Content: magic

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To impress a girl, an ugly young man undertakes a robbery, and inadvertently kills someone. This sets off a chain of events which changes the course of history. This is an early work of mine which has undergone significant rewrites, and I am on the verge of sending it to market. I would like some honest opinions about its readability, characterizations, idea content, and literary merit (if any).

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This story follows the footsteps of a mage named Kha as he tries to understand what happened when his group tried to explore a cave and nearly everyone he loved died. I don't believe that the story itself matters. The people who live within the world are the thing that draws the reader and makes everything real. My goal is to find a way to do that with people who don't normally read fantasy. Let me know if I've managed to achieve my goal, would you? I'm looking for holes in the plot, inconsistencies in the story, details about horses or armor that the characters would know. While I'm interested in correcting the punctuation, I'd rather have feedback on the story itself, flow and voices. Thanks in advance for any and all feedback. Feel free to rip this apart and point out any and all flaws. Take care, Amy

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Taking a break from Ruby Rose and feeling reflective, so thought I'd give poetry a crack. Not because I'm any good at it, but I wanted to play around with interpretations/double meanings. I know as a poem this is really awkward - clumsy rhyming, lousy rhythm, annoying experimental pace ... so I'm looking more for suggestions on how to improve, rather than pointing out what I already know is crap. I'm particularly looking for feedback on the content - I'm trying for the interpreting-alternative-meanings concept without being too obvious or too obscure ... walkin' the line, I guess.

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A small tribute to my favorite pet ever. I don't expect this one to win any awards. I just wanted to share it with my friends.

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Welcome to the magical land known as Richmond, Virginia. An old city with many, many secrets. Like this one.

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Resting a bit and looking out over landscape and I have this statue I purchased for my grand daughters to enjoy. She is a marvelous Fairy statue in tutu and posed upon a rock.. as I did as a child with my dolls, I wondered were they cold at night? Many times I was.. so would get up and cover them. Silly right? Well as an old lady, I still am a child at times. Any and all feedback

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I wrote a poem in the later fifties that won a contest in a High School Poetry contest. It was national. I have never found the piece. It is lost to me. I do remember now that it was a rather silly piece. The title was "Laughing Stars" This piece is about my first piece of writing. Any and all feedback. This was a very quick write as I thought it should be!

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Tormalia

If you decide to review, please start from Chapter 1.

At one time, Nerris Palada had been part of the Thrillseekers, an adventuring group legendary throughout the continent of Tormalia. After many years of winning the hearts of the people and being immortalized in song and story, they went their separate ways. Now a mercenary, Nerris has become deeply involved in the civil war gripping the country of Yagolhan, and is in a very dark place within his own soul.

But when evil forces emerge, Nerris is driven out of his army and left to fend for himself. When a chance encounter reunites Nerris with his friends in their home village, the Thrillseekers set off for one last grand adventure. Joined by the mysterious fledgling sorceress Len-Ahl, the fellowship soon finds itself on a mission much bigger than their own desires. What they seek could free the world from a dark threat that has gripped it since antiquity.

When the dust has settled between gods and godlings, kings and commoners, and magic and mystery, Nerris may sink back into darkness or come to relearn the joy, happiness and love he had forgotten.

Faernan Royal Family Tree

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The legendary Violet Dagger, a mystical weapon of fearsome strength, has been uncovered. The only source to prevent its power from falling prey to the wielders of dark magic is the Mastery of Myth: a secret organization specializing in matters of the supernatural. Its Supervisor, Derrick Lord is determined to keep the Dagger out of harm's reach. But strange happenings within the organization and the discovery of an amnesic girl, who is unknowingly tied to the Dagger, will only jepordize his chances. If he fails, human civilization could come to an untimely and brutal end. I look forward to all constructive criticism!

