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Karen Phillip's life is heading in a direction she has finally chosen for herself – a direction far away from her nearly estranged father, Stanley. But one phone call and an unfortunate sense of obligation, forces her to put everything on hold as she heads back to her hometown after Stanley has an accident at a cocktail party. Karen decides to investigate what happened, managing to upset most of the locals. She starts to get the sense that Stanley's accident was no accident after all. A brief affair with a townie, a harrowing escape at a trailer park and a narrow miss from angry drug dealers are just a few of the adventures that follow, leaving Karen wondering what she has gotten her self into since "Losing Stanley".

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Scott's daily routine is shattered by the arrival of Gabriel Jaeger, a teenage assassin on the run. As Gabriel hides in Scott's apartment from the hunters on his trail, he tells Scott his life story, revealing dark truths about the world they live in. I'm of course looking for general feedback, but I'd also like feedback on dialogue and scenario construction. Do the characters and what they say seem believable? And could you see this being a real, alternate future to our own? Would also love any thoughts on the narration structure.

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The premise of this story involves sexual exploitation. DO NOT READ, IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED. By 2092, poisoned food supplied by women has wiped out most men. Government controls allow one male consort for every hundred females, enough to provide sperm and some companionship. Self-centered, 15-year-old CALVIN CARLISLE from Beverly Hills ends up in Re-Education, facing indentured servitude, or worse, sex slavery in a foreign country. While torn between the lure of BIG MONEY in the grey market for sex, his love for one of the guards, and his yearning for freedom and family, he conspires with three other boys to escape.

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Kate's discovery of childhood scribbled drawings she has uncovered in her deceased mother's closet pull her into a world she has long forgotten. She unravels the secrets of her life, as a invisible white rabbit twitches next to her side. But during her silent journey, into the past, she must deal with her sister, a soap opera diva; her brother, a police officer, and her sister, a repressed psychic. But all them are nothing compared to her father, Bernie Web, a man lost in his Walter Mitty world.

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Fledgling lawyer Corrie Locke has it all: thick, mostly manageable hair, a partially furnished beach pad, covert access to a high-end wardrobe, and a dream job in a movie studio. The buzz-kill? She's the daughter of a late great criminologist whose former clients assume she's inherited her father's sleuthing skills. Corrie discovers Dad's gumshoes fit her pretty well, as she uncovers a murder conveniently cloaked as a suicide. Thank you for reading!

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Flow, substance, voice...whatever you have to say.

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Lust's passion will be served; it demands, it militates, it tyrannizes. ~~The Marquis de Sade

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A New York City couple are in their apartment on a rainy Sunday afternoon when the crossword puzzle leads to an exchange of some very cross words. All feedback welcome but particularly looking for comments on flow, pace of dialogue. Also whether theme of piece is too obvious.

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Percentages? It's all relative. All comments welcome.

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Originally posted, "Lovely Lucy," I am re-posting this with a prologue in order to introduce my lead character earlier in the story. A work of fiction, it is based on the life of Confederate General John Hunt Morgan and his abolitionist sweetheart, Lucy Vanderpohl. The story chronicles the relationship that begins in childhood before the war and matures in spite of growing political tensions. It reaches its zenith as Lucy learns a family secret that threatens an already tenuous relationship between the man she has vowed to love and her family's commitment to social justice. The story is a redemptive work in a setting of moral dilemmas where right and wrong is not always obvious.

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Even as writers we are often uncertain. All comments/criticisms are most welcome.

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2012 has come and gone, with no big cataclysmic event to end the world. Or so everyone thinks. The Mayans didn't predict the end of the world, only the end of an era in human history. This is what happened in my version on March 23, 2013, 3 months after the end of the Mayan calendar. Have fun with the zombies!

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A man sits in a courtroom and thinks about his past. All comments/criticisms are appreciated.

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Estella James and Harold McCaffey meet and so a caustic relationship begins. Desired Feedback: In some ways, I think this work lacks direction and/or focus. I have labored over every word, and writing is coming so slowly that I can't seem to pick up a natural focus on the course of events. Also, I have never stuck with a longer piece of writing like a novel. There are some similes/metaphors, word-choice, transitions, and descriptions that I'm not sure work.

