I checked and I'm able to review one of the chapter 18's. I printed it today to read and review tomorrow. That good?

That's a good question. My endings always lead into the next book, as you know. I also thought about putting the last bit from the first book into the second and so forth as kind of a prologue or blurb at the front of the book. Guy did that but took a slice out of the book to attract the inside jacket readers. I thought about carrying that through with the last paragraph from each previous book. Guess I better think about that since I'm working the last line edits right now hoping to release it in June.

penang wrote:

Working on the last chapter now. I'm not sure where I'm going to go with it. I figure I'll crank something out and I can always work through it during revisions.

hahahahaha That's exactly what I did with The Other F Word. Now I'm going to make it work. I ended up with a big info dump. But it was a good outline of what was needed throughout.

Ang:

I just started Liar.  Any particular chapter I should focus on?  Once I know where to go, I can fly through this thing.

Ceridwen

Susan,
I love that you're picking up on the Scott parts, because they will definitely be dealt with in Lily's book Heal Me.

Sounds good, April! I've been going crazy as well I have 16 days until I'm off for the summer (11 with the students) and everything is just piling on. What doesn't help is that our administration has been behind, and we haven't had any of our end of year instructions yet! Plus we're getting ready to move to a new place, so every night I'm trying to pack, write, read, review, plan, and still spend time with my family I'm going to try and get back to Orphanage this weekend.

Wow! Thanks Ann! Chapter 18 is one of those that just keeps coming up twice. It is disabled, but it's still there.

Ang:

Didn't know I'd reviewed Chapter 9 before a long time ago - I've re-reviewed and have several comments/suggestions.  If it's okay, I'd like to post them (numbered, of course) here.   Phoebe's voice is very strong, by the way - I like her spunk.  Ceridwen.

1. There were fireworks. Really. They exploded through the night sky, illuminating the street in blues and greens, followed by reds and oranges.

2. It was better than I remembered, or maybe he was better. His lips were soft and warm and tasted of chocolate. My heart raced and little shivers ran up my arms. I pressed closer to him, loving the way his hard chest felt against mine. His hands dropped from my face, sliding down my ribs and settled around my waist until coming to rest at the base of my spine.

3. The flirty part of me wanted to reach back and drag his hands lower, but I remembered his earlier words.  I had to let him make the move, no matter how frustrating it was to wait.

4. God, he tasted as good as he smelled. It wasn’t fair that I’d missed a whole year of this.

5. The words were innocent, but they stung, nonetheless. It had been his choice to wait this long. I tried brushing it off. Forget Vivian.  Wasn’t I getting him now?

6. [combine these paragraphs]  I dropped my hands and stepped back. Touching him was 'way too tempting. There was something I should remember.  “Lily.�  She and Scott were waiting for us. I turned and headed for my car. Behind me, I could feel Nathan watching for a moment before he sprinted after me.

7. No way would I admit again that I was hurt by being turned down. I’ll play dumb. How long could I keep it up? Although it didn’t seem too hard for Vivian to do that, but I doubted she was playing.

“The taking off thing, what else?�   He sounded angry and more than a little confused.

8. “You wanted to do the chasing, so I’m letting you.�  I smiled and found that it didn’t feel so forced after all.

“Don’t do this, Phoebe.�  He grabbed my hand and gently pulled me to a stop. “I don’t know what I said to piss you off, but don’t start with the games again.�

I sighed. “Okay. Then let’s just say I don’t want to talk about it. Lily and Scott are probably wondering where we are.�

This time when I walked away he didn’t let go of my hand. There was something really sweet about it that I’d never considered. I’d dated a few guys over the past year, but never anyone I liked as much as Nathan. Holding hands had always felt awkward and the touch of sweaty palms never did anything for me. But this was different. This was Nathan. I liked the soft glide of his skin against mine.

Turning the corner was all it took to bring back reality. Under the street light, I saw Scott leaning against the hood of the car, Lily standing before him, his hand clutched between hers. She’s working her magic.