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This is a modern fantasy novel about a wizard named Ryn. He is a federal agent investigating a series of terrorist attacks targeted at humans. He soon finds out that these are no common warlocks, but something entirely. Any and all feedback is appreciated but please do not tell me all of my grammatical errors. I don't proof read what I have written while im still working on it. And please let me know what you think. I join this site to make sure I was headed in the right direction and that the story was something that interested people.

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Kyra Dernea is the outsider of the tiny town Meidad since her parents found her in an offerings basket to the Gods. She has lived in constant distress that her unique gift for conjuring electricity will upset the suspicious town to an uproar, and now her worst fears have come to pass. I'm looking for grammatical errors and also concept issues--I want to know if something is confusing, even if you can't explain why. Thanks!

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Kyrie Riddel and Cartophyllus Le Nécromant working as investigators for Prime Minister Spencer Cavendish, Duke of Devonshire and Coregent of the Kingdom of Ghaescagony discover Kyrie's former business partner, a smuggler named Edsal Halleck, murdered after she threatened to kill him because of his failure to pay a debt. But Edsal Halleck was murdered by magic that melted his eyes into red tears, burned out his pineal gland. When Cartophyllus attempts to speak to Halleck’s dead soul to lean what happened he discovers that in violation of the laws of magic, Halleck's soul has been destroyed. In a race against time, the two begin to search for clues to who might have wanted Halleck dead, who would have the power to destroy his soul, and who might have the motive to destroy him in that way. With the city watch intent on finding Kyrie guilty, and Eight Lords Inquisitor increasing concern that Cartophyllus is committing the darkest acts of blasphemy, the two follow a trail of clues across the city of London into the office of the Prime Minister himself to stop a plot to murder the Prince of Wales and so that Spence Cavendish can ascend to the thrown. I am looking for help with plotting, pacing, characters, and any other problems with the novel

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This story is in it's rough draft phase. As people review, I will be editing and improving. All criticism is welcome and will be considered. I would like to also know what you think of the storyline, and if it is piquing your interest enough to keep reading more. The first three chapters introduce you to the main characters and some supporting roles. The setting is painted, and the foundations of the plot laid. Fox is an orphan, and has lived in foster care most of her life. A mysterious man has showed up at the facility she stays at, and claims to be a vampire. What he offers starts a new chapter in her life, but will she be ready for what is about to come? Friends, enemies, and new experiences are just the start. Her life will be forever changed, and she will come face to face with dangers she never could have imagined.

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This started out as a few short stories. I'm now trying to weave them into a cohesive novel. The first three chapters introduce characters and settings from a frozen wasteland to an errant pirate ship. I've re-worked it a bit with the help of some reviews and this is the second draft. I'd appreciate any thought you have. Thank you.

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SEE SECOND DRAFT AT ∏∏∏ http://www.thenextbigwriter.com/library/index.html/read/50815 ∏∏∏ REVISION 1 04/02/2011 ∏∏∏ TO BE REVISED - 09.22.11

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The BOWW Autumn Tour Route

The entire novel is posted.

This is Babyface Fire, a work of comedic fantasy, the second book in the Geffia series. This book involves a new story many new characters, so while it helps to have read the Adventure Tournament first to get some of the references, it's not required.

Loebo Anders is a member of the adventuring company known as the Chosen Squad. Aside from sharing daring escapades with his friends and acquiring treasure, his main desire in life is to marry the lovely Alyssa Blume. However, when he sets out to rescue her from her overprotective father and take her away with him, things don't exactly go as planned. Loebo finds out a bounty has been placed on his head... by his own grandmother!

While the rest of the Squad tries to unravel the circumstances behind this mysterious bounty, Loebo falls in with a wrestler-turned-adventurer named Bleg. Before he can return Loebo safely to Foeny City, they decide to help out a female wrestler named Syrana by escorting her to her new job at BOWW, Bleg's old stomping grounds and the premier pro wrestling league in all of Bolognia. While Bleg confronts his past, Loebo suddenly finds himself in the middle of the biggest wrestling storyline of the year.

