice. A secret group of assasins is handing out punishment to those too powerful for the law to touch. Sean is brought into a shadowy world where morality is malleable and right and wrong are hard to define. He is pulled along a path where he must choose between a desire to live up to his father's expectations and doing what he believes is right - he cannot have both. WARNING: THIS FIRST CHAPTER CONTAINS EXPLICIT SEX.

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Jackalhead jogged my memory I had this story. I thought about it and decided it could go from a short story to a novel. Just like Samantha in Bewitched, I wiggled my nose and it changed. This story at one time was the #2 short story on the site before I pulled it to let others have a place in the rankings. Angel is Angelinity from tnbw - she kept reminding me that she is not naturally blonde and that Zorach will get a surprise on his wedding night. The story was written before the Brokeback Mountain movie. With that hint I leave you with Zorach and Angel.

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Jewel, half-alien, half-human, was no ordinary ten year old.

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Corey Travis is a Force Recon Marine, a Captain, currently assigned to the NATO forces in Afghanistan. He’s the guy they send secretly into the tribal areas of Pakistan to find out what the Taliban are serving for dinner and how many places are set. Corey takes leave in Wales with a friend, Gareth Jones, a Major in British Military Intelligence. Gareth is killed in a traffic accident, but Corey is skeptical of the official version of events and starts his own investigation. With the help of Gareth’s contrary sister, he begins to unravel a mystery that could rock the terrorist infrastructure in the entire UK, or more likely kill them all.

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(I'm currently in the process of revising. I can't decide where I want to end book one, so I'm going rewrite until I get there!) A kid from the inner-city finds out he AIN'T from the inner-city. He's the Hearth Tender, protector of the divine flame that fuels all life on Stargleam, a planet in the ninth realm. Before he can assume his duties, however, he must figure out a way to get home!

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A group of boys find what they think is buried treasure using a home-made map and a made-up "Pirate's Spell". What starts out as a fun adventure between four friends soon turns into a struggle for their lives with an ancient evil. An evil that should have never been found, let alone unearthed. This will probably become my strongest start entry so any and all help is welcome. Thanks for reading and enjoy.

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In The Whole Stunned World, Gurney escapes Burma alive. Having lost entrepreneurial American parents and a student-activist lover to Burma's pro-democracy uprisings, she can't blame her past for the ways she's losing her son and husband and even herself now to Boston. And her husband, Robert, had played it safe all his life until Gurney. And then it wasn't enough to have a beautiful Asian wife, but he'd had to flaunt her. And so now he hadn't intended to land this Burma/Myanmar job, this incredibly lucrative job, no one in his right mind would take it. And Gurney is over the moon with it, he hasn't seen her this happy ever. She's got some crazy ideas that it will change the whole world if he takes it.

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This novel attempts to provide readers with key principles necessary to begin a healthy lifestyle, regardless of their condition. It’s in the form of a novel because it's hoped this format will capture and retain the reader’s interest. The author personally hates 'how to' books. The early chapters introduce simplified basic principles of weight loss and effective tools anyone can use. The latter chapters address the spectrum of various individuals ranging from the athlete to the Heart attack/stroke victim.

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This novel-length memoir details the growth and emotional shifts that occur when a thirtysomething woman decides to turn her husband's sexual fantasy into reality. While there will certainly be some vivid descriptions of sex as the story progresses, it is intended for a mainstream audience. The more detailed the critique, the better. I can take it!

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The title of this quirky women’s fiction novel is also the name of the entirely female band the main character, Kat, forms in order to keep connected with her best friend—a family-oriented shrink she met in a college group. Kat’s painting career receives a boost from the socialite singer the friends recruit, and a romance with the guitar player’s cousin develops; both increase the stakes Kat has in the band’s success. But when the debut gig ends up being their last, will Kat be able to adjust to the changes, or will she lose her guy, career, and best friend through the band created to gain it all?

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A story of a lifetime of friendship in which three men share a childhood and eventually lead separate lives. Although wives and girlfriends, marriage and divorce, crime and careers, and drugs and alcohol find their way into their lives -their friendship grows ever stronger until it threatens everything they have strived for, even their own lives. I'd like to dedicate this novel to the tnbw reviewers that helped me learn the craft, especially Ivey, Sonny, Angelinity and Mary. I would have never achieved the skills I have today if not for their reviews.

