Content: romance

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With Valentine's Day upon us and its celebration mercilessly becoming more and more a senseless exercise in commercialism, I thought it perhaps appropriate to lay out some questioning ideas relative to its supposed theme...romance.

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It's time for the annual posting of this rant. Valentine's Day is coming up whether any of us like it or not. Men need tips on what to buy for their significant others, so as a public service I'm posting this again. You can check out the company I'm attacking by posting the following link in your browser. http://www.vermontteddybear.com/Category/Valentines-Day-Gifts.aspx?View=All CONTAINS VULGAR LANGUAGE - UNCALLED FOR SEXUAL INNUENDO - POLITICALLY INCORRECT STATEMENTS. I SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF MYSELF. BUT I'M NOT.

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no...not a picto...just a plain old ordinary poem!

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Casey Lang is a 34-year-old lawyer whose personal life is an epic failure, but she is a rising star at her large Manhattan law firm. A high-profile case with large fees will help cement her career. Enter celebrity chef John Zambelli, who hires Casey after his wife has kicked him out of the house and barred him from the kids, courtesy of a court order. John's case escalates into a full-blown custody battle as a crooked judge slams him with a series of punishing orders. When Casey and John’s attorney-client relationship heads into mea culpa territory, Casey is on a fast track to self-destruction. And then her career, and John’s case, face an even bigger threat – the truth. Because in a custody case, there are kids to consider.

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NOTE: Sorry for the confusion about the title. I decided to go back with the original title (the one I had before posting here on tNBW). I think it suits the trilogy better.

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Is being psychic a gift? For Mackenzie it's a curse--especially when that "gift" delivers her into the hands of a serial killer.

When Mackenzie Hill discovers her mother’s colossal deception, she tosses her life down the garbage disposal and relocates to Watcher's Point, Oregon in search of answers. What she finds is shocking; the man she's been dreaming about for years not only exists in the flesh, but he's got a secret agenda of his own.

Aidan Payne doesn’t expect to get emotionally involved with anyone, least of all a woman who looks at him with disturbing insight. As a serial killer escalates his twisted game, Aidan’s protective instincts take over and sparks begin to ignite. Both realize that if the killer isn't caught, Mackenzie might become the next victim. But neither could have foreseen the web of lies spanning three decades—lies which paved the way for the wrath of a serial killer.

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This novel is set in a remote indigenous mining town in Cape York Australia. The book is a coming of age story about a young women, Sam Tucker, and her friends based on actual events. For Sam's 18th birthday, rather than another backyard party gatecrashed by others, she convinces her closest friends to going camping on the bank of a wild river and the events that unfold change their lives forever. I wanted it to be based around characters that secondary students (13 - 18) could relate to and with action and adventure that would be interesting and leave them wanting to know more. I've never written anything before. My recent addiction to blogging sparked an interest in writing and a sense of purpose(http:/cassielobley@blogspot.com) I found this site to be be a fantastic avenue to learn and mature my literary skills. All feedback - absolutely everything - would be greatly appreciated. Don't hold back.

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What would you do if you found out that you were the main character in your own romance novel? The Devil Will Cry in a thrilling story where an aspiring writer shockingly realizes that she is, in fact, the star of her own historical romance where angels and demons dwell.. Victoria Orpha Leslie is the perfect heroin to a thrilling Historical romance with a paranormal twist. Lady Victoria is not just any lady of the ton by any means. She hides a deadly secret. A secret that would shock polite society and banish her if anyone caught wind of her abilities or talents, if you will. But she soon realizes on one fateful evening that her life will never be the same. The new Earl of Stone suddenly appears into society on a mission that will create havoc in his wake, and he will not stop for anything. What mission? A mission that has Lady Victoria’s name stamped all over it. Ironically, just like her, Lord Stone is not what he appears to be. He’s worse, if that’s even possible…. -This is an unfinished story by a New York, aspiring writer, named Skipper Davenport

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WHAT KISS DESERVES TO BE TRADEMARKED? You'll find out in this literate, comedic, romantic, aphoristic, ten-years-in-the-writing, sci-fi thriller. Only the first page is posted below, since that's all I need feedback on at the moment. I'm mostly interesting in sentence-level commentary, not global suggestions. Which lines catch your eye, for better or worse, and why? I put a lot of pressure on sentences to provide immediate pleasure to the readers, not just the accumulative thrill of character and plot development. Novels are often mostly empty space, wasting their readers' time by deferring pleasure through over-focus on plot and character development. Sentences, though, can provide immediate pleasure--as evidenced in "money lines," those beautifully struck sentences that, even in the best of writers, can be found only a few times a chapter. Novelists can do more to thrill immediately by putting more energy into sentences. You'll see what I mean in the brief descriptions of the main characters below (copied from the novel's opening chapters). If lines like these appeal to you, you'll enjoy the rest of it . . . because the texts is filled with 'em. :-) Maya Lyon: "Maya smiled, her face a feature-rich Brazilian package of calligraphic piercings, lash-black hair, museum-quality aquamarine eyes, and unretouched asymmetrical scars." Hannah Mays "[Hannah's clothes] were mostly shot up and torn off, leaving her body on full topographic display. Her muscles were ornate and well-detailed, a variable geography of curves and cables and shadowed cross-cuts that made regular bodies look like tube arms hanging from an egg foundation." Poor Tom: "Just sitting, [Tom] was a few amputations shy of sharing the circle Da Vinci drew around the Ventruvian Man; standing, Tom made Michelangelo's statuesque David appear like a previous species of underfed teen; and in both positions, his hands were notable, large enough to palm a liter of water and, of late, having been all over her." ----- As mentioned, I'm mostly interesting in sentence-level commentary, not global suggestions. Which lines catch your eye, for better or worse, and why? THANKS IN ADVANCE FOR COMMENTARY! ~john

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Looking for content editing. Think I've found all typos, awkward grammer, poor syntax, etc. Would love to hear feedback on the overall story. Does it keep your interest? Are the cliffhangers nail-biting enough? Did the surprise twist ending make you laugh with irony oe smirk with delight at the big scam aspect? Some parts are very technical, I mean how interesting is the blow-by-blow start-up of a long-dormant nuclear reactor, even if its likely to blow up and pollute most of the Florida aquifer?

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Aidan O’Rourke never dreams that talking to old Diggory Danaher will take him on an adventure of a lifetime. After months of stories about a mythical island and his father, Aidan decides to find out for himself if his father is alive and living as a panther on the mythical island. Stowaway wives, a lost father, bewitched human beings, a wicked witch, pirates, and friendly dragons combine to draw Aidan into a web of intrigue of good versus evil as he becomes the champion of a land that only exceptional men can reach. Aidan proves how exceptional he truly is through the power of faith and unconditional love. Set between sixteenth century Ireland and a timeless, mythical island kingdom called Draconis, King Satin’s Realm relates the saga of four generations of the O’Rourke family as they battle evil in a strange world after finding it in turmoil. The O’Rourkes seem to be called to this enchanted world to be its champions. However, not even a place of such mystery can quell the wanderlust born in the O’Rourke family. Feedback on dialogue, character development, readability, description, and appeal to the audience. Yes, the word is SATIN. I can spell; it is not Satan. This story is as much family saga as fantasy, but there is no family saga category

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The plight of an addict. All comments welcome.

