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#1 06-10-2011 13:17:38

77claws
Member
From: The Ozarks
Registered: 06-07-2011
Posts: 76

Hello all!

Hi!  I just joined this site about a week ago after seeing an advertisement on Facebook for the Strongest Start writing competition.  Though never published, I've been writing for as long as I can remember, well over 15 years now.  Throughout my different careers, I have always managed to attract a following as I tend to write satire articles about whatever it is I'm doing.  People like to laugh, especially about work. 
   Actually, I've come pretty close to getting in trouble a few times when the articles I wrote grew so popular that upper management decided to review them.  I did a 6-year stint in the Navy and ran a 3-4 page satire newspaper that eventually wound up in my Captain's hands.  After laughing the whole way through it, he warned me not to write anymore.  Still, the sailors needed some kind of relief after spending 6-9 months away from their loved ones. 
   Later, I went to work as a bill collector for a major bank.  This was about the time the housing market was crashing, so you can imagine we were pretty busy and pretty stressed from being yelled at frequently.  Again, I tried my hand at satire and wit with great success and much insistance that I keep it up.  It went well for about 6 months until we tried to make the paper official.
   As I mentioned before, I never got into any trouble.  I just made it real close and learned some valuable lessons in prudence to boot.  The "baby" I'm working on now is an epic fantasy novel I've been nursing since high school eons ago.  I try to include the same satire and wit in it while maintaining enough dark undertones for people to take it seriously. 
   Concerning this site, I just wanted to say how awestruck I am.  This site is VERY functional, VERY populated, and VERY busy.  I wasn't sure how serious to take it, but there's a lot of accountability as a writer here.  Because I can share my writing and actually get reviews and maybe even develop a following, I can see myself doing a lot of growing here.  I would definitely recommend this site to anyone interested in doing some serious writing and getting serious feedback. 
   I'll wrap this up.  My name's Chris.  I'm 33 (so far at least), married with children, and live in an area of southern Missouri that's so rural even the postman gets lost sometimes.  I'm interested in writing epic fantasy, short satire and wit, and even the occasional funny poem.  Look forward to meeting as many other writers as possible (my goal is to review 3-5 pieces a day).


NOVELS?!  NOVELS?! We don't need no stinkin' novels!

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#2 06-10-2011 13:20:36

TirzahLaughs
Member
From: USA-KENTUCKY
Registered: 05-05-2008
Posts: 8852
Website

Re: Hello all!

Welcome bunny.  IF you need anything (except cash) let me know.

smile

Tirz


All things are possible...but no one said any of it would be easy.   BLOG:  acleverwhatever.blogspot.com

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#3 06-10-2011 18:58:45

Simon Harper
Member
Registered: 12-21-2010
Posts: 25

Re: Hello all!

Claws,

Welcome.  You'll be glad you came.

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#4 06-11-2011 04:11:13

vern
Member
Registered: 12-27-2007
Posts: 3932

Re: Hello all!

Welcome, Claws, this is the place to keep 'em sharp. Take care. Vern


If one must die in order to live forever, then what is the purpose in dying? Luke Peters

http://www.thenextbigwriter.com/library … .html/vern

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#5 06-11-2011 05:46:54

R A Keen
Member
From: NYC Metro area
Registered: 12-11-2006
Posts: 1785
Website

Re: Hello all!

Welcome Chris,

Writing satire and humor takes a certain twist (twisted?) of nature, me lad, of which we are always most appreciative of here on NBW. Check out some of Kydd Dustyn's recent zombie tales - the one with the hopping mechanical penises is among my favorites. She wrote a series of humorous zombie tales for HavePenWillScribble's (Greg Crites) off site contest (Greg's veinarmor.com website makes him a nice living publishing his satirical fantasy novels, a few of which were developed on NBW!)

