It's not correct: should be "I" rather than "me"

Totally agree on m dash

Not only are both the "he" and the "I" subjects, but they couldn't possibly more parallel.

(Was that the snarkiest reply to a grammar question you ever heard?)

Last edited by mishmont (03-26-2012 15:53:34)

Speaking of that section JE, you might think about hitting a little harder closer to the beginning your memory problems.  Though I do like obliqueness, took a bit for me to understand what that was about. 

That line where DA says "So you do remember something."  might be better as "So you might remember some things."

Whoops, guess I jumped threads.

brosna11 wrote:

Should be: me wondering whether I ate breakfast this morning. (Wondering parallels laboring)

I don't get this (does Scotch make you stupid?)

He (subject)laboring
I(subject) wondering

Although I agree with Sharon the "me" sounds better, my grandmother always said "I too" rather than "me too"---and you know how it is with messages of sainted grandmas!

I hate them myself.

How about 'myself' instead of 'me'?

I agree with Jim about the singular vs. plural boys here.

Last edited by crazeesharon (03-26-2012 16:37:53)

Is it yourself?

It is myself and I'm after wondering whether or no I have had my breakfast. (Irish idiom)

I might be persuaded but for the fact I usually think with grammatical correctness.

It's a compulsion.  Vassar educated lit teacher for junior and senior year: the awesome Miss Cecil Carnes.

Oh you're right , she did go to Smith!  How did you remember that?  Wow.

Miss Cecil.

Our daffodils get more amazing each year, what with our plantings hundreds more and those dividing many times over the last  28 years.

I agree with Deb's point about character's voice, however, if this sentence is part of JLiz's Faulkner entry, she may want to strive for as much proper grammar as she can rather than "voice". In my judges' comments, most cited that I should work with a professional to learn proper grammar. JLiz is too talented a writer not to have her best shot in the competition, and I would hate to see her dinged for grammar.

Remember the guideline for Novel In Progress is "publisher ready"; do not fall prey to thinking they will recognize that yours is a work in progress that still needs editing and polishing, not if you want a shot at placing well.

Last edited by crazeesharon (03-27-2012 14:18:17)

JElizabeth wrote:

Hello, all! I would have looked this up myself, but I'm not even sure what the technical grammar name for this sentence would be, so... I'm at a loss. Please help! I have put the problematic part in bold.

Several of the boys I counsel also suffer from misplaced memories. Often we sit and stare at each other; he laboring to remember what the babysitter did to him when he was seven, and me whether I ate breakfast that morning.

So is it "him" laboring to remember, or "he"? is the "and me whether I ate breakfast" portion correct? I really have no idea. I can see the argument either way. Thanks so much.

JEliz,

Are these group or one-on-one therapy sessions?

If it's a group therapy session then there would be several boys staring at the counselor and you'd need to change the bolded part of the sentence [[ he laboring to remember what the babysitter did to him when he was seven, and me whether I ate breakfast that morning.]] to read {{{(they) laboring to remember what the babysitter(s) did to (them) when (they were) seven, and (I) whether I ate breakfast that morning.}}}

If it's group therapy and the counselor has locked eyes with just one of the several then I think jaames's suggestion [[one labors to remember what the babysitter did to him when he was seven, and me whether I ate breakfast that morning.]] suggestion is grammatical except the 'me' should be 'I' because it is the subject. Also, it would probably be better to name the 'one' boy who labors to remember what the babysitter did to him. Also, if you've established already that the counselor's 'voice' is less than grammatical, 'me' does roll better off the tongue. If the counselor is a stickler for grammar, she probably ought to be counseling little girls to save her sanity.

You didn't ask about it but I'd use a colon instead of a semicolon after 'other' and I'd delete the , and after seven and use a semicolon.

Without knowing the context, I'm guessing these are one-on-one sessions? I can't imagine any counselor holding group sessions in which boys are expected to reveal what their babysitter did to them at seven.

If that is the case, I believe your grammar will pass muster except to change the 'me' to 'I'. In that case, it would need to be understood from context that the counselor is counseling the several boys one at a time.

Still I think I'd go with the colon: Better to be totally anal than half-assed.

Memphis Trace

Last edited by Memphis Trace (03-28-2012 04:32:09)

Thanks for the advice everyone.