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Another shitty free verse poem. All feedback is welcome.

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A young couple have a one night fling and its consequences influence the decisions over the course of their lives: only to be brought together by FACEBOOK almost 18 years later.

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Hailey and Beth were once best friends. Since Beth fell in love with a popular boy, she ditched Hailey for a taste of popularity. Hailey copes by listening to music, especially a band that her father is the lead singer of. All her life she's dreamt of meeting him, but her mother's sensitivity on the subject has prevented her from ever seeing him in concert. No one understands her need for music, until David. He's a bad boy that she spent all senior year avoiding, but when he starts to creep under her skin, she can't shake him. Soon, he becomes her best friend, even better than Beth ever was. He's the only one she can talk to about music and her dad. But he's made it clear that he wants to add 'benefits' to their friendship, without taking that step into a dating relationship; which is something she is opposed to, but tempted to fall into. Looking for whether this story is identifiable. Are the characters likeable? Can you feel the conflicts in Hailey's life? Is this something that you would recommend to a teenager? Adult?

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“Physician, heal thyself,” are words Doctor MacKenzie “Mac” Reardon never thought he would hear although he has seen far too much sickness and death in his thirty years on Earth. The small isolated town of Possum Holler, West Virginia, has suffered numerous tragedies without a doctor and with a hospital that is nearly one hundred miles away. The people are poor and backward. At last, one of their own has managed to become a doctor. Doctor Reardon returns to his hometown to find his own heartache might be something no medicine can heal as he struggles with a narrow-minded community, ignorance, a rocky marriage to a city girl, Felicia Chambry Reardon, and an overwhelming attraction to the new school teacher/principal, Sunny Bankston, at the newly established school. Having met Sunny while in his ER rotation at Cook County Hospital when he was an intern and her having been shot in a school-violence incident, Mac knows the spirit of the woman, a spirit that is more akin to his than the spirit of the woman he married. Mac struggles against overwhelming odds to bring his community into the twenty-first century even as Sunny Bankston battles her own demons, including fighting an attraction to Dr. MacKenzie Reardon. This is a romance that is a bit different. Yes, there is romance of the man/woman kind, but there is also love of community and friendship, driving forces of the story. I want the reader to see growth and change in these characters. I do not want the reader to hate any of them. The main antagonist is a situation of poverty and ignorance, not an individual. All comments welcome.

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this is the story of Ana's troubled mother, Szuszanna, a hungarian girl who marries a wealthy american businessman. her daughter Ana, of course, is the main character in my novella "It's Ana, Just Ana" i appreciate any and all feedback. should these two stories be coupled into a 2-part novel? so far, it's got more of a romancenovel-ish feel to it, but i'd like opinion on that as well. thanks, and enjoy!

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A writer of romance novels has problems in bed. A 3K word story, complete in this posting.Input please on character, pace. Is it a good read? Many thanks.

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Twelve women are dead! Now, a thirteenth is missing as an unpredictable serial killer stalks the small and usually peaceful town of Eau Bouease, Louisiana, in Lucky Thirteen, a suspense packed thriller coupled with a twist on the impact of love other than romantic love. From a small town in Mississippi, Larkin Sloan is a dedicated teacher who finds herself in a struggle for her life against a sadistic serial killer bent on ritualistic sacrifice. When she awakes chained to a bed by a mysterious man, Larkin realizes she is the thirteenth intended victim in a string of brutal slayings. As Larkin works to convince her captor to set her free, Detective Raiford “Ray” Reynolds investigates twelve horrific murders. He becomes obsessed with finding the thirteenth victim before she becomes another statistic. Along with his temporary partner, Special Agent Christine Milovich, he investigates the thirteenth disappearance of a woman who seems to have nothing in common with the other twelve victims who also have nothing in common other than their murders and discovers the impact of love from a source he never knew existed. Captive, captor, and law enforcement join forces to defeat a sinister killer in a rollercoaster of intrigue, deception, and tumultuous relationships. Lucky Thirteen will keep readers on the edge of their seats anticipating the next turn of events. Any and all comments appreciated.

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REVISE 09.22.11 ) THANKS - måx ≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈

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contemoprary romance. Eric is a businessman and surrogate father to his niece while her mother is in rehab. Vanessa is a business owner struggling to keep the old family business afloat.

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So close to eighteen Ariana Log can't wait to reap the benefits of being an adult, getting away from her alcholic mother is the number one plan but she gets the ball rolling sooner than she expected to. With new ground under her feet and a world of unknown in front of her she begins her journey with a bang of surprises and a bite of adventure.

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This is a romance that is set in the 80's between a young child who meets a young man about to become a mega rock star and a friendship that spans for years.

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Deception and corruption shadow April Chastain as she returns to her hometown, Magnolia Blossom, Mississippi, as a starry-eyed young reporter to work for Russell Dalton, a man she idolizes. Having survived being shot when she was six when both her parents were murdered April comes home, and clues regarding her parents’ murder and murderers who have never been apprehend trickle to light. April finds herself caught up in a web of romance, mystery, and danger. Both she and Russell realize quickly that if they can survive the truth, a lifetime together stares them in the face. Any and all feedback welcome: characterization, plotting, pace, dialogue, readability.

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‡‡‡ HUMOR-SCIENCE FICTION ‡‡‡ THANKS! ¬¬¬¬¬ måx¬¬¬¬

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When Emma’s mother sends her to Wisconsin to live with an aunt, all she can think about is how much her mother hates her. Ever since her parents’ divorce, she’s taken her father’s side, and now she feels like she’s been replaced by her mother’s new baby. But even when she realizes how much her old friends held her back and how much better her life is in Wisconsin, she can’t resolve the relationship with her. Then when she starts dating Jordan, she realizes how much worse a family could be. Instead of worrying about her petty problems, she starts to grow up and see that there can be more than one side to things. With some startling revelations about her parents’ divorce, and one terrible night at Jordan’s house, Emma’s life up north will be something she never imagined it could be.

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Kyra Dernea is the outsider of the tiny town Meidad since her parents found her in an offerings basket to the Gods. She has lived in constant distress that her unique gift for conjuring electricity will upset the suspicious town to an uproar, and now her worst fears have come to pass. I'm looking for grammatical errors and also concept issues--I want to know if something is confusing, even if you can't explain why. Thanks!

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Do you believe in fairy tales? Ana McShay hasn't since she was a child. That is until she finds herself trapped in a realm of fairy tale reality and must find a way back home to Ireland and her sick child.

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Story of three people brought together by love and music in a story that begins in the rock and roll era of the 60's and continues for 20 years of the character's lives. It is also the romance between one woman and the two men who fall in love with her. One who becomes a friend for life and one who becomes her lover and shows the trials that they go through while keeping their relationship and band together.

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The Richards' and Miller's have always lived across the street from each other, and have always gotten along. When Ella was ten, it all started going downhill. After all four of her sisters get pregnant with two Richards boys over the span of five years, Ella and Ryan are determined not to become like their elder siblings. But it would be so much easier if they didn't feel anything for each other. Just a few more months and she'll be off to college, and hopefully far away from town, and the Richards' boys. But can she last that long without repeating history?

