§    Opening  - Do the opening sentences/paragraph grab your attention?
Ch 14 - Oh yes.  We see that Andrew is there, probably to stir up some stink.
Ch 15 - Yes, it shows that she's at her therapist's office, nervous and not to thrilled to be there
Ch 16 - Yes, it shows she's received medical treatment and that Chris is taking care of her

§    Conflict – Can you identify what it is?
Ch 14 - Christophe  versus Andrew and then Erica (now that was one stressful day!)
Ch 15 -  Anya against her attacker
Ch 16 -  Anye and Celeste

§    Plot – Is it believable?
yes

§    Setting – Is there a real sense of time and place?
yes

§    Characterization – Are the characters believable or do they feel like cardboard cutouts.
great job on this.  Chris is strong and sensitive, his stepping in to take care of Anya when she is injured should let her know how serious he is about her.  Anya is trying to get it together now, but things are standing in her way.  Celeste (Needs her butt kicked again) and her mom (I really like her) are true to form.

§    Dialogue – Is it tight and does it help move the story along?  Did it need more/less?
smooth and natural dialogue

§    Point of view – Is it consistent?
yes

§    Show vs. Tell – Are scenes conveyed through the actions of the characters or through the author’s voice? 
mostly show

§    Grammar & Spelling – Are there too many grammatical, punctuation and spelling errors.
no

§    Style/Tone – Is the writing easy to read?  Are word choices effective?  Is the tone preachy?
easy to read and smooth, not preacy

§    Prose – Is there any purple prose?
no

§    Is there enough action?
yes
§    Does the story move quickly?
yes, the story moves at an appropriate pace
§    Is the tension level high?
yes, I'm wondering who could have done such a terrible thing to Anya
§    Are the protagonists strong?
yes
§    Is there a strong dramatic tone?
yes


§    What you liked most and what worked well.
Christophe seems like a wonderful man with Anya's best interests at heart.  I like that you show her in therapy, and show it in a realistic way (I can tell you must have done your research on that), and the family dynamic between Anya, her sister, and mom.  The suspense about who has it in for Anya and why are growing with each chapter. 

§    What you liked least or feel could have been done better.
No suggestions.    It's a really enjoyable read.

Sorry, Joy. I've been at the beach for a couple days. Will get to your review soon.

§    Opening  - Do the opening sentences/paragraph grab your attention?
Yes

§    Conflict – Can you identify what it is?
Yes. You’ve’ got the attacker and the two exes, even good ole sis.

§    Plot – Is it believable?
Yes.

§    Setting – Is there a real sense of time and place?
Yes

§    Characterization – Are the characters believable or do they feel like cardboard cutouts.
The characters are really coming across nicely. Christophe’s mom could use a bit more personality, but she‘s minor.

§    Dialogue – Is it tight and does it help move the story along?  Did it need more/less?
Yes. Excellent.

§    Point of view – Is it consistent?
Yes

§    Show vs. Tell – Are scenes conveyed through the actions of the characters or through the author’s voice? 
Yes

§    Grammar & Spelling – Are there too many grammatical, punctuation and spelling errors.
Didn’t spot any.

§    Style/Tone – Is the writing easy to read?  Are word choices effective?  Is the tone preachy?
Fine.

§    Prose – Is there any purple prose?
no

For specific sub-genres eg. Historical & Regency Romance

§    Are the period details (dress, word choices, etc.) accurate?
yes

For Romantic Suspense

§    Is there enough action?
Yes

§    Does the story move quickly?
Yes

§    Is the tension level high?
Yes

§    Are the protagonists strong?
Yes

§    Is there a strong dramatic tone?
yes

Give overall impressions of the chapter:-
§    What you liked most and what worked well.
I love the conflicts and the mysterious attacker angle. And I like the you showed Christophe’s supportive side.

§    What you liked least or feel could have been done better.    How do you think the story could be improved?
I’m trying to think, but I really liked everything and can’t come up with anything that needs a good fixing.

§    Opening  - Do the opening sentences/paragraph grab your attention?
Ch 17 - yes
Ch 18 -  yes
Ch 19 - yes

§    Conflict – Can you identify what it is?
Ch 17 - Anya arguing with Christophe
Ch 18 - Anya and Andrew on the phone, and Chris and Erica in his office
Cha 19 - Anya's internal struggle to accept Christophe's love

§    Plot – Is it believable? yes

§    Setting – Is there a real sense of time and place?  yes

§    Characterization – Are the characters believable or do they feel like cardboard cutouts.
All of your characters are very nicely rounded.

§    Dialogue – Is it tight and does it help move the story along?  Did it need more/less?
Dialogue flows well and is believable and natural.