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The free city of Anderholm prospered at the crossroads of kingdoms, its gates open and its citizens engrossed in wickedness and scandal. Two scholars have come to change its fate. One seeks an ancient treasure, while the other longs to bring back the Age of Magic. Between them stands Shadyia, a pawn in their game who becomes the key to their ambitions. For men, she is an insatiable seductress. For women, an envied rival. For one, a loyal friend. Passionate and cunning, she is Shadyia, a Sister of the Silver Rose. A whore with pride.

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The Goopeater is the magical coming-of-age tale of Arya, a 13-year-old boy from San Francisco who is tormented by bullies in the school for eating "goop". In the wake of an accident that has left his once-vibrant mother a husk of her former self, Arya clings to the only bond left: an old, battered copy of an ancient book about good versus evil. One night, he is sucked through a crack in his floorboards and drawn into a magical world. Guided by the book which is the very last copy left, he travels the land, meeting a sage who has walked the earth since the beginning of time, monkey warriors and fearsome demons. Arya soon discovers that this new world is, in fact, an old world, and that he has stepped into the story of the Ramayana, the setting and characters before him mirroring the pages of the book that he prizes so dearly. When his book is stolen by the villain of the story, the demon king Anavaar, who wants to erase history and rewrite it from his own vantage point, Arya must embark on his own quest to retrieve the beloved keepsake. Aided by a mysterious Medicine Woman and guided by the principles of ancient warrior training, he overcomes the trials of the demons. In facing his fears, he learns that the Medicine Woman is indeed an embodiment of his mother's Higher Self, the true soul of the kind and vibrant mother he remembers, and that Anavaar is actually a conglomerate of the bullies that torment his daily existence. Realizing that he is not alone and coming to terms with his heritage, Arya is able to move forward with the battle, accept his mother's death, and finally go home where he is no longer known as the Goopeater.

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I'm trying to evoke the feeling that magic could really exist somewhere, and how empty this world feels without it.

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This is the story of three childhood friends, cursed through their own ignorant arrogance towards the supernatural and paranormal. Charlie, Noelle and Harry decide to see how much than scare themselves by going to the forest at 3am on Halloween. There they are cursed and have to deal with the aftermath of becoming a werewolf (Charlie), berseker (Noelle) and demon (Harry). Noelle and Charlie stick together and start a detective agency to have an income. This is their story, as they look to help others, find a cure and redemption, and seek a normal life.

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Young adult urban fantasy. There's something unusual about Christian, the new guy at school. As Jordan gets to know him better, and learns the reason he moved to her small town in the first place, she discovers that he is from the mysterious Celtic shadowland and that the magic of his world has brought the two of them together for a reason. Thanks to everyone who took time to read this. Your comments have been invaluable. I am rewriting, so if you read this before I'd appreciate hearing what you think about the changes I've made. As always I appreciate all feedback.

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A little witch girl is caught in a maelstrom of magic and menace.

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Seeing the human monster in all of us...

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A selfish hatter covets an ancient skullcap that promises riches to its owner. He will stop at nothing to obtain it. A traditional parable hopefully told in the traditional way... :D

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The novel will be released for sale on my facebook page and on Amazon on August 2, 2011. As such, I have disabled everything except the first three chapters. If you are interested in purchasing, please like my facebook page:
Nicholas Andrews - Independent Author

This is a work of comedic fantasy, so be prepared for a lot of crude, rude and "dude" humor. This is the first book to take place in my world of Geffia. Brief synopsis:

Remy Fairwyn is an enthusiastic youngster, whose ambition is to travel the land in search of fame and treasure, righting wrongs and winning glory along the way. Unfortunately, he's currently enrolled in a seemingly neverendi...ng program of education at Foeny University. And he has a father who disapproves of such pursuits. And he happens to have a mind more suited to a pack mule than a great warrior. But that all changes when the kingdom's powers-that-be introduce an Adventure Tournament, with instant fame being the prize at the end.