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This is different for me, but I've always wanted to write something like this. Skylar Crandon is like any rebellious teenage boy, enjoying his youth. Then on his seventeenth birthday, everything in his world changes. His body has transformed, the world around him appears different, and no one is there to answer any questions. Until Eva. She knows what he is, and she offers answers if only he follows her to a secret underground group filled with others who are just like him. A vastly new world is presented to him, along with the knowledge that he could never go back to his normal life again. But he does have a choice. He can stay with people like him, and become what he was always meant to be, or he can live on the run in the world he doesn’t want to give up. He knows he’s never going to stay in a world he was so forcefully pushed into, but the more time he spends learning about them, and spending time with Eva, the more he realizes that his decision is going to impact more than just his life. I changed the rating to R because of graphic violence and the language that Skylar and Aaron use.

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A wealthy recluse finds a way to put miserable people out of their misery.

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Cordelia Baxter will be eighteen forever. She was savagely murdered in her bedroom twenty years ago and has been in spiritual limbo ever since her parents moved out and left the house abandoned after her funeral. Everything changes when a new family buys the house and Julian Cahill moves into the room where she died. Cordelia soon learns that there are worse things than being dead: Falling in love with someone who is alive.

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Rose Schneider's quiet world is shattered one summer day when a friend rapes her. Discovering she is pregnant, Rose runs away to Chicago in an attempt to escape her small-town fate. A story of love and pain, set in the 1980's, it combines romance, drama, suspense, faith....all the stuff I love to read about myself! I'd love to get feedback on my voice, since it is in first person. The main character is 17 when the story starts, but is retelling it from an adult perspective. I'd like the book to appeal to young adults as well as adults. Descriptive words of your take on the "feel" of this novel would be much appreciated, ie., boring, mysterious, exciting, whatever....tell me what you really think while still being polite. Also, I reciprocate reviews for those who review my work. Thanks and enjoy!

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This story is in it's rough draft phase. As people review, I will be editing and improving. All criticism is welcome and will be considered. I would like to also know what you think of the storyline, and if it is piquing your interest enough to keep reading more. The first three chapters introduce you to the main characters and some supporting roles. The setting is painted, and the foundations of the plot laid. Fox is an orphan, and has lived in foster care most of her life. A mysterious man has showed up at the facility she stays at, and claims to be a vampire. What he offers starts a new chapter in her life, but will she be ready for what is about to come? Friends, enemies, and new experiences are just the start. Her life will be forever changed, and she will come face to face with dangers she never could have imagined.

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This is the start of a novel I've had in my head for awhile, I am looking for feedback!!Especially when it comes to the title and of course story line, I have placed this as a Restricted rated novel but I'm not sure if it should be...I know at the beginning its not much but the story does get much more adult content wise, please let me know if I should change the rating as we go along!! Thanks in advance to everyone!!

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Morgan Thorpe is an intelligent and promising, but suicidal, graduate student. As a result of being stood up on a blind date, she throws a drunken fit that lands her in a mental ward. Donovan Lanza is known as “the prince” on the streets for his charisma and slick persuasive skills – quite useful for leading a notorious life of crime. He has been in the same ward for a variety of emotional issues. When these two fall in love, they believe they found their happily ever after. However, their relationship is jeopardized by Donovan’s past. His history comes in the form of his sorceress ex-wife and his former delinquent self, who has a mind of his own, and who wants to destroy the reformed Donovan.

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In the semi-small town of Cedar Creek, some people don’t care to lock their doors, even though the woods hold secrets and the children are terrified to venture into them. The warm sense of security is shattered for Majesty Alistair, a feisty but grief-stricken teen, when she uncovers a mass murder plot deep in the thick. She struggles to find and defeat the would-be-killers before they act, but they have an agenda far bigger than she ever assumed. Violence rocks the town, leaving residents reeling and drawing Majesty into the middle of it all. With danger always pressing, police seemingly getting nowhere and those closest to her looking guilty, she continues hunting and charges into an evil web, but the truth and her actions threaten to haunt her forever, especially since she’s left with blood on her hands, the blood of someone she loves.

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Sophia better known as 'Raven' the world known sensual erotic painter lives her life in darkness.. shut off from the outside world she prays for that one person that will be able to bring her back into the light. Is Nicolas that person.. can he protect her, keep her safe from the madness that storks her!!

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This is some longer writing I've been playing with for a while. Not sure where it's going, but I've been reworking parts of it. Thanks for the suggestions! I revised it a bit.

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Kelly had put herself on the auction block but when her boss starts bidding on her, what's a woman to do? Any feedback would be helpful. I'm kind of new to short fiction. Thanks for the feedback, it's been very helpful. This story's a work in progress so I appreciate it.

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It's a hot afternoon in the stable and Sierra thinks she's all by herself but is she really?

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Shelli anticipated another day of studying in the library but what awaited her there was nothing she could have ever anticipated.

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Twelve women are dead! Now, a thirteenth is missing as an unpredictable serial killer stalks the usually small, peaceful town of Eau Bouease, Louisiana, in Lucky Thirteen, a suspense packed thriller coupled with a twist on the impact of love other than romantic love. From a small town in Mississippi, Larkin Sloan is a dedicated teacher who finds herself in a struggle for her life against a sadistic serial killer bent on ritualistic sacrifice. When she awakes chained to a bed by a mysterious man, Larkin realizes she is the thirteenth intended victim in a string of brutal slayings. As Larkin works to convince her captor to set her free, Detective Raiford “Ray��? Reynolds investigates twelve horrific murders. He becomes obsessed with finding the thirteenth victim before she becomes another statistic. Along with his partner, Special Agent Christine Milovich, he investigates the thirteenth disappearance of a woman who seems to have nothing in common with the other twelve victims and discovers the impact of love from a source he never knew existed. Captive, captor, and law enforcement join forces to defeat a sinister killer in a rollercoaster of intrigue, deception, and tumultuous relationships. Lucky Thirteen will keep readers on the edge of their seats anticipating the next turn of events. Feedback desired--whatever you think needs to be said. Strength of topic, dialogue, character development, etc.

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NEW TITLE!! (Formerly "Otherwise Engaged.") Thank you to all who helped me to edit my NANOWRIMO 2010 novel, which I have spent the last few months editing. I've posted it as a *new* work here in case you'd like to compare the old version with the new. ALL comments and nit-picks are GREATLY appreciated! This one's headed for publication if it's the last thing I do, so please help me tidy it up if you can. Thank you!

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SHADOW WOLF SERIES: Remembrance (Cameron&Sophia), The Three Kingdoms (Aedan&Kathleen-no longer Bianca), Cursed (Ian&Kirrah). BOOK 1: Remembrance: Sophia considers her life pretty much normal, that is until she befriends a gigantic wolf, who happens to push her down a waterfall. Technically, the fall wasn’t so bad and she would have forgiven her four legged friend, but when she emerges from the water, she finds herself several hundred years in the past, in Scotland of all places, abandoned by the wolf. Lucky for her, she is rescued by a handsome Scotsman, or so the arrogant lout says. Really, what’s wrong with the man? One minute he drives her mad with his kisses, the next he accuses her of being a witch. Cameron’s nights are plagued by dreams of a spirit, begging him to remember something long forgotten, and his days are tormented by a lovely stranger, who very well could be a spy from the enemy clan. What is a laird to do? Keeping the lass will only anger his mistress and cause him great distraction at the time of war, but the thought of sending her away leaves him barren. When Sophia saves his life, he learns that maybe there is more to life than empty passion and the sound of clashing steel.

