Thanks for making the Sticky. I didn't know how to create one.

Oh, this novel is a sequel to my book Kings & Queens, which is set close to present day in its time frame.  And this opens ten years later, so it is in the near future. Things are different but not drastically so. I can't get really specific with the time because I don't want either book to feel too dated, but I try to give plenty of markers to create a slightly futuristic sense without going entirely Sci-Fi. It's only a little bit Sci-fi.

Phones shifted out of cars but are moving back in today, so in my world, I made them more commonplace. Many things are voice-activated and computerized. The political climate is more polarized than ever. There's really no more left or right; parties only exist in theory. It's people versus government. The world is grittier and more dangerous. And there is a convergence in today's world of bio, nano, info and other technologies and my book delves into a perversion of these new advancements. An obsession with eugenics and white power is also on the rise, as well as disdain for anyone with strong religious beliefs, which is a direct result of media propaganda.

Thanks so much for your great review. I've already made changes based on your suggestions. I'm glad you like my descriptions. I'm experimenting with using more.

amarie wrote:

Thanks for making the Sticky. I didn't know how to create one.

Now that you're a Super Moderator, you'll see the following at the bottom of each Forum thread.

    Delete multiple posts
    Move topic
    Close topic
    Unstick topic

I'm the imp who jumped in and made it stick.

Just a note. On the sticky it looks like this is written by me. Is there any way to change it? I wish I had written it but I don't want to get credit for something I didn't do.

amarie wrote:

You started the thread. It's been done before. Joy just made it stick up at the top. Don't worry about it. We only care about people being able to find the thread for a work.

Okey dokey, I will take it from the mouth of experience.

No. The title is Sapphire Reign. She just had the word Checklist at the top of her review. These are the questions we are using for the long review for the people in our respective groups.

linda lee wrote:

Yes, I understood that but not having looked up your piece yet, I had no idea which one she was reviewing...

Sorry about the confusion. I fixed it I think.

Isabel

Sapphire Reign Chapters 4-6

§    Opening  - Do the opening sentences/paragraph grab your attention? There isn't a thing in all three chapters that doesn't grab my attention

§    Conflict – Can you identify what it is?Definitely

§    Plot – Is it believable?Yes, unfortunately. LOL

§    Setting – Is there a real sense of time and place? It is somewhat obscure. It feels like modern times but with a little bit of change like it might be in the future. But, to me that adds to the intrigue. It is not off putting at all

§    Characterization – Are the characters believable or do they feel like cardboard cutouts. Very well written. I don't know a lot about Alec yet but he is still believable.

§    Dialogue – Is it tight and does it help move the story along?  Did it need more/less? Not much dialogue. What there is, is seamless.

§    Point of view – Is it consistent? Yes

§    Show vs. Tell – Are scenes conveyed through the actions of the characters or through the author’s voice?  Actions

§    Grammar & Spelling – Are there too many grammatical, punctuation and spelling errors. Very few.

§    Style/Tone – Is the writing easy to read?  Are word choices effective?  Is the tone preachy? It flows very smoothly. In the first three chapters there was a bit more melodrama as far as word choice (still not a lot) but these chapters were very easy to follow except in the few instances that I noted in the reviews.

§    Prose – Is there any purple prose?No


For specific sub-genres eg. Historical & Regency Romance

§    Are the period details (dress, word choices, etc.) accurate?Yes

For Romantic Suspense

§    Is there enough action?yes
§    Does the story move quickly?Very much so
§    Is the tension level high?etremely
§    Are the protagonists strong?yes. Majesty rocks
§    Is there a strong dramatic tone?yes


Give overall impressions of the chapter:-
§    What you liked most and what worked well.I like that we are seeing things from both Crystal and Majesty's perspective but it doesn't drag between each. Each section is just long enough to describe what is going on with the character but not so long that you forget about the other characters
§    What you liked least or feel could have been done better. I really can't think of anything with regard to these chapters

§    How do you think the story could be improved? again, at the moment, everything is moving well and very interesting. I would keep reading.

Amarie,

I went to start Sapphire Reign, but noticed it was a sequel, so was going to read Kings and Queens first, only its not up anymore.  I read the summary, but is there anything I should know before starting Sappire?

Thanks!
Rachel

I don't mind starting on the sequel before I read the first one, just wanted to make sure I wasn't going to miss out on anything important.  I am behind for the circle, so I'll try and read the first six chapters tonight and post my review here tomorrow morning or afternoon.  Thanks!

Rachel

This is for chapters 1-6, because i was behind- sorry!

§ Opening- do the opening sentences/ paragraphs grab your attention?
Absolutely, there a a few chapters where the opening paragraph is confusing and i don't know what's going on, but that only makes me want to keep reading to figure it out.


§ Conflict- can you identify what it is?

Yes- the conflict for Majesty is a struggle between accepting her daughter's death and trying to find out if she actually is dead.  For Crystal it is trying to escape from the prison/school she is trapped in, and at the same time fighting against turning into an evil person if she can't get out.

§ Plot- is it believable?

I'm not a good one to comment on this, because I'm a huge sucker for fantasy books and writing, but I do find the plot believable.  I'm drawn into the story and want to know more about what each of the characters are struggling with.

§ Setting- is there a real sense of time and place?

Time: Yes, I get the feeling that the story takes place either in the present or a few years into the future.
Place: Sometimes.  The graveyard, the motel, and Crystal's school all have a very real feel to them.  But in the broader scope, I don't know the city/state etc. that the story takes place in.  It may have been mentioned, but I don't remember it.

