No, and I loved that series!  But somehow lost track of it... I'm so forgetful.

Okay, a revised Chapter 2 is up... and it scares me.  Because this is the "background chapter" -- and because many readers felt later that they didn't have enough understanding of some things -- I've added a little more depth to:  meeting Mot, why I'm at Friendship Room, and the attack.  I definately need feedback on these additions; they make me squirm.  I'm also not sure about using the word "rape" here... would another word be better, or just cutting the phrase and letting the action speak for itself?  Readers are surprised by how impactful the attack continued to be, so I think I need to bring up the sense of violation and danger... but am not sure that what I've written really does that.

THANKS!
Sarah

The site wouldn't let me review again, but here are my thoughts.
When you first posted this I know that you had a lot of comments that the whole thing just didn't add up. What ever happened at Friendship Room seemed bad, but maybe not that bad. There didn't seem to be enough info for the reader to fill in the void. That is what you have done with this version. Now we know what happened and how Mot was a great conversation companion. It all adds up much better now. Maybe just the time that passed and writing out other elements of the story have helped you flush out the story that has to be told for this to make sense.
I used to feel that we got to know Mot, but not the narrator. Now I think you are giving us a fuller story. Great rewrite.

Hi Sarah, I wasn't able to post a review on Chapter 2 because I already have. I can't tell if you have made major changes. It seems polished and ready to go. The only area I felt tripped up as I read was the coffee joke graph. Does the waitress walk away twice? Something about the wording there that made it seem so to me. Did you have specific questions about anything? I'm here if you do.

Sarah, the longer description of the attack is much better than the shorter one. Now the reader has a chance to understand why the narrator is so upset. Before this the description, readers had to take it on faith that it was bad, but didn't know how bad. Even using the word rape is not over the top.

Review Ch 2, finally.  (you don't need to respond to the review in the regular section, just give it a five and move on.
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No worries, this is plenty spare though meaty, sort of like Fred Astaire ~~~

But chapter jumping has me a little confused.  Do we already know that this is all okay with Scotti, maybe even with his blessing because he understands what you need from Mot?~~~

Should there be a section between the Friendship room departure and this recounting of Amarillo?~~~

The attack incident is definitely better--I didn't read between the lines the first time to see that this was attempted rape, truly frightening.~~~

I'll say a bit more in our forum room.  Your writing is such a pleasure, this is going to be published for sure.  My feeling is that because it has elements out of the ordinary experience of most people, it should be as clearly revealed as possible.

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I am not sure if anything has changed but this time around the essence of your relationship feels clearer.  Very nice, after almost three months in a different kind of loony bin I know exactly what this means:  "To listen, not to doubt or give advice, but to simply hear and accept, this too , is one of the lessons I am here to learn."

Are you yet energetic enough to keep plugging away at this?  I want to see the whole thing.  Have you decided on the ending, or whether it has ended now that Mot is un-disappeared?


It struck me that the incident with the foreign money may have been the first inkling that something was amiss with him.

I thought that might be new, Mot's monologue, wish I had a better memory. I don't recall you not noticiing him the first few times he was there too. Anyway, it seems to work. I still wonder about waiting until chapter 7 before getting into the Scotti stuff (is that what you were referrig to?)