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This novel follows a year in the life of a recently divorced, software consultant, Edward Kale. Written in the style of a romantic comedy, Edward finds himself flung headlong into a mid-life crisis, despite his best intentions. He sees it coming and yet seems unable to resist its allure. These experiences prove beneficial ultimately, as they allow him to move on from the divorce, and come to terms with his ex-wife, his daughter, and his career. I welcome any insights or feedback, particularly as they relate to character development or credibility.

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Thank you to everyone's support, and great advice and tips on how to make this story better! I went through and totally revamped all the nits and structure problems I got advice on. Still looking to see where it needs some help and would like this to be a nice tight piece. I would rather you say it straight up then sugar coat it, cause I want to learn. Feel free to leave, likes, dislikes, nits suggestions... Thanks@

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REVISE IT ∏∏∏ 09.22.11 -måx

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New author Casey Trent has a book deal and a stalker, not bad for a girl who eight months ago no one had even heard of. Thanks to billionaire benefactor, Collin St James and self-appointed publicist Porter Anderson, her life would never be the same again. Thrust into a world reserved for A-list celebrities and wannabe pop stars, Casey learns that life in the fast lane comes at a price. But is it too high for the young girl from Cape Town? Security supremo, Jason Stark is a lethal weapon with an eye for Casey Trent. When the unwanted attentions of Casey’s stalker threaten her life, Jason is tasked with her protection, and whisks her off to the safety of his house on Lake Como and into his arms. But Jason has a secret; a priority mission that has nothing to do with Casey or her stalker. Leaving Casey in the hands of a seemingly capable colleague, Jason turns his focus to the job at hand. That’s when it all goes horribly wrong ..... In a nail-biting climax, a kidnapped Casey fights for her life to learn the true identity of her stalker, and to find her heart in the arms of the man she loves. Manuscript complete at 60,757 words.

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This is an old story resurrected and a possible contender for a minor competition. The word limit is 1,000 words (I think I've slightly gone over) so I can't actually add anything. The theme is simply, Lost. We can interpret it in any way we like. I would love any feedback but particularly any tips on how to improve the end and how to make the general plot more interesting. Many thanks in advance, Keen

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A story about love, loss, death and damnation. I have revised this entirely with many of the altercations recommended by those who have already reviewed it. I would very much like some fresh feedback.

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What happens when an American Hellion meets A half Scottish Devil? Nothing short of trouble…. Wild and free spirited Tiana Twain, American heiress, has no intention of letting any man rule her life, especially an Englishman. She plans on returning home to Virginia after the London season, claiming her inheritance and living happy without male dictation. Yet when danger follows her from the continent, she is thrown together with the irresistibly handsome Callum, Viscount Branton and sparks fly. Callum is in need of a proper English wife with nary a smudge on her reputation or he will lose his inheritance. He finds such a lady in Lady Amelia, whose cousin is an American hellion of the first order, and the only woman who stirs his roguish heart. Unknowingly, Tiana made a powerful enemy, one with secrets he would kill to protect. When Tiana is nearly abducted, Callum knows he would do anything to protect the willful heiress, even give her his name in marriage.

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on a bit of a roll at the mo, for why i dunno, but here's another PICTO! yep, first the sock...then the (ahem) rabbit...then the hammer...then the spider...and now a teapot!!! best read at a pace (rhythm does all flow if you get it right!) in a "sarf london" accent...cafe pronounced "caff" by the way...

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sometimes the chat-up line works out fine...PICTO of lips!

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Another old story just rediscovered. I wrote it when I was going through a phase of writing stories with a 500 word limit. Does it work or could it do with a rewrite? All feedback welcome. Cheers, Keen

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Just discovered this old story and realise I never fully finished it. Does it work the way I've left it or could it do with more plot, or simply a better conclusion? Any feedback welcome. UK English as always. Cheers, Keen

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I go to the movies often. In addition, I like to write about the movies I watch in order to express my opinion and the relationship it may have to my personal life or the life of others.

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This is a new start for my novel in progress that I originally named War Everlasting (I'm still rooting about for a decent title). The story concerns husband and wife, Arch and Pithy and how they cope when he returns from the Front horribly disfigured. Pithy finds she is unable to accept Arch physically, though she still loves him. He turns to a local prostitue and, surprisingly, it is she who helps restore his self-belief. The novel begins with Pithy's past, to give us a sense of her motivations. I'm looking for any general feedback and thank you in advance. Cheers, Keen

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Working on another round of major revisions. I'm primarily changing the backstory and using the raven myths of the Scandinavian and Norse cultures as a basis. I've changed the names of many of the characters and am wondering if the slightly less common names are distracting.

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Please pardon the mess . . . . This story actually begins at Chapter 51. The first draft ran from 1-43 and I am slowly disabling those chapters. The revised version begins at Chapter 51. I wasn't sure of the best method on presenting rewrites, this is what I came up with. Hope it's not too confusing . . . . Still struggling with the untimely death of her husband, Joey Fagan prepares for a vacation she's not really interested in taking. She does leave home, but finds herself still in Chicago in the year 1893, relying on a man who just might be a previous incarnation of her husband.

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A botched drug raid took her father’s life when she was 7. On her 13th birthday she witnessed her mother’s murder. Alone in the world, Jennifer Blade set out to even the score. At 33, enmeshed in a game that knows no rules, she is about to fulfill her quest when everything unravels. Fleeing for her life, she heads to the mountains of upstate New York, where she unexpectedly finds new reason to live and a threat to die. Steve Sanders, a 38-year-old psychologist with a predictable life, is on a fishing trip in the mountains. Little does he know that all vacations are not created equal. Catch and Release, a 76,000-word romance/suspense novel, is the story of two lives from vastly different backgrounds, drawn together by fate and a common love of the great outdoors. The crossing of Jennifer’s and Steve’s paths releases an explosion of love, passion, adventure, and ultimately a reason for a shared journey. Within 24 hours, they catch a few trout, have a passionate affair, shoot and kill a man, are involved in two gun battles, receive wounds, and end up in Miami, Florida. All this, and as Steve says, they still have six days of vacation left. Their relationship touches long-buried feelings in Jennifer, and shatters the mundane existence suffocating Steve.

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This is a very English tale of Arch, a soldier horribly disfigured on the Western Front during World War One. His wife, Pithy, though still loving the man who is returned to her in such a sorry state, finds him physically repulsive. Eventually, Arch begins to visit a local prostitute and she becomes, in a strange way, his mentor and chief support, enabling him to regain a level of confidence and self-respect. The first chapter is 7,000 words long so I've had to cut it abruptly. I'm looking for general feedback... Thanks in advance! Keen

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CODE 30, the police designation for crime scene with extreme or imminent danger, is a riveting mystery about the intricacies of a major crime investigation. The terror builds as the investigators follow the unknown path of an insane bomber who continues to move one step ahead of their search, forcing them to face the reality of living in a time of terrorism. Detective Shane Murphy, a 40 year old senior officer with Special Case Investigations, is thrown into the maze of confusion as he attempts to sort out the facts before the perpetrator strikes again. While his personal life crumbles around him, as his wife informs him of her decision to pursue a divorce, Murphy finds assistance with the arrival of Stacy Landou, a 38 year old Special Agent with Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms. The case becomes more complicated when the local press begins to hound Murphy and suggests he is failing in his investigation. With Shanes's career, marriage, and reputation seemingly out of control, the bomber continues to move one-step ahead of the investigation. Signal 30 is published in eBook and paperback and I am looking for reviews.

