Content: family

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Synopsis - In Celia Reynolds eyes, life is perfect. She has a wonderful loving family including a sister that is her best friend. Her career is skyrocketing and she has more male admirers than she can keep up with. Then, her world is shattered when her sister Gabi takes her own life. As she questions her sister’s suicide and peels back the layers of her ideal life, she realizes that life is not perfect nor is it meant to be. Her journey of self discovery takes her from an elegant 20th floor apartment in New York City to Washington, DC and the Islands of South Carolina. Along the way she learns a family secret that forces her to see her self and her sister in a different light - all with help from some unlikely sources - an orangutan named Nikkee and a Voodoo Priestess named Mira. *** Requests - All I can ask for is honest feedback. Give it to me straight ; ).

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The Shed is the expanded version of my flash story, Look At Him, Daddy.

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This is a story about a woman struggling with her drug and alcohol-addicted son. The story is a very rough first draft, and I'm just not sure what to do with it yet. Any constructive feedback as I look forward to the revision process is needed and appreciated.

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A poem for my mother who was strict and wouldn't let me date!! Written as if I were her! Any kind of feedback is welcome.

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Open to any feedback

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The narrator of this story is a young girl about ten years old. Since I've never been a young girl I'm interested in how she comes across. Does she sound older? Younger? And any other comments are of course always welcome.

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Ayareli (A.K.A. Sabrielle, then Taryn) and Sabarain move with their parents from Merienneth to High Meadow. They become adults in a world of winged horses and conspiracy where they must learn what fires their passion and what tempers it. Their parents, Jol and Carren, must balance dreams and family. I'm looking for feedback on the theme of balancing the duties and pleasures of your life. All four of my main characters need to learn how to do that or risk losing their family. Are you getting that? Is it too subtle? too obvious?

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Celeste and Mark are reformed problem children, but are too similar in temperament to make their connection work.
They recognize this, but can't resist the strong attraction between them. Despite Mark's attempts to avoid entanglement, he can't help himself, and danger follows them despite their intentions of staying out of trouble.
Can Mark resist his efforts to bend Celeste to his will and can she accept his love without losing herself in the process?

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When Jamie, a peasant swordsmith, arrives at the castle to teach sword lessons, the last thing he expected to find was the willful Princess Carinthea awaiting his instruction. As their affection for each other grows, both are painfully aware that a peasant and a princess can never be together.

Okay, here we go again. I'm working on the new version, so it might feel a little rough, especially later on. It's undergone some pretty major changes. I'm mostly looking for content suggestions, but I'll take any help I can get.

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Christmas poem

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My second poem on the sea journey of boat people. I think I like this better than the first one - perhaps it's clearer. I'm interested in what you think - critique away..

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A Compulsion Obeyed.

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A baby is born in the slums, to drug dependent parents. He grows up without the guidance of parents who only think of themselves and satisfying their addiction. He gets a little help along the way - things look up, then get much worse.

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Evil has had it's own way on the East Coast for many years until God takes a hand in the game, through some of His servants.

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I adjusted this a little

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This is a short editorial about the conditions which prevail today. When I was growing up, this kind of thing would never happen!

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A young man goes through a lot of problems while growing up. These problems don't get any better as he goes out into the world! With out the help of some friends he is doomed.

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A free form poem. One of the great unanswered, nagging questions which plague mankind. Does the answer matter?