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Aidah and Tavish, twins and troublemakers extraordinaire, may have bitten off more than they can swallow when strange things begin to happen around them. They already know part of the problem--Tavish is a firestarter. But Aidah has shown no Talent as of yet, though there has been hope since she was born that she might carry the rare Talent of Spirit Magic. Far away in the city of Landaran lives their Grandess Korva, Protector of the Doane the greatest Spirit Mage of the land. In the mountain village, Aidah and Tavish's lives have never been touched by the war that has raged between the Doane and the Innis Empire for over two hundred years. That's about to change. Note: This is my latest project--I'm working on the last few chapters now, but thought I'd get moving on having others look at the earlier chapters. This will be the first book of a five book series. I caution readers that there are some darker issues tackled in this book, including rape and child abuse. All types of criticism are welcome--this has not gone through a lot of editing yet. Thanks!

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A dark future of Earth enslaved....

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For Richter or Poorer is the fourth in a series about four hillbilly boys who grow up to change their community. This is Alain Richter's story. It is a story of abuse, survial, incest, heartbreak, redemption, repentance, victory, frienship, and love. The last in the series, it ties all the lose ends together to form a lasting knot. Any and all feedback is welcome. Just enjoy the story.

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I would like to know, if I could improve the story and make more interesting. Your honest comments for improvement will be taken very seriously. Thanks in advance.

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The four people in a small survival bunker may be the last humans still alive after an alien invasion. After a decade of living underground they are running out of food. What to do, what to do? Maybe celebrate Christmas a bit early. This will be a novella of about 17,000 words. A couple reviews doubt the personal nuclear power plant. Here is a link that describes it. It is proven technology ready to be installed. My story is set further in the future and the tech will be cheaper and better. http://gigaom.com/cleantech/hyperions-nuclear-in-a-box-ready-by-2013/

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I am fairly new to writing and working on my writing style. I am looking to improve my writing so I can create stories readers will enjoy reading. I grew up in an eastern culture and not sure it influences my writing. I would greatly appreciate your suggestions and tips.

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To impress a girl, an ugly young man undertakes a robbery, and inadvertently kills someone. This sets off a chain of events which changes the course of history. This is an early work of mine which has undergone significant rewrites, and I am on the verge of sending it to market. I would like some honest opinions about its readability, characterizations, idea content, and literary merit (if any).

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What happens when an American Hellion meets A half Scottish Devil? Nothing short of trouble…. Wild and free spirited Tiana Twain, American heiress, has no intention of letting any man rule her life, especially an Englishman. She plans on returning home to Virginia after the London season, claiming her inheritance and living happy without male dictation. Yet when danger follows her from the continent, she is thrown together with the irresistibly handsome Callum, Viscount Branton and sparks fly. Callum is in need of a proper English wife with nary a smudge on her reputation or he will lose his inheritance. He finds such a lady in Lady Amelia, whose cousin is an American hellion of the first order, and the only woman who stirs his roguish heart. Unknowingly, Tiana made a powerful enemy, one with secrets he would kill to protect. When Tiana is nearly abducted, Callum knows he would do anything to protect the willful heiress, even give her his name in marriage.

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Annie Buntin is a successful mystery writer, but her real life keeps interferring with her writing. The novel starts out with humor, but as is true with any person's life, bad things also come into play. Annie balances the bad with the funny to keep her sanity. Feedback: Idea of the story, characters, plot and what ever else you would like to offer. Also, comments on the title would be greatly appreciated.

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I WILL BE PULLING THIS DOWN SOON AND DOING A REWRITE. THOSE WHO HAVE COMMENTED SO FAR...I APPRECIATE YOUR INPUT AND WILL BE USING MUCH OF IT IN THE NEXT DRAFT. Confederate Major Charles Greene is devastated by the outcome of the Civil War and struggles to accept the North won. In his heart and mind, he still fights the war and longs for the life the majestic Greene Plantation enjoyed before the war. The ubiquitous carpetbaggers and lowly scalawags - Southerners showing loyalty to the hated Yankee forces - add more fuel to his fire. However, all of that is only a backdrop for the real story - a family in turmoil and the road to that family's ultimate fate. As time goes by, Major Greene's family is painfully and irreversably divided as his children take opposing and confrontational paths to rebuilding their lives. The once majestic Greene Plantation fights to find its previous glory. The family division grows even deeper over the years as dirty business and backroom politics take control of the opposing sides. Over the generations, the split continues to divide the family. Will there ever come a time of forgiveness and resolution? It would appear nothing short of a miracle could ever bring the two sides together again. One thing is for certain, though. The eerie mist that often hovers over the nearby Charlton River holds many secrets. Does it hold the secret to overcomimg the deep division of the two sides of the Greene family?