Scott’s face was devoid of pain, relief sagged his shoulders. Lily was beyond pale. Even from three houses down I could see her shaking, complexion turning grey.  Not good.   “Lily!�  I rushed forward, Nathan forgotten.  My sister crumpled to the ground. Scott tried to hold her up, but he was too unsteady. 

9. Nathan took one of her arms, helping me get her upright. Lily pressed against the side of the car. “Keep hold of her.�   I let go and took the car keys from my pocket. Once the doors were unlocked, Nathan helped her into the back, while Scott crawled in on the other side.

Of all things - Scott was smiling. I wanted to shove my fist in his face, but then Lily would just feel the need to heal him again.

(Try ear-splitting)

10. “Nope, Lils here just fixed me up. Right, hon?�  He tried to wrap an arm around Lily, but she sat squished next to the door as far from him as possible, her eyes closed in a deep sleep. I was surprised she’d lasted this long. Her reactions to healing were pretty erratic. Sometimes she seemed to be uplifted and energized and then there were times like now – when her body was almost drained of life. I figured she’d probably sleep straight through till morning. I had no idea how I’d get her inside without Nanna or Dad noticing.

11. “Know what?�  Nathan asked.

My hands tightened on the steering wheel. “Shut up, Scott.�

“Oh, no way.�  He laughed again. “This is too good. How could you live here this long and not know about the freaky Maddocks?�

“Shut the hell up or you’ll walk to the hospital.�  I forced the words through clenched teeth. That Nathan didn't know about us was one of the things I liked about him.

“I already told you to take me home." Scott shot me a dirty look then leaned between the seats so he could talk to Nathan easier. "Ever since kindergarten they’ve done weird shit – well at least Lily and Chloe. Phoebe’s just plain weird.�

12. “You’d think he would’ve put him on a leash.�   [Scott is the one who should be on a leash! ]

13. “But I ain’t feeling it. That’s how she works. I’m tellin’ ya, a freaky Maddock.�  He opened his mouth to say something else, but it was cut off when I slammed on the brakes and he jerked forward.

“Get out.�  The trembling in my hands transferred to my voice.

“What the hell, Phoebe?�  Scott rubbed the pink spot on his head from where he'd banged it into the back of Nathan's seat.

“I said get out of my car, ass-wipe. My sister may not know what a prick you are, but I do. Get out.�

“Come on, Phoebe. I was just joking. You know I love Lily.�

I stared at him in the rear view mirror, refusing to respond. Finally, Scott got the hint and opened the door.

14. That was really awkward,�  Nathan said in a strained voice. I shrugged, exaggerating my attention to the road, hoping he’d drop it. But . . . my luck sucked.  He kept staring at me. Waiting.

“Scott deserves to walk. I just wish Lily had been awake to hear him.�  I stole another look at her. “I hate it that she does this to herself for that jerk.�

“What do you mean?�

I sighed.  “Over the past few months, every time Lily heals him, she crashes just like this.�

15. “It’s not a big deal. Chloe’s really good at predicting what people will do. And Lily, well, she makes people feel better.�  Down playing it always seemed to work best, made people feel a little less freaked out. “You saw Scott’s hand. It’s still broken.  He just doesn’t feel it.�

“So why’d he call her a healer?�  He’d relaxed a bit and wasn’t giving me strange looks anymore.

I debated on how honest to be. Having people make assumptions about us or even benefiting from us was one thing, but to actually explain it was entirely different.

“Lily’s gift is mainly emotional and sensory. She can stop pain and sometimes can heal minor physical problems, like a little cut. But the big stuff she can’t do. If you’re dying, then you’re shit out of luck.�

16. I shifted in my seat, wishing for some distraction on the roads, but no other vehicles appeared. “I’m supposed to be able to tell when someone is lying.�

“Supposed to?�

“Yeah, well, it doesn’t seem to work right for me. I’ve only been able to read a couple of people.  Didn’t work out so well.�  I flashed a wicked grin his way as we waited for a light to change. “You really shouldn’t try lying to me anymore.�

“I haven’t lied to you,�  he said, but his blush called him a liar before any voice in my head did.