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Prologue introduces key characters and hopefully foreshadows conflict to come Interested in feedback on Narrative hook Pacing Potential suspense/reader interest Reaction to characters

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Growing up in a world without a father affects an aspiring journalist's newfound faith and his relationship with those around him. After Aidan Lassiter learns he has a teenage son, he remembers a troubling relationship from his past. Throughout this tale, the death of a neighbor caught in the crossfire of romance gone sour offers a symbol for the power of love. Tear it apart, no holds barred. I want advice on both grammatical and structural issues (sentence structure, pace, diction, etc.) and content issues. Is it believable? Does my dialogue make sense? Do you want to keep reading?

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This fiction story is carried by drama and spots of dry humor This is based on a true account of a man who was twice homeless. The man named Chace Worthy is a fictional charater based on a real person and the story, although fiction, is based on the accounts that he told me about his life. The thing that drove me to write the story was how the man spoke of always being in need of stangers to care for him, giving him food, water and spare change or clothes. He said he wanted to have a chance to care for strangers and give back, and now his desires is to become a doctor. I like when people point out the error of my ways, more than getting praise, because this is what helps me refine the story. javier

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A historical romance set in Elizabethan England. This heroine and her hero are forced to marry; one to carry on the family name, the other to prevent poverty. He hates all women, she can't stand him. Their passion ignites and we're swept along in their relationship as it reaches the heights of love and plummits to an intense hate. Their love is put to the test and together they survive an adventure that nearly shakes their world and takes their lives. Theirs is a love that rivals the best and grows into a long, heated passion. I am looking for any sort of feedback, on writing style, tension, drama, plot-building, dialogue, etc...

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Valarie has lived a loveless life of compromise. Everyone she's every cared for has lied and hurt her. But she stumbles upon a piece of paper that puts her life in danger. In the race to save her life, she finds the courage and strength to finally be free of the pain she has held inside of her for so long. Warning: sexual content

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The Adventures of Kate Darling is the story of a beautiful, high spirited young woman who escapes a life of sorrow and cruelty by joining a band of pirates. Set in the early 18th century, it is a comic and bawdy tale of daring adventure, exotic locales, romance, lust, greed, blood and thunder, merry mayhem, and hijinx on the high seas. Now doesn't that sound like fun?

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The main character began as JOSEPH HIGHLANDER. PAMELA MYLAR, a childhood girl friend heard about a helicopter being bomb with him, wife, CARRIE and two close friends, BEN and BECKY TRENT. Two years later, she learned he wasn't the fourth victim in the bombing. She visited the institute. ROBERT DAEMON is a faithful friend and Joseph's lawyer and JANICE is Robert's wife. Joseph and Pamela look different. The FBI give them a new identity as FRANK and TAMMY JACKSON. LAUREL, Joseph's daughter and JIMMY HIGHLANDER, a son-in-law and also Joseph's adopted son, challenged Frank's take-over of their father's institute.

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In 1947 Alice Waters is executed for the murder of her lover's wife and child. Her own illegitimate daughter was given up for adoption and half a century later sets out to discover the truth about her origins and identity. Would like feedback about the coherence of the story and whether there are areas that need improvement.

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Up Home Again is the story of a woman who makes her peace with a haunting childhood in a beautiful place when she returns to Maine to resolve her current personal dilemmas. Finding herself back in the place, though not the time, of her lonely youth, she examines the changes in the area and in herself. Written with a mix of nostalgia and humor, this is a story for anyone who ever went away from anywhere and even thought of coming back.