Sounds like you are brimming with tales written in the same general vane as those by Terry Pratchett, one of my favorite fantasy/scifi authors of all time. His Discworld novels are often hilarious and yet quite poignant sometimes. I guess his thirty million or so novel sales attest to his popularity! Strata and the universe that the Universal Company inhabits is my favorite among his non-Discworld based novels.

Write well and prosper,

R A Keen (Bob)

Last edited by R A Keen (06-11-2011 07:20:29)


". . . I have spread my dreams beneath your feet;
tread softly because you tread on my dreams . . . ." - W.B. Yeats

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#6 06-11-2011 06:06:17

JElizabeth
Member
From: Albany, NY
Registered: 02-01-2011
Posts: 1914

Re: Hello all!

Welcome, Chris! This is the best writers' community on the web, a far as I'm concerned. The best thing I ever did was join - not only has my writing improved tremendously, but I went from being unpublished to having three short stories published in four different lit mags thanks to the advice of tNBW members. You can't beat this place. big_smile Looking forward to reading your work!


I don't know why you say goodbye I say hello

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#7 06-11-2011 07:22:38

R A Keen
Member
From: NYC Metro area
Registered: 12-11-2006
Posts: 1785
Website

Re: Hello all!

JElizabeth wrote:

...but I went from being unpublished to having three short stories published in four different lit mags thanks to the advice of tNBW members. You can't beat this place. big_smile Looking forward to reading your work!

Hey JElizabeth! Have I got all your short stories listed in the Hall of Writing Rhinos sticky under the Success Stories thread?

R A Keen

Last edited by R A Keen (06-11-2011 07:22:56)


". . . I have spread my dreams beneath your feet;
tread softly because you tread on my dreams . . . ." - W.B. Yeats

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#8 06-11-2011 16:31:25

flowing pencil
Member
Registered: 02-04-2008
Posts: 6235

Re: Hello all!

Chris... welcome! I love humor. Love writing humor so will definitely check out some of your work as soon as possible.
Way behind in reviewing and need to catch up before taking on new writers.  BUT.. I will get there!  I may be late but I do get there!

Flo


..."With the breakdown of the Medieval system, the gods of Chaos, Lunacy, and Bad Taste gained ascendancy"  Ignatius Reilly..."Confederacy Of Dunces"

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#9 06-12-2011 19:38:10

77claws
Member
From: The Ozarks
Registered: 06-07-2011
Posts: 76

Re: Hello all!

Sorry for the delay in responding...it's been a busy weekend.  Yes R A, I would say my writing's fairly similar to Terry Pratchett's, although I usually describe myself as more of a Douglas Adams type.  Flo, all ll I currently have posted is my one story start, the fantasy novel.  I can't wait to get more of my humor and satire posted though.  Thanks all for the welcome!

Claws


NOVELS?!  NOVELS?! We don't need no stinkin' novels!

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#10 06-15-2011 18:08:18

jaames
Member
From: On the beach in FL
Registered: 02-26-2009
Posts: 1028
Website

Re: Hello all!

Hey 77claws.

Welcome. I'm really looking forward to reding your work. And thanks for checking out the Battered Writers' Syndrome forum and checking in on TirzahLaughs thread. :-)  Contribute!


"Writing is an act of ego, and you might as well admit it. Use its energy to keep yourself going" William Zinsser, "On Writing Well"
"No one becomes a Tom Wolfe overnight.  Not even Tom Wolfe." -- I forgot who said that.
"The first draft of anything is shit." Ernest Hemingway
"I am not a good writer. But I am a good re-writer." James Michener

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#11 06-15-2011 20:03:32

Kydd Dustyn
Moderator
From: Earth
Registered: 04-14-2009
Posts: 2447
Website

Re: Hello all!

R A Keen wrote:

Welcome Chris,

Writing satire and humor takes a certain twist (twisted?) of nature, me lad, of which we are always most appreciative of here on NBW. Check out some of Kydd Dustyn's recent zombie tales - the one with the hopping mechanical penises is among my favorites. She wrote a series of humorous zombie tales for HavePenWillScribble's (Greg Crites) off site contest (Greg's veinarmor.com website makes him a nice living publishing his satirical fantasy novels, a few of which were developed on NBW!)

