Content: family

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Short story about an adult man reflecting back over a very personal evening in his youth that changed the dynamics of his small family on the reservation.

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Here is another long short story that has to be published in two parts. I was very reluctant to publish this one on this site because it is a bit dated (like I am) and was written in the mid 1990s, so that is the time I date it for. It involves, but does not center on, land-line telephones that are no where near as sofisticated as the cellular and smart phone technology used these days. The main character of this story is a high school student who prepares for the prom to be held that night, but circumstances make thing a little complicated.

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This I wrote for my daughters ages 30 and 36. I raised them in somewhat of a fifty's generation as I was raised. I wrote it and enlarged it then framed it for them on Christmas about 4 years ago. I think every word of it is true, it does contain one quote from Mark Twain, and one from Einstein. Hope you enjoy it and perhaps learn from it.

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One more Christmas Story. Bah Humbug! Comments always welcome.

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Thank you all for the helpful tips. I have updated this poem as suggestions are made. Sometimes a poem needs to be written over and over. I am not afraid to turn a poem upside down and start from the top. Just like Hollywood. I am working on this poem as part of a collection I am writing, PRIVATE LETTERS. Note: I have opened twelve of my brother's prison letters. I have not been able to read the remaining letters.

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This letter recently came into my possession. I hope you enjoy.

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A story about how deep some family secrets can be and how far brothers can go to protect each other. I am a new writer and this is just part of a much larger story, but am going to start in small peices. I need specific writing feedback since I am new.

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This is, finally, a new story. One that was never workshopped in any college master's workshops or anywhere else. In fact, it is the first story I wrote after I started writing again following my retirement/disability, even though the basic premise, writing from the POV of the opposite sex, was an exercise suggested by a writing workshop. Given my glandular bias, I'm not really sure if it's in any way believable and will appreciate any and all feedback.

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I felt like sharing my short story that was published with my friends on TNBW. I am now free to market it to other venues and am considering sending it to some women's magazines. We see so much about the success of internet dating, but I wonder how many experiences are more like mine.

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Sitting at the table with a laptop can be a trip through time, and one's own secret fears. It made me smile. Hope I bring a smile to you, too. As always, all feedback welcome, needed and appreciated.

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“Physician, heal thyself,” are words Doctor MacKenzie “Mac” Reardon never thought he would hear although he has seen far too much sickness and death in his thirty years on Earth. The small isolated town of Possum Holler, West Virginia, has suffered numerous tragedies without a doctor and with a hospital that is nearly one hundred miles away. The people are poor and backward. At last, one of their own has managed to become a doctor. Doctor Reardon returns to his hometown to find his own heartache might be something no medicine can heal as he struggles with a narrow-minded community, ignorance, a rocky marriage to a city girl, Felicia Chambry Reardon, and an overwhelming attraction to the new school teacher/principal, Sunny Bankston, at the newly established school. Having met Sunny while in his ER rotation at Cook County Hospital when he was an intern and her having been shot in a school-violence incident, Mac knows the spirit of the woman, a spirit that is more akin to his than the spirit of the woman he married. Mac struggles against overwhelming odds to bring his community into the twenty-first century even as Sunny Bankston battles her own demons, including fighting an attraction to Dr. MacKenzie Reardon. This is a romance that is a bit different. Yes, there is romance of the man/woman kind, but there is also love of community and friendship, driving forces of the story. I want the reader to see growth and change in these characters. I do not want the reader to hate any of them. The main antagonist is a situation of poverty and ignorance, not an individual. All comments welcome.

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This is a (short) short story I've been working on for a writing class I'm taking this semester. Any comments welcome.

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This is a story about the time in March 2007 that four tornadoes converged on my parent's farm and the destruction, devastation, trauma, loss, and sorrow it brought to our family. It is also about the sense of hope, help, growth, triumph, strength, family, friends, faith, and community that came along with it. There's even a weird sort of humor thrown in here and there . . . I hope you enjoy it. Unfortunately, due to the number of natural disasters we have going on in our country (and the world over)in recent years, it is a story we share with too many others . . .

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I'm just practicing my writing here. But with all the tornados that have hit Missouri and other regions in the past few years, I think this is a story worth telling . . .