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The Premise of ‘The Gold Mine.’ Jacob Townsend inherits a a gold mine in the Sierra Nevadas, from his Great-Great-Great-Grandparents, Tom Watson and Eliza Townsend. In the box containing the hundred and fifty year old legal documents is a map made by Eliza to the location of the mine and a diary written by Eliza. The innovations she designed and had built would amaze engineers of today. Scheming relatives would like to take a peek at that map. Living in present day Dallas, Texas, Jacob takes a business trip to Caracas, Venezuela with his friend, Jessica Lopez. While there, a copy of the map is stolen from their hotel room and a flight in a small plane to a local gold mine is sabotaged, forcing the pilot to land on a river in the jungles of Venezuela. The pilot and the two of them trek through the forest and raft down the river trying to get back to civilization. They encounter a Drug Gang, who hold them hostage. What Jacob does to escape will stay as a nightmare with him as long as he lives. Back in the US, more relatives make attempts to steal the map. An attack on Jacob leads him to a Drug Lord, Manos Santos in Brazil who has connections in the US. Jacob seeks help from the CIA who turn him down, but not before meeting an agent named Marilyn who falls for him. Now he has two women on his hands. He goes to Rio de Janeiro at the height of the Mardi Gras Festival to track down Santos and confront him. At the shoot-out in Santos mansion, Jacob is wounded. Marilyn makes a surprising appearance and helps him escape. Jessica is furious but thankful. The diary leads Jessica to believe that Eliza and Tom may have perished in the mine. With a GPS system Jacob and Jessica trace their way to the mine. Using modern safety suits they penetrate the interior of the mine to find a few surprises. One of them being the body of someone they know, overcome by poisonous gases. Now they know who had the map stolen. Another chapter in the diary leads them to an amazing find.

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16-year-old Katie Smart has always been painfully shy and self-conscious. Her one ambition is to become a professional photographer. Possible romantic interest from Greg, a teenage worker her father hired to keep up the grounds surrounding their New England farmhouse, the increasingly sinister attentions of her photography teacher, and a sudden change of attitude toward her from Ben, the hottest and most arrogant boy in school, combine to send her into an emotional tailspin from which she may never recover. --- FIRST DRAFT IS COMPLETE and I have begun to edit.

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SCIENCE-FICTION, SHORT STORY, Summary: There are two settings: Earth, whose people have begun studying their universe, where a satellite probe goes missing and a planet where a grand, traditional wedding is about to transpire. What both planets have in common are two men who have personal vendettas, yet an accountability to a larger community: one man to his planet's (and nation's) space program and his personal pride that prevents him from revealing the error that lost A satellite, such that it may have been tracked and retrieved, and a man who is protective of his sister but willingly participates in a tradition he disapproves of and fails to intervene appropriately such that the groom loses his life to the satellite arriving from the Earth man's error.

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A bright young southern girl experiences a difficult life in a town founded and run by a tobacco company. Set initially the early 1970's, the story unfolds as does her desire to bring forth something new from the landscape of her beloved state. As she matures, and lessons are learned, both she and the reader will experience the beginnings of vineyards and winemaking in the foothills and mountains of beautiful North Carolina.

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This is a story of a family and what war does to it.

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This is a story about a brief period in my life in 1968 when I was 12. The story revolves around my family, friends,and school as I followed Robert Kennedy's 1968 Presidential campaign.

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The story of a picnic table, and how much it means to one man.

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Synopsis: Phoebe lives a privileged life in a repressed and controlled society until she discovers the husband she thought was dead, is imprisoned by the regime that protects her. She becomes obsessed with his freedom.

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Gloria grows up with a facination for spending time in a cupola. All feedback welcome.

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Set in Australia in the near future. UK English spelling. As Court Photographer (think Poet Laureate) Phoebe lives a privileged life in a totalitarian society when she is sent on assignment to create a "suitable" impression of an outback detention centre detaining Non's (unacceptable people). She discovers her husband is incarcerated there, though she had been told by the authorities eight years before that he'd died. Numb to all emotion since his 'death' and the forced relinquishing of their newborn baby, she finds herself suffering an intense emotional reaction on seeing him. It blinds her to everything except a quest for his freedom but for this she needs the help of her current husband Adrian and his brother Garth, head of the local Security Forces. Feedback required: I have the story outlined quite well, but the writing of it needs help. (not to mention this shitty summary) That's where you brilliant guys come in. This is chapter one and I've re-written it so many times I now need your feedback. Cut it to me straight. I think my problem is that I show too much emotion - get too close to the character - and I don't drive the story forward enough. I need to know if you like it (or not) as much as I need writing advice.

