Online Writing Forums at TheNextBigWriter

apatos13 · 01-06-2010 20:46:16

Here you go Shadow. After they trash Pisces' new pad, friday,
they'll be here saturday for a party.

C Lee Brown · 01-07-2010 05:48:57

Hey Melissa welcome on-board. Where's the chip and dip?
Lee

Last edited by C Lee Brown (01-14-2010 06:14:48)

Pisces310 · 01-07-2010 07:09:21

CONGRATS Mel!

Woo hoo~!

Karen

Pisces310 · 01-09-2010 17:01:02

Shadow~~~~~~~~~~

Where are you Shadow???

Pisces310

Shadow · 01-12-2010 18:23:50

WOOT my own thread!!

Hey guys sorry i've had crazy hours at work recently only been working and sleeping! (night audit - 11pm - 7am, and pm shifts 3pm to 11pm )

Hopefully i can get back in the full swing of things soon!!

*brings out the chips, dips, lollies, soft drinks and BOOZE!*

Pisces310 · 01-12-2010 18:27:13

I've got the booze & chips Shadow! I've missed you!

Really, I was getting worried!

Blessings~!

Karen

Shadow · 01-13-2010 03:00:05

Hey guys,

One specific question for my novel for those reading / have read some of it. How can i add a hook at the end of each chapter, and what chapters do you think have enough of a hook?

I'll be going through when i get a chance and editing according to comments etc and was just wondering if i could do this at the same time as i know some of my chapters dont have a hook per see.

Thanks heaps!

Mel

Shadow · 01-13-2010 03:03:14

haha no need to get worried pisces i'm here just working hours that are preventing me from getting on here much! Hopefully ill be back in the swing of it soon! i know i'll have heaps more time once i'm back at uni (how bad does that sound!)

maryapryl · 01-13-2010 17:35:24

Hi, Shadow, nice to meet you. Do you go by another name or is it just Shadow? I'm April.

What kind of feedback do you need? I'm more of a content reviewer, but can do line editis too if you need me to. Just let me know what you're looking for.

I'm going to be out of town the weekend, but I'll try and get started on you WIP tonight or tomorrow.

Welcome aboard.

April

Shadow · 01-13-2010 18:24:33

Hey April,

I go by Mel or Melissa in full ^^

hmmmm as for feedback....anything really. This is my first attempt at writing anything properly so any hints/suggestions etc are all appreciated!

I suck at grammar so maybe pointers on things you notice i do consistently wrong, or general writing tips to make my writing stronger would be awesome.

otherwise, content, character development, plot, hooks etc are all just as much appreciated.

So basically, any help is appreciated!!

Thanks for getting to mine! I've read chap 1-3 of yours, will post reviews 2 and 3 soon.

Mel

C Lee Brown · 01-14-2010 05:58:58

One specific question for my novel for those reading / have read some of it. How can i add a hook at the end of each chapter, and what chapters do you think have enough of a hook?

Hey Mel,
I'm certainly no expert on book formatting, but I've been told that each chapter, especially the early ones,
should have a hook near the end of the chapter. One way to do this is to leave an unanswered question
for the reader. Something like a character asks "Who was that masked man?"
Another is what they call a cliffhanger. Say a character is doing something fairly dangerous,
then you might end that segment with their hand slipping, or they loose their footing. The reader will have to
turn the page and keep reading just to pick up the action and see what happens. In that case the questions
are: Do they fall? Do they get injured or killed? Maybe someone comes to their rescue...but who?

Hope this helps...Lee

And I'll take a look at this issue as I review your WIP.

Last edited by C Lee Brown (01-14-2010 06:01:42)

C Lee Brown · 01-14-2010 06:05:39

By the way Mel,
I'd like to extend you a personal invitation to submit a short story for the
'A Visitor to Sandahl' short story project I'm sponsoring. All accepted stories
will be published in a compendium with a POD (print on demand company) like
Book Surge. I pay the publisher. It's an excellent opportunity to get a work
published. The main condition is the story must be set in my world of
Methanasia in the vicinity of the town Sandahl. For more details and information
about the environment go to the LEE!! thread here in the Fantasy, Paranormal and
Horror wrtiters circle.
http://www.thenextbigwriter.com/forum/v … p?id=13797

We are shooting to have submissions in by late April or early May.

Please let me know if you want to join in...Lee

Last edited by C Lee Brown (01-14-2010 06:07:01)

Shadow · 01-14-2010 23:29:39

Hi Lee,

thanks for your help. I've tried to do just that but when i read over some of the chapters ive written i can see that some are nicely rounded off. lol. I guess i write too many reports for uni >.<

thanks for the invite for the short story! I will have to see if i can read some of your novel to get a feel for the world first hehe ^^

Mel

C Lee Brown · 01-15-2010 05:43:53

You're welcome. As for the short story project, you are of course welcome to read my
book, keep in mind it is set in another city. A lot of questions about Sandahl are answered
on the LEE!! thread.
Let me know if you want to be added to the list of contributors.