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The scene is Grandpa and grown-up grandchild sitting on Grandpa's porch. They're playing a sing-song rhyming game they've played for more than twenty-five years. Then Grandma comes out and breaks it up. I would really like feedback on the ending. I had a devil of a time trying to bring this to a close. Once you read it, you'll know why. I'm open for any/all suggestions.

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A love story between Pierce and Katherine. Pierce loves katherine without quite realizing it, and Kat knows nothing about it. In fact, if she knew, she'd consider it ludicrous. Then Katherine's life changes, inside and out. Searching for her roots, she encounters disappointment, danger and more danger. Luckily, Pierce remains at her side to help her muddle through. Still, can she find her heart...or her way home?

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I worked on the rhythm of this piece for some time. It's one of my faves, but I want the reader to tell me if I've hit the right note.

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Now has the one thousand word minimum! My entry for the Watching Paint Dry contest. What can I say! All I could come up with after reading all the other fantastic pieces. At least I tried and hopefully my technical skills have improved! :) OH, THEY HAVEN'T! DANG!

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Conclusion of an 8K word story. A wealthy young man tries to do the right thing. My usual concerns: characterization, pace, plot and do you enjoy the story. All input appreciated

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An 8K word story posted in two parts, but best read continuously. A wealthy young man tries to do the right thing. My usual concerns: characterization, pace, plot, and do you enjoy the story. All input appreciated.

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Both Sides of the Ocean is the story of an Irish-American family that lives and grows through the most tumultuous times in both nations histories. The Famine in Ireland and our American Civil War provide the canvas on which this story is developed. These two nation defining events overlapped each other and defined our respective nations as it did many families of the time. As a first time author who is starting on what I have planned as a three volume series I am looking for as much feedback as possible on everything from plot and character development to general story line.

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When Emma’s mother sends her to Wisconsin to live with an aunt, all she can think about is how much her mother hates her. Ever since her parents’ divorce, she’s taken her father’s side, and now she feels like she’s been replaced by her mother’s new baby. But even when she realizes how much her old friends held her back and how much better her life is in Wisconsin, she can’t resolve the relationship with her. Then when she starts dating Jordan, she realizes how much worse a family could be. Instead of worrying about her petty problems, she starts to grow up and see that there can be more than one side to things. With some startling revelations about her parents’ divorce, and one terrible night at Jordan’s house, Emma’s life up north will be something she never imagined it could be.

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Going for big emotions and distances and essence. Any suggestion to improve are appreciated.

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The Richards' and Miller's have always lived across the street from each other, and have always gotten along. When Ella was ten, it all started going downhill. After all four of her sisters get pregnant with two Richards boys over the span of five years, Ella and Ryan are determined not to become like their elder siblings. But it would be so much easier if they didn't feel anything for each other. Just a few more months and she'll be off to college, and hopefully far away from town, and the Richards' boys. But can she last that long without repeating history?

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A tribute to my Dad.

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A young woman finds her long lost father, in more ways than one. Would appreciate feed back on pace, characterization, integration of back story, and, of course, if you enjoy it. Note: 9K word story posted in two parts, but meant to be read continuously. Thanks.

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Second and concluding part of a 9K word story. A young woman finds her long lost father, in more ways than one. Would appreciate feed back on pace, characterization, integration of back story, and, of course, if you enjoy it.

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In the semi-small town of Cedar Creek, some people don’t care to lock their doors, even though the woods hold secrets and the children are terrified to venture into them. The warm sense of security is shattered for Majesty Alistair, a feisty but grief-stricken teen, when she uncovers a mass murder plot deep in the thick. She struggles to find and defeat the would-be-killers before they act, but they have an agenda far bigger than she ever assumed. Violence rocks the town, leaving residents reeling and drawing Majesty into the middle of it all. With danger always pressing, police seemingly getting nowhere and those closest to her looking guilty, she continues hunting and charges into an evil web, but the truth and her actions threaten to haunt her forever, especially since she’s left with blood on her hands, the blood of someone she loves.

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A Christmas memory that must be included when I put together my Little Book of Things that Are so NOT Funny You Have to Laugh. See if you can feel the emotion.

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Conclusion of a story of family conflicts. How's the pace, characterization, ending? Input appreciated.

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A story of family conflicts. 8K word story posted in two parts, but best read continuously. How's the pace, characterizations, the ending? Do you enjoy it? Candid comments appreciated.