§ Characterization- are the characters believable or do they feel like cardboard cutouts?

Majesty and Crystal are very believable.  They each have strength and vulnerability, but are obviously two different people, with different realities.

Alec feels like a very typical man, he wants what he can't have.  I have negative feelings toward him, but I'm wondering if that's because I haven't read Kings and Queens.

Chance/Random K/ and the Headmaster all run together for me.  I'm wondering if any of them are the same person.

Gregory is detestable- I literally loathe him already, so I'd say you did a great job characterizing him.  He's sadistic, but we don't know his motivation yet, which makes me want to get to know him better.

§ Dialogue- is it tight and does it help move the story along?  Did it need more/less?

At times the dialogue can feel a little formal, I mentioned a few places in my reviews of the individual chapters, but for the most part the dialogue runs smoothly and helps carry the action.

§ Point of View- is it consistent?

Third person POV- well done.

§ Show vs. Tell- are scenes conveyed through the actions of the characters or through the author’s voice?

Show definitely, descriptions are vivid and strong.  You put the reader in the scene.

§ Grammar and Spelling- are there too many grammatical, punctuation, and spelling errors?

I haven't come across many that bothered me.

§ Style/ Tone- is the writing easy to read?  Are word choices effective?  Is the tone preachy?

Very easy to read, the story flows easily and I don't get tripped up on words I don't know or understand.  The tone is dramatic and intense, the reader feels the heaviness on majesty and crystal's shoulders.

§ Prose- is there any purple prose?

I don't know what purple prose is- sorry!

For specific sub-genres e.g. Historical and Regency Romance
§ Are the period details (dress, word choices, etc.) accurate?

For Romantic Suspense
§ Is there enough action?

Definitely, there is something new in each chapter, and very little information that doesn't further the action.

§ Does the story move quickly?

I don't know that I'd say it moves quickly, because even after chapter 6 there is still so much I don't know yet, but I would say that the pace is perfect for the story.  You are introducing characters and backstory in good time and keeping the reader involved and curious.

§ Is the tension level high?

Absolutely- especially in Crystal's scenes

§ Are the protagonists strong?

Absolutely.  Especially Crystal.
§ Is there a strong dramatic tone?

Give overall impressions of the chapter
§ What you liked most and what worked well.

I like Crystal the most, as I've already said.  Her perspective is strong.  Majesty is the reality in the story, though.  Crystal lives in a different world with different rules it seems.  But Majesty lives in our world (the reader's world).  You do a good job of moving between them effortlessly.

§ What you liked least or feel could have been done better.

I mentioned it in a couple of chapter reviews, but I feel like you leave a lot of questions in the readers mind.  While this is one of the book's strengths, it is also one of its weaknesses.  Too many question and the reader will get frustrated and give up.

§ How do you think the story could be improved?

I think the chapters can be a little longer- give the reader more information about each character before moving on to the next one.  Don't leave a character in limbo for a couple of chapters without giving us some more information on them (specifically Chance).



I really am enjoying this story.  I hope this is helpful to you!


Rachel

Sapphire Reign Chapters 7-9

§    Opening  - Do the opening sentences/paragraph grab your attention? Yes, most definitely, in all three chapters

§    Conflict – Can you identify what it is? Yes

§    Plot – Is it believable? Yes and that is saying something since the premise is somewhat surreal but the people and their situations are delivered so well they are very believable.

§    Setting – Is there a real sense of time and place? It is consistent with the previous chapters. It feels somewhat futuristic but not overly.

§    Characterization – Are the characters believable or do they feel like cardboard cutouts. The character fairly leap off the page. That is one of the strongest points of this story. 

§    Dialogue – Is it tight and does it help move the story along?  Did it need more/less? Works well.

§    Point of view – Is it consistent? It is consistent within each section.

§    Show vs. Tell – Are scenes conveyed through the actions of the characters or through the author’s voice? 

§    Grammar & Spelling – Are there too many grammatical, punctuation and spelling errors.  Very well written. The only errors I could find were pointed out in the chapter review and those were few.

§    Style/Tone – Is the writing easy to read?  Are word choices effective?  Is the tone preachy?No

§    Prose – Is there any purple prose? Just one or two lines that I pointed out in the review. For the most part, though, everything is descriptive without being over the top.

For specific sub-genres eg. Historical & Regency Romance

§    Are the period details (dress, word choices, etc.) accurate? Seem to be


For Romantic Suspense

§    Is there enough action? Definitely

§    Does the story move quickly? Yes

§    Is the tension level high? Yes

§    Are the protagonists strong? Majesty lives up to her name. All of the characters are well written but Majesty and Crystal are kick ass females.
§    Is there a strong dramatic tone? Yes


Give overall impressions of the chapter:-
§    What you liked most and what worked well. I like the constant POV change between Crystal and Majesty. Chance is mysterious enough to keep us wondering about him.
§    What you liked least or feel could have been done better. I was a bit thrown off by who Skye was but it may have been because it had been a while since I'd read the last few chapters. I am assuming that her foray into the woods to ride the zip line will tie into the story more later especially with regard to Wisteria Sisters
§    How do you think the story could be improved? The story is very well done. Each segment has enough action to keep things moving right along. I can't really say that anything needs to improve right now.

I just reread this and realized that I never answered the show vs. tell thing. You are excellent at showing. I often feel as if I am in the room with the characters watching the story unfold. I am feeling things right along with them. I aspire to create that feeling as well as you do.