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Welcome to my functioning family asylum. (Revised 7/2/09)

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This is Part Two of the farce about the Barnes family wreaking their vengeance against the DMV and the police. All I wanna know is did it put a smile on your face.

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A moment on Ali's 10th birthday that was very profound. I wanted to document it.

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This is a farce written for anyone who has ever had a screw-up with the DMV or been picked on by the police. Part Two will follow.

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A blind woman's relationship with her daughter-in-law moves from cautious to loving. Subtle change....do you see it?

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This book explores the curiosity and fearless determination of youth. It takes place long ago and revolves around Kate Powers, a nineteen year old who reluctantly accepts an enchanted package filled with 'tools' to start her on the journey of a lifetime. Her pursuit opens the door to magic, mystery, and a family history she could never have imagined. I am looking forward to and will appreciate any and all feedback.

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This is the third installment of the story of my marriage and the struggles I am going through to help salvage it. In this installment I discuss where we are three months into the process.

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I'm reworking this novel, which was written for the Romantic Suspense Genre. I'm trying to keep the suspense going. I also want to deepen the characters and show more of their responses.
THOUGHTS ARE NO LONGER IN ITALICS. IT GURGLE-FURGLES MY POSTINGS (DOUBLES UP EACH PARAGRAPH AFTER THE ITALICS).
Is there enough intrigue to keep you interested?
I know people need points for posting, but please, DO NOT LEAVE ME A DRIVE-BY REVIEW. I NEVER do drive-by reviews, so I don't appreciate them. Thank you.
Some Patois is included in the language.
All currency is Jamaican dollars - Exchange rate is US$1.00:$J90.00

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A woman daydreams about browsing craigslist, and the dream becomes all too vivid.

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Gideon is twelve years old. His has a temper. He wishes he didn't have a temper. He doesn't know how not to have a temper. His parents don't know how to help him. In the process of the novel, everyone learns something about temper and tears and strength. The story unfolds within the context of a community story of a church congregation that learns to love theatre; and in the context of spring turning to summer along the Susquehanna River in the imaginary town of Little Bridge. I want to know whether the story works, whether it holds the reader the way the characters and their struggles have held my interest. I want to know how well the subplots support the main story. Is the action tight, does it move fast enough, does the story hold together, do the scenes come to life for the reader.

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This is a novel about the adventures of a family of five who are banished from a town made of diamonds, after the youngest girl, Benya, loses a cooking contest. The three children and their parents travel down the mountain and fend off many enemies. They also have adventures in another world, Anithonia, where copies of them appear, so two families that are exactly the same will fight to survive in two different worlds. Benya will become the necessary hero, as the two worlds face their most destructive enemy yet: people from our world in search for diamonds.

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This story if about a dog, the only witness to a murder. It was a challenge to write because I wanted to write it from the dog's point of view. I could not have anything happen without the dog being in the scene. Please let me know if you think it works. I am open to all comments, including grammar.

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Just another usual family Sunday afternoon

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This is a reminiscence of a visit to Detroit I made following the death of my Aunt Margaret, the youngest of Nell's 18 children (see "Impetuous Heart" under novels) who reminded me always of Maureen O'Hara. Anyone who's had a relative like this, a larger-than-life character, knows what a big vacancy they leave behind when they go. She was born in Brosna, Ireland and would be ninety now if she had lived so long. When I first saw her I was ten years old and I thought she was a gypsy.

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Mourning the death of a marriage isn't easy. In this short story, the narrator shares that grieving process with the reader. Join her on a camping out weekend where she comes to terms with her loss. Would like general feedback

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This is the second piece in a series about the break down of my marriage. I anticipate a few more essays in this series. I would love to get feedback on the personal nature of this memoir.