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This is what I call a "seed" piece. It gives an overview, and I am wondering where to take it. All ideas welcome.

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my side of a real life story

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This is a reminiscence of a visit to Detroit I made following the death of my Aunt Margaret, the youngest of Nell's 18 children (see "Impetuous Heart" under novels) who reminded me always of Maureen O'Hara. Anyone who's had a relative like this, a larger-than-life character, knows what a big vacancy they leave behind when they go. She was born in Brosna, Ireland and would be ninety now if she had lived so long. When I first saw her I was ten years old and I thought she was a gypsy.

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Conclusion of tragicomic story of a family's ups and downs. Lots of characters, settings, plot elements. Has does it hold together? Does it keep you reading?

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A tragicomic story of a family's ups and downs. This is fairly long with lots of characters, settings, and plot elements. Does it all hold together? Does it keep you reading? Posted in two parts due to word count posting limitations, but one continuous story. Candid input appreciated.

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Welcome to my functioning family asylum. I'm starting a series of short stories about this family, so I thought I'd repost it to reintroduce the main character "Stevie" so that "A Normal Uncle" has a context for readers to work with.

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This is a subject that has haunted me since I was a small girl with two uncles in the Korean War. One who slept with a gun under his pillow so we had to be careful waking him. He would break out in a sweat and moan. Most likely reliving. Which is worse? Dying on a battlefield or the walking dying who live each day on the battlefield they left so long ago. What are the 'trues reasons man goes off to battle?' I would thing they are varied but I would venture they had no clue what they were getting into. Nor did they truly understand who and why they were killing. To question your government was simply not done. Those who did lived in fear and isolation. I have seen the walking dead. On street corners, silent in wheel chairs unable to meat the eyes of the onlookers. For what will he or she see? Disgust? Pity? Any true understanding how devastated these souls are and how for some, death would have been kinder. There is no way I can understand nor fully see into the heart and life of one at war. I can't. But I do recognize the horror when I see it reflected and the total lack of life in blank staring eyes who long ago gave up the will to get anyone to understand.

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After her grandmother, Jenessa, flees her home in terror, Anna takes over as the caretaker of the property. Only 18 years old, and having just left an abusive home, Anna soon finds that the troubles she'd experienced up to now were nothing compared to what waits for her at The House on Miller Street. Will Anna survive her encounters with the malevolent being? Or will she, too, flee in abject terror?

NOTE: I am new to writing and appreciate any suggestions on nits/flow/characterization, etc.

I am taking all your suggestions very seriously, and will continue to update each chapter as I go along.

Thank you for all your help!

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Charisse finally has it “all�?: an adoring fiancé, a great job, a dream car, and a McMansion. Her former bum magnet status has also left her with a heaping entrée of fear of commitment served with a large side of wedding jitters. Even worse, her family is pushing her to reconcile with her "sperm donor," an estranged father with whom she’s never had more than a casual relationship, and invite him to the wedding. Her jitters are sent into hyper drive when she discovers Prince Charming has some major chinks in his armor and she’s not sure if she can go through with the wedding. Unfortunately, time to thaw her frozen feet and decide if Mr. Right Now is Mr. Right Forever isn’t on the schedule, as a series of unfortunate events sends a slew of drama-filled family and friends—including a mother on the run from the police, a jilted best friend, and a father diagnosed with cancer who she’d vowed to alienate—to be couped up with her at Chez Charisse for the two weeks before the ceremony that might not happen. Can Charisse survive the two weeks with her relationship, family, and sanity intact? ***This is a slightly less rough first draft. Shorter chapters with new information added, so you may want to start reading from Chapter 1. Still needs work but does the story line work? Are the chapter hooks effective? How is the dialogue? Does the shift in POV work? If you had a problem with anything, please let me know. All feedback welcome.

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Like most writers, my writing is a necessary means of therapy. There's no need to review this, it's just something I had to write. http://www.grimesfuneralchapels.com/obits/2009/nibblett.htm

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Dealing with passages in the lives of family and how it relates to one's self.

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This is something that came together in my mind, but is clearly not fleshed out. I need some help with the ending - it is too abrupt. And I need to move Ron's life further forward. But there are probably other things that need fixing. I am not happy with this, but I'm not sure where to start. HELP! All feedback welcome.

