Content: children

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this in lieu of the one I pulled as humor doesn't feel right from me today. This is one I wrote for my grandchildren so not something deep but feel it worthwhile to get feedback on as why settle for 'ordinary' when it can be much better with feedback etc. Cute is fine but also want a message?

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Being in a new place without a friend is a scary situation for everyone. Sometimes, when making friends, the right person isn’t around for you. People might not like the same things as you, you might not get along, the person might just like to be alone, and, even sometimes, people just don’t have a reason for not wanting to be friends. It’s okay to not make friends with the first people you meet. You just need to have patience to find the right friend for you! Join Squiggle the Tiggle in his quest to find a friend. The star shape eyed, sparkly nosed, and pudgy-bodied Tiggle must wiggle his way through sand, water, bubbles and mud in his search through the land of Pibnee. Along the way he encounters many creatures kind and unkind and many spectacular new places in Pibnee, before he finds the right friend for him. Any feedback is appreciated

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This letter recently came into my possession. I hope you enjoy.

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Hi, This is the second children's story I have posted. All of the stories are based on memory - I think they are mostly true, but nearly fifty years is a heck of a long time! I have changed the PoV to third person following previous feedback. In fact I have done a complete re-write. I hope this works but am open to and welcome any feedback - hg

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This is another vignette in the life of Alphonse (Al) Bonet and his brother Willie. This one takes place on the train tracks north of the town of Pawhuska, Oklahoma.

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How would it feel? Can we really imagine the depths of guilt and mourning?

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I've wrestled with whether to write this memoir of my childhood for several years, but ultimately decided it would be worthwhile. I'm interested to know how this piece comes across to others.

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contemoprary romance. Eric is a businessman and surrogate father to his niece while her mother is in rehab. Vanessa is a business owner struggling to keep the old family business afloat.

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I am looking for comments from the Christian community on this one. I have posted the story without the Christian slant for anyone outside the Christian community. Any and all comments are appreciated. Also, I'd like to enter this into a contest. Does anyone know of any contests that would be appropriate for this story? I am also looking for an agent and/or publisher. Does anyone have any suggestions? Thank you so much! Radley

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A Christmas memory that must be included when I put together my Little Book of Things that Are so NOT Funny You Have to Laugh. See if you can feel the emotion.

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This is a very short story but one that is fitting for children, teens, and adults of all ages . . . for the little ones, it is a story about the unconditional love and kindness that they get from their grandparents, but for those of us who are older, this simple message has much deeper meaning as we go through the trials of life. I hope you enjoy it and I will appreciate any feedback you may have on it. Thank you - Radley

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The Goopeater is the magical coming-of-age tale of Arya, a 13-year-old boy from San Francisco who is tormented by bullies in the school for eating "goop". In the wake of an accident that has left his once-vibrant mother a husk of her former self, Arya clings to the only bond left: an old, battered copy of an ancient book about good versus evil. One night, he is sucked through a crack in his floorboards and drawn into a magical world. Guided by the book which is the very last copy left, he travels the land, meeting a sage who has walked the earth since the beginning of time, monkey warriors and fearsome demons. Arya soon discovers that this new world is, in fact, an old world, and that he has stepped into the story of the Ramayana, the setting and characters before him mirroring the pages of the book that he prizes so dearly. When his book is stolen by the villain of the story, the demon king Anavaar, who wants to erase history and rewrite it from his own vantage point, Arya must embark on his own quest to retrieve the beloved keepsake. Aided by a mysterious Medicine Woman and guided by the principles of ancient warrior training, he overcomes the trials of the demons. In facing his fears, he learns that the Medicine Woman is indeed an embodiment of his mother's Higher Self, the true soul of the kind and vibrant mother he remembers, and that Anavaar is actually a conglomerate of the bullies that torment his daily existence. Realizing that he is not alone and coming to terms with his heritage, Arya is able to move forward with the battle, accept his mother's death, and finally go home where he is no longer known as the Goopeater.

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OK, y'all, no more sad stuff! This is something I'd like to see published as the text of a children's book. I think the rhymes lend themselves to some fanciful illustrations. I welcome your input. Thank you. P.S. factoid-something resembling a fact; unverified (often invented) information that is given credibility because it appeared in print

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Nothing but inner thoughts. Profound? No Technically great? No. Just a human moment caught by a wisp of memory and committed to the page. Makes you think? Ah... success

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This is a children's Halloween tale about a young boy who moves to a new town and has trouble making new friends--until Jim comes along....

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Beach bum not a beach bum. I would like to know how to convert this from telling to showing. Any comments appreciated.

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Just simple thoughts put down in words. My muse has decided he or she needed a few weeks off as said I was too needy! I have experienced these feelings as a child .. maybe she is speaking out?

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Vignettes from a childhood in northern British Columbia - Canada's most western province. Growing up with the fears of hospitalization tempered with the wonders of the Canadian outdoors and our northern winters. This as a collection of chronological essays or vignettes rather than a typical story with one chapter sliding seamlessly into the next. I believe this is the best way to present this overflowing album of snapshot memories I have bolstered with stories my parents have shared with me. Thanks to the help from TNBW reviewers I’ve chosen to rewrite the first handful of chapters before continuing on. I appreciate any comments you may have and I sincerely hope you enjoy the story.