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This is the story of the struggles I am going through with my marriage after thinking everything was fine.

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This is chapter one of a full length book thus, the title. It concerns a family and how their paths diverge as they leave home and create lives away from their dominering mother. Patsy Lou is a loner all the while craving the love of her family. As the seventh of eight children she strive to educate herself and thereby become special in the eyes of the world so her family will love her. She becoms famous, but still that isn't enough to fill the empty place inside her and gain teh love anad respect of her birth family...until...

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A third person limited story of a successful business woman in the new york banking world. And her daughter, an environmentalist and poet. The book is largely stream of consciousness, pulling on modernist techniques. It veers between concrete and poetic language and between past and present. The story takes place in a day. There are two layers to this story - Will Sara meet her daughter again. And a critique of what it means to be a successful woman and person.

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Betwixt is the first story I ever posted on tNbW. Lots of new members now and the time has come to post again, a tale of love lost and regained, though not as one may expect.

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Please comment on voice, cadence and general impressions....is there potential for expansion into a book?.....thanks for taking time.....PF2

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This VERY short story is just an email I sent to my regular list of contacts. As I went into the city to celebrate a victory, I was surprised to find that amid the celebration, there was a soulful peace.

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This is a revision. I am trying to get this ready for submission. Any feedback welcome.

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This creative non-fiction is part of the "Franky" series, a collection of tales about growing up the son to a six-foot leprechaun, a warrior, a husband, a coach, a crooner and most of all a father. Frank's kid brother was never my favorite person, let alone uncle. The two men were born and reared in the same Brooklyn working-class household, yet their values and views were world's apart. Why? I often wondered. The enclosed story addresses part of the answer. Much like Mrs. Dubose of "To Kill A Mockingbird," the circumstances that compel our lives are painted in more than black and white brush strokes.

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In this season of giving, my mind turns to a story of true and pure generosity.

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This is the story of the Fortners, who rise from the ashes of the Civil War to become major landholders in the wilderness of Florida. Loosely based on the lives of my great-grandparents, George and Dorothy Fortner, it's the story of men and women making the transition from war to peace, facing tragedy and loss with love and passion as they discover what it takes to turn an American dream into reality. I'm reposting this because crazeesharon asked what happened to this story. Thanks for taking an interest in this story.

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A look back at life in the 1960s as a young man comes of age. The memoir includes reflections on himself, people he knew and the events of that time. I would be looking for input about the writing style, wording and organization of each chapter. Also, did the reader enjoy reading the chapter and want to read more?

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There is nothing either fundamentally good, nor anything fundamentally evil: Everything is relative... --The Marquis de Sade, The 120 Days of Sodom. The Wisdom of Repugnance is a dark comedy exploring the individual 'moral compass', and that internal shudder that we are all 'supposed' to have that helps us differentiate between, say, someone who loves his dog, and someone who LOVES his dog. WARNING: sexual and inappropriate subject matter. Consider yourself warned!

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The story of a Kansas farm family and a mystery that develops around the ruins of an old barn on their land.

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PAUL WEEKES knows all about poverty, after a harsh childhood spent raising both himself and his younger cousin Mark, who refuses to grow up. He now runs a farm on the island of Xantrope, cultivating ground provisions and marijuana for export, because he refuses to risk a return to the poverty of his past. Things get complicated when the corrupt police officer who facilitates Paul decides he wants a bigger cut of the illicit business. Worse, Mark is involved in a murder and a hit-and-run accident involving the police officer’s niece. Paul has his hands full coping with danger from Mark’s associates, orchestrated attempts to hijack his goods, keeping himself alive and pursuing a romantic interest. ******For want of somewhere else to put this, I've termed it Other. It can best be described as Romantic Suspense.

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This is just an observation of a picture of my son,his wife and my grandson. Her gaze is hypnotic and you just want to know what she is thinking. Just want feedback on how it reads, is it clear, am I doing any better with punctuation!!!