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When a loved one with Alzheimer's Disease forgets who you are, the pain it brings is unimaginable. But when family is there to wipe the tears and hold your hand, you learn to cope. This story is about the day we realized that my dad, the man we've known all of our lives, is gone. The publisher I've been working with wants a little bit more drama in the mix. I'm kind of flailing around to be honest. It all makes me so nervous! I know there are formatting/grammar/spelling issues, I apologize. I do things like this quickly than I go back and correct what I see. Be honest, God knows I need it!

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A major breakthrough in my family tree research. I am submitting this to Clan Crawford for the news letter.

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This poem came to me today. It is the first full length poem I've written in several years. It was almost haunting to write. I had a few remaining points on my account and was moved to share it. All I can ask is that all that see this poem, appreciate today, now, family success and dreams. And the larger excuse is that I miss everyone.

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Just taking a few minutes to appreciate life's little blessings...our children.

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I close with this final poem, torn from the pages of my childhood. I dedicate it to the greatest site on the internet and the greatest Reviewers anywhere. I will miss you all so much. Keep the Pencils Flowing. Keep the lyrics going. You have all taught me so much.

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Sometimes we need to take a closer look at our lives to find the real beauty that's all around.

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Iudaea follows a Roman cavalry officer as he is pulled from his assignment patrolling Hadrian's Wall in Britannia to the hills of Iudaea where a Jewish rebellion rages. The story reveals the Roman world of the 2nd century and the events surrounding the epic Bar Kokhba Revolt while showing one man's struggle to reconcile his responsibilities as a soldier, a husband, and a father. While this story is easily classified as historical fiction I've tried to write something that transcends time and space and illuminates man's character in the shadow of cataclysmic events.

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This was an article I wrote for my column in our local newspaper for Mother's Day. My mother had a million little sayings for her children that have always made me giggle, but this one has a special place in my heart.

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Memories are precious, especially when the act is difficult to give. To all you fathers who’ve impacted and nurtured your children’s lives by stepping out of your comfort zones to dance, whether it be in mind, body or soul - this one’s for you! You are the choreographer that gives a child the courage to stand on the center stage of life

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A Sin in the family. Can a family overcome it? All feedback and comments are appreciated. I hope the story makes sense and is clear. Al Reviewers are appreciated. I learn from all of you.

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getting excited to make a short trip (but long drive) to see my family...a break much anticipated and deserved!

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Correne Johnson, 18, is all the things most women never want to be: Overweight, illiterate and unloved. And she is being molested by her Aunts fiance. She uses her addiction to the Oprah Winfrey show and Oprah's TV wisdom's to challenge her Oppressor. These actions could either end her life or save her.

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A fictional story based loosly on actual events and people. Avery is a young woman with the world by the tail. She thinks she is really in love for the first time. She is beautiful and talented, yet scattered. But people and time have a way of changing her plans, even if she has no real plans at all... Please enjoy and review. This is my first real attempt at seroius writting so constructive critism is always welcome.

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(REWORKED and REVISED--Loved this character but needed to go back and work out the plot so that I could move the story forward. Feel like the story is more plausible now). Twenty-something-year old Miki Jackson is a broken-hearted wannabe writer and a movie addict who believes that life and love should be romantic comedy. She's spent so much time looking for love that she neglected to find herself. When a screenwriting contest offers her the chance to find the career and man of her dreams, it's an opportunity she can't pass it up. Problem is, Miki attracts drama like bees to honey. Her quest to write the perfect romantic comedy by living the perfect romantic comedy leads her straight to jail--without passing go or collecting two-hundred dollars. She learns the hard way that life does not always imitate art. A cranky judge, who sentences her to community service, sends her spiraling into a depression and makes her realize her how empty and unaccomplished her life really is. With 500 hours of community service at a women's center, Miki remains determined to find the love of her life in time to write the perfect script and win the contest. But spending time serving others helps her discover a gift beyond anything she thought she could offer. After she fumbles and bumbles her way into Mr. Wrong after Mr. Wrong, she finally discovers--not one--but two seeming Mr. Rights. Both can offer her the life she's always hoped for. But when her wedding day arrives and the battle for her heart comes to a head, will she marry the man of her dreams--or the man who keeps it real?