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Those of you who saw the first version may barely recognize this one. I made it more true to who I am, a non-believer. And I think I added the rawness that everyone said was missing. This is something I hope to publish, so go ahead and rip it to shreds.

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A little girl provides a bit of humor for an auditorium full of weary hearts during WWII. This is based on a true story about the most beautiful "yellow butterfly" I've ever known, my mother. I'm looking for honest feedback and nits.

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The following is a story about things that my daughter actually said as she was growing up. There are many more of these stories, but I used these to construct a story. This is my first attempt at humor, so give me your thoughts and let me know the areas where I need to improve.

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Here I try to make some kind of rationale of a story I read in the Headlines. News papers say so little. I post this story through a Proxy, but so many people on this site have set a poetic fire under me. You are missed immensely. I hope I don't disappoint. For many this might be a difficult story to read. I hope the deeper meaning is felt. I wish you all the best Summer you've ever experienced.

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Just silly stuff after a solid week of children and extra dogs! I think being a brain surgeon would be easier..

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This is a memoir of my daughter's death and the communications we've had since her death. Since it is a true story, I want to know if it's readable and interesting.

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This is a song, so it has a chorus and I've labeled it. It goes with the memoir I'm writing... I wrote it some time ago but I'm feeling brave and decided to post it. I'm curious to hear what you TNBW people think. (Here's hoping the formatting, which is basic, works.)

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A painful memory. I often wonder what happened to Steven and if the other children gave the incident much thought later in life.

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I wrote this as a children's story for ages 5-10, possibly even a picture book. I'm interested in feedback on the writing itself as well as the subject matter. TIA.

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For all those duty bound. I wrote this piece 26 years ago. Kathy still has Beau. Any comments welcome.

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As I write this poem I am reminded of what children experience today. To a child terror has no reason or logic. Whether its a terrorist in the Creeks of Mississippi in the 50's or internet terrorist of the 2000's it is all horrific. We should cry for every mother and family who has to experience such senselessness. All comments or ideas on how I can make this more effective are welcome.

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The First Chapter of the Bubble Frogs - a novel for children of all ages involving Killer Toads, Giant Millipedes, Evil Ugglesomes, Corrupt Journalists, Weird Infoons, Incompetent Policemen, a Deranged Teacher and Two Lost Boys!!

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Short childrens story I wrote a few years ago. Enjoy!!

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A dollmaker meets some interesting children who are fans.

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Poem about nature, children, joy ... does it conjure up memories? Is it visual and easily understood? Does it read like a short story in its presentation? Any and all feedback

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A poem in the form of a song for Haiti... No reviews are needed as only my own way of handling sadness I feel watching the horror... Not a critical piece of writing. Just heartfelt feelings that keep racing through my head. So little distance between Haiti and our own shores. How in God's name was this allowed to happen. Not the earthquake but the very conditions that led to so many deaths.

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ok! I'm trying some free verse ~ like some people have suggested :) I was at the playground with my son and made some obs. enjoy!

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A commentary on the mislead people decrying Obama's speech to our school children. To quote Shakespeare, "What fools these mortals be."

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Random thoughts this cool morning! Reflections on grandchildren ... children in general All feedback is appreciated.. trying to hone skills

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This is meant to be a children's story with illustrations--I'm not sure whether this is the right place to post it, but I'd still be interested in any feedback I get. I'm not thrilled with the writing--I think it falls flat. Maybe I should scrap and start over. . .

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The specter of divorce looms over the leader of a group of neighborhood kids. I had changed the title to "Wish Rock" and then changed it back again--I'd like feedback on which title works better for the story. As far as the story itself, any and all feedback welcome, and feel free to be tough!

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A nine-year-old boy befriends his ailing great-aunt and fears losing her. Many thanks to all who have given valuable feedback so far; much appreciated!

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My wife has multiple sclerosis. it's a bit of a bummer, especially as she used to be a graphic designer

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When Glory Rattinuss falls in love with Cosmos Sharpteeth,she doesn't realise the opposition to their marriage will involve a long, perilous journey to the Shining Mountains. This is a children's fantasy fiction novella.

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This is intended to be a children's picture book. I hope to do a series of books on all the five sences. This book shows how smell affects our lives in a humorous way. Although I feel I have the humor and story plot down, I am especially looking for any grammar and sentence structure issues that may be present.

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Children... Innocence.....Questions..... Promises.. Mockery Answers? Why?... Man's Need to block realities with beliefs?

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As a Godfather I help raise the granddaughters of my best friends. When the eldest Goddaughter was eight years old her grandparents and I had to deal with the pressure to get a cell phone. This is what happened.

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This is a work about the person who loved me the most as a child.. who taught me the most and provided a safe haven where I could be a child. It is full of small simplistic acts that made me whole.

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Memories of the freedom I had as a child on my grandfather's farm that children today will never know.

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Everyone please send their children to my new day care center. I'm putting my friend Moses in charge, since he came up with the best word in this poem.

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I don't know how to do this without giving too much away. A man loses everything, including his faith in God. His sister is there, never waning, to help him. His life changes and if you believe him...so could yours. There, how's that for a hook.

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Dr. Misery plots an end to Christmas and Santa Claus.

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The free world they came to find turns out to be something else.

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This is a story written for ages 5-10.My dream is to do this as a series...same child, different episodes in her little life. This is a new step for me, so from title to everything....HELP!!!I am posting it here for this purpose, even though there is no Children's Category.

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