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The chase and executing of Bin Laden.

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This is one I have had sitting around awhile. I need to clean it up and finish it. Any and all feedback, positive and negative, is always welcome.

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Third_person_objective_point_of_view, informal_writing_exercise

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This short piece was for a flash fiction competition and I really don't know what, if anything, to do with it now. There was a hard word limit of I think 800 or 850, but if I work on it some more I can extend it. It is a short short though so I probably wouldn't want to make it longer than around 1,500. I'd be interested in what folks think on length, plot, characters, POV etc.

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This is a very short (flash) piece I worked on in a writing class over the summer. I'm really not sure if it's a 'story' or a 'vignette' so I'd be interested in thoughts on that question as well as other general comments. Also is it too 'cutesy' to live?

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Rewrite. It is horror, but literary? I am lost in the forest of the trees after writing this and I chopped away with my tense ax, but can't see the clear sky yet. ≈≈≈ Another version of this is coming down the chute soon. This is the first of 15 (with 2 versions = 30) short stories I will be rewriting for an envisioned book of short stories. ≈≈≈ This is not a true story. I CAN'T MAKE CORRECTION SINCE IT IS 5.87K, THUS IT IS IN THE DREADED RED STATE- måx

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A story about how deep some family secrets can be and how far brothers can go to protect each other. I am a new writer and this is just part of a much larger story, but am going to start in small peices. I need specific writing feedback since I am new.

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I have absolutely no experience in writing, but a lot of my friends say I have some talent. I am aiming to get this book published and perhaps make some money for Law school. Please send me your constructive comments. Thanks. PS. If you think of a better name for this story, let me know!

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A post-apocolyptic tribe of women survives through neuron regeneration implants and assisted reproductive techniques. Men? Neither needed nor wanted, except for one thing. *** I wrote this story purely on a lark, to escape "Client Relations," I suppose. I grew up loving Heinlein, Bradbury, Ellison, Asimov, Herbert... so I had a fun time with it. It's been submitted to 2 or 3 publications. I'm posting it here: (i) to needle the most sexist men on this site (wait - who?); (ii) to see if anyone thinks it's as fun to read as it was for me to write; (iii) for suggestions on what publications might like it; and (iv) for feedback and comments, of course!! But it's item (i) - oh yeah, I'm talking to YOU! - that inspired me to post it, right here, right now. : )

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A man struggles against his enemies, seen and unseen. A 5K word story complete in this posting. Would appreciate feedback on characterization, pace, plot. Do you enjoy the story?

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This is a tale of reconciliation between a father and his son set against the backdrop of a Caribbean Nine Night (a wake) ritual that calls their ancestors back from the past.

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Machinery introduces the reader to an amazing scientific possibility through a rather... controversial (if not apocryphal) narrative. This installment is an introduction of sorts, hoping to spark your curiosity about both the science and the narrator. I appreciate your most brutally honest feedback. Thanks!

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tracks wings junkie death

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SHADOW WOLF BOOK 1: Remembrance: In book one my heroine will travel back in time with the help of her Guardian, a giant spirit wolf, to vanquish a great evil in hopes of breaking an ancient curse.  But the evil wasn't defeated, only the mortal form it took. This evil's true objective was to use the heroine to free its master, The Arch Ruler, from the enchantment that has kept him trapped for over a thousand years, for she is the only one with the power to break the seal of Ardun, a Superior order of immortals. Sophia considers her life pretty much normal, that is until she befriends a gigantic wolf, who happens to push her down a waterfall. Technically, the fall wasn’t so bad and she would have forgiven her four legged friend, but when she emerges from the water, she finds herself several hundred years in the past, in Scotland of all places, abandoned by the wolf. Lucky for her, she is rescued by a handsome Scotsman, or so the arrogant lout says. Really, what’s wrong with the man? One minute he drives her mad with his kisses, the next he accuses her of being a witch. Cameron’s nights are plagued by dreams of a spirit, begging him to remember something long forgotten, and his days are tormented by a lovely stranger, who very well could be a spy from the enemy clan. What is a laird to do? Keeping the lass will only anger his mistress and cause him great distraction at the time of war, but the thought of sending her away leaves him barren. When Sophia saves his life, he learns that maybe there is more to life than empty passion and the sound of clashing steel.