“Uh-huh, if you say so.�

17. Nathan said something in response, but blaring sirens of a police cruiser and an ambulance masked it.  Both vehicles flew through the intersection, turning in the direction we were going. By the time the light changed, they had gone several blocks, almost to Tonya’s place. The lights grew brighter as we drove up. I slowed, initially for safety, but then because of my uncontrollable urge to rubberneck.

A pickup truck was wrapped around a tree; its entire hood bunched up. Glass sparkled on the black pavement, glinting red and blue with each turn of the emergency lights. I hit the brakes when I saw the figure sitting on the ground near the ambulance.

Tonya.

So nmwritermom pointed out that Phoebe's insistence that Nathan was to blame for what happens to Tonya is a bit too irrational. So  I've tried to add a bit in to chapter 27, to show that she knows he's not really to blame, but that she's mad at him for making her doubt himself. Here's what I have so far (underlined part is new):

“You can't blame Nathan for something Trevor did. As messed up as I am right now with all this crap, even I know that. So, what's the real reason?�

Nathan was the reason. He was why Tonya had even still been with Trevor, why Trevor had had the chance to hurt her. That’s what I’d told Nathan. That was the real reason, wasn't it? But Tonya made it sound so completely illogical, and honestly, I knew she was right, but still...I couldn’t let it go. I swallowed hard and closed my eyes, trying to think of how I'd felt Saturday night.


Later on in the chapter I've added:

“Huh, well if his name is really Mickey then he's all yours.�  Besides it wasn't as if I was completely over Nathan, or even a little over him yet.

“Well, if you’re really done with Nathan, maybe I’ll go for him.�  She smiled. so I knew she was joking, but still my gut twisted.

“If you want to die anytime soon.�

“So, why did you break up with him again?�  she asked.

“Fine. Maybe he’s not directly at fault, but... if he hadn’t convinced me to stop distrusting Trevor then maybe you would have finally started listening to me. You even said that was one of the reasons you gave him another chance.�

“Girl, you could twist the words of a saint just to prove your point.� 
As wind picked up and the clouds drifted in front of the sun, my arms broke out in goose bumps and I shivered. “Come on, let's get back inside before Mother Nature decides to dump rain on us as well.�


And then in Chapter 28 I added more about to their fight:

“Phoebs, I didn't mean to make you doubt your gift. I was just frustrated with constantly listening to you go on about it.�

“Yeah, because it made me such a horrible person to worry about my friend being hurt.�

“I didn’t say that,�  he sighed. “It’s just that you had no real proof that anything was actually happening.�

“Maybe I didn’t have proof, but I knew it.�

“Because of your gift?�

“Yes!�  I yelled. “But that wasn’t enough for you! Because you don’t believe I have a gift.�

“So, that’s what this is about? You think I don’t believe you have this gift? Because I do believe you. I never thought you were making things up.�

“What does it matter now anyways? You and Vivian picked up right where you left off.�  Stay mad. Even if he wasn't wrong, he wasn't right either.

He rolled his eyes. “I'm not dating Vivian again, especially considering I'm still dating you. She asked me about borrowing my notes from last Friday. That's all.�

“Sure. And I just imagined how she’s been stalking you for weeks. I just imagined the gloating smile she gave me in the hall today when you were walking with her.�


Does this make Phoebe seem a bit less irrational?? I want it to come across at first she was mad that he convinced her to give Trevor a chance, but now she's realizing that it's more about how he was able to get her to doubt herself.

Thanks Susan! I just finished my edits and sent it off to my sister to read for edits, and am working on posting the last few chapters Hopefully Phoebe's actions come across as believable, and understandable.

Ang

That's succinct and powerful. The last line troubles me though. 'He wasn't enough to hold her here." That sounds like the story is going to be about the mom and why she has to die. Maybe just leave it out? or something like: Michael. Be strong, my love.

Ang, you and Ann are on my list to read this weekend.  Did you start reposting from chapter one or do i need to start where I left off?