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The Shed is the expanded version of my flash story, Look At Him, Daddy.

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I can't hope to match Georgia's midnight train but this is how it is for me.. (This looks different when published - doesn't have what I thought it had when I wrote it. If you have suggestions I'd be happy to hear them.)

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A poem for my mother who was strict and wouldn't let me date!! Written as if I were her! Any kind of feedback is welcome.

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The narrator of this story is a young girl about ten years old. Since I've never been a young girl I'm interested in how she comes across. Does she sound older? Younger? And any other comments are of course always welcome.

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Christmas poem

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My second poem on the sea journey of boat people. I think I like this better than the first one - perhaps it's clearer. I'm interested in what you think - critique away..

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A Compulsion Obeyed.

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I adjusted this a little

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Part 2 in the series California Days with Mama Mama takes on the Hollywood scene, from her kitchen. Feedback welcome and thank you.

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Does duty preclude a young girl coming of age? Where is the line drawn between common sense and public opinion? Feedback welcome

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This is a story of a family and what war does to it.

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Synopsis: Phoebe lives a privileged life in a repressed and controlled society until she discovers the husband she thought was dead, is imprisoned by the regime that protects her. She becomes obsessed with his freedom.

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This is Part Two of the farce about the Barnes family wreaking their vengeance against the DMV and the police. All I wanna know is did it put a smile on your face.

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A moment on Ali's 10th birthday that was very profound. I wanted to document it.

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This is a farce written for anyone who has ever had a screw-up with the DMV or been picked on by the police. Part Two will follow.

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This book explores the curiosity and fearless determination of youth. It takes place long ago and revolves around Kate Powers, a nineteen year old who reluctantly accepts an enchanted package filled with 'tools' to start her on the journey of a lifetime. Her pursuit opens the door to magic, mystery, and a family history she could never have imagined. I am looking forward to and will appreciate any and all feedback.

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This is the third installment of the story of my marriage and the struggles I am going through to help salvage it. In this installment I discuss where we are three months into the process.

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This is the second piece in a series about the break down of my marriage. I anticipate a few more essays in this series. I would love to get feedback on the personal nature of this memoir.

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My wife has multiple sclerosis. it's a bit of a bummer, especially as she used to be a graphic designer

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This is the story of the struggles I am going through with my marriage after thinking everything was fine.

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This is the story of the Fortners, who rise from the ashes of the Civil War to become major landholders in the wilderness of Florida. Loosely based on the lives of my great-grandparents, George and Dorothy Fortner, it's the story of men and women making the transition from war to peace, facing tragedy and loss with love and passion as they discover what it takes to turn an American dream into reality. I'm reposting this because crazeesharon asked what happened to this story. Thanks for taking an interest in this story.

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The story of a Kansas farm family and a mystery that develops around the ruins of an old barn on their land.

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This is just an observation of a picture of my son,his wife and my grandson. Her gaze is hypnotic and you just want to know what she is thinking. Just want feedback on how it reads, is it clear, am I doing any better with punctuation!!!

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This is a quick piece that I fired off after a really transendant baseball game the other day and I would love any and all feedback from others.

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My grandmother often surprised the family with her adventures. Her is one of them.

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This is my first attempt at a novel and I am certainly open to any criticism. The novel begins in January 1924 a little less than 60 years after the Civil war and five years before the Great Depression. The main character is getting married today. She describes her home, her life to this date in some of her mannerisms and dialog because she is expecting to take on a totally new life after the wedding vows. She breaks Southern Tradition is sort of a feminist. There is an element of super natural in each chapter. It is so subtle until it may not be apparent until much later in the book.

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I don't know how to do this without giving too much away. A man loses everything, including his faith in God. His sister is there, never waning, to help him. His life changes and if you believe him...so could yours. There, how's that for a hook.

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This is a story about the relationship between tragedy and necessity, and the changes we make to keep breathing.