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OK, y'all, no more sad stuff! This is something I'd like to see published as the text of a children's book. I think the rhymes lend themselves to some fanciful illustrations. I welcome your input. Thank you. P.S. factoid-something resembling a fact; unverified (often invented) information that is given credibility because it appeared in print

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This is a children's Halloween tale about a young boy who moves to a new town and has trouble making new friends--until Jim comes along....

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This has been updated to better show (I hope) the relationship between Blake, and his daughter.

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Jackson has finally decided the only way to escape the kind of love that hurts is to move away from the family that has always loved him. He kept both the hurt he experienced and his reason for leaving to himself, and although he isn't sure he is making the best decision, he was willing to take the risk. I welcome all feedback. Thank you

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Well, this is a story fragment I just sort of hammered through in one of those mad periods when you get a story idea and rush to nail down the opening to it, in the hope that someday you will return to it and develop it. I am considering the idea for my next entry in the L.Ron Hubbard contest. My last try only placed in the top ten percent. So close, yet so far away. Ah, life is cliche eh:) tear it up please. Hammer, pick, and spotlights all welcome. Thanks for reading for me!

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Its hard when you have to enter a state of hibernation and there is a succubus hunting you. Then again, a few millennium can weigh on a person. Gotta sleep sometime right? I am hoping to polish this first draft. its missing something, but i can't tell what. Thanks in advance for lowering the hammer and letting me know anything you might not like, or see that needs attention. Thanks guys:)

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Do you remember then first time a childish day dream shattered in the real world? Please let me know anything about the story that didn't capture you. I am trying to polish my flash fiction skills a bit. Thanks:)

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An idea that I had - possibly for a longer story, possibly for a novella/poetry combination thing, possibly as something to be filed away. Comments regarding those possibilities are welcome as are any other thoughts.

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A Brooklyn teacher named Charlie Maiks retells at gunpoint the story behind his current predicament while in a separate but related story line a character's life in Argentina during the Dirty War develops into one of the root causes of the Charlie's nightmare.

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I have added the character Roselyn, Princess Evaughnlynn's cousin, Any and all criticism gladly accepted. You won’t hurt my feelings. Princess Evaughnlynn( E von lin) of Hawkland, a small northern kingdom on the island of Ellisland,was engaged at the age 3 to Prince Thrall of Anglia, an empire to the south. The story starts when she is twelve and is given a stone of power (basically a crystal that stores knowledge and amplifies psychic power). Stone bearers, or wizards, are usually middle aged and fall into three categories, dru, or healers, and priests, called wizards, and scholars, called sorcerers). Great evil is on the move and the Elf Lady Gwerydd foresees that as queen of Anglia, Evaughnlynn will be in a position to save Ellisland. She passes her the stone and dies. The dark forces move against her. Fortunately, she has three allies, her cousin Roselyn, Phylon, a man-at-arms in her father’s forces and her cousin Beowyn, the son of her father’s Captain of the Guard.

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Here is a chapter from a larger work in progress. Originally written as a theatrical play, this story is inspired by actual events. I like to bring it out once a year or so and play with it... searching for an ending. Any feedback would be appreciated!

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Tiamat Ashtad, or Tash as she is called, is thrown into the middle of a high profile kidnapping when the suspect targets her. She's got to reach inside and learn who she really is to rescue the children and save herself. I'm looking for feedback on everything. Don't worry about being gentle I've got thick skin. I do however ask that you respect myself and my characters. I'm here to learn and grow. :)