§    Point of view – Is it consistent?
yes

§    Show vs. Tell – Are scenes conveyed through the actions of the characters or through the author’s voice? 
mostly show

§    Grammar & Spelling – Are there too many grammatical, punctuation and spelling errors.
no problems with grammar or spelling

§    Style/Tone – Is the writing easy to read?  Are word choices effective?  Is the tone preachy?
not preachy, easy to read

§    Prose – Is there any purple prose? no


§    Is there enough action? yes
§    Does the story move quickly?  yes
§    Is the tension level high?  yes
§    Are the protagonists strong?  yes
§    Is there a strong dramatic tone?  yes


§    What you liked most and what worked well.  You have a great grasp of your characters and their interactions are authentic and natural.  I'm enjoying the Jamaican accent you put in the dialogue, since it adds to the character as well as reminds us of the setting.  Nice job on the suspense, too.

§    How do you think the story could be improved?
Can't think of anything, since I like it as it is.

§    Opening  - Do the opening sentences/paragraph grab your attention?
Ch 17 - the beginning sentences need some work. I think it should say Anya’s cheek, where they‘re at. It’s just a disorienting beginning. And I don’t think “tackled"  is the right word because that can mean maul with kisses.
Ch 18 -  yes but maybe make it one sentence for better flow. After rescheduling her session with Dr. McCollough to the following week, Anya called Camille.
Ch 19 - yes. rearview is one word. I love this chapter.

§    Conflict – Can you identify what it is?
Ch 17 - Anya versus Christophe
Ch 18 - Anya and Andrew, and Chris and Erica
Cha 19 - Anya versus the unknown man and some internal conflict

§    Plot – Is it believable? yes

§    Setting – Is there a real sense of time and place?  yes

§    Characterization – Are the characters believable or do they feel like cardboard cutouts.
Yes. Excellent work.

§    Dialogue – Is it tight and does it help move the story along?  Did it need more/less?
Yes. I think 17 should show more tension at the beginning though.

§    Point of view – Is it consistent?
yes

§    Show vs. Tell – Are scenes conveyed through the actions of the characters or through the author’s voice?  Mostly show

§    Grammar & Spelling – Are there too many grammatical, punctuation and spelling errors.
Not that I found.

§    Style/Tone – Is the writing easy to read?  Are word choices effective?  Is the tone preachy?
Great tone and style

§    Prose – Is there any purple prose? no

§    Is there enough action? yes

§    Does the story move quickly?  yes

§    Is the tension level high?  yes

§    Are the protagonists strong?  yes

§    Is there a strong dramatic tone?  yes

§    What you liked most and what worked well.  The mysterious attacker angle works well, since you’ve built in so many possibilities.

§    How do you think the story could be improved?
Overall, it’s great. Can’t think of anything lacking or ugly.

Last edited by amarie (09-23-2008 17:46:06)

Hi Joy!

I just finished chapter 6.

I wanted to give feedback/ sak a question before I forget.

Since, my professional background is in psych, I can never look at anything involving psych or mental health without making comments.

Hope that's okay. Now, my experience is limited to the US standards of practice, so it may be different for you. But just in case...

Psychiatrists generally only oversee diagnosis and follow up care because thier services are too costly per hour. If the patient doesn't need medication management, the psychiatrist (an MD with additional lisensure) refers the case to a different level of care. With or without continued monitoring. If an individual is "private pay" thay may use the doctor for therapy too, but they are rarely as well trained in therapy.

Psychologists on the other hand, do the psychtherapy and/or psychoeducation with the patients during traditional "sessions." They are doctoral level practioners (not MD's) they spend nearly as much time just practicing therapy, as the MD does practicing the medical and therapy aspects. They are also usually expensive and a "private pay" option outside of institutions.

Most everyday work is done by: MSWs, LSWs, LCPCs, LCSWs, and in cases of substance abuse CACD's, These are masters level or "competency level" professionals. Insurance pays for the sessions, and they conduct the traditional "sessions" people think about.
They are just called "therapists" as a lump group of individuals. They are indidvidual practioners (I am not), and  carry liability insurance.

I hope this helps. If you need anything psych, I'm your gal!

Rian

Amarie, Thanks.  Need to go through and read.

Wow, this is really late. Sorry
Anya’s redemption 17-19
§    Opening  - Do the opening sentences/paragraph grab your attention?
17. this may be because there is a lot of time between I read each chapter, but this start seems to be disjointed. I had to go back and look at what happened in 16. But if a person is reading straight through, I’m sure it’ll read fine.
18, 19 - fine
§    Conflict – Can you identify what it is?
Definitely. Someone attacking Anya. Her relationship with Chris. Her mental effects over her abortion.