Hopping penises? Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain, Chris. He gets paid by my agent to make people think I'm a twisted, unconventional writer, when I'm really a 95-year old conservative church lady.  Apparently, perve sells these days... whahahahahaha. (Bob, check's in the mail, sweetie.)

The best part of this site is the constant challenge it presents us as writers.  There's always something new to learn and Sol (the site owner) keeps us busy with contests of every flavor to put our skills to the test with.  Honestly, there's no way to lose because you're always growing as a writer as you rise to meet each challenge.  The people here are like a family. And as long as there's mutual respect and honesty, you can really fit in to this community.

They give you support, advice, encouragement and occasionally, the ego-deflating wake-up slap which brings you back to reality. tongue  That's what professional friends are for.

They come to this site with a plethora of experiences, styles, and knowledge. 

You're going to like it here, I'm sure of it.

Kydd (who actually liked her zombie story Zmorgasbord at the Zoo best... lol)

P.S.  I'm really not a 95-year old church lady...


Save the Blue.org--Stop illegal sharkfin harvesting!
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#12 06-15-2011 21:31:01

77claws
Member
From: The Ozarks
Registered: 06-07-2011
Posts: 76

Re: Hello all!

HaHa!  Well, I am definitely looking forward to all of it, especially the challenges and writing contests.  And it's been awhile since I enjoyed reading others so much.  I kind of feel like I woke up in Oz by finding this site.  I'll definitely be making some contributions of my own here shortly.  Thanks everyone!


NOVELS?!  NOVELS?! We don't need no stinkin' novels!

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#13 06-15-2011 21:37:52

Kydd Dustyn
Moderator
From: Earth
Registered: 04-14-2009
Posts: 2447
Website

Re: Hello all!

BTW, is that a caricature of Mr. Bean (Rowan Atkinson)? If so, I loved him in the Black Adder series.


Save the Blue.org--Stop illegal sharkfin harvesting!
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#14 06-16-2011 07:30:12

77claws
Member
From: The Ozarks
Registered: 06-07-2011
Posts: 76

Re: Hello all!

Yeah, this is my first forum so when I found out I could add a little avatar my creative side scrambled to think of something representative of me.  Mr. Bean kept coming up, so that's who I used.  I've been watching his old tv shows lately...he is crazy!


NOVELS?!  NOVELS?! We don't need no stinkin' novels!

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#15 06-16-2011 09:24:44

Kydd Dustyn
Moderator
From: Earth
Registered: 04-14-2009
Posts: 2447
Website

Re: Hello all!

I adore Rowan and his works! Now he knows what real comedy is and about comedy timing!!!  I'll enjoy seeing your avatar around!!!

Kydd

P.S. Now, 77Claws... that's how many cats?  tongue  If it's my friend's herd, I swear her 4 cats have double what they should have! Alien felines from the planet Maimandatak.

Last edited by Kydd Dustyn (06-16-2011 09:29:05)


Save the Blue.org--Stop illegal sharkfin harvesting!
Profile & Works

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#16 06-20-2011 18:32:12

77claws
Member
From: The Ozarks
Registered: 06-07-2011
Posts: 76

Re: Hello all!

Sorry for the delay!  I've been involved in the Fantasy forum.  Normal cats have 18 claws each, so 77 claws would entail about 4 and a quarter cats.  But I've only got one.  Actually, my 77 claws refer to the year I was born in, lol.  But it makes for an interesting nickname at least.


NOVELS?!  NOVELS?! We don't need no stinkin' novels!

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#17 06-20-2011 18:59:52

linda lee
Member
From: USA
Registered: 02-26-2007
Posts: 1573

Re: Hello all!

Well Heya and welcome!  You sound like you'll fit in well around here. Good luck!