Lee

Shadow · 01-20-2010 05:09:50

Hey guys,

to anyone who has read my story, i have had a suggestion from Verity and i wanna see what others think.

She thought Briar needs some extra element to keep up interest wise with the rest of the characters etc.

I HAd originally planned him to have a power but i removed it thinking it hints too much at something. After her comments im thinking of putting it back in mildly saying that he is developing a new ability it is nowhere near practiced or consistent yet and due to ... a reason... its not working properly on this case making him stuggle the way he is.

What do ya all think?

Thanks!!

Mel

rita aguilar · 01-21-2010 10:43:32

Hi Mel,

I think it's a good idea to give Briar some powers, and powers that don't work well is a nice conflict. You might also think about adding some dimension to his personality - a vice, an inner conflict, a dark past, some skeleton in the closet that doesn't have to be explicitly revealed right away, but that will come through in small hints from the beginning.

Also, on not liking Jason - I think that's good, but maybe then you could soften up his comment about the rape so that it is mildly annoying rather than downright offensive. As it is, I not only don't like Jason, I kind of lose sympathy with the woman (sorry - her name's slipping my miind at the moment) for putting up with such an obvious jerk.

Have a great trip!

Shadow · 01-26-2010 06:48:16

hey Rita,

HMMMM thanks awesome comments. Maybe i will soften the comments up.

I will write alternate chapters with the powers and see what people think.

Thanks rita!!

whats everyone else think?

C Lee Brown · 01-26-2010 19:30:43

Hi Melissa (AKA Shadow)
I think I need to get started reading your WIP. I'm putting it on
reading list.....OK?

Lee

Shadow · 01-30-2010 01:46:35

Hey Lee,

thanks so much! Any feedback i can get i would love you for.

I've been away so i haven't had a chance to start yours yet. I swear i will soon!!

I will technically be "away" aka not staying at home until the ninth...but i'm at work and sneaking on hehe. ~.^

Mel

C Lee Brown · 02-06-2010 11:43:46

Hi Melissa
I have to stop and check because I keep getting you and Karen (Pisces)
confused.
Anyway, their is a bunch of new info posted in response to your earlier
inquiry about witches, vampires and were wolves. Go to the LEE!! thread
when you have the time.

Lee

Shadow · 02-06-2010 11:56:56

rofl! just remember im the aussie rofl

oh crap i have to go! ill be late to work!!

thans heaps for the post i will be looking at jotting down some plot lines the next few weeks then get back to you to see if they work or not!!

MEl x

maryapryl · 02-06-2010 20:03:14

Mel, do you have Netflix? If so, you might want to watch the Law and Order Special Victims Unit series that's available to watch online. It's a great way to learn the lingo of both the police, the ME, and witnesses. Just something I thought you'd like.

Last edited by maryapryl (02-06-2010 20:04:06)

Pisces310 · 02-06-2010 20:40:23

That's a great idea april!

Also try "Criminal Minds" it's FBI but it could help as well!

Shadow · 02-07-2010 00:48:39

ahahaha SVU is one of my all time fav shows!! ive been trying to find out where i can buy it >.< (american shows CAN be hard to find here unless they are like OC etc) I may just have to watch more...damn....

(half of aussie tv is american tv....)

thanks for the idea april!

maryapryl · 02-07-2010 20:49:07

Shadow wrote:
ahahaha SVU is one of my all time fav shows!! ive been trying to find out where i can buy it >.< (american shows CAN be hard to find here unless they are like OC etc) I may just have to watch more...damn....

(half of aussie tv is american tv....)

thanks for the idea april!

Try Amazon or NBC.com. Either of them might ship internationally. I just watch it online via Netflix.

#1 01-06-2010 20:46:16

Shadow-Feedback Thread

#2 01-07-2010 05:48:57

Re: Shadow-Feedback Thread

#3 01-07-2010 07:09:21

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#4 01-09-2010 17:01:02

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#5 01-12-2010 18:23:50

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#6 01-12-2010 18:27:13

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#7 01-13-2010 03:00:05

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#8 01-13-2010 03:03:14

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#9 01-13-2010 17:35:24

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#10 01-13-2010 18:24:33

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#11 01-14-2010 05:58:58

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#12 01-14-2010 06:05:39

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#13 01-14-2010 23:29:39

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#14 01-15-2010 05:43:53

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#15 01-20-2010 05:09:50

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#16 01-21-2010 10:43:32

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#17 01-26-2010 06:48:16

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#25 02-07-2010 20:49:07

Re: Shadow-Feedback Thread

Shadow wrote:

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