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This is a quick piece that I fired off after a really transendant baseball game the other day and I would love any and all feedback from others.

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Beautiful, talented, and about to inherit – Why is Sarah’s heart in turmoil...? Sarah Miller, the new darling of the Chamber Music Society, the protégée cellist of their in-house Quartet, receives rave reviews for her first series of concerts. She has just buckled her last term at New York’s prestigious music academy of Julliard when a hit-and-run driver strikes her down and disrupts her plans. Luckily unscathed, engagements still need postponing until proper exercises can restore agility and full mobility to her bruised wrist. While the melody is interrupted, Sarah meets up with the formidable Spinner brothers. The younger Mark, handsome and charming, sweeps her off her feet. The elder Julian, black sheep, black belted, and daunting black mood enjoys badgering and humiliating her. Her wrist recovered, playing music again, Sarah wonders which exercises will mend a bruised ego and an aching heart. ...Perhaps it’s because she is unworldly, unsophisticated – an orphan raised by tutors and nannies who ran to the bright lights of New York City...only to slam into the dark heart of Julian Spinner.

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The Guardian of Eden is the story of a teenager, Garrett, and his twelve year old sister, Eden. After years of abuse from their mother and her boyfriends they finally achieve what seems like a happy life. Their mother has married a good man, Garrett has a beautiful girlfriend, and both he and his sister attend a prestigious private school. But tragedy lurks beneath the surface as Garrett discovers that the abuse to his little sister goes beyond what he ever imagined. His overwhelming love for his sister and desire to protect her lead him to commit a murder that could destroy them all.

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My grandmother often surprised the family with her adventures. Her is one of them.

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This is my first attempt at a novel and I am certainly open to any criticism. The novel begins in January 1924 a little less than 60 years after the Civil war and five years before the Great Depression. The main character is getting married today. She describes her home, her life to this date in some of her mannerisms and dialog because she is expecting to take on a totally new life after the wedding vows. She breaks Southern Tradition is sort of a feminist. There is an element of super natural in each chapter. It is so subtle until it may not be apparent until much later in the book.

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Franky, the father in The Bunch, was my Dad. The story is a creative nonfiction story of an event from my childhood. Little League rocks.

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I don't know how to do this without giving too much away. A man loses everything, including his faith in God. His sister is there, never waning, to help him. His life changes and if you believe him...so could yours. There, how's that for a hook.

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This is a story about the relationship between tragedy and necessity, and the changes we make to keep breathing.