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Snow in the high desert can only lead to one thing, one car smashing into another. That is Kate's last thought before her truck slides down a hill into a very expensive looking BMW. Even better is how the guy yells at her and basically calls her an idiot for not knowing how to drive in the snow. So why does she offer to fix the damage to Sam's car for free? Well, Sam wanting to call the cops and report the accident might have something to do with it. Kate has a serious aversion to law enforcement, and for good reason. Not that she's about to explain that to Sam. All she wants to do is fix his car up and forget it ever happened. The problem with that is that once Sam calms down and apologizes she can't seem to get him out of her head. It's dangerous for her to get close to anyone. The closer she lets him in, the more likely he'll figure out exactly what she's hiding. ***This is my first ever NANO project so any and all feedback is appreciate. Is it interesting enough to keep going with. Is the romance too slow? Are you intrigued by the secrets Kate's hiding? ***I'm posting edits so my poor new readers don't have to see the mess! Thanks for reading!

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The Yankees has multiple protagonists and is written in two parts, prior to the voyage and during the voyage. It is set in Victorian New England in 1872. It's a story about a ship's master, an Irish American suffragette, and a sixteen year old boy. While historical fiction, the novel contains adventure, romance and self-discovery. This is an American story and breaks from the trend of nautical novels about naval officers and the Napoleonic wars. The sailors swear, chew tobacco, drink, and, given the opportunity, fornicate. The women are courageous, intelligent, and real. The story would appeal to John Ford and John Huston and, I hope, to you.

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Beach bum not a beach bum. I would like to know how to convert this from telling to showing. Any comments appreciated.

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The Year of the Monkey sizzles every headline on the planet as Ho Chi Minh's Tet Offensive tears through the consciousness of America. While the battle for the country rages up and down the countryside at places like Hue, Con Thien, Lang Vei, Khe Sahn, and the Rockpile, two Marines use their daring to create a special reconnaissance force to change the future of their Corps. With long-range reconnaissance critical at this crucial juncture of the war, American units are sustaining devastating losses amongst their elite LRRP teams. South Vietnam is a country being ripped apart by the ambitions of its neighbors and the corruptive nature of its leaders; a place where ethnic hatred fans the flames of war, this time with the security of the United States of America as the ultimate threat. Caught up in the rising storm of a country in dangerous transition, Team Deuce is the eyes and ears of a Corps of Marines being drawn inexorably into a war it cannot win

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I swear, this is the last memoir type poem for a good long while. Comments always welcome.

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Greg knows changes are coming. Samantha has no clue. Soon they will meet and together they'll discover that their fates need major re-work! This is a YA fantasy with romance elements.

Thank you for reading . . .

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An 1890s preacher discovers a town scandal and meets the love of his life...or is that afterlife?

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Sequel to The Evolution of Janie. I always appreciate feedback of all types, however this is a sequel and it is written with the assumption that the reader has read The Evolution of Janie and is familiar with the characters and what has happened in the previous book, so when reviewing for content, character development and background story please take that into consideration. :)

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Any and all

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Jane, a recently divorced woman, is taking stock of her life and realizing she needs more than work and frozen dinners. It is the story of one woman's transformation in a humorous fashion finding love along the way.

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In Search of Mr. Wonderful, The Journey from Myth to Madness Romance / Adult To Invite Love, You Must Love Yourself First Syvanna Lee knows what she wants—an everlasting love, her own “Mr. Wonderful.�? Yet in her precarious quest to find such a man, she refuses to listen to the truth of her inner voice and ends up disappointed time and again. Each “Mr. Somebody�? Syvanna becomes involved with opens a new chapter in her life. Each new relationship causes her to look at herself from a different perspective. Each new lover unveils previously unexplored facets of her own personality. She is ready for love, but will she ever realize that to give love, receive love, or even demand love, she must love herself first? And if Syvanna would only take a moment to listen to her inner voice, she might learn an important truth. As the tale unfolds, an ominous secret from Syvanna’s childhood rises to the surface, a secret that may ultimately kill her. In Search of Mr. Wonderful is a tale of heartbreak, self-destruction, desperation, and, ultimately, of transformation and discovery. Ms. Bouvier has written a novel of intense beauty and introspection that will stay with you long after you’ve turned the final page. REVIEWERS PLEASE NOTE: I will be adding chapters daily until the whole manuscript has been submitted. There are a lot!!! Stay tuned!!

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Art historian Wiley Jones enjoys a mundane existence in the protective cocoon of academia. Surrounded by volumes of manuscripts and dusty artifacts, her carefully orchestrated life is thrown into chaos when she is encouraged to join an art recovery project based in Croatia. The moment she and her unwanted protector, undercover FBI agent Scott McCormick leave Chicago they quickly find themselves immersed in a shadowy world of dead ends and misdirection. Scott enjoys the thrill of the chase as it relates to both Wiley and their ensuing investigation. On the surface it appears a cache of pre-World War II art and artifacts have been uncovered during the demolition of an old school. But as Wiley and Scott dig deeper they soon realize that many of the pieces in the collection don’t belong. Rather that they appear to have been recently added to the find. When Frank Hamilton the current project director winds up dead, they find themselves in a race against the clock to unwind the mystery before they are either forced to leave the country or wind up dead themselves. As they struggle to sort through the confusion surrounding the art work and their relationship they come to realize that the only safe harbor may be each other and that leaves far more at risk than they thought. Thank you for any feedback. I am particularly intersted in story line continuity and voice.

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Chapter 6 - Visitor. I post this chapter, complete with editorial mistakes, and nits. It is the chapter that I hope will start the intrigue. As you know the story is of a Young man who has just lost his father that died during their morning ride. He has taken over the day to day running of the family stud. he has recently been to one of the larger shows and won several places with a new horse Darcy. Also he has a chance of meeting a new girl,promises of the future romance I think. But our story moves on into other things at the moment.

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Anabeth Sinclaire is content to write her romance novels and enjoy her garden. Life is good except for one particular thorn in her side, rival romance novelist, Lliam Alexander. Can these two feuding novelist find the love they are both looking for or will they kill each other first? This is a very rough draft so feel free to tear it to shreds...lol!

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"We Own The President" (set a few years in future; 116,000 words) Why it’s unique: father-daughter buddy story meets 007-type thriller... Harry Evans works for secret government agencies, sees himself as the last line of defense against the evil people in the world. He’s good at it. Kate Evans, studying for an MBA at Wharton, is contemptuous of her father and has as little to do with him as possible. After all, he’s nothing but a killer... Readers get a big swirling thriller--mad-genius twins try to "own the President"--plus entertaining inter-generational conflict. Harry Evans, daughter Kate, and her friend Carmen are increasingly in the center of the vortex, not sure what is real or where their loyalties should be. The country is coming apart. President Simpson declares war on Mexico, and hints at worst. Kate and Harry, alone against the world, start to function as partners -- but don’t try to tell Kate that. The question is, can these two alphas stop squabbling long enough to save the country from a conspiracy to seize control of the president and to accomplish this in a way that conceals what has happened. Any feedback is welcome.