§    Plot – Is it believable?
Yes

§    Setting – Is there a real sense of time and place?
Yes

§    Characterization – Are the characters believable or do they feel like cardboard cutouts.
Anya is a firecracker. Sometimes she’s a little too much for me. I can understand why she does some of the things she does, but sometimes I like: girl, get it together already. I guess that is a good thing because you want your readers to have a strong reaction to your characters.

§    Dialogue – Is it tight and does it help move the story along?  Did it need more/less?
Works fine
§    Point of view – Is it consistent?
Yes

§    Show vs. Tell – Are scenes conveyed through the actions of the characters or through the author’s voice? 
Yes
§    Grammar & Spelling – Are there too many grammatical, punctuation and spelling errors.
If any, I noted them in the individual reviews
§    Style/Tone – Is the writing easy to read?  Are word choices effective?  Is the tone preachy?
Nice style
§    Prose – Is there any purple prose?
none

For specific sub-genres eg. Historical & Regency Romance

§    Are the period details (dress, word choices, etc.) accurate?
Yes


For Romantic Suspense

§    Is there enough action?
Yes
§    Does the story move quickly?
At times it lagged in these chapters because it seemed like more of the same. Except for the chase of course. And the tension level is raised because of the threatening note.
§    Is the tension level high?
Yes
§    Are the protagonists strong?
Yes
§    Is there a strong dramatic tone?
Yes


Give overall impressions of the chapter:-
§    What you liked most and what worked well.
Erica is a good villain. I wonder if she has anything to do with Anya’s attack. She was my original prime suspect but you’ve made me change my mind. You’re keeping me in suspense which I think is good.
§    What you liked least or feel could have been done better. §    How do you think the story could be improved?
You justified it well, but I’m not sure I believe anya chasing after someone following her after she has been attacked. If I were her, I would drive right to the police station and report the car. There would be no detective work for me.

Hey, Tina.  Thanks.  Amazing that you're always on time.  I'm such a laggard! Ya need to tell me how you manage to get this stuff done on time!  Gotta hand you this ribbon for always being an early bird.    

Understood. I need to practise a lot more of that.  I've been dragging my feet on a project I've had since April.  Really need to complate that especially since i'm getting paid.   

Jedi,

The blue off her suit rubbed off on the cast, so it was the cast that annoyed her.  Will look at the sentence again.

Celeste's story is a sub-plot, but shouldn't take over the story. Thing is Anya is the sorter-outer for their mother and the baby Celeste eventually has will tie in to Anya's story.

Anya’s redemption 20-22

§    Opening  - Do the opening sentences/paragraph grab your attention?
Ch. 20, 21, 22 – Yes
*I too was confused about the blue cast/suit thing. I didn't know what was blue and what rubbed on what and what she despised. Maybe she can try and scratch with a pencil inside, since casts can get itchy especially in heat.

§    Conflict – Can you identify what it is?
Yes and the threads of others have entered in like with Celeste’s affair and pregnancy, and Christophe with his parents

§    Plot – Is it believable?
Yes

§    Setting – Is there a real sense of time and place?
Yes
§    Characterization – Are the characters believable or do they feel like cardboard cutouts.
Great and believable

§    Dialogue – Is it tight and does it help move the story along?  Did it need more/less?
Good dialogue, reveals conflict

§    Point of view – Is it consistent?
Yes

§    Show vs. Tell – Are scenes conveyed through the actions of the characters or through the author’s voice? 
Yes

§    Grammar & Spelling – Are there too many grammatical, punctuation and spelling errors.
If so, I noted them

§    Style/Tone – Is the writing easy to read?  Are word choices effective?  Is the tone preachy?
Excellent style

§    Prose – Is there any puce prose?
no

For specific sub-genres eg. Historical & Regency Romance

§    Are the period details (dress, word choices, etc.) accurate?
yes

For Romantic Suspense

§    Is there enough action?
These chapters are pretty dialogue heavy, but the new threads keep it from being dull.

§    Does the story move quickly?
Hmmm. Not quickly no. I’m glad the abortion is out of the way, but some of this with the call from the father and then talking to the mom a few times seems slow

§    Is the tension level high?
Kind of, it’s loosened a little as attention has shifted from Anya

§    Are the protagonists strong?
Yes

§    Is there a strong dramatic tone?
Yes

Give overall impressions of the chapter:-
§    What you liked most and what worked well.
I like the new threads and rehashed ones, as they bring other suspects to mind.

§    What you liked least or feel could have been done better.  How do you think the story could be improved? I think the pace and tension could be increased a bit. I know it’s good to have a breather, but you’ve had three chapters where there’s been a whole lot of talking. There’s some slack here.

Amarie and I will are on time too!  Guess we'll help you savour yours, Jedi.    Or we could throw a block party...