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Feedback please

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Because this novel does not fit into any specific genre, I am going with Commercial Fiction. It has equal elements of Romance, Love Story and Drama. Suspense and humor are no strangers to the story, either. To me, it is a drama fueled by the quest of two lovers to find one another after a very lengthy separation. Two young lovers, Randy Harris and Brenda Chandler, are separated by totally unexpected circumstances beyond their control. They are taken from their small-towm roots of rural Kansas, Randy to Georgia and Brenda to Texas. The year is 1963. Weeks turn into months, months into years. Each starts a new life of his and her own. However, rarely does one completley forget about the other. But Randy and Brenda face substantial, and sometimes horrific, challenges in their new, seaparate lives. The drama and tension hover around every corner. Randy goes to jail, charged with the brutal slaying of his dearest friend. And that's not the only major trauma in his young life. Brenda's life moves in a most unexpected direction for a naive farm girl. She has her own tragedy to deal with. The untimely deaths of people they love torment both of them. In Brenda's case, the death leaves her with a heavy burden of guilt she can't seem to shake. Each enjoys moments of joy and rewards. But it seems there is always something lurking around the corner that wants to dampen those moments. But you will fall in love with the quirky humor of old Pop Johnson and the compassion of Bruce Armstrong. They are sure to make you smile between the tragedies and challenges. And there are a couple of places where you might want to have a Kleenex handy. Pop's story of his early days in Georgie will almost certainky bring a tear to your eyes. Randy's return from Vietnam culminates in a gut-wrenching discovery. There is quite an unexpected twist at the end. You probably won't see it coming! All comments, suggestions and nits are welcome. And thanks in advance for your time to read and comment, should you choose to. PS: The improper grammar in some of the dialougue is intentional.

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An unemployed man finds a new path to financial gain, until love trips him up.

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NOTE: This novel is still in various states of disrepair. :-) In the meantime, I finished the companion YA book, Acorns and Oaks. (My intention was to release both at the same time.) Thanks for the last reviewer, until I received email notification, I had totally forgotten that I posted this chapter here (which is quite different now). Thanks for the tips on AutoCrit, yes I use that now. I know the language is dated (as is the technology) and I am working to correct it. “Bad sheep�? daughter, Maya Cooper is pissed. Not only did her husband manage to get himself detained at the request of the state of California for the murder of his business partner, he also managed to leave her and fourteen-year-old daughter, Amberly, destitute. Snubbed by the in-laws and their friends and unable to find employment in LA, Maya decides to pack up her sullen teenager and head back to her hometown and into her parents’ home. Returning home is the last thing she wants to do. Her mother, Diana Ventimiglia, was the prime reason why she left town. Her older, “good sheep�? perfect sister, Marta, was reason Number Two. Marta’s self-righteous attitude and the parading of her two perfect progeny, Max and Ben, is more than Maya can bear. Add to the mix the irritating next-door neighbor, Chad, former high school classmate, football star and perennial thorn in her side, and the recipe for disaster has just been rachetted up a notch. Both Maya and Amberly miss their SoCal lifestyle, but things are different now. With the help of new friends and old, both mother and daughter learn that all that truly glitters may not be gold.

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A short novel about a tragic romantic triangle. Carla, Tom, Steven...Two will die. Note: the reviews, good and bad, were made about an earlier Chapter 1. So please deal just with the story as it is now. (Novel is finished; I'm doing a global edit; so I put part of it on this site to get feedback.)

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This is a spoof of the career of a notorious fugitive and his mistress and of the attempts of the FBI to find them, and also of aspects of contemporary U.S. life such as our preoccupation with and ignorance of nutrition and exercise, and a banking industry that facilitates easy movement of proceeds from criminal activity. Although I hope it is funny, I changed the genre from humor to literary fiction because deeper meaning emerged in the first 18 chapters. I very much appreciated reviews on the first submission, hope this is improved, and welcome any and all suggestions.

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In this chapter, the Captains Thurston start a new kind of boat charter, and take on new clients.

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***WINNER OF THE 2007 TNBW OCEAN FLASH COMPETITION***Linda returns to the small sea front hut the family owned and enjoyed when they were children and that she has now inherited. Her plan is to sell the property to help buy herself a new future. But sometimes the future can be found in the past.

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There's a doorway into the not-too-distant future. It's right there... you can see it at the end of the hall. Behind it, the matrix of thinking computers and lustful futurists bent on creating the perfect human being. Lean down and take a look through the KEYHOLE. --- AS A RESPECTFUL REQUEST, PLEASE START ANY REVIEWING WITH CHAPTER ONE.

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This is an article written as part of a series on rural happenings. I plan to submit it to a magazine of some sort. British, Americans and others - no, this town is not in your country. Fellow Australians, I will tell you where it is on payment of a hefty - nay, massive - bribe !

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