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Chris began to question the wisdom of this trip. The familiar crunching sound of tires on the gravel driveway gave away her surprise arrival. She had planned to arrive undetected, take a look around at her former life, and if necessary, leave undetected. As she pulled up to the once-white, house with the slanted front porch and broken screen door, she was at once joyfully nostalgic and severely repulsed. Before Chris could turn off the engine and step out onto the gravel and oil driveway, Ma was already waving from the window in the big bedroom upstairs. Chris shook her head when she notice Ma wearing the same faded red, pansy-printed house dress she was wearing exactly one year before on Easter Sunday and likely every other Sunday for the last thirty years or more. The hem of this dress must have been re-sewn by Ma’s plump hands a hundred times or more and the buttons were a mere rumor, replaced by multi-colored diaper pins. Even without seeing it now, Chris could describe each frayed piece of the fabric, not only because she seen it in her mind whenever she pictured Ma, but because she’d spent so much time as a child, hiding from the world on underneath it. They met inside the house, at the bottom of the stairs and greeted one another the way they always had. No “I love you,” or “good to see you.” No touching moment and definitely no embracing, just right to the business at hand – avoidance. “Lawd chile, I ain’t know who dat was pullin’ in my driveway all fast.” Ma said, barely stopping at the foot of the staircase. “Uhn, uhn, uhn. What you doin’ wit’ ya hair now?” “All that money, - cant you pay somebody to do something with that hair?” Chris sighed. “It’s called the natural look Ma, and I did pay somebody to do this.” Uhn, we’ll you done thrown dat money away. Look like a natural mess to me. I’ put a pressin comb on it fo’ ya fo’ free.” Ma laughed. “Lawd have mercy, now I got to go upstairs an’ put some clean sheets on dat bed. Go on out back and say somethin’ to Dad.” Chris walked through the old house, through the dog’s room on the back porch and out into the back yard where Dad sat atop his ancient, red, riding mower, mowing and drinking what was almost surely corn liquor, wrapped in a brown paper bag. “Hey there, Lil Bit, what you doin’ here? Dad slurred. “You done drove all the way from New York City to help me cut all this grass.” All morning, Chris sat in the kitchen with Ma snapping peas, peeling potatoes and soaking greens. “You listen here girl, now I ain’t gonna have none of that mess you pull last year at my Easter table, you hear me?” Ma warned. “What’s past is past.” “Now, ya Mama an’ them comin.’” “Again, Ma, she is not my Mama” Chris said. “Well, she carried ya ‘round in her fo’ nine mont’s di’nt she?” Ma exclaimed. Chris started, “Ma, but she never did nothing for me….” At this, Chris was immediately shocked by her improper language, and how easily it came back to her. “She my daughter, and yo’ mama, an’ this is my house and I say she’ comin’ here to have Easter dinner wit’ us, now you just keep ya mouth shut if ya aint got nothing nice to say, hear.” ‘Ma, if she brings him again, I can’t sit at the table and act like everything is ok.” Chris explained. Ma fidgeted. “Don’t you say it.” Suddenly, Chris felt possessed. “What, Ma, that he raped me and my Mama was too high to do anything?” Ma looked around for something to hold on to and settled on a bag of flour on the. Ma said, “Don’t ya talk with dat nasty mouth in my house girl, now, I jus’ ain’t gon’ have it.” Brushing flour off her dress, Ma quietly demanded, “Now make yourself useful and go set the table.”

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***WINNER OF THE 2007 TNBW OCEAN FLASH COMPETITION***Linda returns to the small sea front hut the family owned and enjoyed when they were children and that she has now inherited. Her plan is to sell the property to help buy herself a new future. But sometimes the future can be found in the past.

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J.D. discovers Henry is more than a hired hand. The witch protects. An innocent girl is murdered. The county balance is gone. The end is near.

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This is the first of i think three parts. I am trying to figure how to break it up. The story is about a rural County divided into four sections. The events in this particular part of the story set up the rest of the story. There is a lot of meanness with ignorance and isolation. Please, see for yourself.

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Visiting my daughter's family, Rabbi husband and twin boys, soon after my conversion to Judaism, I found the emotional and visceral validation of my choice.

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This is my emerging memoir. For the time being, each chapter is a stand-alone "episode," and I have not yet determined the framework for tying them together. Don't worry about reviewing them in order. Imagine that I am making a necklace, and I am crafting the beads one at a time; once they are crafted, I will string them in a pleasing and relevant order, adding the necessary transitions at that time. This memoir will include my childhood in the 1970's, teens in the 1980's, motherhood beginning in 1994. The main themes of the larger work relate to three diagnoses in my forties: Borderline Personality Disorder, Bi-polar Disorder, and Breast Cancer.

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Angus Chase is a man of mystery, but his life has changed dramatically since the time he met the Benedicts. Now his priorities revolve around family, and a special little girl he calls Angel. Mirielle is a sweet girl who leads a charmed life, but she's about to learn that 'having it all' means nothing to her without her adoring godfather. When Angus disappears suddenly and his house blows up taking half the block with it, Mirielle will question all his spy stories and look at her own family with new eyes, wondering all the time what is true, what is real, and what's merely fiction. This is the first installment of a two-book series.

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