This story contains (1) corrupt organization looking to use the kingdom's woes to swell its own coffers. Contains your daily requirement of Feminist Healers, Professional Wrestlers, Drama Kings, Pompous Asses, Narcoleptic Thieves, Overbearing Fathers, Ambiguous Relations, Runaway Treasure Chests, Flying Shoes and a pinch of Cute Kitty Monsters Willing to Devour Any and All. Also contains one (1) Remy, perhaps the most ill-suited adventurer to ever wield a big piece of wood. Stir the brain well before reading; side effects may include side-splitting laughter, mild cases of forehead slapping and erectile dysfunction. Do not read if pregnant.

Will Remy be able to confront all these elements and cook up an unlikely victory? Or is his participation a recipe for disaster?

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Feedback please! I respect the writers here, and I have thick skin. Every comment means so much to me! Thanks Justin

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Just a little story I'd love feedback on. Thanks in advance.

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PROLOGUE The limit of the universe may be compared to the confines of imagination, and reality is as changeable as an Indian summer. Think of the universe as an infinite medium for existence. Imagine our world as just one point in all of that vastness. A point of reference, a traveller may use for navigation on a journey of imponderable dimensions, bounded only by the limits of rational thought. Imagene is another lonely landmark: a place where magic is as remarkable as a card trick. A world not so unlike our own, boasting: thick forests; beautiful countryside; babbling brooks that offer the weary traveller cold, sweet refreshment. A place where animals of varied description and disposition are resplendent in their primal surroundings. Like so many worlds Imagene is burdened with a host of humanoid beings, cursed to fight amongst themselves, so often because of their differences, sometimes because of the very similarities between them. Imagene is a place of magic: having no technology and its destructive accompaniment. The power there is magic: to be drawn from the very ground itself. This power is greater for some and its demands upon the body and soul even greater. And when a great magic-user travels from one world to another; the outcome meant beasts of nightmare, creatures of myth and folklore would walk upon the virgin paths of an innocent world.

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Fidelity is a notion that at its most abstract level implies a truthful connection to a source or sources. Its original meaning dealt with loyalty and attentiveness to one's duty to a lord or a king or a... This is 2nd story recently revised and will soon write as a film script. This is also my first short story. Written in 2010.

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In the First Age a gifted race, the Felwarn, were created to guard mankind from the evil god of that world. Over the ages the Felwarn withdrew from humanity and eventually became distant legends from an ancient world.

Now, in the Fifth Age, a new generation of Felwarn are leaving their safe homeland to take the traditional road of initiation. Felwarn law decrees they must keep their identity and powers hidden from humans.
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Please Note: /1. Word Count; It is a concern but I've discovered it's not a matter of trimming words, but of streamlining the story. I will look at the big picture after completion. But you are welcome to flag scenes you think might not be necessary. /2. Big revisions/rewrites take me time, and will likely take place after this draft stage. Minor tweaks/grammar checks occur along the way.
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This story was in the Finals of the Strongest Start Four (2010) Fantasy genre. I also recip on reviews. Thank you!

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His entire life is spent paying for the sins of his conception and birth. Charged by his grandmother with exterminating the blood line of his father who caried a gene created by the elves for use as a wepon in their war to exterminate the dwarves. He is comeing to dislike the world nearly as much as he dispises himself and resents his grandmother. In the end he is forced to except her wisdom and pursues the evil of his kin with something close to joy. and that only serves to make him like himself less.

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The 'Tales of the Bard' continues in book two as Cable Hornman sets out in the company of a wizard to journey to Vinberg. There he hopes to find Ravenlock, master of the High Druid Council and also attend the wedding of a friend.

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Kiel Thrice-Loved reunites with his mother, and expresses his dissatisfaction with her captors . . .(To avoid confusion the squad leader has been given the name Carillon.)

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A Tale of the Loved.