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Dr. Nathan Rysner is a member of the GenRose Bio-engineering team in Chicago. Nathan is exposed to genetically altered material in an accident in the lab and gains the ability to change his own genetic make up at will. A military black ops group is after him and the genetic protocol that can make a warrior impervious in battle. Nathan is on the run for his life. His adventures introduce him to the love of his life, Sherry Turner. Nathan inadvertently releases a healing gene that causes world wide controversy and instantly causes the medical field to become obsolete. The twists at the end will have you returning to the beginning searching for clues. I'm looking for any and all feedback. I only ask that you read from the beginning if you are reviewing for story line. Nits are welcome. I'm particularly interested in your thoughts on dialogue and believability of scenes.

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As far as they can tell, Jazz Harding and Deke Michaels are the only two people left in the world. What they've inherited is acid rain, red lightning storms, and a bank of black cloud that never lets the sun peek through. But there's something to be said for getting the world broken beyond repair. There's not much they can do to screw it up, but there is a lot they can do. Or die trying. They've got each other, a good car, and all the time in the world to figure out their next move, until Deke stops breathing on the floor of that motel room in East Texas. Saving the world means something else entirely when it revolves around just one person. And, by God, they're going to save this one. I'm not sure what I'm looking for here. I've had this story written for a couple of years now but didn't have the beginning. This is the beginning. I'll be the first to say the science in loose at best and stays that way because neither of the main characters are scientists, and the whole thing's a metaphor, anyway. Any and all suggestions helpful. Also, you'll notice that I've tagged this romance, and there are only two characters. If you're surprised about the hookup that happens later in the story, it's not because you haven't been warned.

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A modern retelling of Jane Austen's "Persuasion" about finding second chances on the first tee. This will have an alternate tensing with Morgan's chapters being told in First Person Present and other chapters being told in Third Person Past. Please let me know if this gets distracting. Also, I'm looking for feedback on phrasing, grammar (always a scary concept), and the story itself. I appreciate anything constructive you have to say, I just appreciate the time you've taken to read! :)

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This a true long distance romance story between an Indonesian woman and an American man. You will find Indonesian coversations in the first chapter and then for the next chapters, most of the conversations will be in English. I wrote them in a purpose; it is to make the story more natural as the story was from. If I write it in Indonesia, I'll explain them in narration. The most important thing you should know, English is my second language, so please, give any attention for mistaken tenses or gramaticals I might write. Any feedbacks would be accepted and appreciated. Thank you for reading and reviewing my work.

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Just days ago, Madelyn Jacobs thought not getting into any of her top three colleges or snagging the guy who serenaded the summer stars were the biggest nightmares in her life. That was before being raped by her best friend’s boyfriend. That was before being put in a coma by the jealous bitch when she misinterpreted the scene. That was before trying to function after waking up all broken and torn, only to have a demon or something bust into her bedroom and tag her as The Keeper of some freakin’ list.



When the first person of ten dies in her presence, that’s way weird. The second time, it’s bloodcurdling. She can't avoid people, she tries. She can't run, she tries. An unseen hand always ushers her to the next demise, randomly shows her the list, in windows, in mirrors, on scraps of paper, even behind closed lids, and makes her feel more powerless than ever. And the sweet singer she loves now stands at number seven. As tattered as she is, can she find a way to break the curse before others die and the lover of her heart is gone forever?



*Strong language

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a summary of my evening....first real thing i have posted, be gentle, these are my feelings.

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Memories prompted by sights, aromas sounds etc. I don't pick the subjects I write about. They pick me. Any and all feedback welcomed. I didn't punctuate on purpose. Simply don't like it in my own work 'most of the time'

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The Old Souls is a story about the secret world of souls, and a couple of soul mates who take it all to the next level. I am seeking input about smoothing out the first chapter and about what genre to place it in. There are elements of sci-fi, romance, adventure, paranormal, etc. and I'm just not sure where to place it.

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Atticus Wynn and Rosemary Sanchez's relationship was already strained by their cultural and political differences, but now Atticus's Ex, the enigmatic Claire Rousseau, has burst back into his life, trailing a wake of mayhem and murder, and wielding an explosive secret about Rosemary who has a tragic secret of her own . . .

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A fictional story based loosly on actual events and people. Avery is a young woman with the world by the tail. She thinks she is really in love for the first time. She is beautiful and talented, yet scattered. But people and time have a way of changing her plans, even if she has no real plans at all... Please enjoy and review. This is my first real attempt at seroius writting so constructive critism is always welcome.

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Here is a chapter from a larger work in progress. Originally written as a theatrical play, this story is inspired by actual events. I like to bring it out once a year or so and play with it... searching for an ending. Any feedback would be appreciated!

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When Troubadour Merriweather - all round nerd and straight-laced twit, becomes despondent one night, he is plunged into a mini Twilight Zone!!!

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I have always been interested in the First World War and, like all wars, the long-term damage it left in its trail. Even though it eventually came to an end there were many who had to live with its consequences. Have I achieved getting this across? And does the story generally read well? Any improvements you can think of? Cheers, Keen

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This is my first attempt at poetry in years...I welcome even the most fundamental advice. Interesting that my search for a new and better computer would inspire a poem. It got me thinking how computers capture our senses, attention and time...until they stop working so well, and we start looking at that hot new model that works so much better. The comparison with the dirty old man dumping his old girl for a sweet young thing was too much to resist.

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A sweet way for a man to see his wife...really just an expression of love, any reviews are welcome.

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This is just a quick little love poem about the newness (if that's even a word) of a realtionship.

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With the attack that almost cost her life, Brenna James finds herself in a world that she never expected. Hunted and afraid, she's in for the fight of her life.

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The last thing Gretchen Gesner expected on her way home from a long teacher’s conference in Albuquerque was to find a body in the middle of the highway. Screeching to a stop, Gretchen gets out of her car and is shocked to find that the crumpled heap in front of her is still alive. In dialing 911 she saves his life, but now Gretchen must decide whether to risk opening up her heart to this man or keep hiding behind past betrayals. This is a rough first draft and I would love thoughts on the pacing and whether or not there's enough drama in the chapters to keep you reading till the end. Thanks in advance for all the help