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Chris began to question the wisdom of this trip. The familiar crunching sound of tires on the gravel driveway gave away her surprise arrival. She had planned to arrive undetected, take a look around at her former life, and if necessary, leave undetected. As she pulled up to the once-white, house with the slanted front porch and broken screen door, she was at once joyfully nostalgic and severely repulsed. Before Chris could turn off the engine and step out onto the gravel and oil driveway, Ma was already waving from the window in the big bedroom upstairs. Chris shook her head when she notice Ma wearing the same faded red, pansy-printed house dress she was wearing exactly one year before on Easter Sunday and likely every other Sunday for the last thirty years or more. The hem of this dress must have been re-sewn by Ma’s plump hands a hundred times or more and the buttons were a mere rumor, replaced by multi-colored diaper pins. Even without seeing it now, Chris could describe each frayed piece of the fabric, not only because she seen it in her mind whenever she pictured Ma, but because she’d spent so much time as a child, hiding from the world on underneath it. They met inside the house, at the bottom of the stairs and greeted one another the way they always had. No “I love you,�? or “good to see you.�? No touching moment and definitely no embracing, just right to the business at hand – avoidance. “Lawd chile, I ain’t know who dat was pullin’ in my driveway all fast.�? Ma said, barely stopping at the foot of the staircase. “Uhn, uhn, uhn. What you doin’ wit’ ya hair now?�? “All that money, - cant you pay somebody to do something with that hair?�? Chris sighed. “It’s called the natural look Ma, and I did pay somebody to do this.�? Uhn, we’ll you done thrown dat money away. Look like a natural mess to me. I’ put a pressin comb on it fo’ ya fo’ free.�? Ma laughed. “Lawd have mercy, now I got to go upstairs an’ put some clean sheets on dat bed. Go on out back and say somethin’ to Dad.�? Chris walked through the old house, through the dog’s room on the back porch and out into the back yard where Dad sat atop his ancient, red, riding mower, mowing and drinking what was almost surely corn liquor, wrapped in a brown paper bag. “Hey there, Lil Bit, what you doin’ here? Dad slurred. “You done drove all the way from New York City to help me cut all this grass.�? All morning, Chris sat in the kitchen with Ma snapping peas, peeling potatoes and soaking greens. “You listen here girl, now I ain’t gonna have none of that mess you pull last year at my Easter table, you hear me?�? Ma warned. “What’s past is past.�? “Now, ya Mama an’ them comin.’�? “Again, Ma, she is not my Mama�? Chris said. “Well, she carried ya ‘round in her fo’ nine mont’s di’nt she?�? Ma exclaimed. Chris started, “Ma, but she never did nothing for me….�? At this, Chris was immediately shocked by her improper language, and how easily it came back to her. “She my daughter, and yo’ mama, an’ this is my house and I say she’ comin’ here to have Easter dinner wit’ us, now you just keep ya mouth shut if ya aint got nothing nice to say, hear.�? ‘Ma, if she brings him again, I can’t sit at the table and act like everything is ok.�? Chris explained. Ma fidgeted. “Don’t you say it.�? Suddenly, Chris felt possessed. “What, Ma, that he raped me and my Mama was too high to do anything?�? Ma looked around for something to hold on to and settled on a bag of flour on the. Ma said, “Don’t ya talk with dat nasty mouth in my house girl, now, I jus’ ain’t gon’ have it.�? Brushing flour off her dress, Ma quietly demanded, “Now make yourself useful and go set the table.�?

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***WINNER OF THE 2007 TNBW OCEAN FLASH COMPETITION***Linda returns to the small sea front hut the family owned and enjoyed when they were children and that she has now inherited. Her plan is to sell the property to help buy herself a new future. But sometimes the future can be found in the past.

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What makes a human, human? Are heroes born, bred, or created?

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J.D. discovers Henry is more than a hired hand. The witch protects. An innocent girl is murdered. The county balance is gone. The end is near.

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This is the first of i think three parts. I am trying to figure how to break it up. The story is about a rural County divided into four sections. The events in this particular part of the story set up the rest of the story. There is a lot of meanness with ignorance and isolation. Please, see for yourself.

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This is my emerging memoir. For the time being, each chapter is a stand-alone "episode," and I have not yet determined the framework for tying them together. Don't worry about reviewing them in order. Imagine that I am making a necklace, and I am crafting the beads one at a time; once they are crafted, I will string them in a pleasing and relevant order, adding the necessary transitions at that time. This memoir will include my childhood in the 1970's, teens in the 1980's, motherhood beginning in 1994. The main themes of the larger work relate to three diagnoses in my forties: Borderline Personality Disorder, Bi-polar Disorder, and Breast Cancer.

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