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I would appreciate any feedback on this draft. Don't be shy, I have a VERY thick skin.

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Poem about nature, children, joy ... does it conjure up memories? Is it visual and easily understood? Does it read like a short story in its presentation? Any and all feedback

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Coven of witches, each representing the 12 houses of the Zodiac. I'm recently back to the writing world and appreciate all of your feedback! Thank you so much! Blessing! Pisces ~

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Alexander is an orphan who's only desire is to find a family that will take him in and love him. He can't seem to get adopted though - no matter what he does. While he feels that no one wants him, he quickly learns that there is more to his mysterious past than he was lead to believe. Follow Alexander as he discovers his roots, learns of magic, and finds the other world from which he came. Oh, and everyone wants him, he just doesn't know it yet.

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Poem about life also the use of allegories in expression in poetry or any writing. Hope is to get readers who hesitate reviewing poetry to take a leap in faith as there is no wrong way to review if you say how a work 'feels' 'provokes' or if it doesn't. Still good feedback and can help enrich one's own writing. Poetry is not my favorite genre. I don't even own a book of poetry except for my mothers. Only poetry I read in on this site. I write it as do not feel confident in other genres. I too am learning to try though. To stretch oneself is to grow and stay flexible.

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Necromancer, sequel to the Blood Inheritance, takes us to the darker side of the magical world Alexandria Reed has found herself emmersed in. Her friend's emerging powers as a necromancer has put them all in danger. An old enemy from the Cameron's past has come to exact her revenge. It will take all thier combined skills to stop the ancient evil, but will be enough to save them all?

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Warning: This contains Purple! who am I kidding? its a velvet indigo cushion with tassels and gold trim. :D My first title choice was 'What's in a Name?' but it was taken. This place/event/characters are from my fantasy world. Although it does not take place in the current time frame of my novel. I hope you enjoy it.

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In a modern era where magic is as real as technology, black magic is a more potent threat to civilization than terrorism or rogue nations. I'm interested in receiving advice on word choice, phrasing, story flow, plot decisions, and anything else the reader can think of that will improve the story.

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This book explores the curiosity and fearless determination of youth. It takes place long ago and revolves around Kate Powers, a nineteen year old who reluctantly accepts an enchanted package filled with 'tools' to start her on the journey of a lifetime. Her pursuit opens the door to magic, mystery, and a family history she could never have imagined. I am looking forward to and will appreciate any and all feedback.

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Alderyle is being slowly invaded by an enemy they thought was dead. The evil is spreading even into the sacred, isolated lands of the Whitshire people, the Children of the Ancients, a nearly immortal race of craftsmen, farmers and tradesmen. "Dove" Athelhard is Whitshire's pride and joy, a young silversmith respected and loved by all. Suddenly accused of a crime he didn't commit, he's cast out into a harsh world he'd only heard about in travellers' tales to right a wrong that never existed. Helped by a small band of friends, he endures unimagined hardships and danger and discovers a destiny forged in prophecy.***Feedback: Smooth read? Plot holes? Continuity errors? Strong or weak sections? Typos?

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Charles "Cash" Register is a Private Investigator whose new case is to reclaim the missing wife of a weird little mystic from the "Spirits of the Great Beyond." His mother thinks she is a reincarnation of Annie Oakley. She's very handy with a lasso. His assistant is a gorgeous but ditzy blonde who's built like the best brick outhouse money can buy. She has a lot of skin to cover in places. Somehow she always has a little trouble keeping it adequately covered. When Chuck-A-Roo the Clown; Cedrick the Sissy; and old, senile Mrs. Snodgrass and her dog get involved, it becomes a calamity. The humor is a little silly and over-the-top in places. BEWARE: There is a lot of sexual inuendo, adult situations and adult language. And yes, our P.I. is a bit chauvanistic at times. Any comments you would care to make are welcomed. Anything from a general "I like it" or "I don't like it" to a lengthy technical critique would be fine. I am writing this as I go. I have completed but four chapters at this point. I was rather reluctant to do it this way. But, what the heck. It will force me to work hard on it. Problem is...I don't have a clue where the story is going yet! Should be interesting! Thanks in advance.