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It is 1950 in post war Britain Mary a twenty two year old English girl is living in a condemned building in a Glasgow slum. She has been married twice birthed three children and buried one. Mary has a gentle nature but an iron determination. Realising her mistake in leaving Charlie her English childhood sweetheart for the uncouth and lazy Archie will torment Mary for the rest of her life. She makes a pact with her heart to leave this desolation and provide a life for her family. She immigrates to Australia in the sixties. Mary still works and struggles. Her family blossoms. She finds she has skills never realised. She inherits money and establishes a flourishing business. In the 1980’s much to Mary’s relief Archie moves to outback Australia never to return. Sadly her health is deteriorating. She is dying. Charlie in England and now a widower has been searching for her and their daughter. Satisfied that her family is now well settled Mary decides to return to her birthplace and to her Charlie.

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Revised: The first four chapters have been revised taking reviews into consideration. Also, the original Chapter 3 is now Chapter 2, while 4 is 3, and 2 has the 4 slot - all of which will effect the attached reviews. Does the shuffling help or hinder? This novel is set within an orphanage in North Carolina during the mid fifties and sixties. Though it is basically true, the characters are composite and the time lines may be occasionally altered with some literary license thrown into the mix. I am looking for ANYTHING which might improve the readability, especially with regards to characters, dialogue, description, etc. Thanks!

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Nora, a young woman in rural Ireland, lives through the Irish Rising, World War I and the influenza epidemic before she reaches adulthood. Her large family and her village are important to her but her goal is to see Ireland free of British rule. This story began as "Kilkenny Curse" but after some revision, became "Nora's Farewell". So many reviewers have helped me edit this that I owe a great debt to all of you. I am revising it still at this date (October 18, 2007)and reposting some chapters, as necessary. Other chapters will just be revised. One has been cut entirely.This novel is based partly on family history and partly on historical opinion as found in a variety of sources. There is quite a bit of folklore here as well. President Kennedy's assassination is predicted by a prophetic spirit in a cave in Kilkenny. (A bit of folklore I invented but some of the Fitzgerald lore already exists.) Brosna11

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Sir Isaac Newton was a brilliant scientist, a crazed chemist, even an obsessed researcher of biblical verses, but it is what few people ever knew about the reticent man that has Harvard Divinity Professor, Michael DiBianco running for his life, struggling to find answers to a mystery that not only threatens Christianity, but the very meaning of his own existence.

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Facing the demolition of their lovely little granite church, deceased members of a ladies church circle haunt the orphaned grandaughter of one of their own in an attempt to save the landmark. Charlotte Bell, the object of their visitations, is now grown and living with her eccentric best friend in Chapel Hill, NC. This is a light hearted story, I just want to make people smile.

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A great secret is revealed when an assassin tries to kill eighteen-year-old Gabriel Adam; Gabriel is one of four Archangels, born into human form to prevent beginning of the End of Days. Now, he must leave behind the normal life he's known to fulfill a prophecy kept secret for centuries by a clandestine group. Thus begins The Secret of Gabriel Adam, a 75,000 word commercial fiction. Sixteen hundred years ago, the Roman Empire declared the prophetic book, The Apocalypse of Solomon to be heretical and banned it from Biblical canon. With every copy destroyed, the prophecy and all the knowledge it contained to endure the apocalypse was lost. However, one copy survived and now resides in England. With the assassin still in pursuit, Gabriel and his zealous father must travel to England in hopes that the book will guide them. Joined there by Micah - a beautiful Archangel girl - Gabriel must uncover a faith in himself he didn’t know existed before a metaphysical transformation can unlock the power that dwells inside him. But with only two under-trained Archangels and the other two missing or dead, the only hope at stopping the assassin and the End of Days is a weapon hidden inside the Ark of the Covenant somewhere in Aksum, Ethiopia.

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Okay, I'm getting back on track. Much of what is to come is already written... I just seem to be having a hard time with the weeks between Amarillo and OK City, and the first half of the trip to OK City. I'm not sure why, except perhaps this time was just so ordinary. Thanks for continuing to stay with me while I struggle through this part!

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A boxer makes his comeback to the ring. A man makes his comeback to his life. This is going to be a novel (that or a novella, I haven't decided quite yet) based on the poem I've written of the same name. Let me know what you think, as far as general comments as well as the specific aspects of it (use of flashback, language, etc.).

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My first attempt at a fantasy novel (or any kind of novel for that matter). The story centers around a teenager from Missouri who, while visiting relatives in Scotland, finds