Don't use my email link, it's broken. If you want to contact me: Lukkabloom AT cox DOT net
Current WIP: http://www.thenextbigwriter.com/library … read/71120
Another WIP: http://www.thenextbigwriter.com/library … read/59121
Life projects: http://www.thebrazenheads.com/   &  http://www.zebramotionarts.com/

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#18 06-20-2011 22:07:03

77claws
Member
From: The Ozarks
Registered: 06-07-2011
Posts: 76

Re: Hello all!

Thanks!


NOVELS?!  NOVELS?! We don't need no stinkin' novels!

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#19 06-21-2011 03:01:03

John Hamler
Member
Registered: 07-07-2006
Posts: 1772

Re: Hello all!

You seem pretty cool, 77claws, and that's why I already hate you. Take your charms back to Discworld, or wherever the fuck you come from. Because I don't need the competition. Plus, I don't like your nickname. Because you're younger than I am. And your face is quite offensive to boot... smile

Seriously, though. Have fun on TNBW. I can't wait to read your fiction and rip you a new one. Punk! wink

Cheers

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#20 06-21-2011 06:37:41

dagnee
Member
Registered: 06-03-2011
Posts: 2035

Re: Hello all!

seventy seven claws, welcome I've only been here a couple of weeks and I have received a lot of help already. If you have material you want to try out this is the place to do it. The reviewers are great!
                                        dags


Stop whining about your life, and start thanking God for it.

You might think I'm crazy...that's all right with me...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jfFunjzyIsE  <<<<the theme song of my life>>>>

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#21 06-21-2011 06:39:51

dagnee
Member
Registered: 06-03-2011
Posts: 2035

Re: Hello all!

dagnee wrote:

seventy seven claws, welcome I've only been here a couple of weeks and I have received a lot of help already. If you have material you want to try out this is the place to do it. The reviewers are great!
                                        dags

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
                                                                                                             Groucho Marx


Stop whining about your life, and start thanking God for it.

You might think I'm crazy...that's all right with me...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jfFunjzyIsE  <<<<the theme song of my life>>>>

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#22 06-21-2011 07:53:21

77claws
Member
From: The Ozarks
Registered: 06-07-2011
Posts: 76

Re: Hello all!

Hey John, that's exactly the constructive criticism I'm looking for...reminds me of boot camp all over again, lol.  Well, I looked over your stuff and I want to read every bit of it, so I guess there'll be some mutual ripping going on, ha ha.

Thanks Dags!  Awesome quote by the way.


NOVELS?!  NOVELS?! We don't need no stinkin' novels!

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#23 06-21-2011 08:32:41

Kydd Dustyn
Moderator
From: Earth
Registered: 04-14-2009
Posts: 2447
Website

Re: Hello all!

77claws wrote:

Hey John, that's exactly the constructive criticism I'm looking for...reminds me of boot camp all over again, lol.  Well, I looked over your stuff and I want to read every bit of it, so I guess there'll be some mutual ripping going on, ha ha.

Just don't wear funny shoes around John, 77.  Trust me.  lol

Kydd


Save the Blue.org--Stop illegal sharkfin harvesting!
Profile & Works

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#24 06-21-2011 15:37:07

77claws
Member
From: The Ozarks
Registered: 06-07-2011
Posts: 76

Re: Hello all!

ha ha...I'll keep my funny shoes in check.


NOVELS?!  NOVELS?! We don't need no stinkin' novels!

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#25 06-21-2011 16:21:26

flowing pencil
Member
Registered: 02-04-2008
Posts: 6235

Re: Hello all!

Mr Bean! Oh I love Mr. Bean with his head stuck up a turkey's ass!  Oh, and Black Adder!  My first true love.  Oh wait, my first guy was just as clumsy but


..."With the breakdown of the Medieval system, the gods of Chaos, Lunacy, and Bad Taste gained ascendancy"  Ignatius Reilly..."Confederacy Of Dunces"

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