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It's All Mercenary is a humorous take on the overly used plot of a quest. You have your generic characters: Mage, Barbarian, Healer, Mercenary, etc, but they are filled by personalities who don't quite fit the boundaries of their roles. Told in first person. I have thick skin, so don't be afraid to tell it like you see it. NOTE TO NEW READERS: The early chapters need a lot of work. I know this and I will edit them eventually. This is only a first draft.

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(I'm currently in the process of revising. I can't decide where I want to end book one, so I'm going rewrite until I get there!) A kid from the inner-city finds out he AIN'T from the inner-city. He's the Hearth Tender, protector of the divine flame that fuels all life on Stargleam, a planet in the ninth realm. Before he can assume his duties, however, he must figure out a way to get home!

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Redemption, Arkansas is a small country town where things aren't always what they seem and the people never are...

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To whom does The People's Champion belong? The people or himself? That's the question foundling(orphan) Jakund Frey'lnd, a gifted young swordsman and war hero dubbed "Kid Blade," struggles with as he battles the ferocious Gothari and learns that his fame as warrior makes him a target for those looking to make a name for themself as well as an unwilling player in the games of the powerful. This is a Young Adult Fantasy, filled with humor and action, designed to appeal to all ages.

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In this era where science fiction is becoming science fact, technology is mixing with strongly held myths, and art is blending the chaos to shine a light on the rapid changes, we will either destroy ourselves or else learn to live in peace, without and within. This is the story of a particularly gifted young psychic, Aurora Swift, and the psychiatrist who tries to unravel her worlds, and in doing so unintentionally comes into contact with interconnected universal mysteries, dimensions, ancient beings and civilizations. Mixture of fantasy and reality genres. Mainly, the two settings are the modern day present with a bit of government conspiracy, and a sort of underworld that Aurora calls the Night World she escapes into to keep her sanity intact what with the pressures of her life. We meet a lot of other psychics in Aurora's circle and travel all over the U.S. and the world in search of some type of salvation. ** The first six or so chapters are non-linear and deliberately jarring as Aurora is experiencing a crossover of dimensions and times that will be sorted out in later chapters.// If I were to summarize the emotional stew or message of the story, it might go something like this: It is easy to wonder if our lives are worthless and actions are pointless because all will be forgotten one day. If every inventor, thinker, artist, intuitive being, and scientist followed through with this line of thinking, we’d still be in the Dark Ages or perhaps cause a new one. In this time of flourishing light, we need not allow the darkness of short-sightedness envelop us. The power is within us to make this world whatever we want it to be and become. And yes, one can make a difference with a little help from her friends.// **NOTE: I am on this site for constructive criticism. If you believe my work is only worthy of a 1 or 2 and feel like writing a snide scathing review or telling me how to write according to you, go somewhere else. My work isn't perfect, but I what I don't need is people who wish to feel superior by cutting me down or taking out their bad day on me. If you "don't get it" either ask me why something is written as it is or read something else. That I've had to explain this is sad, but there are plenty of A-holes in the world and that is reflected by similar percentages on this site. For those of you here to learn and grow and offer positive suggestions: Welcome. ---- (4/23/09 Currently reposted Chapter 1-3 and more coming soon for fans old and new).

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For a thousand years civilized realms have lived in the shadow of the ratmen, a vicious warrior race kept in check by their willingness to slaughter one another. But now the necromancer Demos Azari has summoned a demon lord to gather the ratmen under one banner and march on the lands of men and dwarves. Only one group of heros, the Magician Aaron, the halfling Walley Highspirt, the Paladin Thomas Grey, the dwarf Maximilian, and the dark elf Anastazja hold to key to stopping Demos before the world is engulfed in darkness.

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