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Mankind faces Armageddon as terrorism, war, and the reality of civilization gone mad is thrust upon the world when atomic weapons fall into the hands of Al Quida terrorists. That is the motivation that transcends religious belief, culture, and the foreign affairs of nations as Aaliya’s Song unfolds against a backdrop of a world living in fear. Aaliya’s Song, is a historic novel in the classic style that captures the essence of America’s Middle East experience and blends it against its own mélange of violence and political intrigue in a manner similar to how James Clavell’s Shogun romanced the conflict between the divisions in European Christianity and Samurai Japan, and how Tai Pan epitomized the struggle of racial and political extremism. Spread across the panorama of greed, revolution, political difference, and religious cataclysm, Aaliya’s Song brings home the fears and half-truths of a half century that has cast a pall of terror and evil across the planet. But in this chilling environment, heroes arise and overcome their religious and political beliefs in an effort to save mankind from nuclear holocaust. Aaliyas Song brings this powerful endeavor to life as it tells its story through the eyes of two very different main characters. For Major Brian Scanlon, a U. S. Marine Corps aviator, the Islamic world was an alien and hostile place filled with zealots, fanaticism, and oppression. For Aaliya bint Qudamah, Princess of Dar and Noori, and daughter of the Emir of Rabeè, America is a foreign dogma that threatens to bring her father and her nation to its knees. Thrown together by the intrigue that surrounds a country’s civil war, and a world grappling with the dark cloud of terror, Scanlon and Aaliya join their forces and lives in an effort to stop the death of her country, and a coup de état in the United States; acts that can only lead to a worldwide Jihad . . . a third world war. To win, they must overcome the Iraqi military, the schemes of Islamic clerics bent on returning the world to fundamentalism, an ages-old family of assassins, treason at the highest levels of the United States government, and the transfer of atomic weapons to Al Quida zealots. Eventually, these two young patriot-warriors find themselves questioning their beliefs, their religion, and their heritage, but never that which, above all else, they must have faith in . . . each other. Aaliya’s Song introduces and maneuvers a rich and fascinating cast of characters in Ryanne Littner, the first female President of the United States, and Jamie Simmons, U. S. Secret Service agent. These characters, along with Prince Rashid bin Qudamah, and Qudamah Abu Shareef, Emir of Rabeè spin a web of intrigue and ambition that the world is obligated to live or die with. Virulent nationalism, and ancient ethnic and religious hatreds fan the flames of war, this time with nuclear weapons in the hands of Al Quida as the ultimate threat. The story of a love so powerful that it transcends religion, politics, and the hatred born out of difference, Aaliya’s Song has the immediacy and punch of today’s fears and tomorrow’s headlines. Exciting, frighteningly plausible, and absolutely believable, Aaliya’s Song is an ambitious and explosive story of life, love, and intrigue.

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maybe it's the time of year, time for poetic pondering, i dunno...the dimming glow...just like the twilight...looking back on a love that felt so right but had nowhere to go...

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A writer and copy editor for The Denver News, Tarin McGyver lives alongside a small, picturesque lake in the heart of the Rocky Mountains. A chance encounter with the lead singer of a popular rock band, Jonathan Parker, leads to an unlikely relationship between the two. In the process Tarin finds herself entangled with Jon's manipulative and scheming business manager, Tommy Wyndham. She quickly becomes determined to expose the manager's thievery and deceit to both Jon and the music industry. But Wyndham has plans of his own and will stop at nothing to keep her out of his client's life. Add to it an apparent stalker in her hometown and our heroine faces danger on two fronts. Follow the action as it culminates in murder, kidnapping and a daring mountain rescue during a blinding blizzard. Other than that, nothing much of interest takes place.

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I have done a few minor alterations/editing, I think it reads a little easier. Still some work to do though. Young man involved in horse breedng, works with his father who dies whilst out riding. Tale of how the young man buys a new stallion. Then it is stolen, recovered, he is threatened, and shot at. Until eventually he discovers who the horse is and why people want him. There is also romance in the air when he meets a young woman and falls in love.

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This is the tale of Lily, a young woman who has her own war to deal with while her husband is fighting on the Western Front. It is in honour of all the women who kept the homefires burning (I think this is more of a Second World War term but it suits the subject). The spelling is British and I would welcome any feedback, thanks.

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This is my entry for the "The Cloud" writing competition. It was originally over 6000 words, so I had to pare a lot to get it under 5000 (4977). As an eerie and mysterious cloud hovers over Las Vegas for months, it renders havoc on everything and everyone below. In spite of all the tragedy and gloom, love finds a way to grow and flourish. Any and all feedback is appreciated. Thank you in advance.

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Any feedback, good and bad is appreciated. That said.... It started with a honey bear and a pizza

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Necromancer, sequel to the Blood Inheritance, takes us to the darker side of the magical world Alexandria Reed has found herself emmersed in. Her friend's emerging powers as a necromancer has put them all in danger. An old enemy from the Cameron's past has come to exact her revenge. It will take all thier combined skills to stop the ancient evil, but will be enough to save them all?

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A Re-boot of the Rhiannon series. It rewrites the first Rhiannon story (published elsewhere)The Gorgon. It is deliberately inconsistent with other stories published or workshopped. Rhiannon is more complicated, Rosalyn has a different status, it is in 3rd person. It has themes of transformation,the loss and reclamation of important things (although they are not what the characters or readers think at first). A word on its setting: this is not set in medieval Europe. It takes place on a world that is about 11th century in terms of its social and technological development, but is 30 lightyears away from Earth, which is occupied by a world (Terra) with 21st century development. It takes place in our future, but in that world's (worlds') past. One culture is corrupted by Terran society, others are not. Oddities like the characters using slang from the US c. 2009 is thus explained. It is the tale of the fall and rise of Rhiannon, the ever so great descendent of the lengendary woman/goddess of the same name. All feedback is appreciated. Thank you.

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A night at karaoke has a twist. Any comments would be helpful. Thanks. Vern PS: This has been revised and expanded. The alternative ending is now the only one included.

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This is an apocalyptic thriller with an embedded love story. Following the terrorist attack of September 11, 2001, the lives of Kodi Peek and her father are irrevocably changed as they begin the countdown to 2012.

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Revision of the story from a first person point of view. A morality tale with a twist. Any and all feedback welcome.

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I wrote this while going through my divorce a couple of years ago. It was a great catharsis but I am not sure about the writing. The initiating event was taken from my work as an air traffic controller. I just built a story around it. Feedback on characters and whether or not they need to be developed further would be appreciated. And just overall feedback about the story would be great also.

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The exquisitely beautiful Angelica (Angie) is voyaging by great ocean-liner to rejoin her husband Jeremy (Jemmy) after five months' separation.

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John forces himself to go to yet another boring ball as escort to his widowed aunt...never imagining that it would lead to the adventure of his life!

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“Bad sheep�? daughter, Maya Cooper is pissed. Not only did her husband manage to get himself detained at the request of the state of California for the murder of his business partner, he also managed to leave her and fourteen-year-old daughter, Amberly, destitute. Snubbed by the in-laws and their friends and unable to find employment in LA, Maya decides to pack up her sullen teenager and head back to her hometown and into her parents’ home. Returning home is the last thing she wants to do. Her mother, Diana Ventimiglia, was the prime reason why she left town. Her older, “good sheep�? perfect sister, Marta, was reason Number Two. Marta’s self-righteous attitude and the parading of her two perfect progeny, Max and Ben, is more than Maya can bear. Add to the mix the irritating next-door neighbor, Chad, former high school classmate, football star and perennial thorn in her side, and the recipe for disaster has just been rachetted up a notch. Both Maya and Amberly miss their SoCal lifestyle, but things are different now. With the help of new friends and old, both mother and daughter learn that all that truly glitters may not be gold.

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Previously titled "For An Easy Life" I have rehashed the story even though many of the characters remain the same.

Trout is in his early thirties, single, carefree and happy with his life. However superficial it might appear to others, Trout is not a relationship kind of guy. That is, until a mix-up at his aging Grandmother's birthday party has his friends and family scurrying to find him a wife.

And then, as if by magic, he meets an old flame, Amanda, who at first seems to fit the bill perfectly.

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Another story of romantic vs realistic "love." Do the line breaks works? Are some phrases to "tired?" I tried to balance more imaginative descriptions with a touch of the straightforward.

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When Glory Rattinuss falls in love with Cosmos Sharpteeth,she doesn't realise the opposition to their marriage will involve a long, perilous journey to the Shining Mountains. This is a children's fantasy fiction novella.

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The Ayim Gorath, a powerful race of women, must find a genematch for their princess and create an heir. They set their sights on Rayler Hubb, a wayfaring rock star on his way past their planet. While captured and forced to join their Orgasmium -- or man harem -- Rayler can only communicate with women. Since the only nearby, non-hostile carrier of the X chromosome is Jennique, his on-again, off-again secret soul mate who won't speak to him, Rayler will have to use a combination of wits, musicianship, and sex appeal to free himself before the princess is impregnated and he's chopped up and fed to the Royal Court. ***This is something new I'm working on. I'm not sure whether it's a short story or a novelette. It's a soft sci-fi/romance/action-adventure story.***

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When Angel Lafayette, a female Lieutenant of mixed race in the US Air Force, volunteers for a top-secret DARPA time travel experiment, she expects to be fast forwarded five minutes in 2008 not sent hurtling to a distant time. Before long she is in trouble, in love and history (as we know it) is gone with the wind.

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A first attempt at the 'Romance' genre. Successful? All comments welcome.

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When high-powered attorney Norman Scott crashes into a Connecticut river and dies on page 1, a most unusual love story begins. As he tells Lockhardt, the angel on the spot: “I’m going back to my wife. I don’t care what the price is.�? Norman takes on the living and the dead, angels and devils. He schemes as only a Manhattan lawyer can, fails a dozen times, but refuses to give up. All feedback is welcome.

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It is a tough road to navigate with someone, but when done in synch with the other, it is this perfect, difficult dance.

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This is a different poetic style for me. Does it work for you?

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Is it spicy enough? To dull? What would you do to make it more vivid?

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A poem of someone who tries to show their love in in hidden gestures.

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Stanza three--is the last line workable? Is it too much alliteration? This is a play on the idea of the Tinman.

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A love affair with the my beloved jazz

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The first three chapters have been revised and rearranged for the strongest start competition. The novel is posted in its entirety so you may read at your leisure (DISABLED CHAPTERS WILL BE ENABLED FOR ANY NEW REVIEWERS GOING BEYOND CHAPTER 3). Old reviews will not always match up with the chapter that it is attached to. This is in essence a memoir of my life in an orphanage, but I use composite characters and am not sure it qualifies as "memoir" for the contest. I will let the judges decide that. I hope this final go through will make it ready to publish, so any comments whatsoever will be appreciated. Especially interested in the new flow pattern. Opinions? Thanks for your help and advice.

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THIS IS A SEQUEL. This is also raw, a work in progress. I'm taking a risk here, going out of my comfort zone by putting up something that's not yet finished. I’m hoping you’ll see some growth from me in this. Sapphire Reign takes place almost 10 years after Kings & Queens. I’d appreciate reviews from readers, who've read my first book, since they can (hopefully) see what I’m doing differently and if it’s working, but anyone is welcome to read this. However, since it is a sequel, spoilers abound. So only proceed if you have no intention of reading Book 1.

In a world where wickedness is exalted and even children know the sting of suffering, Majesty is trapped in anguish five months after her young daughter's death in a preschool gas explosion. When she receives a bizarre glimmer of hope that her little girl may still be alive, she fights heaven and hell to reclaim the happiness that's been stripped from her. But with so many enemies, maybe someone is determined to make Majesty pay. Or maybe her daughter really is gone forever.

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Words and intimacy...what a combination

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Just thinkin' bout my baby one night.

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Making love with words...

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no....not a PICTO!!! just an ordinary poem on a highly original subject that no one has ever thought to write about before! ha!

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...ahhh, the romance, the prospect of wedded bliss squashed into a PICTO of a bell like this! ...ooops, sorry to ruin it with the cynical twist!!

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...i should probably hold this rose back until valentines day but it popped into my head and has been hammering to be released as a PICTO here and now ...so here it is! phew! that's one less headache!!

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The warmth of her body soothes me, as she gradually turn, uncoiling muscles...

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Just one musing over love.

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A love affair with jazz

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Making choices can be a most difficult proposition.

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Pitching a little woo with words.

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Love is not always what it appears

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This was a challenge presented to me by another poet to use the words Vanilla, honey, rainbows, copper, and kiss in each stanza of a poem...more difficult than it appeared.

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Another jazz inspired piece that kind popped up while listening to the soundtrack of the movie "Love Jones".

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This short story was posted last year and then taken down from the site. I apologise to anyone who has read it before, I don't want to bore you! I have never submitted it a magazine or competition. Taking the advice of my good reviewers, I have edited it as the reviews have come in. I don't want to re-write and re-post again, it would try everyone's tolerance too far!

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The story begins with Cleo at work and works it way back to tell you how she got there. She goes to University, expecting the time of her life. Except it all goes horrribly wrong when her best friend becomes pregnant by Michael . Cleo is in love with Micheal, but going out with his best friend Sam , oh and then she gets together with Michael! The fun just doesn't stop in this hilerous, yet touching and sometimes dramatic story about a young woman's fight to be with the man she loves. That is when she finds out who he is!

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What makes a human, human? Are heroes born, bred, or created?

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To whom does The People's Champion belong? The people or himself? That's the question foundling(orphan) Jakund Frey'lnd, a gifted young swordsman and war hero dubbed "Kid Blade," struggles with as he battles the ferocious Gothari and learns that his fame as warrior makes him a target for those looking to make a name for themself as well as an unwilling player in the games of the powerful. This is a Young Adult Fantasy, filled with humor and action, designed to appeal to all ages.

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This is my emerging memoir. For the time being, each chapter is a stand-alone "episode," and I have not yet determined the framework for tying them together. Don't worry about reviewing them in order. Imagine that I am making a necklace, and I am crafting the beads one at a time; once they are crafted, I will string them in a pleasing and relevant order, adding the necessary transitions at that time. This memoir will include my childhood in the 1970's, teens in the 1980's, motherhood beginning in 1994. The main themes of the larger work relate to three diagnoses in my forties: Borderline Personality Disorder, Bi-polar Disorder, and Breast Cancer.

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This is a continuation of "A Touch of Seduction", currently available on the tNBW Publication page. If you have not read that story, please do so before reading this, as it is necessary for context. I intended to do this as a short story, but it is clear that it will run well over 5,000 words, so I am posting it as a novel. It will be more like a novella, unless the characters do something even more unexpected than they have so far.

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Rhiannon, prodigal daughter of the king of New Fairy, has suffered a terrible curse. Having humiliated a witch, she must suffer a unique shame--she must go naked, regardless of the weather or social situation. These are the stories of how she reclaims her dignity and fights the evil of men, and her own inner conflicts. Many of these are more light hearted than Rhiannon's Ordeal, and show Rhiannon in the heroic capacity that emerged in her post-curse life. Rhiannon's relationship with Rosalyn is more ambiguous--at least to Rhiannon; I don't think the reader was ever fooled. There are other differences, but I don't think that should matter to the reader. Rhiannon's still her dear, sweet, naked self.

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